This Is What You Get
by Ducky2196
Summary: When something terrible happens, how do you move on from it? How do you live your life with the memories and the scars? A story of something terrible, learning, moving on, friendship and love. A story of family and friends, Dawson siblings and Dawsey, i promise. Friendship/Love/Hurt/Comfort/Angst/Romance
1. Hold Too Much Truth

**So this is my new story that I have been working on for a little while now and have had this idea for much longer. Now I am very worried about this so please let me know what you all think about this.**

 **I know it will be a little confusing after this first chapter but I have done this once before with another show and it kinda worked. I don't want to give too much away so please bear with me. I hope the wait will be worth it and it makes sense soon.**

 **The next chapter won't be up straight away coz I want to finish Home Love Family but I hope this satisfies some of you for a little while.**

 **I am really nervous about this so please be kind!**

 **Chapter 1 – Hold Too Much Truth**

Gabby groaned as her eyes opened slowly, finding the darkness had come while she had been asleep. Asleep, that's what she should have been but she suddenly realised that she was not in her bed, whatever she was laying on was hard and cold and then she was really cold. Blinking heavily, she sucked in a breath, trying to gain her bearings; she rolled her head to the side, the leg of the bed coming into her vision, the doona and sheets hanging off the side of the bed in a mess.

She was confused, the feel of wood underneath her body telling her that she was on the floor but she had no idea why she was there. Swallowing deeply, Gabby tried to sit up, a sharp hiss coming from her lips as she did so, her hand instantly raising to her forehead, her head hurt.

Actually no, her whole body hurt.

Finally getting herself into a seat position, Gabby was able to get a better view of her surroundings. She was in her own bedroom but it was different, the lamp that sat on the nightstand was now on the floor, her dressed her been moved, the draws had been pulled open, barely hanging in their slots. Reaching over, Gabby felt a sharp pain in her side, she gasped, a hiss of pain leaving her lips as she reached for the jumper that was by her side, pulling it over her head and then the track pants that rested near her bed.

Standing slowly, Gabby swayed, the standing position causing her to become light headed, the throbbing in her head becoming stronger by the second. _What happened?_ She glanced around her room, trying to piece together exactly what had happened, to her home, to her bedroom, to her? But nothing was coming, it was just a blank area, the ache in her entire body, head to toe, was the only thing telling her _something_ had happened.

Moving slowly, gingerly into the living room, Gabby reached for her phone on the floor, her fingers moving over the names instinctively, not even really realising what she was doing or who she was calling. It didn't take long for the voice to answer, questioning in his voice, confusion and sleep evident.

"Gabby?" the voice came through the phone, trying to gain her attention.

Gabby stood in the middle of the living room, staring into the empty, dark room, her hands trembling, her body shaking, "Please…I need you…" Was all she was able to get out before the phone slipped from her hands, her body lowering slowly to the couch.

Sitting quietly on the couch, Gabby let her hands rest on her knees, her back as straight as she could get it through the pain she was feeling. She honestly didn't remember how she even made it to the couch but here she was, her breath hollow and raspy, trying to suck in as much as possible. She hadn't even switched on the lights to the living room, the overwhelming sensation of needing to stay in the dark taking over as she waited, waited for someone to come.

She was trying to remember, using all her energy to think back to what had happened but she could barely put a sentence together in her own head let alone an understanding of what had happened. She could remember parts, flashes but nothing concrete. The sound of creaking caused her to jump, her body shaking violently as she looked up towards it, for the first time she noticed that front door was open…had she not closed it?

Her watery eyes trained instantly on the tall figure that stood in the doorway, hesitating for a moment before it moved further in. A wave of terror took over her, although she didn't understand why, moving further into the back of the couch, like it would protect her from whatever was going on.

She shuddered at the voice as it echoed through the deathly silent room, "Gabby?" That voice, that deep, soothing raspy voice, he was there, he had come when she had called but she could no bring herself to show her happiness that he had come. "Gabriella?" That voice again, it was closer this time, much closer, kneeling in front of her close.

She blinked back at the voice, still not able to make her voice work, her brain barely making sense of what was happening in front of her. She could feel his presence but that was it, she couldn't place the face but the voice was what she needed. Snapping her eyes to connect with his, Gabby sighed, recognition flashing across her face.

"Gabby…can you tell me what happened?" He hadn't touched her, he may have been kneeling in front of her but he was keeping his distance, something she was over joyed about. He was speaking softly, concerned filling his eyes and his voice. But she was not able to speak, she tried but she couldn't. She sat there for a few moments, trying to think of something to say.

Opening her mouth a few times, Gabby let her tongue dart out to her lips, trying to make them work but the moment her tongue touched the side of her lip she froze. It hurt, it was puffy and it was cut. There was a cut on her lip and she couldn't remember how she got it. "Gabby…" The voice tried again but this time instead of it being soothing and calm she panicked, her body tightening at the sound of her name, the sound of a man saying her name.

The flashes turned into scenes, echoed screams and sobs of pleas. Sounds of breaking glass and shouting…"Oh god…" was all that left her mouth as it came rushing back to her, her memories, the pain, the fear, everything that had happened was now coming to the front of her mind. Movement next to her should have scared her, it should have made her fight but as the tears slipped from her eyes she needed something to hold onto, someone to hold onto.

"It's alright Gabby, you're not alone anymore…" The voice was next to her now, still not touching her, giving her the time and space to do what she wanted when she wanted and so she did, dropping her head to the shoulder next to her, she let out a heartbreaking sob, her resolve slipping away moment after moment of being in that darkened room, the idea that the person next to her couldn't actually see her allowing her the moment to break.

And break she did. She couldn't tell you how long she sat there crying, just letting the emotion take over her, letting it wash over her and break at the surface. She was thankful he wasn't touching her though, letting her rest against him, his presence oddly comforting.

Slowly Gabby's breath evened out and her crying calmed to the point where all there was, was the occasional sob and sharp intake of breath. Turning to face the man next to her she watched him closely. He was looking at her, his eyes travelling over her face, her shoulders, to the bare skin of her chest, she felt naked in front of him, her arms bringing the jacket she was wearing to cover her skin, looking away, ashamed of how she looked.

"Gabby…" Gently his hand touched her free hand, Gabby jumped, pulling her hand away from his quickly as if he had burned her. "I'm sorry…I was trying to get your attention, I don't think you heard me…" She looked back at him now, realising that he was watching her closely, "…come on let's get you out of here…" Slowly he rose and she followed almost blindly as he left her apartment, not even bothering to look back at anything or grab anything, he wanted to get her out of there and was happy when she didn't fight him.

Staring out the window, Gabby watched the flashes of streetlights go past, colours blurring into one as he sped up, turning down streets to their destination. Tiredness was starting at to take her, her body fighting between succumbing to the much needed sleep and keeping herself away to keep the fear at bay but she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes though, her head had come to rest against the cool window, her body curled away from the driver, protecting itself, keep her distance.

For the second time that night Gabby had found herself sitting on a couch without even knowing how she had gotten there. This couch was soft like hers but felt different, warmer. Her eyes had focussed intently on the darkened TV, the darkness showing no reflection of herself, it showed now understanding or caring of what had happened to her. It was empty, black, just how she was feeling at that moment. The lights were on in this living room but she didn't dare look at anything that could cast a reflection, it would hold too much truth.

With her back pressed into the corner of the couch, her knees pulled to her chest, Gabby was holding herself tightly, being her own lifeline she just needed to know that she was still there, still on solid ground. The house was silent, her was in the living room alone but she could feel the presence of another person there. "Here…" her head shot up to meet the man now standing at the side of the couch, keeping his distance again.

Slowly, Gabby reached for what he was holding out, a blanket which she quickly dropped to her lap, covering herself instantly before reaching for the glass of water that was being held out for her as well. "How are you feeling? Do you want some painkillers?" He was now seated at the far side of the couch, again keeping his distance but not wanting her to be alone.

"No…no it's alright. I'm ok…" her voice was coming back to her, it was hoarse and deep, matching the man sitting next to her but she was thankful she was able to get something out. "Thank you…for coming, I know it's late…" She was a little ashamed of herself, having called him late at night however she wasn't even sure what time it was.

"It's ok. I'm glad you did…is there someone you would like me to call for you? Antonio maybe?" At the sound of her brother's name Gabby shook, her whole body shaking like a leaf, not wanting Antonio to be anywhere near her at this point.

"No, please no, don't call him. Please…" She wasn't one much to plead, Gabby was always such a strong person but right now she didn't even have the strength to even pretend to be strong.

His hands shot up, showing him backing down, "Ok, its ok, I won't call him…but I think I should called Chief Boden…" He watched as Gabby sighed and dropped her head, she knew he would have to be called and she was silently thankful that she was not the one who had to call him. Nodding slowly, he felt the couch move as he rose, making his way towards the kitchen where she could hear soft speaking.

The blinking of the red numbers by the TV caught her attention…was it really _4.26am_. Was it really that late in the night or should she say in the morning? What time was it when she had woken up? What time was it that al this had happened? Her hands clasped together tightly, sharp pain in her knuckle bringing her attention from the flashing numbers that seemed to never move down to her hands that rested in her lap.

Gabby looked down at her hands, they were still shaking violently, her knuckles were bruised and scrapped, her nails were broken and covered with blood- "He will be here in about 20 minutes…" The voice was back but she could not stop staring at her hands.

"I remember…" She started, swallowing deeply, "…fighting…I don't remember much but do I remember fighting…I think I scratched him…" She raised her hands for him to see, for him to be able to get a better look at them.

He nodded, "Looks like you fought hard Gabby…I also called in a favour from Chicago Med, Kendra is coming over too…" Gabby just nodded, she knew, as a paramedic that she needed to be check out. "I-" The knock at the door made Gabby jump but it was opened quickly.

"Boden thanks for coming, sorry it's so late…" The door was opened further, Boden stepping inside slowly.

"Sargent Voight. It's no problem, you said it was urgent…" He looked around the entrance, trying to work out why he was there, what had been happening that had required him at such a late hour. It wasn't lost on him that there was tension between Voight and the member of his house, in fact he would encourage as little interaction between the house and this man as possible but when you get a call in the middle of the night, he is not able to ignore it.

Voight moved up next to Boden, motioning for him to follow towards the living room, a gasp leaving Boden's mouth when his eyes on Gabby, her legs tucked under the blanket, her hands in her lap, wringing together to hide the shaking. He took in her face, her cut on her lip that looked angry, the black eye that had already stretched across her normally perfect face, stretching over her nose and down her cheekbone almost at the bottom of her nose. The large, deep gash on her forehead disappeared under her hairline. She looked terrible and no doubt the rest of her body was just as bad as what he could see.

"Hi Chief…" her soft voice pulled his eyes to hers, she was watching him, her hands now playing with the material of the blanket, keeping herself busy, trying to distract herself from the knowledge that he was staring at her, taking in each and every injury he could see, albeit she hadn't actually seen them, she had refused to look at herself. She kept a soft smile on her face, trying to soften the damage.

Swallowing deeply, Boden moved closer to her, hesitating for a moment before she nodded, giving him permission to sit in front of her, resting against the coffee table. He didn't know what to say; he didn't know what she wanted to hear or what was even right at this moment. But she smiled back at him, her strength coming back to her slowly, "I'm ok, just…ah…" she shrugged, what do you say to someone who is staring at you like you've grown another head.

"What…" But he couldn't finish it, it was a stupid question, _what happened?_ It was almost as stupid as asking someone if they were ok in this situation. Of course she wasn't ok, of course she didn't want to talk about what but what else do you say?

"It's ok, I wouldn't know what to say to me either right now if I were you…" She was trying to lighten the situation, trying to make him feel comfortable, wanting him to feel like he didn't have to be careful of what he said.

"Do you want me to call someone for you?…" But she shook her head, Voight had already offered and she had said no but Boden wanted to ask anyway. She smiled back at him, her hair dropping in front of her face slightly; she had a vague awareness of Voight standing with his arms crossed over his chest not far from the couch. "Are you sure you don't want me to call Casey?"

 _Casey_.

Oh god, the one person she really didn't want to see was the one person she wished was there. After everything that had happened between them, they had finally been getting themselves back to where they wanted to be, they had been talking lots of more, laughing, flirting endlessly, it reminded her of how they were before to got together, they were finding their way back to each other. Even though they had been fighting a little more after what had happened between them, she still loved him and part of her wanted to believe that he still loved her. But now _this_? There would be no way he would want to be anywhere near her now.

Would he look at her how Voight and Boden were looking at her? With pity and sadness? Would he be afraid to touch her, the same way she was afraid to have anyone touch her at the moment. Would he treat her differently? Would he even want to be near her? Would he angry or sad or look at her with hatred? There were too many questions when it came to Matt and she didn't even want to start to have those questions answered because the chances of it not being good answers were too high for her to risk.

Matt was the only person she wished would be able to look at her and see _her_ not the bruising or the blood or what had clearly happened, he was the only person she wanted to be able to touch her or hold her but she knew he would be too scared to, he was the only person she wanted by her side, helping her through this but she knew he wouldn't be able to help but treat her differently.

And that scared her, terrified her more than anything.

Boden must have been able to read the look I her eyes when he had said Casey's name, the fear and the tears that welled there instantly. He knew there were slowly making they're way back to each other and he knew this would mess that up for them. As Chief he shouldn't have been encouraging the relationship between his candidate and her Lieutenant but these two had been through so much and he had always known they would end up together. "Ok, it's alright, I won't call Casey…this will stay between us if that's what you want…"

He watched her shoulders drop and her head nod, "Thank you…I don't want him to know…please…" Again she was pleading but when it came to Matt, she was terrified that the smallest thing would send him away from her and right now…this was _not_ a small thing.

"It's alright, he won't find out…" Voight spoke from his position next to them, his arms still crossed over his chest, he would agree to anything Gabby wanted because he wanted her to feel in control. Control, something that had been taken from her this night, something he would fight for her to get back. "Kendra is here now…" He turned and let her in; he must have heard the car outside.

"Thanks for coming Kendra…" He spoke softly, again it was early morning, she was another person who wasn't thrilled to be woken up but it was clearly important.

"No problem Hank, what's going-" Again there was silence when she saw Gabby, her heart breaking for the girl in front of her. She had been an ER doctor for a very long time; it was clear by the wounds and her body language what had happened to her, it was clear what she had gone through. "Gabby…"

Again Gabby smiled softly, she was putting the smile on, trying to build herself back up. Gabby was a very strong person and even though it would take time for her to be strong again right now she was fighting a battle within herself. Kendra took up the seat that Boden had had on the coffee table. "Hi Kendra…" But Kendra could only search Gabby's eyes, finding the break behind the walls she was putting up.

"Hank is there somewhere we can go? I need to be able to treat these wounds…" She glanced back at Voight who nodded instantly towards the bathroom down the hall, the three of them watching as Gabby rose gingerly, her body aching still, each step seemed to be harder than the last, the blanket was tightly wrapped around her body. Kendra nodded as she followed, the sadness in her eyes telling Boden and Voight everything they needed to know.

"When you're done, there is a bedroom up the stairs on the right, she can stay there…" Again she nodded, closing the door to the bathroom.

Both Voight and Boden let out the deep sigh they had been holding in for longer they could remember. "What happened?" Voight knew Boden wasn't asking specifics, he was asking how Voight had become involved.

"I received a phone call from her just after 3am…I found her sitting on her couch, the apartment was a mess, she didn't say a word…" He shrugged unsure of what to actually tell him; because there wasn't anything he _could_ actually tell him. "She doesn't even want Antonio to know…" He turned away from Boden, shaking his head. He didn't really know much of Gabby but he knew that no one deserved what she had been through.

"This is going to sting sweetie…I'm sorry…" Kendra had been cleaning up Gabby's lip and her forehead as they sat silently in the bathroom, Gabby still refusing to look at herself in the mirror, she had kept her back to the mirror, not wanting to see her own face. She flinched a little as Kendra placed the cloth on her forehead but Gabby stayed still. "Gabby…I need to ask, is there anything else I need to treat?"

Gabby's downcast eyes told Kendra everything she needed to know, she could see the extent of the attack as it played out in Gabby's eyes the memory of it all still so clear for her, but she had to ask, it was her duty as a doctor. Sighing Gabby nodded, knowing what Kendra was asking and what she wanted her to do. Slowly Gabby dropped the blanket from around her shoulder; silently she lifted her shift from her body, revealing patterns of scratch marks, already blackening bruises over her arms, her chest, down her stomach and no doubt further down her body.

"Sweetie, I want you to come to Chicago Med in the morning, I really want to have you checked out properly…" Kendra knew she wasn't going to get Gabby to go now but she also knew that Gabby understood that she needed to get looked at. "I will be there for the day shift, I can make sure you are in and out…" Gabby nodded, slowly letting her track pants slide down her legs for Kendra to make sure there was nothing to serious that needed to be treated straight away.

Again an array of bruises and scratches marred her skin, affecting her usually perfect skin. Sighing deeply Kendra looked down at her, "It's alright sweetie, I don't need to do much to these but I still want you to come to the hospital tomorrow ok…" Kendra had taken some of the blood under Gabby's nails, knowing that there was a chance it wouldn't be there in the morning and she wanted to make sure she had everything that she could get.

Gabby had long since crossed her arms over her chest after Kendra was done, trying to cover herself, her head down, not having the strength to look Kendra in the eye. Not even hearing the shuffle of Kendra's feet coming in front of her, Gabby jumped a little when she felt the pressure of her hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry Gabby…" But Gabby shook her head, pulling her shift back over her head and her track pants up, moving straight from the bathroom, heading towards the bedroom which she had heard been mentioned before closing the door.

Kendra sighed heavily, she moved towards the kitchen where she found Boden and Voight sitting at the bench, silent, waiting. "She's upstairs…you are probably going to want to be close to her tonight thought, she is going to need it." Kendra spoke softly, making her way into the room, watching as the two men looked up at her. "I told her I want her to come my the hospital tomorrow morning so I can run a few tests and check over her properly…she is putting on a brave face but she will have a long way to go. I don't even know how she is dealing with this right now so you will need to keep an eye on her." Kendra leaned against the wall, watching as they nodded in understanding.

"Did she say what happened?" Boden spoke softly, terrified of the answer but needing to know.

"Not specifically. She just said she remembered fighting…" Voight shook his head, he knew what had happened to her, he could see it in her eyes and he also knew that Kendra could too.

"I took some samples from under her nails, there was some skin there but I need you to make sure she doesn't have a shower until after she comes to the hospital." They all knew why, it didn't need to be said.

 **OK so this is testing the waters, please let me know what you think. I am very worried about this so please be kind** **.**

 **I'm sorry if you are a little confused, it will get explained, I promise you that!**


	2. Gabby Love's The Sun On Her Skin

**So first off, holy Hell…the amount of support I got from the first chapter was amazing! Thank you all so very very much, I am so glad that you have taken so well to it.**

 **Secondly, I TOTALLY forgot to put this in the first chapter: This is set in season 3 after Gabby and Matt's break up. The hook up happened but the baby hasn't…**

 **Thirdly, this is where I get really nervous, I don't know how this will work or how will all like this idea but I am hoping that it works…**

 **Fourthly, who actually reads the chapter names? Only because I am doing something with them and its probably worth checking it out. It's not major but just a fun little twist on the use of the names.**

 **Chapter 2 – Gabby loves the sun on her skin.**

 _ **FOUR MONTHS EARLIER**_

Gabby loved the sun on her skin, the way it warmed her whole body; it made her smile. Today was no different, they were set up outside the firehouse, Squad vs Truck in a game of basketball, something to keep them busy as it had been a fairly quiet day for the fire fighters, sadly though ambo was busy, spending most of their day out and about on calls. Sighing deeply Gabby raised her face to the sun, smiling with her eyes closed as she soaked in as much of the warmth as possible.

She hadn't really felt like playing the game, and it would have made it uneven and so she had taken up residence on the concrete, her arms holding her up behind her, her legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles in front of her. She was happy, her life was getting back to the way it should have been, after Shay's death and her break up with Matt she felt like she had hit a wall but it was getting better, _they_ were getting better.

It was true, she and Matt weren't together anymore but there had been a shift in the air since their night together after the Chicago Med incident. They had started to laugh more, their friendship growing to the stage of innocent flirting-which for them would never be innocent. Regardless of what had happened between them in the past she wanted to be with him, she always had. Even when she had walked away she wished she hadn't but it was the decision she had made at the time, right or wrong, she felt like it was making them stronger now.

She loved having her best friend back; Matt was still there for her, a shoulder or an ear if she needed and she was there for him but part of her couldn't help but think back to their night together. There was nothing about that night that was 'just one night'. You don't hold on for dear life to the other person if it was 'just one night'. You don't whisper for more of the other person if it was 'just one night.'

They had both needed each other, that was true but the way they held on and the passion and the gentleness that came from that night screamed more than just need and comfort, it was love, it was everything that they had been holding on for each other, everything that had been buried down for as long as they could. She had wanted to tell him that she loved him, wanted to scream it for the world to hear but she couldn't, couldn't let him know that she wanted more than just the one night in fear of rejection.

Her desires to tell him how she felt were echoed by him, every time he touched her face or kissed her lips he wanted to tell her to come home, that he wanted her back but he knew that it wasn't that simple and they both knew that it would be harder for them both to keep going if their declarations of love were whispered into the darkness. And so they just help on to each other, silent whispers of that love that were never voiced but shone through with every touch and kiss.

And so in the end they had agreed that one night was all it was, that it wasn't going to affect their friendship and it hadn't, in fact it had opened the floodgates and their friendship had never been better. Brett had joked the other day that seeing them together now was probably what it was like when they were almost together the last time, the flirting and joking, the small smiles and touches that screamed for more but never happened. She hadn't realised that what she had said was 100% true. How she and Matt were now mirroring almost exactly what they had been like before they got together originally.

That thought made her smile, he was coming back to her, she was coming back to him and that's what she wanted. Or at least that's what she hoped, hoped that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

 _Speak of the Devil_

Gabby felt a presence sit down next to her, a little closer than what most people would have done with his arm brushing against hers, but she didn't mind, he was close to her, seeking her out. "Hey…you look like you are enjoying yourself…" He spoke quietly, for only her to hear, wanting it to be a conversation just between them. He leaned over ever so slightly, causing his shoulder to bump into her playfully.

"Why yes, I am actually. You boys had enough of being manly or in your case pretending to be manly?" She laughed, opening her eyes and turning to him, smiling a little wider when she realised that he had mimicked her position, their arms resting against each other, a heat passing between them. He pretended to scowl at her, poking his tongue out when she laughed at him.

Matt smiled his 'Gabby only' smile before looking away, glancing back at the rest of the boys from the firehouse, passing the ball, Otis and Cruz arguing about who was supposed to go for the pass or the shot. Matt shook his head, "Yeah, you know me, I like to be manly...sometimes…" He glanced back to her, her eyebrow raised teasingly, something she was do when she was challenging him, "You think I'm not? Huh?" He reached over and poked her in the ribs, causing her to pull away and cry out, laughter echoing through the front of the firehouse.

"Stop! Matt!" She laughed, pulling away from his reach to only move back close when he promised he would stop. "You know I like the sun…" She blushed slightly at her words, remembering the days they would make it to the beach on their days off, Matt couldn't keep his eyes off her when she was dressed in her tiny bikini, granted neither could she when he walked round in his boardies and no shirt, the water dripping down his chest. Shaking her head she looked away from him, hoping he hadn't seen the blush.

He had.

"Oh I know you do…you love being the sun don't you…" he was teasing her now, something they had started doing again, teasing each other about things that had happened when they were together, it was easy between them, it was no awkward or painful, it brought back all the good memories they had, all the best parts of their relationship and it was starting to be clear to them both that the good things in their relationship out weighted the bad 100 to 1, they just hadn't been able to see it at the time.

"So I ah…I was wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow night. Sev is going to be out but I thought we could watch a movie, get some dinner…like we used to?" He was nervous, looking down like a teenager asking his crush out on a date, however how he felt about Gabby was not a crush and he was definitely _not_ a teenager anymore.

He glanced up for a moment when she hadn't answered, he was started to become worried he had read her completely wrong, he had known her for a very long time, Matt liked to think he read her like an open book, she can't have changed that much in the last few months. He _knew_ she hadn't changed that much.

Gabby watched Matt closely for a few moments, had he asked her that? Albeit, it wasn't a request for a date but she knew it was more than just friends watching a movie, or at least she hoped that. "I'd love to…" her whispered reply made her blush, he was making her feel like a teenager again, it made her giddy.

Silence filled the space between them after that moment, both of them too happy to say anything else, just enjoying their time in the sun together. _God Gabby loved the way the sun warmed her body_.

The boys kept playing, Matt and Gabby had eventually fallen in an easy conversation, laughing and joking like nothing had ever happened between them, that was until some came up to them, blocking the sun that was covering Gabby. "Hey! What…?" She glanced up to find Antonio standing in front of them, his arms crossed and his eyebrow raised amused.

"Hey sis, I see that you are hard at work…Casey…" Antonio held out his hand to Matt, who shook it happily. Antonio had never had an issue with Matt, even after he and Gabby had broken up. Sure he was upset that Matt hadn't gone after but Gabby had told him everything that had happened and Antonio was able to understand their issues, he still hoped that one day Gabby and Matt would be able to work it out and considering the way they were sitting by each other, laughing and joking as he walked up the driveway, he assumed that 'one day' wasn't far away.

"Hey Tonio, how ya doing?" Matt stood after he shook Antonio's hand, he didn't want to make it awkward for Gabby's brother, he knew he had seen them together, he didn't want to make it weird.

"Yeah been alright man, busy with work and everything. You know what it's like." He smiled, he enjoyed having conversations with Matt, they got along really well, even after the break-up but sadly Antonio was not there for a good chat, he wasn't even there for serious work business, he _needed_ to talk to Gabby.

"I was actually wondering if I could have a chat with Gabby…something important has come up and I need to talk to her." The fact that he was asking Matt meant it was serious and he was asking a lieutenant for time with his candidate.

Nodding slowly, he glanced back down at Gabby who looked a little worried; even she knew that he was asking a lieutenant to speak to his candidate. "Yeah no problems…" He nodded once more, hesitating for a moment, not really wanting to leave, his care for Gabby taking over, his need to be by her side if something was wrong, yet he wasn't allowed, he couldn't be there for her anymore unless she came to him. Dropping his head Matt moved back to the group of guys, clapping for the ball, sinking the goal from further than all of them, earning cheers and claps from the men.

"What's up 'Tonio?" Gabby stood slowly, knowing that something was wrong, she could tell by his stance, his tone and just the fact that he was standing there. She looked over at Antonio, tiling her head to the side so they could walk and talk, the ears of the firehouse were long and heard everything, ie: Cruz and Otis hear everything!

Antonio clasped his hands behind his back, something he only did when he was somewhere he didn't want to be. Deciding that jumping head first into this conversation was probably going to be the best way of approaching this. "Have you heard from Anna?"

This stopped Gabby dead in her tracks, her whole body frozen from sudden fear and anger. "Why would you ask me that?" She turned on Antonio, the Dawson temper taking over instantly.

Antonio had expected this, expected his reaction, but it hurt him, hurt him to know that even that name could affect Gabby so much after all these years. "I just…I was just wondering really…" he was sidestepping and Gabby knew it.

"No! Don't do that! You don't get to do that! You don't get to come here and ask me if it had seen her and then make it out to be nothing! It's not nothing!" She was definitely angry now, her voice raising with each word that she spoke, getting the attention of the rest of the firehouse, Matt especially who had turned around at her voice, worry taking over his face as he crossed his arms over his chest, ready to jump in at Gabby's side if needed, both because of the love he felt for her and also as her lieutenant.

"Gabriella…please…" Antonio was trying to calm her down, using her full name would help but not now, she was too far-gone to calm down now.

"No you know what. Screw you Antonio. OK, you can just ahead and leave now, how about that!" Gabby turned on her heals and left Antonio standing in the middle of the driveway, watching the storm straight past the group of guys, each of them watching her in concern as she walked away, Matt the only one who turned to face Antonio, the deep scowl setting in his face that her big brother had made her upset.

Sighing, Antonio dropped his head and ran his hand over the back of his head frustrated, he hoped that Gabby would have reacted better but he should have expected her to blow up, he just hoped that she wouldn't.

"What the hell did you do?" Matt's voice found Antonio's ears as he turned to leave, causing him to snap back to look at Matt.

"Casey, don't ok. This is between my sister and I. I'm sorry but you don't have any right to be here just now…" He knew it was harsh but there was so much that had happened in the past that Matt didn't know about, he just needed to keep Matt out of this, he didn't want to make it harder for Gabby.

Moving past Matt, Antonio had decided that leaving Gabby now wouldn't be best; he needed to talk to her, needed to get her to understand. He found her easily; she was in the bunkroom, _reading_. She wasn't reading, she knew he would follow her, knew he would come to find her and she also knew that looking like she was reading was going to get to look like she was busy, but he knew better.

Sitting on the side of her bed, Antonio watched her for a moment, smirking lightly at her blatant attempt to ignore him, "Gabby can you talk to me…please?" He touched her leg, feeling her flinch at his touch, the anger coming off her in waves. "Please Gabby, I just…I'm sorry if you felt ambushed I just wasn't too sure how to approach you. I know it wasn't a good idea but-"

"That's not the point Antonio and you know it! I just…you know I want nothing to do with her…why would you come and ask me about her? We haven't seen her in-" Gabby froze, eyeing her brother, "You've seen her haven't you?" Her eyes crinkling when he looked away, giving her the answer she didn't want. "God, I can't believe it. When?"

Antonio swallowed, "During the week, she came to 21 looking for me. Wanted to know if I knew where you were… I didn't tell her but that doesn't mean she won't find you. I thought you should know she is back in town." Gabby nodded, she understood why he was talking about her, but it hurt too much to think about it.

"Look if I see her, I'm not going to promise that I won't punch her…" She laughed when Antonio huffed, it wasn't far from the truth, Gabby would probably punch her, probably knock her on her ass the minute she saw her. Antonio placed his hand on her knee as she sighed, dropping the book, the look they shared between them telling the other that everything was going to be ok, even if they weren't sure if it was.

"Excuse me I'm looking for Gabby Dawson…" A voice echoed through the firehouse a week later. The house had settled down after Gabby's outburst at her brother although she had been distancing herself a little, Matt had been the one to notice, although she had always said she was fine, that there was nothing wrong. He knew better.

Matt looked up from the side of 81, his eyes finding the young girl instantly, his breath catching in his throat as he looked at her. She looked like Gabby, smaller though, younger…and _pregnant!_ Swallowing deeply he shook his head, "Ah yea…Cruz can you get Dawson…someone is here to see her…"

He turned back to the girl, watching her closely, the playful smile on her face, the bottom lip tucking into her teeth suggestively, the way she played with her hair as she looked him up and down. She was trying to get his attention, her eyes taking him all in as he stood there.

He felt a little uncomfortable under her gaze, looking so much like Gabby and yet not possible, she was also looking at him like a piece of meat, it was odd. Footsteps behind him caught his attention, he turned slightly to see a smile on Gabby's face when she saw him, the shy smiles she had been giving him since their dinner and movie night the week before. Nothing had happened between them but it had brought them closer, the smiles had turned into touches. "You need me Matt?" Oh how that was a loaded question, how much he did need her but right now was not the time for teasing.

Gabby came to stand by his side, her smile dropping instantly when she noticed the other person standing her, her eyes darting angrily at the girl and then down to her baby bump. "Hi Ella, how are you?" Oh how Gabby had hated that name as a kid and she still did, she despised that name.

"What are you doing here Anna?" Her arms were crossed over her chest, a stance she had taken up when she was angry or trying to protect herself.

But the smile never left Anna's face, it was sickly sweet and yet wide, "I wanted to come see you, clearly I'm back in Chicago but I thought you'd be happy to know that I'm having a baby…" she rubbed her stomach, smiling widely but Matt watched Gabby, trying to gauge her reaction, this was a face he had _never_ seen on her before.

Gabby had yet to say anything, just staring at the girl in front of her, their eyes were the same, their skin, their hair, almost mirror images of the other. Gabby suddenly dropped her arms from her chest, still silent before she spat, "Leave before I call kick your ass out of here, pregnant or not." Her voice was low, dangerous, before she turned on her heals and headed back inside, the girl watching as she went.

Matt didn't stop to follow her this time, it would make the third time she had walked away from him and he wasn't going to let that happen again. He hurried into the common room, only just seeing the back door swing closed, she had gone out the back to get away from everyone but he wasn't going to leave her alone.

"Gabby…" he called out, looking for her when he made it outside, not seeing her until he heard movement from behind the garbage bins, the sounds of someone emptying their stomach. He hurried over and reached for her, bringing her hair from her face as she groaned, thankful that he was there but it now meant she owed him an explanation.

He didn't push her though, he let her take as much time as she needed, settling herself on the chair that was not far from where they were, Matt kneeling in front of her, "You alright?" It was a bit of a dumb question considering she was just sick but he didn't know what else to ask.

She laughed, Gabby actually laughed at his question, "You know, I never thought my life could get _this_ screwed up. God…" she groaned and dropped her head into her hands, Matt's hands resting on her shoulders, her whole body leaning forward against him. "I haven't seen her in 12 years…Anna, she's-"

"You're sister."

Gabby snapped her head up to look at Matt, shocked that he had said it but also that he knew. He laughed lightly, "Give me some credit Gabs, I know you better than that and she has your eyes. She looks too much like you to be a cousin…" Gabby dropped her head, she hated that he could read her so well. "How come you never told me you had a sister?"

He wasn't angry with her, she had always told him everything, no matter what was happening between them but this was clearly something that she didn't want anyone to know. True, part of him wished that she trusted him enough to tell him about her but in the end she had her reasons.

"My lovely sister was a nightmare to be kind. She was always off doing things she wasn't supposed to be doing, always getting into trouble, no matter what mum or dad did, they tried so hard but she was just difficult, I mean look and me and Antonio…we have no idea where she came from." She shook her head and leaned back a little further, Matt reaching for the extra chair, bringing it to sit right against her, his arm wrapped carefully but lovingly around her shoulder.

"She is…2 years younger than me. And one night I got this phone call, she was always calling me to bail her out because she knew that mum or dad would let her stay in jail over night, hoping that it might be the kick up the ass she needed but this time she wasn't in jail. Mum and dad were out at some benefit, Antonio was already married at this stage so it was just her home, and me or I assumed she was home. She had snuck out at about midnight. Matt – she was only 14!"

Gabby leaned into Matt, her head coming to rest of his shoulder, "Anyway, she had gone to this party, she was drunk and wanted me to come and pick her up. I got there…I must have left the keys in the car because I planned on dragging her ass back into the car and leaving. I don't know it was almost 3am and I was furious and tired…" She shook her head again, "Finally I found her but she took off on me before I could reach her. She had jumped in my car and started to drive, she thought it was hilarious as I jumped in the passenger side to try and get control."

Matt glanced down at Gabby; he had no idea where this story was going but he hadn't expected it to go in this direction; "I don't remember what happened after that, all I remember is the car accelerating and the she lost control. She'd slammed the car into a tree, wrapped it around the tree actually. I woke up and I was pinned, I couldn't feel my legs or my arm, I couldn't move."

Gabby leaned down and rolled up the leg of her pants, showing Matt the scare she had once told him was from a bike accident as a kid, "I remember watching her fall from the wreck, she didn't have a scratch on her, she turned, looked back at me and then ran, I watched her jump in her friends car and they drove off. It wasn't until about half an hour later that the ambulance turned up…"

She sighed; it had always been so hard for her to talk about this, talk about what had happened to her all those years ago. "I had to have my spleen removed, I had massive internal injuries, bleeding, the paramedics who found me said it was a miracle that I was even awake when they found me. It was coincidence they found me as well; they had been driving passed after another call. The young guy that stayed with me is the reason I am a medic now, he saved my life, stayed with me until my parents came…I owe him everything."

She turned to him know, seeing the sadness in his eyes she smiled a little, her hand touching his face gently, but then her smile faded, her hand staying on his cheek, "I was in a coma for a month, when I woke up, I had to learn to walk, talk and eat again. And the whole time she was off doing god knows what! She came home once, acted like nothing had happened, like I wasn't stuck in a bed because I still couldn't walk on my own."

Gabby began to cry now; she had been holding this in for so many years that she was finally letting it all go. Matt had always been the one person she wished she had been able to tell about what had happened but she always found it so hard, could never think of a good enough reason to tell him. "She almost ruined my life, doctors said I almost died, that I did on the table because of the internal bleeding. And she blamed me. When she came home that one day, she said it was my fault. That if I hadn't have come for her, that it wouldn't have happened."

Matt had yet to say anything, all he did was hold her close, bring her close to his body as she sniffed, shaking her head, "Once I was able to walk again, I worked my ass off to become a medic and promised myself that I wouldn't have anything to do with her ever again."

Matt sighed, he couldn't believe how close he had come to living a life without his best friend in it without the woman he had come to love, how close she had come to losing her life because of a poor decision someone else had made. He couldn't say anything only hold her close, his lips touching her temple as he did so, not even caring that they weren't together, she was his best friend regardless and she needed him, he was there.

 **I hope this isn't to confusing for you all. Thoughts?**


	3. Take It All Back

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! You are all so very amazing and I love you all for it! I know I said this would be updated every Friday but considering the announcement that Chicago Fire would be back earlier than we thought…I thought I would celebrate with a new chapter!**

 **I am so glad you are all liking this and are intrigued with where it is going…coz there is SO much more going to happen soon! :D**

 **These chapters will start to get longer I promise; they aren't very long at the moment but they will get longer as the story goes**

 **Please review! :D**

 **Chapter 3 – Take it All Back**

Gabby's feet pounded on the concrete ground in time with the music that was pounding in her ears, the beat meeting her heart rate as she ran out the anger that had built up over the last few days since Anna had randomly turned up at the fire house. Since then, Antonio had tried to talk to her, telling her that she _needed_ to talk about Anna being back, that he felt like there was a reason for it, other than the fact that she was pregnant.

Pregnant.

Gabby couldn't believe that Anna was pregnant. She had never shown the slightest interest in being a mother or even liking children, go so far as to tell Gabby that she would be a terrible mother because she wasn't nice enough. That had made Gabby mad as it was at the time that Eva had been born and Gabby had fallen in love with the small child, however, as like with many newborns, if you aren't a mother or father, they would cry. Anna had made the connection to Gabby not being nice and called her out on it.

Shaking her head, Gabby let the music fill her, letting her thoughts empty as she focused on each foot as it fell before lifting again, using the one thing that made her happiest in her life to make her happy now. She loved to run, ever since the accident and being told that she probably wouldn't be able to walk again, she had relished in the chances she got to go for a run, almost as a big fuck you to the world.

She slowed as she arrived outside her apartment, having moved into her own place recently when she had decided that she needed to get her life in order, needed to get back to being on her own after her breakup with Matt. It had become home, although not as much as her old apartment she shared with Matt, nothing would be home like that place but this was close, she was happy here, comfortable and happy. She loved it; it was her own little world.

Resting her hands on her knees as she came to the front door, she sucked in a deep breath; mouthfuls of air to try and calm her rapid heart beat, trying to calm her pulse down. It had been a good run, almost an hour where she had run from her place to Molly's and back, her mind clearing more than she thought it would but she was happy about that, thankful that she could still rely on her runs to help her sort her feelings out.

That was until she noticed a shadow standing by her door, sitting on the cold stairs outside her apartment, seemingly waiting for her. Lifting her body to a standing position, Gabby pulled her headphones from her ears, making her way over to the body, "What are you doing here?" She took the step one by one giving the person a chance to stand, slowly due to the cold weather.

"I wanted to come and check in on you, I mean after last shift I haven't heard from you so I wanted to check in…" Matt shrugged, his hands buried deep in his pockets to keep himself warm, or at least try to, his jacket pulled tightly around his body, his cheeks flush from the cool night…how long had he been outside? Granted the weather during the day had been nice and warm and sunny, the nights were still a little cold, needing more than just a jacket to keep you warm, it seemed Matt had not even thought that she may not have been home.

Gabby nodded, opening the front door and heading inside, Matt following silently, he didn't really need an invitation, he knew Gabby better than the need for words. It had been the first time he had been in Gabby's new apartment since she had moved in, he had hated that she had been looking for somewhere new but he had moved passed their breakup, deciding that he loved her too much to dwell on the past and decided try to make it work better the next time, hoping she would allow for a next time, he _really_ hoped there would be a next time.

Gabby moved silently towards the kitchen, reaching for a glass of cold water from the tap, which she gulped down, before turning to him, taking him all in. God he was gorgeous, everything about him was beautiful, from his looks to his personality, to his soul to his heart. He was kind and caring and loving and strong, she loved him, still loved him and she knew that she wanted more than what they currently had. "Yeah, I know…I'm sorry, I guess I have been just trying to deal with it all…"

She moved towards the fridge, reaching for a beer before handing on to him, knowing him well enough to not even need to ask if he actually wanted on, which he took with a thankful nod. There was silence between them once again, Gabby moving to his side, where he was leaning against the table, their shoulders touching lightly, she needed to feel him close, it calmed her. Slowly he spoke, choosing his words very carefully, "You know, you don't have to deal with this alone…"

He glanced over at his side, watching as Gabby looked up at him, a little shocked at the boldness of his words, although she shouldn't be surprised, he had always been there for her, well 99% of the time, but she had chosen not to think about that time in their lives, she wanted to move on from the darkness of that time in their relationship, they were in a better place, a happier place and she was happy with that, "Yeah I know…" was all she could say as she brought her beer to her lips, bumping his shoulder with hers lightly.

Matt smirked, they were comfortable with each other again, something they were both thankful for, "Enjoy your run? …You've been gone at least an hour…" So he had turned up just after she had left, probably having turned up almost as she had left. He knew she liked to run, knew that it helped cleared her head when she was stressed, she had spent a lot of time running at the end of their relationship, he had put it down to both trying to clear her head and also to put some distance between them both.

"Yeah, I really needed it. I just…I can't believe this week. I never thought my life would ever take this turn but I guess it did and I guess I have to deal with it." She smiled lightly at him, it felt nice to have him back in her life, felt nice to be able to talk to him again, to have him there for her. "I'm sorry I never told you about her…you know everything else about me…" ' _Shay didn't even know'_ she wanted to add to the end but held off, it still hurt that Shay wasn't there anymore. She shrugged and looked away, a little upset with herself that it was something she had never shared with Matt before this week.

But he understood, he understood that this was something terrible in her life that she had chosen to keep to herself because a) there was no reason for her to talk about it, her sister was _not_ part of her life anymore so why talk about it and b) what good would it have done to talk about it? "It's alright Gabs, I get it…I also know you would come have come to me if you needed anything…" He shrugged again, neither of them missing them ' _would have'_ and ' _needed'_ the past tense coming through his sentences.

She nodded, "Yeah I know, I guess I just feel bad for never telling you. I'm sure it was a bit of a shock when you worked it out. I mean…you are my best friend, you'd think I would have at least mentioned there are three Dawson kids not two." She shrugged again, choosing the present tense of ' _best friend'_ than past because she wanted him to know that he still was her best friend, even though it seemed as though she was no longer his.

Matt shook his head, "Nah it's alright, we are all allowed our own little secrets, I don't blame you though…besides, you're not the only one who should have told the other something, I know there are things that I have done in the recent past I wish I could have been the one to tell you about…or that they hadn't happen…" he brought the beer to his lips, smiling widely at her though, "…although I thought you and Antonio were bad…now there is another Dawson…we are all in trouble…

He leaned into Gabby's side, watching as she cracked a wide smile, a laugh leaving her lips, "Watch it Casey!" She laughed again, "You hungry? I can't be bothered cooking so I was gonna order in…unless you have somewhere else to go?" She didn't want to assume he would be hanging around, although she did hope he would.

"Yeah actually I would love that…why don't you go and shower and I'll call in…" He finished the rest of his beer, placing it down on the counter before turning to her, "Usual?" She nodded with a nod, pushing herself away from the table.

She moved towards the hallway, before she turned back to him, "Make yourself comfortable, I shouldn't be too long…Thanks for being here Matt…" Her thank you held more than she could say, getting across more than she could actually say to him.

All he did was smile back, he didn't need to be thanked, he wanted to be there with her, for her, "It's alright, I get a feed out of it" He smirked as she glared at him playfully, scrunching her nose at him before turning away again, heading towards the bathroom where she was thankful for his idea of a shower, she really wanted one.

As Gabby moved away from his sight, Matt laughed, he was comfortable again with her and he loved it, playing, joking, flirting, everything that meant they were getting closer again. He called their usual place, ordered their usual order before glancing around the kitchen, taking in all of what made this Gabby's new home.

It made him a little sad to know she had found somewhere else to call home but he knew that but he was glad she was happier than she had been at the end; he never wanted to see her upset. He moved towards the wall where photos lined the side, the kids and her brother, the team out at 51 and many photos of her nights at Molly's. Each of them she looked happy, smiling, laughing, her eyes lit up.

He flicked through the small rack of recipes that sat on the bench top, remembering each time he had seen them on the bench as she used them, lasagne, pies, Dominican food he couldn't pronounce…and then he saw it, a small pile of photos that were hidden behind the recipes, the smile fell from his face. It was a pile of photos of them, when they had been together, smiling, laughing, kissing and hugging. He had seen most of them, they had been by her bunk at the firehouse but some were new, some had been printed recently.

She hadn't thrown them out, she had kept them all in a special place only she would look, clearly he knew her better than she would like to think if he had found them instantly. It had made his smile, his heart swelling with love, she had kept them, he had hoped that she spent time looking at them as much as he had looked the ones he had kept, remembering the good times and wishing for them back.

He placed them back down where he had found them, not wanting her to feel like he was snooping if she had caught him looking at them or noticed them being moved, would she be upset with him? Moving from the kitchen he sat in the living room, flicking the TV on before searching for a movie, something that he knew she would like to watch and would give them something else to spend time doing.

It would be the second time they would be having pizza and a movie in the last couple of weeks, the last time being before the sister had turned up, Gabby and Matt had had a great night, laughing and joking, telling stories and drinking wine. He remembered how red faced she had gotten when he was telling a recent story, the wine going to her head and her whole face heating up as she tried to hold back the laughter…she looked so beautiful that night, although he would never tell her, he would keep it hidden because he didn't want to scare her away.

"I see you have made yourself comfortable…" Her voice brought him from his thoughts as he looked up over the couch, his eyes connecting with hers, finding her standing in the doorway, her hair back, eyebrow raised, shorts and lose t-shirt hanging around her hips, stunning, was the only thing he could think of…until he realised that he had turned the TV on and put his feet up on the coffee table.

Not that this was ever an issue when they lived in their apartment but this was not _their_ apartment, it was _her_ apartment and he shouldn't be falling back into habits when it was not his home. "I'm sorry…I-" but she laughed at him, shaking her head before moving to his side, sitting down in the middle of the couch, her shoulder resting near his…hey she wanted to be with him, she wasn't going to hide it.

"I'm joking Matt, I don't mind…Pizza far off?" She glanced over his shoulder at the clock, he must have ordered about 15 minutes ago, the pizza shouldn't be far off, "You picked a movie?" She leaned over him, pulling the control from his hands, her warm body brushing against his, their eyes locking for a moment before she looked away, blushing lightly.

Matt swallowed deeply, his whole body on alert at how close she was, how warm she was and how her skin glowed. She was turning him on, warming his own, his mouth going dry…god how did this girl make him feel like this after all this time? Shaking his head he nodded, "Ah yea, if you don't mind, thought we could watch something exciting…" He watched her eyes light up with a smile when she noticed that he had chosen _Star Trek_ for them to watch, they both had enjoyed that movie enough to know it word for word.

"Ah Casey…you know me too well!" She laughed, settling into watch the movie with him by her side.

It was true, he knew her inside out, and even after everything that had happened between them he had still been able to read her and that scared her. She had spent her time in the shower mostly thinking about him, about her and about what she wanted. He had come to seek her out, come to check up on her and make sure she was ok, that must mean something right?

Most days she knew he still had feelings for her but there were some days that she doubted herself, doubted how he still felt about her. Even after their night together she thought that maybe he was just being nice, maybe he was just being civil, some days she wondered if she had read him wrong and that had nothing to do with his actions towards her.

He hadn't acted any different towards her to make her think she was wrong from the days that she knew he still loved her, but she had spent so much time wishing to have him back in her life that she was starting to doubt what she was seeing but then he would smile at her or just watch her and she would get the same feelings she had when they were together and even before.

She hated how he made her feel because there was nothing she could do about it…and that was her fault. And then there was her sister, the nightmare herself. Honestly Gabby just wanted Anna out of her life for good, she didn't want to even have to deal with her in passing, but this was clearly not passing. It had been many years since she had even given her sister a thought, not even her parents spoke about Anna and yet here she was, she was back and she wanted to speak to Gabby.

What _she_ wanted, it was always what she wanted and Gabby didn't know what it was that she wanted and she honestly didn't care, in the end she wasn't going to give Anna the time of day no matter how much she asked for it, she had made the conscious decision many years ago that she was better off without the girl who almost got her killed in her life. Sighing deeply, Gabby rested her head against cool tiles, her mind running a mile a minute between the fact that Matt was in her home, waiting for her to watch a movie and eat pizza and her sister being back. How much more craziness could she handle at this stage? How much more uneasiness could she take before it all became too much and she snapped?

Anna had caused so much pain for her parents, she remembered waking up at home one night, Anna must have come home; she had slowly made her way towards the stairs, her crutches creaking on the floorboards as she made her way to the top landing listening in closely, not even bothering going down the stairs. She had heard her father arguing with Anna, her mother crying softly in the background, they had been arguing about what had happened and how Anna had said it wasn't her fault, her mother asking if she even cared that she had almost killed her older sister.

That was when Anna paused, snorted and replied with a resounding ' _no_ ' before walking towards the door, letting it slam, causing Gabby to jump a little at the sound. She went to move, wanted to go back to her room and cry that her sister didn't care about her but what broke her heart the most, what had made her hate her was the soft, painful whisper of her mother, " _What did we do wrong? What happened?"_

It was true, comparing Anna to Gabby or Antonio; you would never have assumed that Anna was their sister, she had been raised the same was as her and her brother, she was never treated differently or wrongly, she was never left out or singled out, they tried to work with her through whatever issues she had, tried to get her to go to school or to behave without getting into trouble with police…they couldn't understand what had happened with Anna.

Pushing herself away from the wall she sighed, she needed to move on from all of this, she had told her sister to leave, she doubted that she would come back and she was thankful about that and so it allowed her the chance to focus on Matt, that's what she wanted, she wanted to focus on Matt, get back to where they had been and be happy with her life once more. That's what she wanted and that was what she was going to do.

Pizza had come and gone within the first hour of the movie, Matt had settled his hand on the back of the couch, close enough that he could feel her warmth, although he was a little shocked when she had settled her head against his shoulder, their sides almost touching. He took the chance and moved his hand from the couch to her shoulder, holding his breath to see how she would react before he let it out slowly when she turned her body towards him a little more, now her side resting against his.

They watched in silence, happy to close, no words needed between them. It was comforting to know they could still turn to each other if they needed it, not needing to speak but just be there.

"Hey…Gabs…" Movement by her side caught Gabby's attention, her eyes opening, the black screen of the TV staring back at her. Gaining a little more understand of what was going on around her, Gabby glanced up, she had fallen asleep against Matt sometime during the movie, her whole body curling into his side, her hand against his chest, her knees against his thigh, his hand holding her close. "You fell asleep, I think it's past your bedtime…" he joked, watching her sit up slowly, nodding.

"I'm sorry Matt, I must have been more tired than I thought…" she was a little embarrassed, although she was unsure if she was embarrassed because she had fallen asleep or fall asleep on him.

But he shook his head, he knew that this week had taken it's toll on her, she had been stressed and not sleeping well, "Don't, I'm glad you got a bit of sleep but now you gotta get to sleep in your own bed…I'll let myself out, you go…" He nodded towards the bedroom, which he assumed was down the hallway.

"Thanks Matt…" She leaned over and placed a small kiss on his cheek, not being able to help herself from lingering a little on his skin, wishing she could touch his lips but as she pulled away, the look in his eyes held the same wish, the same want. Breaking the stare she smiled, "I'll see you on shift…" Before she turned from him, needing the distance that the hallway and closed door provided.

* * *

She had no idea how long she had been asleep for, Matt had left just before 10.30pm, she had heard him moving around the house before closing the door slowly but the loud knocking on her front door pulled her from sleep, an annoyed groan leaving her lips as she glanced at the clock, her annoyance growing… _11.13pm…_ had she really only been asleep for 45 minutes! Someone had to be screwing with her if that was the case, but the knocking continued so she pushed herself from the bed and padded into the living room, swinging the door open with a small growl.

A growl that turned into a small gasp, the person in front of her a shock, the only thing Gabby could do was moved to slam the door in her face, not having the interest to deal with her, "Gabby wait…" Anna's hand reached out and stopped the door from slamming, stopping Gabby from blocking her out of Gabby's life, "Wait, can we talk…please…?" She looked nervous, she had expected anger but she had at least hoped Gabby would talk to her before she slammed the door on her face.

Rolling her eyes, Gabby thought for a moment, _'did she have enough energy to deal with this tonight?'_ After a moment she moved away from the door, letting Anna follow her into the house, the door closing behind her as Gabby turned back and eyed her closely, "How did you find out where I live?" She wasn't in the mood for pleasantries with her sister right now.

Anna stopped in the middle of the room, watching as Gabby crossed her arms over her chest, her stance defiant; "I may have followed you home after your shift the other day…" Gabby opened her mouth to yell but Anna cut her off, "…please I just wanted to talk to you. I'm sorry that I followed you, but I knew you wouldn't talk to me at the firehouse…" She took a step towards the couch, hoping that Gabby wouldn't mind her resting against the armchair.

"Well you've got me now, what do you want to talk about?" Gabby wasn't giving an inch to Anna, she didn't care what she wanted to talk about, she was tired and wanted to sleep.

Anna nodded, silence stretching between them for a minute, Anna's hand wringing together in nervousness as Gabby stood with her arms crossed over her chest, an impatient look on her face. "That blond fire fighter at the firehouse is hot…he seeing anyone?" She was trying to break the ice but unknown to her, using Casey to do so was _not_ the way to do it. The raised eyebrow she received from Gabby was enough to tell her that, she cleared her throat, "It's been 12 years Gabby, I missed my sister…how are you?"

Gabby looked back at the girl in front of her, she hadn't changed much and yet she had changed so much from the last time she had seen her. Holding up her anger was becoming too tiring for Gabby to hold up and so she dropped her head and her hands, sighing before she moved towards the couch, the same couch she had spent next to Matt earlier in the night, Anna following suit but taking a seat on the armchair. "Honestly Anna, I haven't missed you…I haven't given you much thought really…"

That hurt but Anna had expected it, she had caused so much pain when she was younger, she wished she could make it better, wished she could take it all back, but she couldn't. "I know…I am so sorry for what happened that day Gabby, you have no idea how much I wish I could take it back, take back everything I have said and done but I can't-"

Gabby stood now, she didn't want to hear this, she didn't _need_ to hear this right now, she was too tired to deal with it, deal with Anna. "I can't do this right now Anna, you need to leave…" She was near the door now, her hand reaching for the doorknob when Anna spoke again.

"I need your help Gabby…please…I have no where else to go, I have no one else to turn to…" She was standing now, tears in her eyes as she spoke, her body shaking lightly.

There was a moment when Gabby paused, her mind fighting with her heart and her hearting fighting with her body but her mind won out in this instance, her hand instantly reaching for the doorknob, swinging open the door once more, her voice low and angry, "And whose fault is that?"

 **So what do you think? Let me know! :D**


	4. Always More To The Story

**Oh my loves! Thank you so much for your continued support for this story…I know some of you are so keen to find out more and so I hope this gives you a little more of what you are after!**

 **Sorry it has taken so long but I have had a crazy few days.**

 **Please review! :D**

 **Chapter 4 – Always More to the Story**

Anna sat quietly in the living room of her parents home, it had been almost 10 years since they had seen her last, their last encounter with her being filled with yelling, tears and words of hate, so when she had turned up at their front door at around lunch time, they were more than shocked. And so they sat, Anna on one couch with her parents on the other, Antonio had turned up moments after his mother had called him, unsure of what was going to happen and she needed to have him there.

Their daughter had changed since the last time they had seen her, obviously, but this was different, she had grown up, her hair was longer, she was taller, her facial features had changed. They sat in silence, unsure of what to say to one another, it had become awkward the moment Anna had knocked on the door, but this was something else.

Nothing had been spoken between them, each trying to get a grasp of the situation, their youngest daughter, who had made it very clear she wanted nothing to do with her family, had turned up and was pregnant…they didn't even know if the father was around still. Swallowing deeply, Maria spoke softly, choosing her sentence very carefully, "How far along are you Anna?" She didn't really know where to start asking questions or what conversations would not end in a fight but she was curious.

Anna smiled gently, her hand resting against her stomach, "Five months…the father, he is from Chicago…" she hoped that her father wouldn't freak out, they weren't the most traditional family, happy to take things as they came, but this was different, they didn't know what to do with this situation or this information.

Silence stretched between them once again, Anna dropping her head, she couldn't look at her father, she couldn't read his facial expressions anymore and it worried her. Antonio huffed, pushing himself from the wall he was leaning again, his arms crossed over his chest. He remembered all too well how much Anna had hurt Gabby, they were both his sisters but she had turned her back and Gabby had almost died, in fact she had died during surgery, they were just lucky she was brought back, "Why are you here Anna? What is it that you want now?" He got right to the point, he wanted to know how much pain she intended on inflicting on his family this time around.

Anna flinched at his words, they were harsh, she should have expected them but as she always had, she felt that she was being wronged, that the world was against her and she hadn't done wrong by others. She swallowed, "I want to get my family back…I miss it here…I miss you all…" This caused Maria to sob, turning away from Anna, she stood, remembering all the hurtful things that had been said last time and how much pain Anna had caused their other daughter.

"What do you expect us to say Anna? You walked away from this family so many years ago; you left your sister to die and then blamed her. How do you expect us to just forget about all about that welcome you back with open arms? What would Gabriella say if she knew you were here?" Maria, spun on her heals, facing her daughter, red faced and angry, "You've already been to see her haven't you?" How she was angry, how dare she go and see her sister when the last time they spoke, she blamed her for what happened.

"Yes I went to see her, I thought being my sister she would at least listen to what I have to say but I guess that wasn't the case either." She huffed standing quickly, rounding on her parents, "How could you have just turned your back on me! You just left me on my own after what happened!" Anna was shaking, finally able to express herself but as always it was always the world was against her. She still didn't understand the damage she had caused that night, and those nights after, she still believed that everyone was against her and she had done nothing wrong.

"Don't you stand there and blame us for what happened! We tried to help you, got you out of trouble when you were in it, Antonio _and_ your father worked to make sure you stayed out of jail when you were arrested on many occasions. And as for what happened…you need to start taking responsibility for your own actions. What you did was unforgivable, your sister died on that operating table!" Maria was crying now, her hands at her mouth, trying to hold back the true force of her emotions, Andre at her side in an instant, his arm around her shoulder, holding her tightly.

"You need to leave Anna, please…" It was the first time that Andre had spoken since Anna had turned up at their doorstep, his arms around his crying wife. Anna sighed, her eyes connecting with Antonio for a second, almost as though she was testing him, seeing if he would do or say anything to help her, before she moved from the room, the door closing behind her.

Once she was gone, Maria let a deep sob come from her lips, she hadn't expected any of this and now it was something else they would have to deal with. How did everything turn around so quickly? "Antonio…" she reached for her son, needing to hold onto him for as long as possible, "Please look after Gabriella…she can't let this take over her life right now…" She worried about her daughter; she knew how difficult it was for her the last time Anna was in her life, she had struggled through her rehab, blamed herself for almost everything.

"Don't worry Ma, I've got her back, you know that…" Antonio hugged his mum, glancing at his dad who just sighed, there wasn't much they could do except wait for the fallout from Anna being back in their lives.

And like always, with Anna, the fallout would be huge.

* * *

Gabby shuffled into the common room during the next shift, she hadn't been able to sleep much since Anna had come over, she didn't know how to cope with her being back in her life, she just wasn't sure what to think or do. It wasn't that she hated her sister, it was more that she didn't even care to give her another thought, after what she had said to her parents and to her, she had stopped caring all together, but now, she couldn't help but wonder why she was back.

Gabby knew it wasn't just because she missed her, she knew it wasn't just because she wanted to spend quality time with her family again, there was more to the story…there was always more to the story with Anna. She just hated that it always had something to do with her or Anna would always find a way of bringing Gabby into it.

She just wanted to be able to move on with her life, wanted to work on her career and work on her relationship with Matt because in the end, that was what she wanted back most in her life. Gabby found herself standing in front of the coffee pot in the common room, each were doing their own thing but she had been lost in her own thoughts, apparently staring at the pot longer than she should have been. "You alright Dawson?"

Hermann's voice pulled her from her thoughts, clearly she had just stood there, not even reaching for the pot, he had noticed, which meant others had noticed…which meant Matt had noticed, "Yeah, just thinking…" She glanced around, Matt had been watching her closely, worried as she had been quiet from the minute she had walked into the firehouse that morning. "I'm gonna go and clean the rig…" She spoke, to no one really; it was just more so if someone came looking for her, they would know where she was.

Matt watched her go, her head down, her eyes tired…nothing like the girl he had spent the night watching a movie with a few days ago, clearly something had changed and it worried it, it was worrying Hermann as well. "She alright 'Tenant? She doesn't seem herself…" Hermann had taken the seat next to him, knowing that Matt wouldn't want everyone to hear what he had to say.

He just shrugged, the look in Hermann's eye telling him he knew more than what he was letting on about the two of them. Matt sighed, "She's got a lot going on at the moment…I was with her a couple of night ago and she was fine but something has happened since then. She didn't look that tired when I was with her…" He looked out the double door as he spoke, watching through the window as Gabby rubbed her eyes, an act Matt had grown to love as he found it adorable, when she was tired she would bring her hands to her face and rub her eyes like a child.

Gabby moved the sponge over the side of the rig, she knew it didn't need a clean, 1st watch usually took it out to go and get a clean but she needed something to distract herself away from the others. So much had changed in her life since Shay had died, she had lost so much and yet gained so much.

Shay.

Her heart tightened when she thought of Shay. What would Shay have said to her now if she could see her life? That she and Matt were broken up, although slowly working their way back to each other, that she had a sister Shay never knew about and that she was back in her life. She knew that Shay would have given her an ass kicking with her problems with Matt and if she were around, they probably wouldn't have broken up.

But she wasn't around and Gabby had walked out of their apartment and lost the best thing that ever happened to her. Maybe she had expected something different to happen, maybe she had expected him to fight for her, to chase after her, maybe that's all she ever wanted…to know he would fight for her or chase after her…but it hadn't happened. That wasn't the only reason she had left, they were having real problems, problems that she didn't think they could work out.

She had left to make it easier on him, he had worked too hard to get to where he was as a lieutenant to have her ruin it for him by making his job harder, she could tell that his men were struggling with it too, Hermann had mentioned it a few times and she didn't want to be the reason why they lost faith in their leader because he was a hell of a leader.

"Gabby?"

A small voice caused her hand to stop, mid motion of cleaning the rig, before it went right back to moving, ignoring the voice and the person. "Please Gabby…" It was closer this time, by her side, she didn't have anywhere to go, didn't have anywhere to turn to and so she sighed, dropping her hand and turning to Anna.

What Gabby saw then made her gasp, Anna looked terrified, like the small young child Gabby remembered finding in the corner of her room when there was a storm out, Gabby always going to her side, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close, telling her everything was going to be ok. That little girl stood in front of Gabby once more and no matter how much Gabby tried to push her memories and feeling away, she couldn't stop but feeling a little sad for Anna.

"I know you don't want anything to do with me and I understand that but I need your help…please Gabby…" There was something in her voice, it struck a cord with Gabby and she faltered for a moment, dropping the sponge into the bucket, she turned to make sure no one was watching or coming before she turned back to Anna, tilting her head to the front of the truck, taking a seat against the bumper.

Anna sat slowly down next to Gabby, trying to find the words that she wanted to say, "I'm sorry for coming here again, I know you told me to stay away but I really need your help. I'm scared Gabby…I have no where else to go and no one else to turn to and I'm terrified…." Anna looked up at Gabby, trying gauge her reaction but Gabby stayed still, stayed silent. Anna continued, "My boyfriend, Jeremy…he…he isn't a very nice person…" she looked down, a tear coming to her eyes as she sat next to Gabby.

Anna didn't know how she had gotten herself into this situation but what she did know is that she had to get out of it to save her life and that of her child, she also knew she couldn't do it alone. Swallowing heavily, she turned to look at her sister, "He hits me, sometimes he is alright but sometimes he just gets so angry. He apologises though, after…most of the time he drunk or on drugs and yells at me, calls me names or just says really mean things to me…" Something changed in Gabby's eyes; they softened a little when Anna lifted up her shirt, showing the top of her arm, a perfect handprint there for her to see.

"I've tried to leave but I'm not strong enough…I don't know what to do or where to go. The last time I left, he found me, brought me back, he almost put me in hospital then but I'm scared Gabby, for my life, for my baby. I know you don't want anything to do with me and I understand that but I don't have anyone else to help me. Please can you help me?"

Gabby was about to answer then Anna's phone rang, causing her to jump, humbling with the phone. Gabby watched as Anna's face paled as she read the name, if Gabby had any doubts about what Anna was saying, there was no way she could fake the expression on her face, the look of emptiness in her eyes, she really was terrified. "I have to go, Jeremy is looking for me. Please Gabby I need help but please…don't tell Tonio…" Anna hurried from the firehouse, leaving Gabby stunned for a minute.

Like always there was always more to the story and Gabby was always the one who got pull into it, always the one who could never say no when she should and always the one left hurting when she should have just walked away. Gabby's focused staying on the direction that Anna had gone in, now long out of sight but she hadn't moved. "You alright?"

Matt's voice startled her, causing her to look up suddenly, finding him standing here, worried and confused. "Ah yeah no I'm fine…" She rushed from him, heading inside where she locked herself in the bathroom stall, she needed to clear her head before she spoke to him, knowing that she would turn to him in the end, she needed to have her own thoughts sorted out before doing so.

However, she didn't know that it would take almost an hour for that to happen, she had been sitting on the closed toilet seat for almost an hour thinking over everything that Anna had told her, begging her for help before running off. Gabby pulled herself from the bathroom, glad that no one had come in while she was there and headed in the one direction she needed to go, her feet carrying to on autopilot.

Matt was sitting at his desk, trying to get through his paper work but his mind was still on Gabby, he was worried about her, she had left so suddenly almost an hour ago and no one had seen her since. He knew she had locked herself in the toilet but he hoped that she would have come out earlier…she hadn't. And that's what worried him the most, he didn't want her to be dealing with all of this alone, he hoped that she would come to him, seek him out like she used to.

"Hey do you have a second? I mean you don't mind having a chat?" And he was right too; he had to hold back his smile when he turned in his seat to find Gabby standing at his doorway, her hands clasped together nervously as she watched him.

He sighed, she was retreating back into her nervousness around him, he had to make sure she knew he would always be there for her no matter what she needed. "Yeah of course, anytime you know that…" He turned in his seat, watching as she moved slowly into his office, taking a seat on the bed carefully.

She looked around for a few moments, just trying to find the words, she had decided to start from the start, "Anna come over after you left that night. I thought it was you coming back but when I opened the door…it wasn't…" She smiled lightly, she really had hoped it was him coming back to kiss her or tell her he loved her, "I let her speak, I listen to her. She asked for my help but I sent her away, told her that it wasn't my fault that she had no one and I closed the door on her…" Matt moved from the chair to the bed, taking the seat next to Gabby he just listened, watching as she dropped her head, shaking it slightly.

"She was here just before, asked me to listen to her again…she asked for my help again Matt but this time I let her tell me why, I let her explain why she was really here. Her _boyfriend_ , the father of her baby is abusive, physically and emotionally and she wants out. She told me she had left once before but he had tracked her down, made her come back to him, that he had almost put her in hospital. She wants my help to leave him for good."

Now Gabby did look up at Matt, taking in his sad eyes, sad at the situation the girl had found herself in but also sad at how confused Gabby was with all of this. "I didn't believe her at first but she showed me the hand shaped bruise on her arm…and her face when she saw his name on her phone…Matt the only other time I have seen her like that was when she was young, she used to be terrified of the thunderstorms…she is terrified now Matt and she wants my help and I don't know what to do!"

Gabby hated feeling this way, hated being so torn between not wanting to care about the person who had nearly ruined her life but also wanted to care about the young girl that had turned to her for help when she needed it most. "How do I help her when she left me for dead? When she blamed me for that night and said such horrible things to my, _our_ , parents? _Why_ should I even help her? Why should I even care what happens to her?" Gabby dropped her head to her hands, shaking lightly from confusion and anger.

She leaned against Matt, who instantly placed his arm around her, pulling her to his side, "You will help her because that's who you are. You are an amazing person who cares more about the people around her and even against your better judgement you try to see the best in everyone, no matter what they have done to you. She had come to you for help, she is desperate and scared and you are her sister. You will help her because it's who you are…." He looked down at Gabby, watched as she raised her head slowly, eyeing him off.

"Does that make me a horrible person if I don't want to care about her or what happens to her?" She just needed to hear his thoughts, hearing him speak so highly of her made her heart swell, she loved when he spoke like that to her, made her feel alive and loved.

"You do care about her Gabby because you have a huge heart and you care about everyone…even when you shouldn't or they don't deserve it…" Neither Matt nor Gabby knew if he was talking about Anna or himself but it didn't matter, Gabby nodded, leaning further into Matt's side, her right hand resting against his chest as he held her close, his lips instinctively touching her head, but Gabby didn't pull away, this was the step forward she was scared wouldn't happen, regardless of the circumstances.

Matt was right, she was going to go against her better judgement and help her sister, she was going to open up her life to the girl who almost cost it, she just hoped with everything she had it wouldn't end in misery like every other time Anna had turned up in her life.

* * *

Gabby had no idea how she found herself standing outside this door, the dark wood staring back at her, screaming for her to run in the opposite direction, to walk away and not look back-ever. But that wasn't in her, matt was right about that, she couldn't let lying dogs sleep, her need to help others winning out over common sense and so she found herself standing outside the dark wooden door, her hand ready to knock, which she did.

 _Knock, knock._

Two sharp knocks causing movements behind the door, grunting and footsteps, huffing and mumbling before the door swing open a deep, harsh, "What?" Finding her ears as she looked at the man standing in front of her. He was tall, Matt's height, not as big, same sandy hair though, but he looked angry, his eyes heavy with alcohol and his hair a mess, it seemed as though she had woken him up...however it was only 3pm. "What do you want?" His voice was low, gruff; no doubt someone of nightmares if heard at night.

Gabby steadied herself, she had never left anyone intimidate her or scare her, and she sent about to start now. "I'm looking for Anna, she told me she is staying here..." The man's eyes slowly dragged up Gabby's body, taking her all in, head to toe, his smile widening as he continued to look.

"And what do you want with Anna, love?" The name slipping from his mouth with terror attached or at least he thought it would scare her a little…it didn't.

Gabby sighed, her shoulders sinking, she hated guys like this, man did her sister know how to pick 'em? "She is my sister and I want to speak to her, now is she here?" She was getting impatient; if this guy wasn't going to help her then she would have to do it herself.

He stepped back from the door, inviting her in but Gabby stayed firm, there would be no way she would be going inside that house, even if she knew her sister was in there, she had no idea what sort of person Jeremy really was, she would protect herself. "No I'm just here for Anna, that's all." she crossed her arms over her chest, a stance of defiance she had learned long ago.

With another moment of the man, who she could only assume was Jeremy, stared at her before nodding, turning his back to Gabby before he called out, "Anna! Get out here! Someone is here to see you!" He then turned back to gabby. A smile coming to his face again, his tongue resting against his teeth as he gave another once over.

Movement behind him caught Gabby's attention, she looked up to find Anna slowly making her way over, her slow, specific movements telling gabby that something had happened to too long ago, that and the angry black and blue bruise on her cheek screaming for help. Her eyes narrowed as Anna moved closer, not realising that it was gabby who was standing there. "Gabby?" She was shocked to see her sister at her door, even thought she had gone to her for help, she honestly expected her to pretend she didn't exist.

"Hey Anna, I thought we could go and get some coffee, I don't have shift today, thought it would be nice." Gabby was ignoring Jeremy, who still hasn't taken his eyes off her, choosing to speak only to her sister, wanting it to be something between the two of them so gabby could get the full story of what had happened recently.

But it was Jeremy who jumped in, "I think coffee is a good idea and I haven't met you before so would be good to get to know you better..." He turned to look at Anna who hesitated, her mouth open as if to tell him no but there must have been a look Gabby didn't see because Anna closed her mouth instantly, nodding her head before moving from the house to her sisters side, Jeremy following suit.

They sat quietly at a coffee shop not far from Anna's house; she was in fact living only a 10-minute walk to Gabby's place, which also meant that she wasn't far from the firehouse either. "So Anna, how long have you too known each other?" Gabby leaned over her coffee, smiling at the young girl who placed it down in front of her, recognising her face from spending many times before.

Anna was nervous, Gabby could tell, her hands rested in her lap, no doubt clasped together in the same way that Gabby would do when she was nervous, but this was different, she knew that it was because Jeremy was next to her. "We've known each other for about 2 years now…been together almost a year though." Jeremy leaned forward, answering the question that was directed to Anna, who just nodded, looking down and away from Gabby.

"Right and what is it that you _do_ Jeremy?" Gabby had seen this before, he was abusive, he would take over any conversation to show his dominance, but she knew better.

The smirk that came across his face was enough show Gabby that she was getting to him; her confidence was upsetting him because he couldn't walk over her, "Well _Gabriella_ I currently don't work. Spend a lot of time at home with Anna." He leaned over and grasped her hand tightly, bringing it to the table, Anna wincing slightly under his touch but still staying quiet. "And you…what is it that you do Gabriella?"

She hated hearing him say her name like that but ignored it, "I'm a fire fighter. A candidate on Truck 81 out of firehouse 51, I used to be a paramedic though." The look on his face was priceless, clearly he believed that there were certain jobs that a woman cannot do.

Anna stood suddenly, "I'm going to the bathroom…" She needed a break from Jeremy; he had been grasping her hand so tightly that she needed to get away from him. She glanced at Gabby as she went, hoping she wouldn't be too upset about being left on her own.

"So tell me love…what does your boyfriend think about you being a fire fighter? I mean he can't be happy about you doing such a dangerous job…" He looked over her again, his eyes landing on her chest, smiling sickly sweet at her.

Gabby smiled back, bending the truth a little but she knew that Matt wouldn't mind, well if this ever got back to him she hoped he wouldn't mind, "He doesn't mind at all. He is a fire fighter too, a lieutenant actually at the firehouse I work at." Jeremy's smile fell and Gabby didn't know what was worse to think, that she had said that she had a boyfriend or that Matt was a better man than Jeremy was.

She watched Jeremy closely, trying to gauge his thoughts, trying to judge what he was going to do, she knew he had hit Anna, that he was still abusing her but there was no way she could just jump at him for it, she had seen way too many domestics where someone had been confronted and it only made it worse and so, against her better judgement, she decided then and there she would keep an eye on her sister, help her to leave, to be strong.

 _ **Hope this is giving you all a little more insight into their lives. Please review**_


	5. Hiding From the Storm

**Ah you all, you have so many ideas as to where this is going and I LOVE it. I'm not going to admit or deny anything but I'd say it's pretty clear what is going on; however this is not just a story of 'what happened' but also how to cope and deal and now to move on from something horrible.**

 **Thank you so much for all the continued support the last chapter, your reviews make this story even better.**

 **Please keep it up!**

 **Chapter 5 – Hiding from the Storm**

Gabby paced back and forward, her hands on her hips and her head shaking, words in Spanish falling from her mouth over and over again and if it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation, Matt would have been smirking at her. He had always loved to see her angry and feisty, he had always found it sexy but today was different. She was upset and angry and worried and all manner of emotions and that was making her even more frustrated. "Matt, I just don't know what to do, you didn't see him yesterday…he was…he just-"

Matt pushed himself from the table, up until that moment he had been leaning against the table in the conference room, arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles as he watched Gabby pace back and forward. But this time he pushed away from the table, his hands resting against her shoulders, stopping her movements, dipping his head to look her in the eye, "Gabby hey…It'll be alright, you will work it out. You don't let anything or anyone scare you…" He waited for her to show some sign of understanding, "…and you know I will be here for you if you need anything."

Gabby nodded, she knew that he was there, she had sought him out when coming into the firehouse that day, knocking on his office door just to be able to have some time with him before telling him about the day before and her encounter with Anna and Jeremy, he had willingly come to her side, taken her into the conference room so they could talk and not have people come in and out of the bunkroom.

"I know…I know…" she dropped her head, leaning forward slowly so her forehead rested against his chest, "…I just wish none of this had happened, I wish that I could go back and have none of this happen…" She shook her head against him, not really know how everything had gone to Hell so quickly.

Matt moved his arms around her, "It's alright Gabs, we will work it out…" He whispered, not wanting to push her to far but it was clear that she needed him. It was only moments later that the conference room door swung open, Antonio coming through like a man on a mission, stopping only when he noticed Gabby in Matt's arms, that was something he was not expecting.

"What is going on Gabby? What's happened?" Gabby had called him before finding Matt, leaving him a desperate message that was almost not understandable. "I got your message…" He pulled Gabby from Matt's arm, needing to look over her; suddenly worried something had happened to her. He did not miss Matt letting her go but still placing his hand on her back.

Gabby moved to her brother, they may have been nine years apart but they were as close humanly possible. "I ah…I met Anna yesterday, I went to her place…he is beating her 'Tonio. Her boyfriend is _beating_ her, I saw her with a black eye…god…" She leaned into him, needing to be close to her brother, feeling him tighten at her words.

Antonio had no idea what had been going on in Anna's life and as much as he doesn't like Anna for what she did, there would be, under any circumstance, that he would accept that someone was hurting her deliberately. "It's alright, Gabs…we will work this out. Do you want me to go and talk to her?" Gabby pulled away suddenly, staring back at him.

"No! No! Don't go anywhere near that please…she came to me for help and I know what can happen in situations like this and if you confront him…no Antonio, please…" She was bordering on hysterical at the moment, all the emotions finally getting the best of her.

Gabby hated that she cared so much for her sister; hated that she couldn't turn off the concern she had for her baby sister. She wished that it wasn't there, wished she could go on with her life like Anna had done so many years ago, but as Matt had said, _'it's just who she is'_. It was true and she hated it.

"Alright Gabs…I just want you to be careful ok…." He glanced up at Matt who looked very concerned for the girl in front of him, "…I want you to come to me or Matt if there is anything ok. Please just be careful." She nodded against him, knowing that he would more than likely keep his word; she just needed to know what to do with the situation before jumping in headfirst. Usually she would go all 'Gabby' on the situation as Antonio used to say lovingly but this was different.

After a few moments, Gabby pulled away, sighing deeply, "I ah…I'm gonna go and start on some lunch…" She turned from them both, gently reaching out and squeezing Matt's hand before she slipped through the door. She was hiding, hiding from the stress of the situation and the confusion through work, and that was worrying both Matt and Antonio.

Once they were alone Matt let out a long deep breath, Antonio groaning and leaning against the chair opposite Matt, "I used to wish when Gabby had the accident that she would wake up with amnesia and not remember what had happened, not remember the pain Anna had caused. Terrible isn't it?" He looked up to find Matt still staring in the direction that Gabby had gone.

"Nah man…I would give anything to make this easier for her." Matt dropped his head, shaking it, "…what do we do now?" He looked directly at Antonio; he _needed_ something to do to help Gabby.

Antonio eyed Matt for a minute, trying to understand what he had walked in on moments ago. Sighing, he moved towards the door, "Nothing right now…just keep an eye on her and be there for her if she comes to you. I know she will come to you…" He waited until Matt turned around, needing to see his face.

Matt only nodded, glancing at Antonio, "Look man…Gabby and I…"

But Antonio put his hand up, stopping whatever he was going to say, "It doesn't matter now, we just gotta be there for Gabby. Everything else comes later… " He gave Matt a knowing nod before moving from the room, leaving Matt alone. There he let out a deep huff, his hands coming to his head, tangling in his own hair. He didn't know how this was going to play out but he knew that he was going to be with Gabby every step of the way.

* * *

"Mum?" Gabby stepped into the living room of her family home, so many memories coming back to her the moment she did. Her memories only became stronger as she moved through the house, the hallways echoing with past laughter, dying off as the years went on. Gabby found herself standing in her old room, the purple walls screaming past humours and hysterics.

" _Gabby! Gabby!" Anna's small voice echoed down the hallway, her thumping footsteps seconds later, before her bedroom door swung open, the 10 year old jumping onto Gabby's bed, scrambling under the covers._

 _Gabby smiled as the thunder rolled above them, the rain pelting against the window, wind howling through the trees. It had been a terrible cold day, the rain constant from the moment the girls had woken up and gone to school, the thunderstorm rolling in just after bedtime._

" _Anna, it's only a thunderstorm…" Gabby smiled as she pulled the doona away from Anna's head, watching as the little girl shuddered under the doona. Gabby knew that Anna just liked to be close to her, not so much that she was scared of the storms anymore. "Come on…" She pulled her sister to her, hugging her closely._

" _Gabby can you sing me a song?" Anna looked hopeful at her sister; she had always gone looking for her sister when there was a thunderstorm, terrified of the noises and the lightning. Gabby had always been there for her, no matter when she needed it, Gabby would come, hold her hand, have her back, no matter what._

 _Gabby smiled, and snuggled down under the doona, hearing Anna gasp and hold her tightly when the lightning flashed through the cracks in the window, thunder cracking over their heads. Gabby laughed, she wasn't afraid though, she wasn't afraid of anything at 12 years old. "Close your eyes Annie…"_

 _Anna did as she was told, the pet name that only Gabby ever used giving her more comfort than she thought possible. Gabby let her voice filter through the room, she hoped it would block out the thunder above them. 'Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high…there's a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby…somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue…and the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true."_

 _It didn't take long before Gabby felt the steady rise and fall rhythm of Anna's chest, she had fallen asleep in her sisters arms, Gabby slipping away into sleep not long after. It was also the last time Gabby heard Anna whisper 'I love you'._

Gabby sniff as she moved further into the room, resting her body on the bed slowly, her hand smoothing over the doona, she shook her head. It wasn't long after that that Anna started to become harder to deal with, she had started to become to sister that Gabby remembered most, the sister that almost killed her.

"Novio…what are you doing here?" Gabby's mum was standing in the doorway to Gabby's old room, watching as her daughter stared at the wall, clearly lost in her own thoughts.

Gabby snapped out of her thoughts and looked at her mother, a little shocked to see her standing there but then she remembered she had called to her, wondering where she was in the house. "Hey Ma, I just…I guess I needed to come here…" Gabby shrugged, looking away from her mother.

Maria came to Gabby's side, sitting down on the bed beside her, "Is this about Anna?" It was an obvious question but she was hoping that it would make it easier for her daughter to open up, knowing that Gabby sometimes had trouble opening up about what was bothering her, choosing to hold it all in.

Gabby smiled, "You know when we were kids, Anna would come to me whenever she had a problem or that she was scared or that she just needed someone and I would be the one she would come to. She would run in here like someone was chasing her during thunderstorms, hide under my doona and ask me to sing to her until she fell asleep…and then everything changed and she became this person that I didn't recognise."

Gabby sucked in a deep breath, leaning against her mother's side. "Gabriella, my love. I know you feel conflicted about all of this, I understand that this can't be easy for you, but I know you, you are the sort of person who will help her no matter what happened in the past because she had come to ask for you help. You may not have to forgive her, believe me, I understand if you never do but she has come to you and I know you will help her."

Maria placed her arm around Gabby's shoulder, letting her head fall on top of Gabby's as it sat against her shoulder. She scoffed, "Matt said the same thing about me helping because it's just _who I am_. Maybe he is right…" She shook her head; she hated it when everyone told her the same thing.

Maria smiled, thankful that her daughter had someone like Matt to turn to when she needed help. Maria knew what had happened between her and Matt, knew that they were engaged and work had gotten in the way for them, she didn't dislike Matt, she still thought of him as her son and wished that one day her daughter would see it to. "He is a smart boy…How are you and Matt?" It wasn't often that Maria had the chance to talk to her Gabby about her life, both of them always being so busy so it was nice to have the chance to actually talk.

Gabby laughed, knowing that the minute she mentioned Matt's name her mother would be asking questions, "We are doing fine mum. I mean, I hope we are working our way back to each other, we have spent a few nights together watching movies and talking like we used to. It's slow but I think it will be good for us. At least I want it to be good for us, I miss him so much…just now, everything with Anna…it's kinda put a dampener on all that because I've been so stressed with that."

Maria leaned over and placed a kiss on her daughters head, "Trust me love, he misses you too and I'm sure that the two of you will be back together very soon, just don't let all this with Anna take over your life, let him in if you need him…he will be there for you, I know it." Gabby just nodded against her mother, hoping that she was right.

* * *

"Hey..." Matt's head snapped up at the voice next to him, not really expecting anyone to be at the firehouse after 8pm that wasn't supposed to be there but in front of him stood Anna, shy and quiet, almost like she was terrified she would get in trouble because she was there. Matt straightened his back, placing his clipboard into the floor by his feet. "Hey Anna...ah I don't think we have been properly introduced. I'm Matt Casey." He held out his hand for Anna, not wanting to be rude.

Anna smiled back at him, her hand stretched to meet his, "It's nice to meet you Matt. I hope it's alright that I'm here..." She looked around, hoping that someone wasn't going to jump out and yell at her.

"No, no, you're alright. Do you want me to go and get Gabby?" He motioned with his hand behind him, telling her that Gabby wasn't too far away.

Anna thought for a moment, she could go straight into talking to her sister but she realised then that she had a chance to get to know more about gabby from someone who wasn't going to sugar coat it for her. "Ah yeah in a minute...I was actually wondering if we could chat first?" She watched as matt nodded, moving to the front of the truck, leaning against it, offering her the place next to him.

"Ah yeah sure...what's up?" Matt wasn't sure where she was going with this but he was curious to know why she wanted to talk to him. She didn't even know him.

Anna smiled; of all the people she could ask about her sister, she could tell that he was the right one. "I just wanted to talk about Gabby. I mean it's obvious she has told you about me, about what happened when we were kids, which honestly surprises me, but it's clear she cares about you...and you here. I know nothing about her anymore..." Anna looked down, not really sure what sort of reaction she would get from Matt.

Matt looked at the girl next to him, so much like the woman he as in love with and yet so different. He wondered briefly if he shouldn't say anything, if he should keep Gabby's life private but it was clear to him that she was just curious. "Well Gabby has been here for about 6 years, she was our EMT before she turned into our paramedic in charge..."

Anna looked up and smiled, Gabby had always had a thing for helping other people; it didn't surprise her that she had chosen a profession that embodied helping others. "She was amazing as a medic, I had never seen someone work the way she did. And then last year she was accepted into the fire academy and eventually placed here as my candidate. And she is doing an amazing job as a fire fighter. I am so proud of her."

He looked into the distance, he was being truthful, he was so very proud of his girl and everything she had achieved, regardless of where they stood or what was happening in their personal lives, he had never been prouder of her than he and when she was on his truck. She was a hell of a fire fighter and he wouldn't want her anywhere else but on his truck.

"You're in love with her aren't you?" It was a bit of a surprise to hear Anna say it, how she could tell, Matt wasn't sure but it was true and he couldn't be bothered denying it right then.

He nodded slowly, giving a bit of laugh, "That obvious huh?" He glanced to his side to see Anna smiling at him, it was the Dawson smile but wasn't as bright as Gabby's, that's when he really looked at the darkened skin around her eye, remembering that Gabby had told him that Jeremy had hit her. "Anna…you know that it's not right for him to hit you…"

It was as though Matt had slapped Anna himself with his words, she stood suddenly, pushing away from the truck, "I don't know what you are talking about." Her words were rushed as she spoke to him; she looked away, tears coming to her eyes instantly.

"Anna…please-"

But Anna cut him off, "Jeremy doesn't hit me…Just please tell Gabby that I stopped by…I need to go." And she was gone, hurrying off away from Matt as fast as she could, her tears falling down her cheeks, not even bothering to slow when Matt called out her name, trying to get her to come back to him.

Matt groaned as he watched Anna run from him, he knew it was risky mentioning the black eye but he wanted her to know that she had people she could turn to, people who she could trust. He needed to mention to Gabby that Anna was there, to tell her that she was now denying what he did to her. He turned to find Gabby, knowing that she needed to know but at the same time he saw her coming through the double doors, a bright smile on her face, it calmed him to see her happy.

"Hey Matt…" She spoke softly as she came to his side, her eyes bright and full of life, it had been a while since he had seen her with that look on her face.

Gabby couldn't help but feel happy, she could see Matt on his own in the garage and she wanted to go and spend a bit of time with him, no family drama, no work drama, just hang out, like they always did and have a laugh. A laugh was what she needed. But when she found his eyes, she could tell something was wrong, their friendly, light conversation would not happen now, "What happened?" She was concerned, she didn't know why he looked upset and she hoped that it had nothing to do with her.

"Anna was just here…" He watched as Gabby's eyes darted over his shoulder, trying to see where she was, looking back at him confused when she couldn't see her sister.

"I'm sorry I tried to talk to her but I guess she wasn't ready for it, she left pretty quickly, I'm sorry Gabs I was just trying to help." Matt felt bad, he knew she shouldn't have pushed Anna but he wanted to try and help, but that's when he felt gabby take his hand, squeezing it tightly, not bothering to let it go.

"Oh Matt, it's alright. Thank you so much for trying to help her out but she is falling back into denial, she doesn't want to believe that he is hurting her. I'm glad you tried to help though, it means a lot to me." She leaned up, placing a kiss to his cheek, "You have no idea how much..." Before she pulled away, moving away from him when they heard footsteps coming from the hallway.

When the footsteps didn't come closer to them, Gabby smiled, "I think it's about time I told everyone else about Anna, just because if she comes back looking for help and I'm not here or something, I want them to be able to help her..." Matt nodded, he knew she was right, it would be best if the firehouse knew about Anna and what was going on, but he worried it would be too hard for gabby. Shocking him, gabby took his hand, holding it close as they walked back into the common room.

"Hey guys, can I have a minute?" She dropped her hand from his but didn't leave his side, having him close was comforting to her. She watched as everyone turned to face her, the TV was muted, the stove turned off, books and magazines were placed down on the tables, all eyes on her. Taking a deep breath, Gabby spoke, feeling Matt's hand touch her back, rubbing it gently, "So by now I'm sure you have all seen the girl that has come looking for me a couple of times?"

She waited to see them all nod, she knew there had been rumours running around the house as to who the girl was, one of them was right but she had not confirmed it, until now. "I know there has been talk about her and yes she is my younger sister...but until now I haven't seen her in 12 years after a falling out when I was 16. She left home and I haven't seen her since..." Gabby debated telling them exactly what had happened but felt that it wouldn't really make a difference if they knew or not and it would make it harder for the house to be helpful because Gabby knew they would be more concerned about being protective.

"I just want you all to know that is in a bad situation at the moment and I am working to get her out of it, her boyfriend isn't a very nice person and I know for a fact that he is hitting her...I just wanted you all to know in case she comes here looking for help, I felt it was worth you knowing what is going on."

She watched as the firehouse nodded, listening intently, Cruz speaking up instantly, "We are here for you mama if you need anything or if she needs anything." That was what gabby needed to hear, she needed to know her family was by her side if she needed it.

She nodded her thank you before moving towards the couch, wanting this part of her day to move forward, she reached for the control from Mouch's hand, who would never stop her from doing what she wanted but before she had a chance the alarms rang through the firehouse, sending them out to a high rise fire.

* * *

"It's getting hot in here guys!" Gabby called through her radio, waiting for Cruz to get the aerial ladder to the window that she was waiting at. She had been cut off from matt during their search, a beam falling across the doorway, separating the two, gabby in the bedroom and Matt in the hallway and so she waited (im)patiently for the ladder to come up.

Matt jumped on the back of the truck to make his way up the ladder, having sprinted from the house when he could not reach Gabby, he was going to go up the ladder to get her, he wouldn't let anyone else do it, "We are coming Dawson, hang in there...get away from the window!" He called out as the ladder raised, moments later he was taking the rungs one at a time, getting himself to the window, he could vaguely see Gabby inside, just below the window.

He knew it s risky to break the glass as it had not broken yet, he knew it would let a rush of air into the room and it would add more oxygen to the fire, but there was no other way of getting to her, if there was a fireball, which would break the windows anyway, but it would fry gabby inside. "Get ready to jump Dawson!" He called out through his radio, his halligan shattering the window, gabby throwing herself from the room seconds later, the fire erupting around them.

Shouts were heard from below, calls and cheers as the smoke cleared it was clear that they were not out of danger yet, Gabby had slipped over the side of the ladder, her hand grasping for life in Matt's, who was also leaning half over the side of the ladder. "Gabby!" He called out; Hermann was now laying on Matt's back, holding him to the ladder, both their weights holding onto Gabby as she swung over the side of the ladder, her arm outstretched to hold onto Matt's, the rest of her body swinging over the side.

There was no way he was going to get her go but his grip was slipping, "Casey! I'm slipping!" She had noticed it too; there was fear in her voice, the panic taking over with her wanting it to. Using all his strength, Matt began to swing Gabby, she didn't need to be told what he wanted, she could read him without words and so she worked with him, her free hand reaching out for the ladder rung, her hand gripping it after a few swings, a weight lifted from hers and Matt's shoulder instantly as they were able to lift her higher and over the side of the ladder to safety.

Gabby sighed as she lay against Matt on the ladder, her heart pounding at how close she had been to falling moments ago, she felt him rub her back, his head back against the ladder, his breath coming out in puffs, Hermann resting his head and his hand against her back as well, all three of them letting the realisation that Gabby was ok rush over them. "You alright kid?"

Hermann's voice pulled her from her thoughts, causing her to sit up slowly, nodding, "Yeah, yeah I'm alright, my shoulder is sore though but I'll take that over what could have happened. Good looking out..." She looked over to Matt who looked pale, with more concern in his eyes than should have been there but between them, it was all warranted.

Slowly they made it down the ladder and when Gabby's feet touch solid ground, she was pulled Hermann into a hug, thanking him again for being there, needing him to know that she appreciated him helping matt out, it as also an excuse to then be able to pull Matt into a hug, thankful him as well saving her life but there was more in the hug than she let others see, no one really noticing because of what had just happened.

"I'm good..." She whispered in his ear, feeling him tighten his grip a little more before pulling away, finding Boden standing by her side, "I'm good chief..." But he wasn't having any of it, knowing the look on her face was one of pain, she had yet to move her shoulder.

"Get your shoulder checked out." It was all he said because he knew that she would fight him, telling him it was all right but he needed to know she really was ok. Dropping her head she nodded, smiling once more at Matt, a silent thank you that would have lead to another hug if there weren't at a all before she mooed towards the back of the ambo.

Matt watching as the door closed and Brett drove away. A hand was placed on his shoulder, he knew that hand all too well, "Good job Casey..." He was being formal, something he did with all him men when they did something good on a call but what he said next made Matt look up, a slight look of shock coming to his eyes, "She's alright Matt..." The way he spoke was different.

It was not formal, it was caring, it held something that told Matt he knew how they still felt about each, Chief knew it was only a matter of time before they were together again. Patting his shoulder they moved from the scene, making their way back to the firehouse where Matt placed himself down at his usual seat at the head of the table, where he could see the double doors and anyone who came through them.

The minute that Brett and Chilli walked through, without Gabby, he stood, Brett's hand stopping his question, "They are keeping her in for a few tests and were talking about sending her home. They were going to call the Chief after the tests are done." She placed her hand on his shoulder, knowing that he and Gabby had been growing closer together again recently. He nodded his thanks and made the decision that he would be in the common room for the rest of the day until he had heard from Chief how Gabby was doing.

That news hadn't come until almost 5pm, when Chief walked into the common room, telling everyone that Gabby had been sent home with a clean bill of health, just a bit of pain from the jerking motion of how she was being held. They had sent her home to rest but would be back the next shift.

And that was how he found himself the next morning standing out the front of Gabby's apartment, hand ready to knock, hearing the echo of the wood under his knuckles. It only took a few moments for her to answer the door, a little shocked to see him standing there but a smile coming to her face, she was beautiful standing in front of him, loose sweater, track pants.

He looked over her, a small smile coming to his as well; she really was ok, "Hey…"

 **I hope this is keeping you all interested! :D**

 **Please review!**


	6. Saving the Would-Be Hero

**I am SO sorry about the wait with this new chapter! I have been flat out and haven't had much of a chance to do anything.**

 **However, 110 reviews for 5 chapters? You guys are so amazing! Please keep it up, I love hearing your thoughts and ideas!**

 **Anyway…so because things can't always be happy.**

 **Please review! :D**

 **Chapter 6 – Saving the Would-Be Hero**

Gabby crossed her arms over her chest, a soft smile coming to her face, a warm feeling coming over her with him standing in front of her, "Hey Matt, what are you doing here?" She was intrigued as to why he was there but she wasn't too upset about it, in fact it was comforting to know he was there. When she had been released from the hospital, she had sat in her living room just staring at the wall; her legs to her chest as the realisation that she really had almost fallen that day started to take over.

She thought about how terrified she had been, how scared Matt had sounded and how strong he had been to hold her, making her feel a little safer than she should have been considering she had been moments from falling to her death. She remembered moving to stand at the bottom of the building, looking up to the window Matt had shattered to pull her out from. It was high, there was no doubt she wouldn't have survived if she had fallen and if she had, she probably would have wished she hadn't.

Matt just smiled at her, part of him just happy to stare at her, just knowing that she was alive and safe. "I ah…I just wanted to come and check on you…" He stood with his hands behind his back, a little awkward because he was trying to restrain him self from pulling her into his arms and holding her forever.

"I'm alright. Doc said I just needed to rest for a couple of days, but I will be back next shift." There was something about the way he was standing was making her nervous, he was making her nervous, it seemed that he was always making her nervous. Deciding that something needed to happen, she moved from the doorway, letting him into her apartment.

Silence passed between them as they stood together, just watched the other, seeing what they would do. Matt tried to keep himself strong but the idea that she was injured because of him that was becoming too much. He dropped his head, not wanting to pretend anymore, he needed her to know he was sorry, needed to know that he was terrified of losing her. "Gabby…I'm so sorry about last shift. I shouldn't have let you get separated like that and I-"

But she was at his side in an instant, her hand on his cheek, bringing his eyes back to hers, "No Matt, it's not your fault, what happened wasn't your fault. Besides…you were there for me so that's all I care about." She reached for his hand squeezing it tightly to get him to understand that she didn't blame him but the look in his eyes was still worried.

"I know and I know that things can happen, it's just…when you were hanging there, when I felt you slipping from my grip I just…I was so terrified that I wasn't going to be able to hold you, that I was going to have to watch you fall." He looked down at their hands, feeling his shake in hers, "You had me really worried Gabby." His last words fell from his lips quietly, afraid that he would ruin the moment between them.

Gabby watched Matt for a moment, thinking about everything she had been thinking before he had turned up, thinking about all the things that she wanted to say but hadn't been able to and so all she did was lean forward, placing her lips onto his cheek softly, her hand resting on his opposite cheek, holding him close. "Thank you Matt." Was all she could say as she pulled away from him, keeping herself close though, hoping her body language would tell him more than she could.

Matt had always been able to read Gabby better than most people could, better than anyone could actually and so when her lips touched his cheek, not far from his own lips and her body was inches from hers, he hoped he was reading her right and what she wanted, he wanted because god did he want to wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her.

Their eyes locked, his eyes flicking down to her lips and then back up, his cheeks reddening slightly knowing he had been caught looking at her lips but something had changed on her eyes when he found them again, they had darkened slightly, a look he had come to know very well from her, it was the look she got in her eyes when he had told her he loved her, when he had run his hands up and down her skin, it was a look of more than just lust or desire, it was a look of longing and want.

Swallowing deeply, Mat jumped headfirst towards something that could very easily backfire on him. His hand slipped up to rest gently on Gabby's cheek, his thumb brushing the skin he found there for a moment before he leaned his head down slowly, giving her a chance to pull away or push him away but she didn't, she just blinked and waited for him to come to her, a little worried that if she moved, he would snap out of what he was doing and push her away.

Her eyes slipped closed slowly at the thought of Matt kissing her again, her need for him taken over as her breath hitched even before his lips touched hers. She felt him pause for a moment just before his lips touched hers, she could even feel his breath against her lips but her stomach dropped, she didn't know if she could handle it if he pulled away now, if he decided that this wasn't a good idea.

Part of her felt like she wasn't allowed to want this, to want him. She had been the one that had left, she had given up on their relationship, although it wasn't easy and they had both been having trouble, she had been the one to leave. She felt as though wanting this was not fair to him, that she was being selfish but she wanted him, she had known that leaving that night was the worst decision she had ever made, she had regretted it the moment she had turned her back to Matt that night.

Matt watched as her eyes closed, her lips parting slightly as she waited, he knew she wanted him to kiss her, knew that she was waiting for him to make the choice, he just hoped he was making the right choice. The moment his lips touched hers it was like his whole world made sense, everything he had wanted and needed was in his arms. Her lips were soft against his, their movements minimal, just testing each other out, toeing the line to see how the other would react.

But that changed the moment Matt ran his hand into Gabby's hair, holding the back of her head gently as he tilted his head a little more, deepening the kiss, wanting more of her, needing her to know how he felt when he wasn't able to tell her with words. He finally had her back in his arms, willing and wanting, he wasn't going to ley her go this time.

Gabby brought her hands up to Matt's face, tangling one in his hair while the other rested against his cheek, holding him to her like her life depended on it and at the moment, it did. She never thought she would be standing here, with matt kissing her, wanting her, needing her. Because right now, she could feel his need for her and it only grew when she brushed against him, her hips rocking against his in want. But it all started to fall apart not long after it started.

She moaned as she pulled away, not wanting to but it had to happen and she had to laugh when she heard him groan as she took a step way from his, her hands falling from him, her lips parting, "I'm sorry...that-"

But Matt cut her off, pulling her back to him, his lips crushing against hers this time, "Was amazing…Gabby..." He whispered between kisses, feeling her resolve crumbling, "...I was so scared you were going to die..." That brought her back to reality, the huge crushing wave of reality.

That has to be all this was, fear, not want. That had to be it because there would be no way that Matt actually wanted to be with her after what she had done. After she had left. "Matt...please...no...I can't do this if that is all this is." She pushed herself away from him then, moving as far away from his as possible because she knew that she may not have been able to control herself otherwise.

Matt stood back confused for a moment before following her as she had moved to the other side of the room, "Gabby I don't understand, all what is?" He pulled on her hand when she turned away from him; she was finding it easier to feel like she was doing the right thing by pulling away from him when she wasn't looking at him. But now she didn't have a choice, he was forcing her to look at him, forcing her to turn and face this.

" _This_ Matt. The 'fear that I was going to die'. I can't do this with you if it's just comfort. I just can't!" She was angry now, at herself for letting herself believe he could actually want her still, at him for making her feel the way she did and for coming to her that morning. Angry at the world for making this all so hard when it should have been easy for them, it was so easy for them at the start, but she had made it hard, he had made it hard and life had made it hard.

Matt stepped back, shocked, frustrated, he had always knows Gabby was thick and difficult but he thought that after they had started to spend more time together, had a couple of low key dates, she would be open to the idea of them getting back together. "Are you kidding? Is that what you think this is!" He couldn't stop his voice raising, he didn't care, he was angry now.

"What the hell else should I think huh Matt? You come here, talking about scared you were about me dying. What else do you expect me to think? Yeah we have been talking again and getting closer but you just come here, out of the blue and kiss me?" She had long crossed her arms over her chest, a stance she had always taken when she defensive.

"I came here to see if you were alright! I have spent all night going over in my mind the thought that I could have lost you forever yesterday and it terrified me! I didn't come here to kiss you but God I wanted to and I did!" He had turned his back to her now, his chest heaving with anger, face flushed. He couldn't believe she thought he just wanted comfort from him.

Gabby locked her jaw as she looked at him, she could tell he furious but so was she. He couldn't come to her home and act the way he was, it wasn't far to her, actually it wasn't far to either of them. They hadn't talked about what they wanted, hadn't talked about being together and so the kiss made it 100 times harder to work it all out. If it had been a slow lead up to the kiss, more than two small dates, conversations about what they wanted and then the kiss, that would have been fine but her life was a mess right now and that kiss with Matt had made it even worse.

In fact it scared her, through everything that had happened with her sister coming back into her life, Matt had been the constant she could rely on, the one she could fall back into if she needed it and she knew that was selfish, expecting him to be there for her like he used to be and now she was acting the way she was but her life had been turned upside with Anna coming back, she needed Matt to be by her side, needed to have him to turn to for help and now he wasn't going to be there, he wasn't going to be the one she could turn to.

Sighing, she dropped her head, shaking it a little, "Maybe you were right…" It was soft now, the polar opposite of how she had been moments ago but the anger was still there, her face, her eyes, still hardened by that anger.

Matt turned slowly, his eyes cold and harsh as he looked back at her, confused about what she was talking about, but he didn't have to ask, she explained moments later, "Maybe this is just too big for us Matt. We work together, that was the problem with us before. Nothing has changed with that. Maybe it would be best if we just left it as friends. Really try to move on from this…" She waved her hand in between them, motioning that she was talking about them both.

This set Matt right off, "So you're giving up again? You are walking away again?! How can you stand there and accuse me of wanting you for comfort and then say you think we should move on? I never wanted anyone but you Gabby, I still don't want anyone but you and it kills me to know you think so little of me!" He voice raised again, his hands clenching at his sides, he was trying not to put a whole through a wall, this was not _his_ home.

"Don't you dare stand there and act like what happened was all my fault! I know I made bad decisions back then Matt! What happened that call, at the firehouse after, packing my bags…I knew it was wrong, I _know_ it was wrong but don't stand there like you are innocent in all of that! I wanted to talk to you! I _needed_ my fiancé to talk to after a hard day at work but you couldn't see past the lieutenant and candidate! You couldn't talk to me like an adult, you acted like a child just as much as I did!"

She had come to stand in front of him now, her face flush with anger at the thought that he was blaming her, that he thought he was innocent in the whole situation. She watched as he took a step closer, she was either going to push him away, hard or pull him to her and she really, really hoped it would be the former, but neither happened as there was a knock at the door, bringing Gabby back to reality and the memory that Anna was coming by for lunch.

Silence stretched between them, almost as though daring the other to bite next but it was Matt was decided what happened next, he turned on his heels, marched to the door, swung it open and brushed passed Anna, huffing angrily as he did.

Matt marched down to his truck, ripping the car door open before slamming it closed again. How could she think so little of him that he would go to her for comfort? How could she think that he did not want to be with her? Yes what she had said about him not being innocent was true, he had acted like a child, he wasn't able to separate his feelings at work and at home. He had known she wanted to talk to him about it, about what had happened that shift but he had been too angry to let it go and in in the end it had started the end for them, he was just to blind to see it.

In truth, had he been more open to her, more open to listening and talking to her honestly at the time, he would have fought for her, he would have done everything in his power to make sure she didn't leave him because in the end, he was nothing without her. But he hadn't, he had let his pride get in the way of what he should have done and she had felt like she had nowhere else to go but leave all together.

It was true, he had made some poor decisions towards the end of their relationship, going out all night with Severide was at the top…no actually, lying to her about where he had been that night and where his phone was, was at the top of that list. He hated that he had hurt her so much with that night, with his comments about ' _it being too big for them'_ ; he had seen the pain and fear in her eyes but he hadn't been able to help himself, he was just as frustrated with the situation as she was.

Pulling up outside his apartment, Matt thumped his way inside, his front door slamming as he went inside, he was still fuming at their argument, he didn't even notice Kelly sitting at the table, watching him intently with a spoon of cereal halfway to his lips. Matt walked straight past him, reaching for the fridge before slamming it closed again, "God that woman is infuriating!" He didn't know if Kelly even knew whom he was walking about but as he turned to face his friend, the smirk on his face told him that he understood.

"And that is why you love her man. She is the only one who has this affect on you…" Matt dropped his eyes to Kelly, a death stare sent his way, "…OK, ok. What happened?" He dropped his spoon in the bowl, waiting to hear what Matt had to say. Earlier that morning Matt had been pacing the living room, deciding if he should go and see Gabby or not, he had had a hard time making that decision until Kelly had thrown him his keys and told him to go, he had no idea what could have happened in the last hour to change his mood so.

Matt huffed, sitting down on the chair, his head in his hands. "I was there and it was fine, but then I couldn't help myself, I kissed her and she kissed me back…" Kelly raised his eyebrow, when Matt had come into the house like a tornado; he had no idea that the visit would have included a kiss. "…then she pulled away and accused me of just wanting comfort, that that was all the kiss was. I got angry, she got angry, we fought a little about what happened between us and then I left; more like stormed out and slammed the door. She just…" He dropped his head into his hands again, he was still shaking with anger, "…she just makes me so crazy!"

He never expected Kelly to say anything about this, he just needed to vent, needed to get it all off his chest, but Kelly smirked, "Man, look, I know when the two of you broke up I wasn't really the most supportive friend. I knew you loved her still and she loved you and I know you both still love each other; I just hated seeing you upset. But I know that you and Gabby have always had something between you. You two just need a bit more time, yes maybe the kiss was rushed, maybe you did need the comfort of knowing that she wasn't in any danger but you can't let this ruin it all."

Kelly stood up and moved to the chair by Matt, needing him to actually listen, knowing the closer he was to him, the harder if would be for Matt to ignore him, "I've seen the way she looks at you, and I heard her talking to Brett the other week, she is just protecting herself, she doesn't believe she has the right to want you still because she is the one that left, she is the one that hurt you and so she thinks that she isn't _allowed_ to want you. She is scared of hurting you and losing you completely." He placed his hand on Matt's shoulder, his talked hadn't calmed him down much, he was still fuming but Matt had listened.

"You just gotta give her some time, show her that you will be with her, by her side no matter what. That it's more than just comfort and _tell_ her that man. She isn't a mind reader!" He laughed as he pattered his shoulder again before moving towards the couch, letting it all sink in for Matt. He stayed in his seat, staring at the wall, he taken in what Kelly had said, he listened he just wasn't too sure what he was supposed to do with the information, how was he supposed to process it all now that he and Gabby would probably not be on speaking terms any time soon. Yes he needed to talk to her, but he didn't know if she even wanted to see him, let alone talk to him. He had two days to figure it out though because she was back on the next shift.

* * *

Gabby had sighed and dropped her head as she watched Matt storm from her home in a hurry, watching the confused look that Anna wore when she say him a) leaving Gabby's house and b) brushing past her in anger. She stepped in through the still open doorway, staring at her older sister, "Hey…you alright?" But Gabby just nodded, brushing her eyes quickly; she brought a smile to her face, sending it to Anna.

"Hey sorry about that. I'm glad you came." She made her way over to her sister, she was still wary of her sister and having her in her life but at the same time Gabby couldn't help but feel protective over her sister knowing that she was in a bad situation, she just couldn't help it but she would always be that step ahead, always watching her back. Gabby pulled her into a tight hug before closing the door, "How are you feeling?"

She turned back to Anna who has sat on the couch, the look on her face once of relaxation as her muscles relaxed into the cushions, "Oh man! This couch is amazing!" She laughed when Gabby came to her side, glancing at the clock, Anna was about 20 minutes late, not that she was surprise, her sister had _never_ been on time for anything. "I'm good Gabs, really. How are you?" She raised her eyebrow at Gabby, clearly she was thinking about the guy who had just stormed from her house.

Sighing Gaby glanced at the door, "I'm alright, just had an argument. Nothing unusual really." She shrugged, not really sure how much she wanted to tell Anna.

"What was Matt doing here anyway?" Gabby raised her eyebrow at Anna, wondering how she knew his name but then Anna explained, "I spoke to him the other day at the firehouse. We had a little talk before I had to leave. I was coming to see you but I got caught up talking to him. What's going on between you?"

Gabby thought for a moment, she did remember Matt telling her that Anna had come looking for her but then had left, she just didn't know how long Matt had talked to her before she had left. This was also an opportunity to get some information out of Anna, "How about you tell me where you have been and I'll tell you about Matt?" She knew that pushing for information about what had happened that night was probably too much at that moment so she stuck with Anna's life, hoping she would be more open to talk about that, also Gabby felt she could actually handle talking about that to begin with.

Anna was silent for a second, she knew that she couldn't hide herself forever, Gabby was always going to ask about where she had been and it also allowed her get to know her sister a little better. Nodding she waited for Gabby to go first, she didn't want to be the first one to speak. Gabby smiled a little, knowing the silent look in Anna's eyes; she didn't want to talk first.

"I've known Matt for almost 7 years now, I've probably loved him just that long. We finally got together a couple of years ago and it was great. We were together for about 18 months, we were living together, engaged and it was amazing. Then I was accepted into the fire academy, it was hard on us at first but we worked through it, then I ended up a candidate on his truck at 51 and it all went down hill from there. It's been about a year since I lost my best friend and partner at a call. She died and I blamed, blame, myself."

Gabby shook her head, she knew she shouldn't blame herself for what happened to Shay but she did. She also realised then that she had never told Matt about that day, about switching places, about how she wished it were her that died, that it _should_ have been her that died. "Things got harder after that, I did something I shouldn't have while on a call and he call me up on it, I tried to joke around with him about it but he wasn't having any of it. I know that what I did was stupid and dangerous, but it made home life harder."

She turned to face Anna now, who was listening intently, clearly wanting to know about this part of Gabby's life, "We fought more or just didn't talk. We promised each other that we wouldn't let the job get in the way of the relationship and the relationship in the way of the job and yet that's what happened. I was losing my best friend after losing my other best friend. Anyway a lot more happened as well before hand but I left, I was trying to make it easier on us, trying to show that the time apart would do us some good, but it didn't, for a while it was really hard but recently…"

She hated thinking about how they had been recently, knowing that she had probably ruined it now, "Recently we have been getting closer again, talking lots more like we used to, flirting more, we've had a couple of dates as well which were really nice but today, he kissed me and I guess I freaked out a little and then we argued and I yelled and he yelled and he left." Gabby waved towards the door, in a motion to say, well you saw the end of it, Anna just reached for Gabby's hand holding it tightly.

Gabby sniffed a little, it may have been the cliff notes version of her and Matt but she knew it was enough to settle Anna's curiosity. She raised her eyebrow at Anna, it was her turn now.

"Well I stayed in Chicago for about 6 months, just crashing at friends houses and stuff, nothing overly special. But then I was hooked up with this band that took me to LA. It was good for a while, they let me work for them, odd jobs, coffees and stuff, I got paid and it was good. Not great but it gave me food and I always had somewhere to sleep." Anna looked away, she knew it would be hard telling Gabby everything that had happened but she didn't know how she was going to react so she was becoming a little more worried with every word that she spoke that got her closer to her next sentence.

She looked down at her hand, still holding tightly onto Gabby's using that as strength to continue, Gabby had always been stronger than her. "It was good for a while but then they started on the drinking and the drugs, they pulled me into it, most days I don't remember, some days I wish I didn't. I was only 16…until I got arrest when I was 19 and a detective took pity on me, helped me clean up, I've been sober since then, he got a job in a diner; helped me work through some things."

She dared a glance at Gabby, fearing the hatred she assumed was on her face but instead she found sorrow and sadness. Sorrow for the young girl who grew up in such a world and sadness for the life that came from that. Anna was shocked silent for a moment, she wanted to cry, wanted to lay her head on her big sister's lap like she had done many times as a child, she had always admired her big sister, even if it didn't seem like it.

"I moved to New York when I turned 22, did a few odd jobs, anything I could get really, again enough to get me food and place to live and then I met Jeremy when I was out for drinks for my 23 birthday. He was working behind this bar one night, he was charming and nice and good-looking, we hit it off right away. We started dating almost a year later before he told me he had work lined up here in Chicago. I panicked at first, I never thought I would come back to this place but by the time we had planned the move, I had just found out I was about a month pregnant and I didn't have a choice."

She felt Gabby tighten her grip on her hand, needing her to know that it was alright to continue, "When we moved here, I was already 3 months along and I have spent every day for the last 3 months trying to find the courage to come and see you. To come and talk to you, because you know, it had been like 12 years since I had seen you last."

The girls were silent for a moment, the conversation was slightly superficial, both only skimming over the surface of their lives, not giving too much information, too concerned about what the other would think, so it was the bare minimum, the small amounts of information that would give an overview but nothing too in depth. That didn't surprise Gabby, she hadn't expected much different from Anna, considering she had given the same overview of her life.

"Tell me about Jeremy."

It was a simple question that could be taken many different ways but Anna understood what Gabby meant, she understood what she was asking. She took a deep breath, swallowing deeply, "He isn't a bad guy, he just gets angry and I guess that I am there ya know?" She looked back at Gabby who now wore a shocked face. She had heard that line many times before in domestic dispute calls but she never thought her own sister would be spurting it.

She sighed again, knowing that this topic was going to make Gabby angry, she just hoped she wouldn't be angry at her, "It started while we were still in New York. I had tried to leave him once before but he had found me and well lets just say I ended up coming back home. It started getting worse, that's why we left New York, he lost his job there and supposedly had one lined up here… I was going to leave him but I was, am, so scared to…and I'm pregnant, I don't know if I could look after myself on my own let alone a baby. So I stay and deal with it because I'm used to being alone." She shrugged again, letting a small tear fall down her cheek, "He says he doesn't mean it, that he is sorry after. I know he loves me…"

It sounded like she was trying convince herself more than anything and this was when Gabby broke, she hadn't said anything or moved since Anna had started talking but at this point she couldn't stop herself, she pulled her baby sister into her arms and held her close, the damn walls broke and Anna cried, heartbreaking sobs at how fucked up her life was, how she had fucked it up and how she didn't know how to fix it.

Gabby let her cry, her head resting on her lap, her hand running through Anna's hair, words of comfort falling from her lips as she continued to cry. It was obvious that the emotions she had had been building up for a long time and now, she finally had someone to listen, to cry on, to come to when she needed help. "You're not alone anymore Annie. I promise you that. But you can't stay with him. It's not safe for you or your baby. And I can help you…I _want_ to help you…let me help you Annie."

Gabby was forceful in her words, she needed Anna to understand that she needed to leave Jeremy, needed to get away to keep herself safe. She had recently seen the physical side of his abuse, witnessed the emotional side when they were out having coffee, she needed to get her sister away from him, needed to keep her safe.

After a moment of silence, the only sounds were Anna's crying still echoing through the quiet apartment, she nodded against Gabby's lap, strangled cry falling from her lips.

"Yes…"

 **I hope you all liked this and again I'm sorry for the lateness! Please, please review!**


	7. Find the Courage

**Welcome to the weekend for all my overseas readers! (who I think are most of you hehe). Sorry this is so late again, work is getting crazy but I hope it's worth the wait!**

 **Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I am so glad you are still liking this.**

 **Please let me know what you think about this chapter.**

 **Chapter 7 – Find the Courage**

Gabby spent the next three weeks helping Anna get her things organised, a place to stay because they both knew the first place Jeremy would come looking for her would be at Gabby's, so she had helped her find somewhere that was willing to help out as well, they had agreed to wait until she as ready to move in, not sure when she would have the money but it was one thing that she was thankful for.

Money was something else, Gabby and Anna had talked about keeping her out of the house for as long as possible during the day and some nights and so gabby had talked to Laura and gotten Anna a job at the bakery, something she had asked to keep from Antonio. It wasn't like Antonio would be visiting there any time soon so it was one thing that could be kept quiet.

"Hey Gabby..." Anna wandering into the firehouse around dinner time one night, having texted Gabby telling her that Jeremy was drunk, she had told her to come to the house for dinner, that they could cook something for everyone there.

Gabby hugged Anna hello, it had been a quiet day for them, which either meant that the night was going to be crazy or quiet. Out of the comer of her eye, Anna noticed that Matt had looked up at the sound of Gabby's name, a deep scowl coming his face when he watched the girls. "You and Matt still not talking?"

Gabby and Matt had spent the last three weeks avoiding each other. Both still angry, both still frustrated, to stubborn and proud to approach the other. It sucked though; they had just gotten their friendship back, their laughter and flirting. They were back to being the best friends that they always had been and now it was gone, all because she couldn't trust that he wanted more from her. All because she couldn't trust herself.

She shook her head sadly, "Nah we aren't. Don't worry about it." She didn't want to focus on Matt and her, it was making her upset to know she had him so close but once again had let him go. So Gabby pulled Anna into the common room, walking straight passed Matt, the two of them giving each other a sad glance; they hadn't said two words to each other, other than 'hello' and orders while on calls.

It wasn't that they did _want_ to talk to each other, it was just that they were both too stubborn to talk about the argument they had had, it was really the first time they had actually really talked about what had happened between them, they had talked, of course and agreed that they would both like to put them on hold; and then _that_ amazing night had happened, but they hadn't actually talked about how they had fallen apart.

Anna was greeted like family by everyone in the house when she stepped inside, they had gotten to know her quite well recently and considering no one knew what had happened when they were kids, the had taken to her easily. Herman had asked once or twice why none of them knew she had a sister but Gabby would just shrug and tell them not to worry about it. They had stopped asking after that.

"Candidate!" Matt voice rang through the kitchen less than 20 minutes later, everyone's head snapping up at the sound. It was clear to them all that something had happen between the two of them, they could almost see the tension between them while at the firehouse but no one had said anything. They had both been professional while on calls, Gabby always listening to Matt and Matt treating her fairly, but when they were back in the house, the air between them changed, switching between the frustration and anger and the sad looks each were giving each other.

Gabby hated that he was calling her candidate again; it showed his anger and how far they had fallen after that one argument. Sighing she turned from the stove bench and glanced at him, "Yes lieutenant?"

He barely looked at her as he sat at the table, calling over his shoulder, "I'm pretty sure the showers need a clean. Dinner can wait." It was true, she had started cooking dinner at 5 and there would be no chance of it being had anytime soon and so she dropped her head, shooting a glance to Anna and then to Kelly on her way out, she went to do as she was told, knowing that fighting against him at their work would be the worse choice she could make.

Anna watched as Gabby left the kitchen, shocked at how she was being treated by Matt, yes they weren't on the best terms, yes they needed to work it out but there was no reason for him to talk to her like that. Huffing she moved to sit down next to him, taking the paper from his hands, the rustling noise bringing everyone attention to them, although she didn't care.

"I don't know what your problem is but how can't you talk to her like that? So what you argued, you are both as stubborn as each other. She is hurting and you are hurting her." Anna watched as Matt's eyes narrowed, contemplating what to say in return.

And what he said was probably not the best thing that could be said, "So now you care about her? After all these years you choose to care about her _now_. Well aren't you just the nice sister. I am her lieutenant and she is the candidate, she does what I tell her while we are here, regardless of what you feel to be out of line." He straightened his back when he watched tears welled in Anna's eyes. What he said to her had hurt, although she couldn't deny it was true, it had still hurt to hear him say that.

Silence filled the room, giving Matt his out, standing he pushed the chair from the table, heading towards his office but Anna's voice stopped his. "That girl loves you, she is terrified of what finding out that what you want from her is just comfort, that you want nothing more than just a fuck. Maybe you should suck up your own pride and _talk_ to her because to everyone else in this room it's obvious you want more. Gabby has always had trouble trusting people." Anna stood as well, swallowing down her anger and her tears.

Matt let the words wash over him, maybe she was right but he wasn't going to show it, instead he bit back, like he always did, "And whose fault is it that she can't trust anyone?" Before turning on his heals and heading to his office.

Matt huffed as he slammed the door; he was frustrated with the whole situation with Gabby. He thought they had moved on in their relationship, thought that they were making progress and yes maybe kissing her that day wasn't the best thing he could have done, maybe taking it a little slower would have been better but he never thought it would have turned into the argument that it had, he thought it would set them back almost 5 months in their recovery.

He wanted Gabby, there was no two ways about it, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he wanted her back in his life for good but it seemed that nothing they did was ever going to work out for them. But he wasn't going to give up trying, no matter how angry he still was at this point; he wasn't going to give up on her. A knock at the door pulled his attention, finding Kelly stand there with a smirk on his face.

Matt nodded for him to come in, knowing he would anyway so it would be best just to get this over with. "Feisty isn't she? Exactly like Dawson…" He laughed, sighing when Matt just rolled his eyes at him, clearly not in the mood for his smartass comments. "Alright fine. But you know she is right. You and Dawson need to work it out or else you will both lose the best thing that happened to either of you." He crossed his arms over his chest, watching as Matt silently looked away. It was clear that he didn't like the situation they were currently in. "Just go and talk to her Casey. Don't be a pussy."

And with that he left, causing Matt to sigh and throw his pen against the desk. Why were things so hard for him and Gabby? Why couldn't they just be happy and together? Maybe Kelly was right; maybe Matt was being a pussy and had to man up. Standing slowly he made his way over to the bathroom, finding Gabby on her hands and knees cleaning the tiles.

"I'm almost done Lieutenant." She didn't even need to turn around to know that he was there; she didn't even want to look at him right then though. She continued to clean, hearing him sigh and move closer to her, kneeling down by her side.

"Gabby, stop please…" When her eyes turned to him he saw the fire and the passion that he had fallen in love with, the only problem was that it was directed at him and he always hated when it was there and she was angry. "I think we need to talk…"

But she huffed, throwing the sponge into the bucket before standing quickly, "Oh so now you want to talk? You know what _lieutenant_ ; I don't know how much more I can do this. I have to think about Anna and my candidacy; I don't think I can deal with whatever this has turned into right now." She looked at him, wanting to so much to kiss him, to have him tell her that everything was going to be ok but she couldn't let herself get pulled in again.

She reached for the bucket that sat by Matt's feet, still kneeling on the ground, his eyes focused on her though, "And I heard what Anna said to you after I left, I'm sorry she did that. I will have a talk with her. You are my lieutenant here and she needs to understand that." She moved from the bathroom, both of them knowing that she hadn't finished cleaning but neither of them had cared.

He had tried to talk to her, tried to get her to listen to him but she had shut him down. How was he supposed to prove to her that he wanted more than comfort if she wouldn't let him talk? Sighing he dropped his head, stuck on what to do. They still weren't in the best place, clearly they wouldn't be falling back into their close friendship again anytime soon and so he decided to give her some space. He knew all this with Anna was getting to her so he promised himself he would be there for her if she needed him, he would show her that he was there but he wouldn't push too much too soon.

* * *

It hadn't been much later that they all sat around the table, eating the dinner that Gabby and Anna had cooked for them. It had been fun, cooking with her sister, something that she always secretly wished she could have done but never had the chance to do. "Oh man! This is good food! Clearly we need two Dawson's in the firehouse to get this type of food!" Cruz laughed as he ate another serving of the dinner, each of them having taken at least two plates worth.

"Hey now, don't be mean or else I won't cook for you at all Cruz!" Gabby chided him, smiling though when she noticed that Anna's face had lit up at his comment, clearly she hadn't received much praise before, something that she wasn't surprised about.

Cruz walked back to his seat but not before placing a kiss on the top of Gabby's head, "It's alright mama, you know I love your cooking anyway." He smiled as Gabby beamed back at him; she loved to hear when someone complimented her cooking.

"You gotta make your taco mix, the one you made that nights the kids were over Gabby, that was fantastic." Matt wiped his mouth, not realising what he had said, but not really caring because it was true, he had loved that mix that she had made and had always asked for more of it.

Gabby sent Matt a small smile, thankful for the compliment blushing as he smiled back at her. They may be arguing and frustrated with each other, but it the small compliments and smiles would always mean more to them. "Thanks. Maybe one day." She nodded again, thinking that maybe she should make it for them, although she really only used to make it because she knew how much Matt loved to eat it, as did they kids.

"Hey Antonio!" Matt's eyes flashed over Gabby's shoulder and connected with Antonio who had moved into the firehouse. He had known that Anna would be there, Gabby having texted him to tell him that she would be there, telling him to come and visit.

"Hey guys, clearly my sisters have been cooking." He laughed placing a kiss on Gabby's head, watching as Anna stood, wrapping her arms around his neck, "Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?" She nodded against his shoulder, thankful to be able to give her big brother a hug. "Any left for me?" He raised his eyebrow at the boys, thankful when they nodded, moving towards the plates.

They all fell into conversation easily, laughing along with Antonio who would started telling stories about when Gabby and Anna were younger, some stories they hadn't heard before and some she wished that they never heard. "Ok can we stop please? I don't think that I can handle any more stories of myself!" Gabby tried to hold back her laughter, tear welling in her eyes, but as she glanced over at Matt, she could tell he was storing the stories for future use. "Don't you even think about it Matthew, I know what is going on in that head of yours…" He smirked at her, laughing when she shook her head.

"Well now I can see that someone is having fun." The unknown voice pulled everyone's attention towards the double door, Jeremy standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

Anna stood suddenly, shocked to see him standing here, not really sure what to do. "Jeremy? What are you doing here? I told you I was coming here for dinner…" She was trying to defuse the situation before it got out of hand. Behind her, she sensed Gabby, Antonio and Matt stand with her, wanting to be by her side if she needed them.

Jeremy flashed between Gabby and Antonio and Matt, deciding to chose his words very carefully being that he had only met Gabby and knew that he would out numbered if he were to step out of bounds. "Well I figured you I would come and see where you have been sending your time." He took a step forward, his arm coming around Anna's waist, the look on her face, screaming for help but decided to let it go as not to cause a scene.

"Oh well, this is Gabby's firehouse. My brother Antonio…" he pointed towards Antonio who just nodded, he wasn't interesting in giving this man the light of day, he knew what he was going to Anna, he just believed that she and Gabby had it under control.

"And that is Matt." She didn't know why she felt that she needed to introduce Matt; maybe it was because she knew he would keep her safe, regardless of biting his head off earlier that day or maybe it was because he was standing behind Gabby, looking less than impressed to see Jeremy there.

Now Jeremy did move, he outstretched his hand to Matt who took it willingly, "Ah you must be the boyfriend. Nice to meet you." Matt scrunched up his face, unsure about what Jeremy was talking about but decided not to push it, he felt Gabby tense by his side though, clearly she had said something to him but Matt wasn't sure how to take it. Glances were thrown around by everyone else at the table, both at the comment about Matt being the boyfriend but also because of how they were acting towards Jeremy.

Jeremy turned to Anna, "Come on, let's go." It was direct and forceful, something Anna didn't want to argue with and so she nodded, sending a helpless glance towards the three standing, asking them not to do anything but also telling them that she didn't want to leave.

Once they were gone, Gabby looked towards Antonio whose eyes were still focussed on the direction that Jeremy and Anna went, "Come on Tonio, we can talk out the back." She moved for him to follow, which he reluctantly but he wanted to talk to Gabby. The moment they arrived in the conference room, Antonio pulled Gabby into his arms, holding her to him.

"Wow, he is a piece of work. How is she doing?" Antonio held Gabby close, needing to know that at least one of his sisters was safe. He didn't know how long he could handle not being involved with whatever was happening with Anna, but he needed to trust Gabby and he did, he just didn't like her doing it on her own.

Gabby pulled away, "She is doing alright, he hasn't touched her recently but I think that's because she has always been here or at my place. I am just waiting for the text to tell me she is ready to leave. I don't want to push her; if I push her there is more of a chance she will go back to him. She has to do this on her own."

Antonio nodded, he understood that, he just wished there was something he could do to make it better for her, for both of them. He hated seeing Gabby so down about all this, he hated that after everything she had been through when she was younger because of Anna and now it was as if she was cleaning up her messes again.

Silent filled the room, it was always something they could do, be together and not really have to say a word and they still knew what was going on with the other. That didn't change as time went on, and it was clear now, "Go on, say it." Gabby watched as he smiled a little, she knew what he was thinking, what he wanted to say.

"Boyfriend?" Was all he had to say, his eyebrow raised as he watched her blush, looking away.

She thought back to her conversation with Jeremy, she never really thought that it would come back to bite her on the ass. "Yeah…we were talking and I guess it kinda slipped out." She shrugged, "It doesn't matter though, he isn't and we have ah…been kinda in a tough spot again recently so it's nothing to worry about."

Antonio just raised his eyebrow again, last time he had seen, Gabby and Matt had been getting back to where they were, they had spent a couple of nights watching movies and just spending time together and now she was saying that they were having trouble. Gabby shook her head again, "We may have kissed a few weeks ago and then we argued, I accused him of wanting comfort and nothing else. We haven't really spoken since. He tried to talk to me about it today I think but I blew him off. I guess I am just still to frustrated and scared…I guess."

She didn't want to look at Antonio; she was too worried that he would just tell her what she already knew. She was right. "Gabby, that guy loves you. I think you two are just too stubborn to let the other one in at the moment. I get that, you two have been through enough and now you are coming back together, but you gotta let him back in. He has done nothing but be there for you through all of this." He pulled her back into a hug, "It'll be alright little sister. You have no idea how strong you are, everything you have done and been through. Everything you are doing for Anna, you are incredible."

Gabby nodded against his chest, she knew he was right, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that he was going to regret it if something happened between them. "Thank you Tonio." She hugged him back, thankful her brother was still around so much in her life, she didn't know how if she would have been able to keep going if he wasn't there.

Gabby moved away from Antonio, knowing that he couldn't hang around too long she let him leave, making her way back to her bunk, she was intending on laying down, needing to rest as everything had come up in the last few hours. As she lay down, she could see Matt sitting at his desk, his head down and his pen moving. She thought about all the times he had been there for her, that he had never given her a reason to think he didn't want her.

Sighing she rubbed her face, maybe she was just being insecure, maybe she was just being stubborn. Groaning she rolled out of the bed, each step she took she debated turning back but she took a deep breath, steadying herself as she knocked on his door. He looked up, turning in his chair as she stood there. They stared at each other for a moment before Gabby dropped her head, moving inside slowly. "Can we ah…can we talk for a minute?" She glanced behind her, not wanting anyone to overhear what she was hoping to talk about.

Gently she sat on his bed, watching as he turned all the way around in his chair, the pen dropping to the desk, nodding. Taking a deep breath she rubbed her hand on her legs, silence filling the room as she thought very carefully about what to say to him. "When you came over the other night, I was still freaking out about what had happened. When I had almost fallen and could have easily gotten killed all I could think about is the mistakes that I have made. I thought about us, about you and I thought about how much I still want you." She glanced up at Matt, watching as he leaned forward in his chair, listening to what she had to say.

"And then I thought about the fact that I left, I walked away from us and I hurt you and then I started to think I wasn't allowed to want you, I shouldn't be allowed to want to be with you because it would be so selfish, I don't have the right to want you because I am the one that walked away."

Matt stood and made his way to her side, but stayed quiet, he didn't want to interrupt her because he could tell she _needed_ to get this out. "Then you came over and you kissed me and I kissed you back and it felt so good to finally be able to hold you like that again, to feel you so close to me. And then you spoke, you told me that you were scared that I was going to get hurt and I guess I got scared that all you wanted, all you needed was to know that I was alright. That you wanted comfort."

Matt's shoulders dropped, he didn't think that his words would have had such an effect on her, but clearly she was more worried about it then he would have thought. He didn't want to yell and scream and argue, he wanted to be by her side, wanted to be the one she turned to for help and wanted to be the one who she came home to every night. "I'm sorry for the things I said Matt. I mean…I guess…"

But he shook his head, "No it's alright, we never really had a chance to talk about what happened between us honestly, as much as that night a few weeks ago sucked, or at least after the kiss sucked, I think we needed it. We both got things off our chests that we had been holding onto for a long time. I am sorry too Gabby, for how I treated you back then. I know you needed me there as your fiancé, I guess I was just having such a hard time separating the two. It's no excuse, I shouldn't have treated you like that and yes, what happened that call and after at the firehouse was out of line and as a candidate should never have happened."

She nodded, she knew she had done wrong, she should never have disobeyed his orders and then she talked back to him, trying to make a joke out the situation only made it worse, "I guess I was just trying to be a little harder on you to show that I could handle being your lieutenant, that I wasn't giving you any special treatment. I ended up ruining our relationship." He looked down at his hands, finding hers coming to rest onto of his.

"You didn't ruin it Matt, we were both to blame at the time. I'm just glad we have been able to move on from it and get to a better place." She held onto his hand, hers shaking slightly. The warmth she felt at that moment, having him hold her hand meant so much to her, she was finally allowing herself to let him back in.

Matt smiled up at her, "We are in a better place now Gabby and what you said about not being allowed to want me because were the one that left, it's not true. You can want whatever you want, it's not selfish. _I_ don't think it's selfish." He was trying to stress that it was ok with him. "How about we take this slow? Like we were before I came over that morning huh?"

Gabby nodded, she liked the idea of that, "I do love you still Matt, I always have…" Her voice was above a whisper, not really sure if she should have said it or not but she did, she worried slightly at how he would react.

"I know. And I love you too…you will always be my girl."

They were going to be ok, they were going to get through off this mess together and finally work it all out.

* * *

It had been a quiet couple of weeks for Gabby, other than some time spent with Antonio, Anna and the kids, she had been spending much of it at home, mostly because she had been tired. Tired because of work, shift had been crazy busy for some reason, tired because of the whirlwind of emotions she had been feeling for Matt and tired because Anna had called her about a week and a half ago, cry - no actually she had been sobbing on the phone.

 _"Please Gabby...I can't do this anymore..." It was well after midnight when Gabby's phone had rung, luckily she had been laying on the couch watching a movie or else she thought she may not have been answered the phone if she had been sleep._

 _Gabby sat up quickly, she could hear the pain and the fear in Anna's voice, "Do you want me to come and get you?" She didn't even have to ask what had happened, she already knew and she also knew she would be getting her out of that house. She quickly left the house, driving the short distance to Anna's to find her already sitting outside, bag over her shoulder, waiting._

 _The drive back to Gabby's house was silent, both knowing what was going on now but neither of them wanting to say too much about it as it was late. Glancing to the side, Gabby noticed the angry black bruise on her cheekbone, the dried bloody cut on her lip. Gabby's blood boiled at the thought of Jeremy laying a hand on her sister._

 _They had stayed at Gabby's that night, getting Anna settled in her new apartment the next morning, spending the day together, both actively keep silent about what had happened the night before._

Gabby closed the compartment door to the side of the truck, lost in her own world of thoughts, finally having the time to really start to think about her relationship with matt and moving that forward since she was not concerned about Anna much anymore. She had been doing really well over the last couple of weeks.

"Hey!"

Gabby stood quickly, not sure who was calling out as angrily as they were but it was not something that she heard much while in the firehouse. As she did stand, Gabby found herself almost toe to toe with Jeremy who looked about ready to blow. She took half a step back, unsure about what was going to come.

"Where the hell is she?" Jeremy growled, angry and low, his hands clenching at his sides. How could this girl standing in front of him turn his life upside down.

Gabby shook her head, she knew exactly what he was talking about but there was no way she would be telling him that. "Jeremy I don't know what you are talking about." She moved away from him, brushing passed him as she moved, intent on making her away around him and to the outside of the garage. "Anyway, you shouldn't be here. We don't usually let people on the garage floor without-"

Jeremy reached for Gabby's arm, his finger tightening around her upper arm but Gabby held her nerve, her back straightening, but as he stepped up behind her, she felt suddenly really scared, she didn't know exactly what he was capable of, although the she knew partly what he was capable of.

In this moment, she really wished that matt was there, or Hermann or Kelly ...not that she relied on a man to help her out but this was a dangerous situation and she would have liked someone to have been there that could at least front up to Jeremy physically if needed. He had his chest against her back, his deep breath in her ear.

"Anna hasn't come home. I want to know where she is and I know you know. She never had the guts to leave me...until you came along..." His left hand was still on her arm, holding her tightly but his right found its way to her hip, sliding it towards the hem of the shirt she was wearing.

This was not good, this was not right.

"Tell me where she is..." He spoke in her ear, both hands tightening painfully, "...You have some balls coming into my life and taking her from me. Tell me where she is!" But Gabby didn't move, she held her stance, partly because she was strong and that she wasn't going to give and partly because she didn't know how he would react.

Dropping her head to the side, she growled out, "Take you hand off me. I don't know where the hell she is, don't forget that my sister left me in a car wreck that almost killed me and then disappeared for 12 years. Now take your hand off of me." Gabby jerked her body away from him, shocking him enough at her bite back that he let her go.

They're stared each other down for a moment before Jeremy narrowed his eyes. "Tell my sister I will find her." Before he huffed and stormed off.

Gabby let out the deep breath she didn't know she was holding in, her hands shaking a little from the encounter. Shaking her head, she moved from the garage inside, wanting to stay as close to everyone else as possible, glad though that no one noticed her change in emotions.

* * *

Gabby sighed as she stood from the couch; her head was hurting her from the stress of the day. She was thankful that Anna had settled herself into her new home, that she could finally get back to her own life, although she knew that Anna would always be there, it was starting to be something that she wasn't too upset about. Yes they still hadn't talked about what happened that night, but to them it felt like something that could wait.

They both had silently agreed to start to slowly rebuild their relationship before jumping head first into a conversation that could tear them apart again and so that's what they were doing. For the past three weeks, after Anna had moved out into her own home, she had finally found the courage to leave one night, calling Gabby after Jeremy had hit her again, throwing her against the wall in the kitchen did she decide now was the time.

Gabby had helped her move, picking her up during the night when he would be asleep, letting her stay over that night and then taking her to her new apartment. It wasn't far from Gabby's, less than a 10 minute drive, which was nice, easy to get to if she needed anything especially considering she was due to give birth in the next month or so.

Flicking the light switch off, Gabby moved to the door, it was almost 11pm and she needed sleep, thankful that she had the next day off work. As she moved around the house to make sure everything had been turned off for the night, there was a slight knock at the door; it wasn't very loud, almost nervous. She moved cautiously towards the door, wondering who could have been at her door that late at night.

Looking through the peep hole, a small smile came to her face when she saw the back of the man who was standing there, he must have turned to leave thinking that it was too late for her to up. Regardless of what was happening between the two of them, although they had been much better since their talk in his office that day, she was glad to see Matt there. Slowly she opened the door, only a little bit because of the cold, "Hey what are you doing here?"

Her voice caused him to turn around, a smile coming to his face, Gabby's smile falling as she tired to close the door quickly, a force pushing against it heavily, the deep crack of wood hitting body as the force of the push send her backwards onto the ground, the door slamming shut behind him.

 **Please don't hate me…review? :D**


	8. Held Too Much Truth

**Ah! You guys, you are amazing! It's not often I leave a cliffhanger but I thought I would add one in just for a bit of fun. Thank you so much for all the love you have given me so far and especially for the last chapter!**

 **OK, so this is where I become really, REALLY nervous…I did this once before in a story and it worked but I am not sure how you guys will take it. Please be kind and if you think this sucks it's alright, I understand. It's not what is written in the chapter as such but more what i have done with the story...**

 **Anyway, please review and let me know what you think of what I have done**

 **Chapter 8 – Held Too Much Truth**

Gabby groaned as her eyes opened slowly, finding the darkness had come while she had been asleep. Asleep, that's what she should have been but she suddenly realised that she was not in her bed, whatever she was laying on was hard and cold and then she was really cold. Blinking heavily, she sucked in a breath, trying to gain her bearings; she rolled her head to the side, the leg of the bed coming into her vision, the doona and sheets hanging off the side of the bed in a mess.

She was confused, the feel of wood underneath her body telling her that she was on the floor but she had no idea why she was there. Swallowing deeply, Gabby tried to sit up, a sharp hiss coming from her lips as she did so, her hand instantly raising to her forehead, her head hurt.

Actually no, her whole body hurt.

Finally getting herself into a seat position, Gabby was able to get a better view of her surroundings. She was in her own bedroom but it was different, the lamp that sat on the nightstand was now on the floor, her dressed her been moved, the draws had been pulled open, barely hanging in their slots. Reaching over, Gabby felt a sharp pain in her side, she gasped, a hiss of pain leaving her lips as she reached for the jumper that was by her side, pulling it over her head and then the track pants that rested near her bed.

Standing slowly, Gabby swayed, the standing position causing her to become light headed, the throbbing in her head becoming stronger by the second. _What happened?_ She glanced around her room, trying to piece together exactly what had happened, to her home, to her bedroom, to her? But nothing was coming, it was just a blank area, the ache in her entire body, head to toe, was the only thing telling her _something_ had happened.

Moving slowly, gingerly into the living room, Gabby reached for her phone on the floor, her fingers moving over the names instinctively, not even really realising what she was doing or who she was calling. It didn't take long for the voice to answer, questioning in his voice, confusion and sleep evident.

"Gabriella?" the voice came through the phone, trying to gain her attention.

Gabby stood in the middle of the living room, staring into the empty, dark room, her hands trembling, her body shaking, "Please…I need you…" Was all she was able to get out before the phone slipped from her hands, her body lowering slowly to the couch.

Sitting quietly on the couch, Gabby let her hands rest on her knees, her back as straight as she could get it through the pain she was feeling. She honestly didn't remember how she even made it to the couch but here she was, her breath hollow and raspy, trying to suck in as much as possible. She hadn't even switched on the lights to the living room, the overwhelming sensation of needing to stay in the dark taking over as she waited, waited for someone to come.

She was trying to remember, using all her energy to think back to what had happened but she could barely put a sentence together in her own head let alone an understanding of what had happened. She could remember parts, flashes but nothing concrete. The sound of creaking caused her to jump, her body shaking violently as she looked up towards it, for the first time she noticed that front door was open…had she not closed it?

Her watery eyes trained instantly on the tall figure that stood in the doorway, hesitating for a moment before it moved further in. A wave of terror took over her, although she didn't understand why, moving further into the back of the couch, like it would protect her from whatever was going on.

She shuddered at the voice as it echoed through the deathly silent room, "Gabriella?" That voice, that deep, soothing raspy voice, he was there, he had come when she had called but she could no bring herself to show her happiness that he had come. "Gabriella?" That voice again, it was closer this time, much closer, kneeling in front of her close.

She blinked back at the voice, still not able to make her voice work, her brain barely making sense of what was happening in front of her. She could feel his presence but that was it, she couldn't place the face but the voice was what she needed. Snapping her eyes to connect with his, Gabby sighed, recognition flashing across her face.

"Gabby…can you tell me what happened?" He hadn't touched her, he may have been kneeling in front of her but he was keeping his distance, something she was over joyed about. He was speaking softly, concerned filling his eyes and his voice. But she was not able to speak, she tried but she couldn't. She sat there for a few moments, trying to think of something to say.

Opening her mouth a few times, Gabby let her tongue dart out to her lips, trying to make them work but the moment her tongue touched the side of her lip she froze. It hurt, it was puffy and it was cut. There was a cut on her lip and she couldn't remember how she got it. "Gabby…" The voice tried again but this time instead of it being soothing and calm she panicked, her body tightening at the sound of her name, the sound of a man saying her name.

The flashes turned into scenes, echoed screams and sobs of pleas. Sounds of breaking glass and shouting…"Oh god…" was all that left her mouth as it came rushing back to her, her memories, the pain, the fear, everything that had happened was now coming to the front of her mind. Movement next to her should have scared her, it should have made her fight but as the tears slipped from her eyes she needed something to hold onto, someone to hold onto.

"It's alright Gabby, you're not alone anymore…" The voice was next to her now, still not touching her, giving her the time and space to do what she wanted when she wanted and so she did, dropping her head to the shoulder next to her, she let out a heartbreaking sob, her resolve slipping away moment after moment of being in that darkened room, the idea that the person next to her couldn't actually see her allowing her the moment to break.

And break she did. She couldn't tell you how long she sat there crying, just letting the emotion take over her, letting it wash over her and break at the surface. She was thankful he wasn't touching her though, letting her rest against him, his presence oddly comforting.

Slowly Gabby's breath evened out and her crying calmed to the point where all there was, was the occasional sob and sharp intake of breath. Turning to face the man next to her she watched him closely. He was looking at her, his eyes travelling over her face, her shoulders, to the bare skin of her chest, she felt naked in front of him, her arms bringing the jacket she was wearing to cover her skin, looking away, ashamed of how she looked.

"Gabby…" Gently his hand touched her free hand, Gabby jumped, pulling her hand away from his quickly as if he had burned her. "I'm sorry…I was trying to get your attention, I don't think you heard me…" She looked back at him now, realising that he was watching her closely, "…come on let's get you out of here…" Slowly he rose and she followed almost blindly as he left her apartment, not even bothering to look back at anything or grab anything, he wanted to get her out of there and was happy when she didn't fight him.

Staring out the window, Gabby watched the flashes of streetlights go past, colours blurring into one as he sped up, turning down streets to their destination. Tiredness was starting at to take her, her body fighting between succumbing to the much needed sleep and keeping herself away to keep the fear at bay but she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes though, her head had come to rest against the cool window, her body curled away from the driver, protecting itself, keep her distance.

For the second time that night Gabby had found herself sitting on a couch without even knowing how she had gotten there. This couch was soft like hers but felt different, warmer. Her eyes had focussed intently on the darkened TV, the darkness showing no reflection of herself, it showed now understanding or caring of what had happened to her. It was empty, black, just how she was feeling at that moment. The lights were on in this living room but she didn't dare look at anything that could cast a reflection, it would hold too much truth.

With her back pressed into the corner of the couch, her knees pulled to her chest, Gabby was holding herself tightly, being her own lifeline she just needed to know that she was still there, still on solid ground. The house was silent, her was in the living room alone but she could feel the presence of another person there. "Here…" her head shot up to meet the man now standing at the side of the couch, keeping his distance again.

Slowly, Gabby reached for what he was holding out, a blanket which she quickly dropped to her lap, covering herself instantly before reaching for the glass of water that was being held out for her as well. "How are you feeling? Do you want some painkillers?" He was now seated at the far side of the couch, again keeping his distance but not wanting her to be alone.

"No…no it's alright. I'm ok…" her voice was coming back to her, it was hoarse and deep, matching the man sitting next to her but she was thankful she was able to get something out. "Thank you…for coming, I know it's late…" She was a little ashamed of herself, having called him late at night however she wasn't even sure what time it was.

"It's ok. I'm glad you did…is there someone you would like me to call for you? Antonio maybe?" At the sound of her brother's name Gabby shook, not wanting him to be anywhere near her at this point.

"No, please no, don't call him. Please…" She wasn't one much to plead, Gabby was always such a strong person but right now she didn't even have the strength to even pretend to be strong.

His hands shot up, showing him backing down, "Ok, its ok, I won't call him…but I think I should called Chief Boden…" He watched as Gabby sighed and dropped her head, she knew he would have to be called and she was silently thankful that she was not the one who had to call him. Nodding slowly, he felt the couch move as he rose, making his way towards the kitchen where she could hear soft speaking.

The blinking of the red numbers by the TV caught her attention…was it really _4.26am_. Was it really that late in the night or should she say in the morning? What time was it when she had woken up? What time was it that al this had happened? Her hands clasped together tightly, sharp pain in her knuckle bringing her attention from the flashing numbers that seemed to never move down to her hands that rested in her lap.

Gabby looked down at her hands, they were still shaking violently, her knuckles were bruised and scrapped, her nails were broken and covered with blood- "He will be here in about 20 minutes…" The voice was back but she could not stop staring at her hands.

"I remember…" She started, swallowing deeply, "…fighting…I don't remember much but I remember fighting…I think I scratched him…" She raised her hands for him to see, for him to be able to get a better look at them.

He nodded, "Looks like you fought hard Gabby…I also called in a favour from Chicago Med, Kendra is coming over too…" Gabby just nodded, she knew, as a paramedic that she needed to be check out. "I-" The knock at the door made Gabby jump but it was opened quickly.

"Boden thanks for coming, sorry it's so late…" The door was opened further, Boden stepping inside slowly.

"Sargent Voight. It's no problem, you said it was urgent…" He looked around the entrance, trying to work out why he was there, what had been happening that had required him at such a late hour. It wasn't lost on him that there was tension between Voight and the member of his house, in fact he would encourage as little interaction between the house and this man as possible but when you get a call in the middle of the night, he is not able to ignore it.

Voight moved up next to Boden, motioning for him to follow towards the living room, a gasp leaving Boden's mouth when his eyes on Gabby, her legs crossed under the blanket her hands in her lap. He took in her face, her cut on her lip that looked angry, the black eye that had already stretched across her normally perfect face, stretching over her nose and down her cheekbone almost at the bottom of her nose. The large, deep gash on her forehead disappeared under her hairline. She looked terrible and no doubt the rest of her body was just as bad as what he could see.

"Hi Chief…" her soft voice pulled his eyes to hers, she was watching him, her hands now playing with the material of the blanket, keeping herself busy, trying to distract herself from the knowledge that he was staring at her, taking in each and every injury he could see, albeit she hadn't actually seen them, she had refused to look at herself.

Swallowing deeply, Boden moved closer to her, hesitating for a moment before she nodded, giving him permission to sit in front of her, resting against the coffee table. He didn't know what to say; he didn't know what she wanted to hear or what was even right at this moment. But she smiled back at him, her strength coming back to her slowly, "I'm ok, just…ah…" she shrugged, what do you say to someone who is staring at you like you've grown another head.

"What…" But he couldn't finish it, it was a stupid question, _what happened?_ It was almost as stupid as asking someone if they were ok in this situation. Of course she wasn't ok, of course she didn't want to talk about what but what else do you say?

"It's ok, I wouldn't know what to say to me either right now if I were you…" She was trying to lighten the situation, trying to make him feel comfortable, wanting him to feel like he didn't have to be careful of what he said.

"Do you want me to call someone for you?…" But she shook her head, Voight had already offered and she had said no but Boden wanted to ask anyway. She smiled back at him, her hair dropping in front of her face slightly; she had a vague awareness of Voight standing with his arms crossed over his chest not far from the couch. "Are you sure you don't want me to call Casey?"

 _Casey_.

Oh god, the one person she really didn't want to see was the one person she wished was there. After everything that had happened between them, they had finally been getting themselves back to where they wanted to be, they had been talking lots of more, laughing, flirting endlessly, it reminded her of how they were before to got together, they were finding their way back to each other. Even though they had been fighting a little more after what had happened between them, she still loved him and part of her wanted to believe that he still loved her. But now _this_? There would be no way he would want to be anywhere near her now.

Would he look at her how Voight and Boden had looked at her? With pity and sadness? Would he be afraid to touch her, the same way she was afraid to have anyone touch her at the moment. Would he treat her differently? He was the only person she wished would be able to look at her and see _her_ not the bruising or the blood or what had clearly happened, he was the only person she wanted to be able to touch her or hold her but she knew he would be too scared to, he was the only person she wanted by her side, helping her through this but she knew he wouldn't be able to help but treat her differently.

And that scared her, terrified her more than anything.

Boden must have been able to read the look I her eyes when he had said Casey's name. He knew there were slowly making their way back to each other and he knew this would mess that up for them. As Chief he shouldn't have been encouraging the relationship between his candidate and her Lieutenant but these two had been through so much and he had always known they would end up together. "Ok, it's alright, I won't call Casey…this will stay between us if that's what you want…"

He watched her shoulders drop and her head nod, "Thank you…I don't want him to know…please…" Again she was pleading but when it came to Matt, she was terrified that the smallest thing would send him away from her and right now…this was _not_ a small thing.

"It's alright, he won't find out…" Voight spoke from his position next to them, his arms still crossed over his chest, he would agree to anything Gabby wanted because he wanted her to feel in control. Control, something that had been taken from her this night, something he would fight for her to get back. "Kendra is here now…" He turned and let her in; he must have heard the car outside.

"Thanks for coming Kendra…" He spoke softly, again it was early morning, she was another person who wasn't thrilled to be woken up but it was clearly important.

"No problem Hank, what's going-" Again there was silence when she saw Gabby, her heart breaking for the girl in front of her. She had been an ER doctor for a very long time; it was clear by the wounds and her body language what had happened to her, it was clear what she had gone through. "Gabby…"

Again Gabby smiled softly, she was putting the smile on, trying to build herself back up. Gabby was a very strong person and even though it would take time for her to be strong again right now she was fighting a battle within herself. Kendra took up the seat that Boden had had on the coffee table. "Hi Kendra…" But Kendra could only search Gabby's eyes, finding the break behind the walls she was putting up.

"Hank is there somewhere we can go? I need to be able to treat these wounds…" She glanced back at Voight who nodded instantly towards the bathroom down the hall, the three of them watching as Gabby rose gingerly, her body aching still, each step seemed to be harder than the last, the blanket was tightly wrapped around her body. Kendra nodded as she followed, the sadness in her eyes telling Boden and Voight everything they needed to know.

"When you're done, there is a bedroom up the stairs on the right, she can stay there…" Again she nodded, closing the door to the bathroom.

Both Voight and Boden let out the deep sigh they had been holding in for longer they could remember. "What happened?" Voight knew Boden wasn't asking specifics, he was asking how Voight had become involved.

"I received a phone call from her just after 3am…I found her sitting on her couch, the apartment was a mess, she didn't say a word…" He shrugged unsure of what to actually tell him; because there wasn't anything he _could_ actually tell him. "She doesn't even want Antonio to know…" He turned away from Boden, shaking his head. He didn't really know much of Gabby but he knew that no one deserved what she had been through.

"This is going to sting sweetie…I'm sorry…" Kendra had been cleaning up Gabby's lip and her forehead as they sat silently in the bathroom, Gabby still refusing to look at herself in the mirror, she had kept her back to the mirror, not wanting to see her own face. She flinched a little as Kendra placed the cloth on her forehead but Gabby stayed still. "Gabby…I need to ask, is there anything else I need to treat?"

Gabby's downcast eyes told Kendra everything she needed to know, she could see the extent of the attack as it played out in Gabby's eyes the memory of it all still so clear for her, but she had to ask, it was her duty as a doctor. Sighing Gabby nodded, knowing what Kendra was asking and what she wanted her to do. Slowly Gabby dropped the blanket from around her shoulder; silently she lifted her shift from her body, revealing patterns of scratch marks, already blackening bruises over her arms, her chest, down her stomach and no doubt further down her body.

"Sweetie, I want you to come to Chicago med tomorrow, I really want to have you checked out properly…" Kendra knew she wasn't going to get Gabby to go now but she also knew that Gabby understood that she needed to get looked at. "I will be there for the night shift, I can make sure you are in and out…" Gabby nodded, slowly letting her track pants slide down her legs for Kendra to make sure there was nothing to serious that needed to be treated straight away.

Again an array of bruises and scratches marred her skin, affecting her usually perfect skin. Sighing deeply Kendra looked down at her, "It's alright sweetie, I don't need to do much to these but I still want you to come to the hospital tomorrow night ok…"

Gabby had long since crossed her arms over her chest, trying to cover herself, her head down, not having the strength to look Kendra in the eye. Not even hearing the shuffle of Kendra's feet coming in front of her, Gabby jumped a little when she felt the pressure of her hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry Gabby…" But Gabby shook her head, pulling her shift back over her head and her track pants up, moving straight from the bathroom, heading towards the bedroom which she had heard been mentioned before closing the door.

Kendra sighed heavily, she moved towards the kitchen where she found Boden and Voight sitting at the bench, silent, waiting. "She's upstairs…you are probably going to want to be close to her tonight thought, she is going to need it." Kendra spoke softly, making her way into the room, watching as the two men looked up at her. "I told her I want her to come my the hospital tomorrow night so I can run a few tests and check over her properly…she is putting on a brave face but she will have a long way to go." Kendra leaned against the wall, watching as they nodded in understanding.

"Did she say what happened?" Boden spoke softly, terrified of the answer but needing to know.

"Not specifically. She just said she remembered fighting…" Voight shook his head, he knew what had happened to her, he could see it in her eyes and he also knew that Kendra could too.

"I took some samples from under her nails, there was some skin there but I need you to make sure she doesn't have a shower until after she comes to the hospital." They all knew why, it didn't need to be said.

 **Please let me know what you think of what i did with this chapter. I should have the next one up by the weekend :)**


	9. How Could This Happen To Me?

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I was very worried about how you all would take the repeat chapter so I am very happy to see that you were happy with it. I hope it wasn't too confusing and I am so glad things are starting to make sense.**

 **Now the hard part starts!**

 **Please review coz I love hearing your thoughts about this one. :D**

 **Song: 'Untitled' – Simple Plan (First half of the song)**

 **Chapter 9 – How Could This Happen To Me?**

The bed under Gabby was not soft or warm, it was not comfortable or did not hold the much needed night sleep that her body craved and yet, there she laid, side awake, staring at the harsh white wall, the harsh white blanket around her waist and the harsh white hospital gown that covered her body, her arms and neck bare to the world the world, screaming flashing lights that something terrible had happened to her not to long ago.

It was early morning, just past 8am, Gabby hadn't gotten any sleep that night, laying in the bed in Voight's house, staring at the ceiling, part of her trying to remember what had happened while the other part begged silently for the pain to go away and the memories to never come back. She had made her way downstairs that morning just after 6am, Voight sitting at the kitchen table, coffee in his hand. He looked tired, because of her but he didn't say anything, only offered her coffee and the idea that he would be taking her to the hospital as soon as possible so she could get the tests over with.

She had crossed her arms over her stomach, her mind going blank, her eyes focussed on the spot on the wall that held absolutely nothing interesting but that was what she wanted, to stare at something that did not make her think, did not make her over exhort herself because she wouldn't have been able to handle anything too exciting as yet.

It had been less than 12 hours since she had woken up on the floor in her bedroom, pain radiating through her body, her mind drawing a blank when she tried to think about what had happened to her and now as she lay silently in the hospital room, a small tear slipped down her cheek as the realisation of what had happened, although she couldn't remember it, started to hit her. She wasn't dumb, she had a very good understanding of what was going on, what had happened. Just the sheer thought of the fact that it had happened to _her_ was what was bringing the tears to her eyes.

* * *

Voight was sitting outside her room, arms crossed over his chest, waiting patiently for Kendra to make her way back to the room. She had placed Gabby in a single room, the blinds closed and very few people allowed into the room. He saw her coming down the hallway; chart in hand and a grim look on her face. "What's the news?" Although he knew that he didn't actually have to ask.

Sighing, she pulled the folder from under her arm, "She had extensive trauma indicating an extremely violent attack. I found hairs and seaman which I have already sent to the lab, she had a sprained wrist, three fractured ribs, bruising over most of her body, the cut on her forehead required 20 stitches as did the one on her lip which needed 10. She is going to be very sore for a while, she will need to come back and make sure that the cut on her head is healing properly but that can be done in a week or so."

Kendra sighed, sitting down on the chairs outside the door, Voight following suit and sitting next to her. "He tortured her Hank, he made it last for hours, she probably passed out from the pain and shock, which is probably the best case but she would have probably been awake for most of it." Voight swallowed deeply as Kendra spoke, it was bad, clearly it was bad, but the person who had done this to her, the scum that had hurt her the way he had, had meant for her to be in pain.

He placed his hand on her knee, "Thank you Kendra, I do appreciate you helping out here and I know she does to. Is there anything that she will need? When I can I take her home?" _Home,_ a place he knew she didn't have anymore, a place that no longer exists to her. He knew she would want to leave as soon as possible, wanting to get out of somewhere that was surrounded by people.

Kendra nodded, handing him a sheet of paper, "Pain meds should relax her a little, helping her sleep, and they will also keep any infections that might come down at bay. I have already given her some things for the other precautions that may be needed. She is resting at the moment but I'm going to want her to think seriously about seeing someone. Not right now, she needs time to work through all this on her own, but she will need to talk to someone, so I strongly advise you to keep an eye on her and make sure you bring it up at the best time." Kendra stood, placing her hand on the door, intent on heading inside to have this same conversation with Gabby, "She is going to need you Hank, you are the one she called, she is going to need you to be near her. Give her time, she will reach out when she is ready."

She then pushed open the door, heading inside.

* * *

"And finally, as you can see Gabriella is not here today, she has requested a two week furlough due to some family matters and so with Truck being a member down, I would like to welcome Adrian Walker who will be filling in until Dawson is back. Dismissed." Boden knew that the minute he mentioned Gabby being away that Matt would be at his door and by the look of shock and concern on Matt's face as he spoke, he was expecting him to track him down even before he made it to his office.

Everyone moved away from the room, soft murmurs and greetings from the members of 51 towards the new comer, but Boden stayed at by the whiteboard, watching as Matt nodded to his crew but did not move away from the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Once it was just the two of them he spoke, "What is going on Chief?" He was more concerned that he had not known about it before this but also worried as to what family problems had pulled her away from work on such short notice.

Boden cleared his throat, he knew that Matt would be asking questions and so he needed to think of something quick, something that would keep him at bay. "I don't know the specifics Casey, she called me late last a few days ago saying that she needed some time off, that it was important." He felt that keeping his replies simple and straightforward, making it easier for him to remember exactly what he said and make it believable.

 _A few days?_ Had she really not have called him to at least tell him she wouldn't be there? Sighing he dropped his head, "I'll go past tomorrow morning and check on her. Make sure she is all right. Or I'll give Antonio a call, check in." Yeah that's what he will do, he will show her that he is there for her through the tough time she was having with whatever family problem–

"No!" Boden's voice was a little louder than it should have been, jumping in a little too quickly, that Matt's brow furrowed, confused, "I mean, she and Antonio have gone to the Dominican Republic, something about her family there. She said she will be back in two weeks. Now I think you need to get your new member acquainted with the house." Boden needed to move from the situation knowing that if he didn't, the look on his face was a little heartbreaking.

Nodding Matt moved away from the wall, "Yes sir." He spoke quietly as he left the conference room, part of him knowing that he had to get back to worry but the other part of him worried about Gabby. What was so terrible that she had to leave suddenly and that she couldn't have called him? Slipping his phone out of her pocket, he tapped her name in his contacts, smiling gently at the photo that came up as he did. It was a picture of her at the last CFD BBQ, she had aviator sunglasses covering her eyes, bright red lips and her tongue sticking out.

He had taken the close up as she lay on his chest, the sun shining down on them both. He waited for her to answer but all he got was her voice mail, " _Hi, you've called Gabby. I obviously haven't answered so leave a message and if I like you I'll call you back!"_ He could hear the laughter in her voice as the message ran through. Waiting until the beep, Matt spoke, "Hey Gabby, I ah…just wanted to check in and see how you are doing, Chief said you had some family problems so ah…let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Yeah so um…give me a call?"

He clicked the end call button on his phone and sighed, hoping that maybe she would call him back, asking for his help, letting him back into her life. Moving further into the firehouse, he watched as his men moved around, laughing along with Walker, none of them really giving too much thought about Gabby not being there, knowing she would be back, but he was still worried.

* * *

" _Hey Gabby, I ah…just wanted to check in and see how you are doing, Chief said you had some family problems so ah…let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Yeah so um…give me a call?"_ Gabby placed the phone to her ear gently, listening to Matt's voice coming through the speaker. He must called almost the moment he had found out that she wasn't coming in and by the sounds of it, Boden had told him she was off because of family problems.

Sighing, she gently placed the phone back down onto the bedside table, face down so she didn't have to look at it, laying back down on the bed as her back muscles tightened as she moved. The moment she placed her phone on the bedside table, darkness swallowed the room, the light from the phone the only source of light in the room, otherwise she sat in complete darkness.

Slowly, she rolled over onto her side, a deep hiss escaping her lips as she did so, the pain in her ribs making all movements all that more difficult. Tears well in her eyes as she moved, the heavy ache settling in her muscles as she did so. There was a soft knock on the bedroom door, a croaked out "Yeah?" coming from her lips, telling the person that they could come inside.

Voight pushed open the door slowly, letting himself into the darkened room, he glanced around, stepping inside, "Gabby, I have your pain meds…" He slowly made his way to the bed, noticing her laying there, her back to him. She rolled over slowly, blinking at the light that the open door let in, "Come on, it will help you sleep." Truthfully he was just hoping that it would make her sleep, he actually didn't know.

Gabby had spent the last day in the bedroom, the lights off and in silence. After coming back home from the hospital she had barely had spoken a word, keeping to herself, hiding herself away. However Voight knew that she needed her space, she needed to process what had happened, which he still didn't know the specifics, he believed that even she didn't know the specifics of what had happen, he wanted to keep talking to her, interacting and not leaving her on her own too much, with too much time to think.

She blinked up at him for a moment, glancing down at the medication and the glass of water in his hands, "It'll make you feel a little better…" he knew that the meds would at least take away some of the ache she was feeling, maybe then she really could get some sleep. Nodding, she slowly took the pills from his hand, the glass of water too, this gave him full view of her hands, the bandages covering her knuckles and the bandaging on her right wrist.

He was too focussed on her injuries that he didn't see her take the meds but as she spoke, he was pulled from his thoughts, "Thanks." It was the only thing she was able to get out and it was the most she had really said to him since the hospital but he would take it, at least she was able to appreciation, however small it actually was, but that was all she gave as she rolled back of, effectively blocking him out.

Sighing dropped his head and moved away from her bed and back out of the room. He didn't know how she was coping, honestly she wasn't coping but it was early, and he knew she would need some time to come with what had happened, he also knew she would need the chance to break, to snap and let out all the emotions that she had been holding in and that she had been feeling, and no doubt, knowing her brother, she would hold on as long as possible, fight and put on the straight face until the last moment when she couldn't hold up the façade anymore.

He just hoped that she wasn't alone when that break came.

* * *

 _ **I open my eyes, I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light.**_

 _ **I can't remember how, I can't remember why,**_

 _ **I'm lying here tonight.**_

Gabby slowly rose from the bed, it was the third day straight that she had been laying there, surrounded in darkness and silence, she didn't even know what time it was really, her phone had long since died, constant messages from her brother which she had been ignoring, a couple of texts and another voice mail from Matt who was becoming concerned that he hadn't heard from her.

She really wished she could feel bad, she wanted to feel bad that she was ignoring Antonio and Matt but she couldn't bring herself to feel _anything_. She could feel the pain that was still resonating through her body; she could feel the ache with each step she took as she moved towards the bathroom and each movement that she made, whether it was in bed or moving around the room.

But she couldn't bring herself to feel anything towards anyone else, she was thankful to have Voight, he had given her somewhere to stay, he was not trying to get her to open up, he was not pushing her, he was giving her space that she needed, and she was thankful for all of that but she couldn't find the strength or even the sense of caring about how Matt and Antonio felt right now.

She knew she was worrying them, knew that at least not replying back to their texts wasn't helping the situation either but she didn't care. She also knew Voight had fast tracked the CSU's to her apartment, getting it processed immediately so everything could be put back the way it was, so if Antonio were to go to there, he would not even know something had happened to her. Voight had also been able to gather some of her personal belongings to bring to his home, giving her something to feel a little comfortable with, she just didn't care enough to tell him that she didn't feel comfortable, not at his home, not in her own skin, not even in her own mind.

Pushing the bathroom door open, Gabby flicked the light on, not expecting it to be as bright as it was she dropped her head away from the light, blinking a few times for her eyes adjust to the brightness. Slowly she raised her eyes, instantly connecting with herself in the mirror. It had been the first time she had really had a chance to look at herself, other than being able to see her hands, arms and chest, she hadn't seen her face, her stomach, her legs or her back. She hadn't been able to see the bruising that expanded over her stomach and around her side.

 _ **And I can't stand the pain**_

 _ **And I can't make it go away**_

 _ **No, I can't stand the pain.**_

She slowly pulled her shirt over her head; she had worn just a pair of underwear since coming home from the hospital, her legs too sore to pull on pants and so Voight had just given her a large shirt to wear, making it easier for her get it on and off if she needed to. There she stood, staring at her own reflection in the mirror, the body she usually loved to look at, she had always liked her body, it had never been something she hated or was ashamed of and even though some people would think that there was something she didn't like, there wasn't.

Until now.

 _ **How could this happen to me?**_

 _ **I made my mistakes, got nowhere to run**_

 _ **The night goes on as I'm fading away**_

 _ **I'm sick of this life, I just want to scream**_

 _ **How could this happen to me?**_

She hadn't seen the scratches and cuts that extended up her thighs, honesty she didn't want to see it at all. Her tongue slowly ran along her bottom lip, pulling back when she hit the stitched cut on her lip, her eyes moved to the deep purple bruise on her eye that spread over her nose and down her cheek to her jaw bone. Tears welled in her eyes as she finally had the chance to really see herself, really take in the pain of what had happened, the memories still non-existent but the scars clearly screamed horror and pain and suffering and everything that never though could happen to her, not like this at least.

It was also the first time Gabby had cried since the attack, the tears she had in her eyes falling unchecked as her eyes skirted over her neck and chest, her breasts where the scratches were deep and angry, over her stomach where the bruising stretched over her skin and then to her panty line, her heart aching as she thought of the trauma that Kendra had told her about. She still didn't remember it, still didn't remember the specifics of the attack and she dreaded the day they came back to her.

Slowly her mouth opened, her hand rushing to it instantly to cover the sob that escaped her lips as she took herself in, wondering how she had ever gotten to this situation, how she was ever going to move on from it. Quickly she flicked off the lights, the small amount of light coming in front the closed window enough to give her some vision but not enough to cast a reflection on any surface.

She stepped into the shower, letting the warm water rush over her, stinging the cuts and scratches that were on her body, hissing at the pain which eventually disappeared, leaving her standing under the spray, letting it run over her head, shoulder, chest, stomach and legs. She wished that it would be enough to wash away the pain, wash away the horrible feeling she had inside, the disgust she felt, the emptiness but it wouldn't, there was nothing that would make it all go away.

Her breaths were slow and steady at first, enjoying the warmth of the shower, the heat of the steam that was coming from the hot water around her, fogging up the glass on the doors and mirror, enough that she couldn't see in front of her if she needed to.

Then in the silence of the bathroom, the emptiness of her mind, the damn broke and the tears began to fall down her cheeks, her arms wrapped around her body to hold herself up and to protect herself from the evil that was around her. Slowly she fell to the floor of the shower stall, sitting in the middle of the shower, her knees to her chest as close as her fractured ribs would let her, her arms around her legs and her forehead resting on her knees.

She was holding herself tightly; feeling all the agony of the pain and terror of the lack of memory, fear of what would happen when she did remember what had happened. Slowly she lifted her head to looked down at her hands, the water running over her hair and down her face, mixing instantly with her tears. She held the palms of her hands up, staring at the defensive wounds she had there, flashes entering her mind, images of green filling her sight.

She gasped, dropping her hands and pushing her body backwards against the wall of the stall quickly, a sharp hiss coming from her lips as she moved too quickly for her injuries liking.

 _Green._

That's what she remembered. A green shirt was covering his chest. She remembered her hands on his chest, pushing, tearing at the material to push him off of her. She remembered his hand covering her mouth with his.

And then the memory faded and all she saw were her hands. Shaking and bruised, but they were her hands. No green shirt, no fight or danger, just herself.

With her knees brought almost to her chest again, Gabby lulled her head to the side, resting it against the wall as she stared into the distance, the water still rushing down her legs but it had now faded also to being lukewarm, she knew it wouldn't be long until the water ran cold, but she didn't care, she was safe in the corner of this bathroom.

This person had taken something from her, something that she thought no one could take and she hated it already, she hated knowing that she was no longer the same person as she had been 4 days ago, ready to move on with her life and start things with Matt again, no longer the person who had fight in her because _he_ had taken it from her. He had taken her home and her memories and her safety. He had taken her fight.

This thought was too much for her, she had always prided herself on being a strong person, someone who, even when they should have, didn't ask for help, wanted show that she was able to do things on her own without anyone's help. But he had taken that desire from her, he had taken her drive, she was no longer the Gabriella Dawson she remembered when she was staring into the mirror.

She didn't know who she was anymore.

She didn't know long it took her to move from the shower stall, the water had turned cold, her body turning away from the running water on instinct, she had decide that it was time to get out, she was sure of one thing, she would be the cliché of having Voight come in and find her in the shower, mostly because she couldn't stand the thought of him seeing her bruised and broken body but also because she didn't know if she could bare having him so close to her.

She had kept her distance from him and everyone else who had come near her, closing off her body with her hands around her waist to show that she wasn't interested in having them touch her or anything like that, she was glad Voight understood. She dressed slowly, avoiding the mirror as she did so, not daring even a glance at her own face again, too disgusted with herself and the way she looked to even dare.

She thought about that feeling for a moment, the feeling of her being to disgusted in herself to even look at her own reflection; how would others think about her? What would they say when they saw her or how would they act if they knew the truth? How would Antonio act if he were to find out…which he wouldn't, she was going to make sure he _never_ found out what had happened.

But would he be angry at what had happened? Would he be angry with her? Would he scream or cry or break something or break someone? Would he look at her with sadness or with pity? Would he be able to ever look at her the same way again? Like his little sister who could fight the world knowing that she was now broken?

Broken…that's what she was, she knew it and she knew Voight knew it. She was dirty and broken and disgusting and it would be a miracle if anyone looked at her without seeing hurt and pain. A miracle if they looked at her without pity in their eyes.

And then she thought of Matt. Oh Matt. The man she was still in love with, the man who had been by her side no matter what had happened over the last 8 years of knowing him, even when they were at their worst (with her going to Voight after Antonio had been shot) he was still there for her, in the back of her mind, in the back of the room if she needed him. He kept his distance but he would be there for her if she needed it.

And now he would look at her with what? Pity? Shame? Horror? Disgust? Would he ever be able to look at her and see the woman he once loved, the woman she wished he still wanted. But he could never want her now; he would never want to touch her because someone else had touched her like that. He would never be able to see past the attack and just look at her like _her_ again. He would never want her like he used to, she was too broken, too damaged for him now.

Sighing, Gabby dropped her, the bathroom was getting too small for her now, the walls were closing in as she thought about how those most important to her would deal with this, deal with this, how _they_ would cope with what happened when she wasn't even sure how she would actually cope with it all.

Gabby slowly stepped out of the bedroom; it had been the first time she had made it out since coming back from the hospital, her room had its own bathroom, not that she used it much at all, today was the first time she had showered since that morning in the hospital.

Taking a deep breath, she listened for the sounds coming from the living room, Voight was home, she still didn't know what time it was. Slowly, purposefully, she placed one foot in front of the other and started to walk down the hallway, finding herself standing in a large opening, that opened one way to the kitchen and the other way to the living room. Glancing to her right she found the bright red numbers on the stove, 5.43pm, staring back at her. So it was late afternoon, nearly dinnertime…not that she had an appetite at all.

Turning a little she looked into the living room, there she could see the TV on low, the news was playing softly, Voight's head visible over the top of the couch. She swallowed a few times, debating whether to go back to the room or to find whatever courage she still had left and move further into the room.

She had no idea where the courage had come from but she found herself moving further into the living room, coming to stand at the side of the couch, her hands linked together as she thought about sitting down next to Voight. He knew she was there, granted he could see her out of the corner of his eye, he didn't want to scare her off, she was almost like a small animal at this stage, too sudden of a movement and she would go running back to the sanctuary of the bedroom.

So instead of looking towards her or speaking, Voight just moved his legs that were perched on the side of couch to rest on the floor, giving her the room to sit if she chose to. Gabby watched this and thought, she could hide away for another day or she could stay by his side, quiet but not alone.

Slowly she sat, her back still aching and her ribs still causing pain but her hot, then cold, shower had relaxed her muscles at least a little bit, enough for her move a little faster when she chose to. As she sat, Gabby reached for the blanket that sat on the back of the couch, the same one she had wrapped herself in when she had arrived at his place days ago, doing the same action as before, bringing her legs to her side, wrapping the blanket around her waist, letting silence fill the air, both of them staring at the TV, neither actually playing attention.

His presence was calming, strangely enough considering who he was and what had done in the past, but right now this is what she needed, not someone to force her to talk, not someone to constantly be talking to her, just someone to sit by her side and wait for her, give her as much time as she needed to process anything she wanted or just stay quiet if that was what she needed.

But sitting quiet was getting too hard, her hands had started to shake again, the tears welling in her eyes, her bottom lip quivering as she tried to hold back the sob that was about to break free from her lips. _'You're not going to cry again Gabby, you're not'_ but her inner pep talk wasn't strong enough as a tears streaked down her cheek, the sob leaving her lips before she could stop it.

And then another tear and another and another until they were falling almost like the rain that had started outside. She couldn't stop them, how she had tears left after her break down in the shower, she didn't know but she was crying and Voight was pulling her into his arms.

Gabby held onto him tightly, her whole body shaking as she cried, his words entering her ears softly, "It's alright. It's alright to cry Gabby." There was no 'you're going to be ok' or 'you will beat this' it was just soothing, telling her it was alright to feel what she was feeling right now, it was alright to break down and not be able to cope as she was showing him. There was no shame in crying and there was no shame in showing weakness when you were with someone who was by your side.

He began to rock slowly, side to side as she cried, never once trying to talk to her or get her to talk, this was the first step in recovery, she was letting him in enough to hold her, although he was sure that she wouldn't let anyone else near her and chance were quite high that tomorrow he wouldn't be able to get this close to her again, but this is what she needed, the flood gates had opened and he was there to try and stem the flow.

With each sob that fell from her lips, Gabby's exhaustion began to take over, she had been mostly awake for the last three days, any sleep she did get was short and not that restful and so as her emotions too over, her mental exhaustion did as well. Eventually her cries subsided, her breathing evened out and she fell asleep in Voight's arms, wrapped tightly against his chest, the blanket held to her as well.

She had no idea that moments after her had fallen asleep, Voight had moved her from the couch and placed her down onto the bed, hoping that she wouldn't wake until morning and as terrified as she would be of the nightmares that she was no doubt expecting, he hoped that there would be some restful sleep that she would have.

 _ **How could this happen to me?**_

 **Please don't hate me…Please review?**


	10. It's Always Going to be There

**Oh man, I do love you guys so much! Thank you for all the support you have given more for this story! I love your ideas in your reviews and I promise, answers to your questions are coming.**

 **Please enjoy this next chapter as a little birthday present for Monica's birthday! Lol**

 **So please, please review!**

 **Chapter 10 – It's Always Going to Be There**

Slowly Gabby made her way into the kitchen the next morning, her body was still sore but she felt a little better, her break down with Voight had been hard, her mental exhaustion the on reason she had slept that night but she had woken up around 4am, shaking, crying, the darkness too much for her and so she had flicked the light on, slowly laying back down on the bed with the light shining in every corner of the room, lighting up any small dark space that someone could have been hiding in.

And that was how she laid, she hadn't fallen asleep after that, just stared at the ceiling, the lights on, waiting for sunrise to come when she could get out of bed. She was still not hungry, still not interested in actually eating anymore but coffee would be a good place to start.

She filled her mug and sat opposite Voight at the kitchen table, both their hands wrapped around the mugs, just staring at each other, neither really wanting to say too much after the night before. Vought still not wanting to push Gabby and Gabby not really in the mood to talk anymore but she wasn't going to ignore him, he had done enough for her already.

Silence stretched between them, Gabby couldn't even look Voight in the eye, too embarrassed over her behaviours last night, "Ah…thanks for last night. I'm sorry I…" She cleared her throat, trying to keep her emotions in check, not wanting a repeat of her breakdown.

Voight reached out his hand, touching hers gently, watching as she hissed and pulled away, moving both her hands to rest in her lap; she was retreating back into her shell, pushing him away. Voight eyed her for a moment, he had hoped that she wouldn't have retracted from him as she had but considering that she did he knew he would have to take it a step at a time with her, one step forward, two steps back. "Don't apologise Gabby. You have nothing to be sorry about…"

He waited for a moment, he had been talking to Kendra, who had been checking in on Gabby since the day at the hospital, she had mentioned something that might help her, something that she may not want or that she may fight against but would still help her. "So…I was thinking maybe it would be worth going to see someone. I know you haven't been sleeping and well…I know when Erin went through something similar I got her into see someone."

At the mention of Erin's voice Gabby's eyes flashed up, she knew Erin had had lots of trouble growing up but she never knew the specifics of it all. "I took her to see someone who I know quite well…he helped her a lot Gabby and I think it would be useful…" He watched as she swallowed, he hoped that maybe talking to someone would be useful with not just helping her deal but also helping her remember what actually happened.

"Yeah I'll um…I'll think about it." She nodded, not really wanting to talk to anyone else about it, she wanted to just try and move on from it all, try and ignore it all and forget. But it was always going to be there, she wasn't stupid, she knew that. Licking her lips, Gabby rose from the table, slipping back into the hallway and into the bedroom, not missing Voight's sigh as she went.

She closed the door behind her, the light filtering in and lighting up every corner of the room, just how she liked it. Slowly, she shuffled into the room, pulling her hoodie to her body, making sure it kept her covered. She hadn't looked at her own body since that day she had showered, each time she had showered she stood in the bathroom, the lights off, feeling her way through the room so she didn't bump into anything, but she was still too hesitant to even look at herself.

Laying down slowly, she rolled on to her side, letting her body relax into the mattress, her body still ached, her sprained wrist hurt every time she tried to do something, the gash on her head throbbed, a constant reminder of the hits that no doubt had caused her not to remember. Her eyes slipped closed, exhaustion taking over again, it comes and goes, some days she slept, her mind flashing horrific images while she slept, other days she would stare at the ceiling in her room, the bare, white, roof catching her focus for hours on end as she lay there.

That night she had woken up in a cold sweat, the menacing smirk that filled her mind, flashing over and over, that laugh of _"this is what you get"_ echoing over and over as she fought, screamed, kicked, but nothing more than the broken record of that would haunt her for as long as she can remember. _"This is what you get."_ It wasn't loud but it was angry, it was deep and frightening.

That smirk filtered through her mind once more, sending shivers down her spin as she shot up in bed quickly, a deep hiss echoing through the room, a sob and a gasp leaving her lips, both from the memories that played out in her mind and also the pain that resinated from her ribs.

" _This is what you get"_

* * *

Gabby sat with her knees at her chest, the room was warm, welcoming light but silent; deafeningly so, she knew she was supposed to talk, say something. She had agreed to come; it was three days since her conversation with Voight about going to see someone, someone who might be able to help her and as much as she _really_ didn't want to be there, she was.

She eyed the man sitting across from her, one arm crossed over her stomach, holding her ribs as though to protect herself from the person she did not know, her free hand at her mouth, chewing on her thumb nail, her fingers picking at the bandage around wrist. She was fidgeting in her seat, trying to make herself feel comfortable and in control of the situation before her.

"So tell me about yourself Gabriella?"

Gabby looked up at the man sitting across from her, pen to paper ready to write whatever she was going to say and if she were being honest, she didn't expect that to be his first question. Thinking for a few moments, she spoke, "What do you want to know?"

She wasn't too sure what he was asking her, it's a fairly general question and so she didn't know if he was looking for something specific. "Just about yourself, what you do for a living? Your family and friends. Just that sort of stuff." He watched her, taking in her movement and how she held herself.

Gabby hadn't moved from her curled up spot, her hoodie pulled down as far as it could go over her hands, covering her arms, wrists, palms and fingers. She sat turned away from him, hiding herself away from his presence and he believed that she didn't even realise she was doing it.

"Oh ok well. I am a fire fighter out at firehouse 51, I was a paramedic before that in the same house before being accepted to the academy…" She though back to that moment, the moment she had gotten her letter and how her personal life had gone from good to bad in less that 12 months. "It's been really good so far, I am loving it." She really was loving being a fire fighter; it was something she was glad she had decided to do.

The councillor nodded, listening to her speak, she knew he was writing things down, it made her a little uncomfortable, but she understood why he was doing it. "Ah my parents are currently over in the Dominican Republic visiting my family that lives there, which is where they are from. I have an older brother who is a detective in the CPD, we are really close although he is 9 years older than me." The doctor smiled, he could tell that talking about her family was something she loved, her family meant the most to her.

"Me and my brother are really, really close though, we spent so much time together when we were growing up, he was like my father, my dad…he loved me, no matter what, but he worked a lot so when I had an issue I would go to my brother, he would be the one to intimidate my boyfriends or hold me when I cried. Don't get me wrong, I love my father, it was just that Antonio was always there." She smiled slightly to herself, remembering the night that Antonio would hold her when she cried after boyfriend broke up for her, she was only 15 at the time.

"I also have a younger sister who up until recently wasn't in my life at all. I hadn't seen her in 12 years and then she turned back up about 4 months ago. It was a bit of a shock." She shrugged; she didn't want to make a big deal out Anna come back into her life, it was something that she didn't want to focus too much on.

He nodded again, "That must have been hard considering it had been so long since you'd seen her. How come it had been so long?" She knew he was going to ask that and yet she had still mentioned Anna, she didn't even know why she had mentioned it.

Looking away, Gabby spoke, "We got into a car accident when I was 16, she was drunk and driving my car, I tried to stop her, we crashed, she left the scene, put me in a coma for a month, blamed me for what happened, and then left while I was still in hospital." She shrugged again, it was the cliff notes version, it would have to do.

Gabby shifted in her seat, she was uncomfortable with the topic but he wasn't going to give it up, he wanted to get as much information from Gabby as possible, he wanted to get an understanding of how she dealt with trauma in the past.

"Wow. That's terrible. And now she is back? That's really gotta be hard. Have you talked to her about the accident?" He was curious now, he understood if Gabby didn't want anything to do with her sister after what had happened but here she was telling him that she was back in her life.

Gabby nodded, it was hard, it was still hard to remember what had happened and that they still haven't really talked about it. It was hard because with Anna coming back in Gabby's life, asking for help and not even having a chance to work out their own past, Gabby was having to deal with the emotions running through her from the memories of what had happened that night and her emotions from having her back in her life.

"Yeah well it has been, I mean we really haven't talked about it kinda turned up suddenly so I haven't really had a chance to really process everything to be honest with you. She just…but she came to me for help and I guess I couldn't really say no to helping her out, I mean it's job to help people isn't it? And she is my sister…but yeah it has been hard, really hard." She nodded again, he was completely right. She had pushed back how she was feeling, how the whole situation was making her feel because she felt that it was her _job_ to help her sister out.

Her comment about coming to her for help was enough to prick his ears up, "What do you mean, came to you for help? And after all this time, why do you think you should help her? I mean, it sounds like you feel almost obliged to be helping her out after she left you after the accident." He wondered why she felt as though it was her job.

"Well she is pregnant…has an abusive partner. Asked me to help her out, get her out of it. So I did. I guess…when we were kids I would always be the one she would come to, I mean she used to call for me when she wasn't feeling well, there was this time when she fell over, she was 11 and my mum ran out to her, she had broken her wrist and she didn't want my mum, she screamed and screamed until I got there and she wouldn't let me leave her side at the hospital either."

She shrugged, it wasn't a big deal or at least she didn't want to make it a big deal. There were so many good memories of her sister that Gabby had, regardless of the fact that she was a troublemaker and would fight everyone and everything but there were some days where she would be the little sister that she should have been.

Even though Gabby was opening up a little bit about her past it was clear to him that she was closing up as well, her body language screaming closed off and so he decided to change the subject, "Tell me about the people in your life? Do you have a boyfriend or partner?" He was trying to get an understanding of the people in her life, her supports and those she trusted.

Gabby thought for a moment, wondering what the hell this had to do with the reason she was seeing him but figured she would go with it, she never knew what might have come from it. "Well other than my brother, who I tell everything to, I'm pretty close with everyone at the firehouse, a few people in particular but everyone is like family. As for boyfriend…no, I don't have a boyfriend anymore. We ah…we split up about 5 months ago now."

The look on her face told him more than her words could have. Dropping her head, she sighed, "He is my lieutenant on truck, I loved him for so long and he knows so much about me, he can read me like an open book, we started going out before I became a fire fighter and once I did, I guess it just became too much for us both. We both did and said things that shouldn't have happened and I thought it would be easier for us both if we were apart…we started getting closer again recently, he was my best friend, _is_ my best friend."

The councillor nodded, "Sounds like you are still really close." He knew about what had happened to Gabby that had brought her to him, he knew about the attack and with all the experience he had with woman and men in the same situation as Gabby he knew that those she used to be close to, like her brother and ex-boyfriend, would now become the ones she would push away, the ones she would fight against the most.

"We were, well are I guess, it had been getting better over the last four months really, getting back to where we used to be you could say. I know that had we had a bit more time recently that we would have ended up back together. We'd spent time together recently, a couple of nights, movies and pizza but I guess that doesn't matter now." She looked away from him, not wanting to expand anymore about Matt. It was all getting a little too much for her.

They talked a little more about her work and her family, not really going into too much detail though, she was still hesitant about opening to a person she didn't even know. "So do you have any questions for me?" It was coming to the end of their session and there wasn't much Gabby wanted to ask, really she just wanted to get out of there but there was something sitting in the back of her mind, something that was playing on her thoughts.

"Actually yeah there is something. Why haven't you asked me about what happened? I know you know, that's why I'm here" She couldn't understand why he hadn't asked about it, she knew he knew, Voight had told him the basics of what had happened, she also knew he was a specialist in assault victims.

The councillor nodded, "Honestly? You don't know me yet and I don't know you. I have been doing this a long time and I can tell how you that jumping right into the conversation doesn't actually get anyone anywhere. I want you to be comfortable Gabby, I want you to feel like you can open up to me because you can, I am here to listen and to help you through and I know that you may feel like you don't need help or that you are doing alright and that is ok to feel that way but I'm here no matter how long it takes."

Gabby watched him closely as he leaned forward but still keeping his distance from her, "Is it something you want to talk about next session?" Usually he wouldn't push a client into discussion what had happened but it was clear that she wasn't like most of his other client's. She was clearly a very determined person.

She shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it but she had agreed to go and see him. "Ok well Gabby I want to see you in a couple of days…" She nodded once more before moving from the couch and out the door, she didn't think it was overly helpful but she had spent all but the last few days in a bedroom so she wasn't expecting much.

As she sat in the car, Voight at her side, he didn't speak, didn't ask her anything about the session, knowing that she probably wouldn't actually tell him anything so she just stared out the window, her tongue darting out every now and then, touching the reminder on her lip, the cut that was no sticked up and waiting to heal. This was what she hated, the silence, the moments in time that allowed her to fall back into her own thoughts, when her mind would run rampant and what memories she did have came back to her.

* * *

Matt sat at his desk, paper work staring back at him but he just couldn't find the strength to do it, he couldn't concentrate on what was staring back at him because all he could think about was Gabby, she still hadn't returned his phone call from the week before but also hadn't replied to any of his more recent texts, checking in to see how she was but she still hadn't replied. It really did worry him that he hadn't heard from her but he figured that she was too focused on her family to worry about him, still didn't mean he didn't wish she would call him.

Groaning he threw his pen on the table and sighed, moving away from the desk, he decided that food was more interesting than the paper work that was not happening. As he walked into the common room he stopped dead in his tracks, Antonio was standing in front of him talking to Hermann, opening his mouth once or twice Matt was finally able to get out the words he had tried to say, "Hey Antonio…you're back?"

Antonio's head shot up at Matt's words, confused at what he was saying, "Back? What do you mean?" But before Matt could speak, Boden stepped in, realising that his lies were about to implode if he didn't step in now.

"Detective Dawson, come with me please." But Matt was on his tale, his confusion growing as his mind ticked over, why would Antonio not know what he was talking about?

"Yeah…Chief said you and Gabby had to visit your family in the Dominican Republic about a week and a half ago…" Matt looked from Antonio to Boden, knowing that something was being kept from them.

Boden stopped, "Yes, well I was informed that Gabriella was heading there, I assumed you were going with her." Boden was backtracking, not really sure as to how this conversation as going to go, he never though that Antonio would have come to the firehouse, at least he shouldn't have assumed he wouldn't. They hadn't had any trouble with gangs or anything over the last few weeks so why would he be there.

"Ah oh yeah. I had to come back for work. Anyway I was actually here to talk to Boden about something." He nodded to Matt who didn't look convinced, Antonio had the same look on his face as Gabby did when he was hiding something or lying, and that look flashed over his face the minute he spoke. Furrowing his brow Matt reluctantly moved away from them both, not wanting to give up his need for answers but he also knew that Antonio wouldn't give anything away about his sister if he didn't want to.

The minute Matt was out the door, Antonio turned his attention to Boden, his anger growing, "Now, I don't want to be screwed around or played. I haven't heard from my sister in almost a week and a half, she hasn't been answering my phone calls and now I find out that she isn't here. Where is she?" Antonio crossed his arms, he had great respect for Boden but right now, he couldn't give a shit about his standing.

Boden leaned back in his chair, desperately wanting to give the man in front of him some information about his sister. He had spoken to Voight every couple of days about how Gabby was going, if she was any closer to opening up to Antonio or Matt but each time it was brought up, Gabby had shot it down. He hated hearing how scared she was, Gabby had become almost like his daughter from the minute that she had walked into 51, it was hurting him to see her like this.

Sighing deeply, Boden dropped his hard gaze from Antonio, "Talk to your sergeant." He couldn't keep lying to Antonio, Gabby would be angry about him helping Antonio work out what happened to her but he honestly believed that he of all people should know, he would be able to help her considering Voight had been telling him that she was spending most of her time in the bedroom, hiding herself away.

Antonio snapped, his hands slamming down on the desk, "NO! You are going to tell me what the hell is going on! You are here boss! Where the hell is my sister!?" He was furious, he didn't like to be screwed around but anyone let alone someone who was supposed to be look after Gabby.

Boden sighed, trying to keep his anger in check, he understood Antonio's worries, he was concerned about his sister, he couldn't blame him for reacting the way he was. But still he said nothing, it was not his place to talk about what was going on unless Gabby told him to…and she hadn't.

"Listen Antonio, I _can't_ tell you anything, you need to go to your sergeant, alright…" He watched as Antonio seethed in front of him, his mind ticking over if he should continue to push Boden for answers or if he should just leave. He opted for the latter as she turned on his heals and stormed from Boden's office, heading straight for the one person who he could actually threaten for answers – Voight.

Antonio didn't wait to be welcomed into Voight's office, he didn't wait to hear the ' _yeah'_ that usually came when someone would knock, he didn't want to wait, he couldn't wait. He stormed through the office door, letting it back against the wall as it opened, causing Voight to jump just a little, his eyes snapping from his phone to Antonio, and then the door shook on it's hinges and also the glass as Antonio slammed it back against the frame. "What the hell are you doing with my sister!"

Antonio stood by the front of Voight's desk, his hands resting there, both holding his body up and allowing him to get as close to Voight as possible. He knew Voight was not scared of him but he couldn't hold back the anger that seeped out of him. He held Voight's stare for what felt like forever, until he looked away, motioning for Antonio to take a seat, which he refused, "I don't want pleasantries, I want to know what the hell you are doing with Gabby! Why isn't she on shift, answering her phone or at home."

Voight stood now, he knew Antonio would start to figure something out, but he had hoped that he had convinced Gabby to tell him before he had. Sighing he tried to diffuse the situation, "Tonio, I'm not doing anything with Gabby alright. She-"

"Are you dirty Voight?"

This angered Voight, he knew he had a past but he had hoped that everything he had done recently, especially with and for Antonio would have proven that he had changed. He locked his jaw, his eyes narrowing, Antonio's statement hitting a nerve, "What did you say to me?"

"I asked if you were dirty? You have spent days off doing whatever and not even coming in. When you are here you're always on the phone or distracted. If you are dirty and have gotten Gabby into something you better get her out of it right now coz I will make sure you end up in a world of pain otherwise." Voight couldn't actually fault Antonio for his thinking, he had been distracted on the days he had been at the District, having spent so much time checking in on Gabby or trying to follow up on some leads in her attack without anyone noticing.

But he still felt that that didn't give Antonio the right to accuse him the way he did. "I think you need you take a step back Tonio, you have no idea what you are talking about. I am not dirty and I have not gotten her involved in anything-"

"Then I don't want to hear some bullshit 'I don't know anything, I don't know where she is' because Boden told me to come and talk to you, having made up some story in which he told Casey that we had _both_ gone to the Dominican Republic for a family emergency and I haven't seen or heard from her in almost two weeks." He leaned forward again; he was becoming murderous, knowing that those outside could hear him as well. "Now…tell me where the hell she is and what the fuck is going on." He let out in a deep growl.

Voight studied Antonio for a moment, deciding that choosing his words carefully would be best right now, the last thing he needed was Antonio going off the rails trying to figure out what was going on with Gabby. Sitting down slowly, he spoke, "Right now, I can't tell you but I can tell you that she is safe, that I can promise you. Just...let me talk to her first…"

This didn't satisfy Antonio, "The hell you will! Tell me where she is!" He was around the side of Voight's desk in a matter of seconds, his hands grasping at the collar of his shirt, Voight's back against the wall. If for nothing else Antonio was fiercely protective of his family, they were the only thing you didn't fuck with and right now, Voight couldn't be too sure that Antonio wouldn't actually hit him. He wouldn't put it past him and honestly he couldn't blame him either really.

There was a flurry of hands and voices, calling out for Antonio to let Voight go, hands pulling at his to try and release his hold but Antonio stood his ground, his body weight pressed into Voight's chest, their eyes locked in a heated stare. After a moment Antonio gave Voight a shove, pushing him backwards against the wall before storming off, his jacket over his shoulder, keys in his hand, the cage door slamming on his way out.

Eyes fell on Voight, Halstead, Erin, Ruzek and Olisnkey staring at him in shock, they had never seen Antonio act that way towards Voight and considering they had heard their argument, they didn't understand what was going on. Sighing, Voight rubbed his hands over his chest, his eyes still staring in the direction Antonio had gone.

It had been close to an hour and no one had heard from Antonio, they hadn't even been able to track his phone, which meant he had turned it off and went off the grid. He needed to cool down, needed to get his thoughts straight because right now he was acting emotionally and recklessly and he knew that he wouldn't get far at all like that.

Voight had long since gone home, claiming he had something to deal with, which was true, but what he really needed walk to talk to Gabby, he needed to get her to understand that she needed to talk to Antonio and explain what was going on, she needed her brother by her side and he needed to know she was alright, regardless of what had happened to her.

Opening the door to his house slowly, unsure of where she would be, Voight moved into the living room, finding Gabby resting on the couch, the oversized hoodie covering her body and the blanket wrapped around her waist. She was sitting in silence, not TV or radio playing, nothing to tell him how long she had been there. Slowly he made his way to her, her eyes were closed, head resting against her hand, but she was anything but peaceful, her face was contorted, pain evident there, the echoes of whatever memories were starting to surface.

Leaning over he called out to her, trying to wake her up, not wanting to touch her but found that she was too deep in her sleep to notice him and so he touched her knee, bringing her instantly out of her sleep, crying out and begging him not to touch her until her eyes focussed on him for a moment, then become downcast with embarrassment and fear.

"I'm sorry, but you were having a nightmare, I needed to wake you." He wasn't really sorry, yes for scaring her but not for waking her. All she did was nod; her voice still, today was clearly not a good day for her. "Gabby listen, I think you really need to talk to Antonio, he is starting to work out something is wrong and I know he won't stop until he finds out on his own. Please…he can help you."

At the mention of Antonio's name, Gabby's back straightened and it was clear that tears formed in her eyes at the thought of him finding out, "I cant…" she croaked out, her voice breaking as she thought about how she would tell him, how he would act around her or how he would react. Her body started to shake, her wanted to be able to deal with this, she wanted to be able to look someone in the eye and be able to tell them, but she couldn't, she felt cold inside, scared of everything and of nothing, she didn't know how to act around people anymore.

This person had taken something from her; taken a piece of her she never thought she would lose. It wasn't just the physical hurt she felt but it was emotional hurt, the knowledge that this person was the reason she couldn't sleep, that he was the reason why she couldn't stay in her own home, why she would cry at night, scared of closing her eyes but from being so tired from nothing at all. Voight's hand on her own pulled her from her thought's causing her to jump a little at the contact, pulling her hand for his, "Yes, yes you can. I promise you, it will help you having him by your side."

Before she could speak, although the tears had started to fall from her eyes, there was a loud pounding knock at the door, a strangled cry coming from Gabby's lips at the loud noise, terrifying her more than she cared to admit, although it was obvious. She curled further into the corner of the couch, her hands going up to her neck, covering it like she was protecting her self, "It's alright Gabby, it's just he door. You're safe." Voight spoke softly as he rose, he didn't need to check the door to see whom it was.

Moving slowly, the knocking happened once more, Gabby crying out again in the background, he swung open the door, coming face to face with a furious Antonio who had decided that getting answers required following Voight on his travels after confronting him. They stared at each other, neither wanting to give, Antonio because he wanted answers and Voight because he didn't want to let Antonio find Gabby on the couch without preparing her first.

 **Any love? Even a little review? :D Maybe I'm greedy but what do you say, can I hit 200 reviews for this story in just 10 chapters? :D hehe**


	11. Gabby Loved the Sun On Her Back

**Sorry it's a little late; had a big night last night and only just got home so here is the new chapter.**

 **I am so glad you are all on board with this and now that Antonio is around but please, please trust me about Matt. I know you want him to know and to find out but please, trust me**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 11 – Gabby Loved the Sun on her Skin**

"Antonio…" Voight sighed, trying to calm him down a little, knowing that he was going to start going off before he had a chance to understand the situation. "Look I understand you are frustrated but you need to listen to me ok…I need you to calm down aright…"

But Antonio wasn't having any of it, "I will not calm down Voight! I have been through every scenario and I just don't understand what the hell is going on! I went past Gabby's apartment again…she hasn't been in over a week. What the hell is going on?" He had taken a step into the house, fronting up to Voight, trying to get some answers.

"I already told you-"

"I don't care what you already told me! You are going to tell me the truth right now!" He was exploding, his voice echoing through the otherwise silent house. His cries caused Gabby, who was still on the couch, to cry out in fear, the sudden loud noises bringing back feelings of fear for her.

Along with Gabby's cries of fear was the soft call for him, begging him to calm down and letting him know she was there all in one. She had had enough of hearing him yell, he was scaring her and she could hear the fear and worry and anger in his own voice at not knowing where she was. Antonio stopped, his whole body freezing at the sound of her voice, the realisation that she was there, in Voight's house and he didn't even know it, taking over.

Antonio's anger flared when he heard Gabby's soft whimper attempt to call for him. He stopped for a moment as he heard her voice again; his eyes connecting to Voight's before he stormed passed Voight towards the living room or just where he knew Gabby was, his shoulder harshly brushing against Voight's, he stomped towards the Gabby, Voight on his tail, "Antonio…Antonio," Voight reached for him, trying to pull him back.

Voight was able to get ahead of Antonio as he made his way into the living room, his hands on his chest, holding him back. Antonio was like a pit-bull pulling on his lead, Voight had to almost fight to hold him back. "Tonio…" But Antonio wasn't listening, his eyes focussed solely on Gabby curled up in the corner of the couch, the bruising over her eye had deepened, it still had spread down her cheek towards her jaw bone but it was now much darker, a deep black lined by deep blue.

Her lip was still red, mostly from her unconscious running of he tongue across it, a habit she had gotten into, something of a reminder that what had happened was real, a reminded she wished she didn't have. Antonio could see the fear in his sister's eyes, but he couldn't take his focus off the bruising that filtered over her beck and down under the hoodie she was wearing, they were still red and angry, he didn't _want_ to see what was under the top. "Antonio, she is alright." Voight moved away from Antonio, his hand still on his chest but there was no fight left in him.

Silently, Voight took another step away from Antonio, his hand dropping for his chest slowly, making sure that he wouldn't charge at Gabby just yet. He moved towards Gabby, sitting on the coffee table in front of her, "Hey…it's alright…You sure you want to do this?" He was making sure Gabby was ready for this conversation with Antonio. He watched her shake, her hands sliding under the blanket to hide it but she nodded, she still hadn't looked up at Voight or Antonio.

Slowly, Voight turned to Antonio, nodding slowly, motioning for Antonio to come to where he was sitting. Which he did, looking right at her, Antonio's detective knowledge kicked in, telling him he had to be slow and careful, even though the brother in him wanted to run to her, pull her into his arms and hold her tightly. He knew he couldn't do that, the look in her eyes and the fear on her face screaming at him that he needed to be careful.

Antonio hesitated for a minute, he wanted to reach out for her, wanted to reach out for her, wanted to hold her hand by she was essentially pushing herself as far away from him as possible into the back of the couch, her eyes downcast, refusing to look at her. Swallowing a couple of times, Antonio glanced up to Voight, who was now leaning against the side wall near the fireplace, arms crossed, making sure that Gabby was alright, he stayed close. He felt sick, this was his little sister, who could anyone have done this to her, he had no idea but it was making him feel sick.

His eyes turning back to Gabby, Antonio thought for a moment, wondering how to even begin to speak to speak to her, "H-how are you?" It was a vague question, something that told them both that Antonio was lost, not sure what to do or how to even approach her. Usually in this situation with a victim, he would be professional and focussed but it was his baby sister sitting there, hurt and fearful, how could he hold that up with his imagination running wild?

Gabby shrugged, swallowing heavily, "I'm alright, I guess. Tired more than anything at the moment." It was true, she hadn't been sleeping well at all and when she did, she would either wake up in a fit or shakes or in a cold sweat, crying out with Voight by her side, trying to calm her down. "I don't remember much, some of it has come back to me...I was at home, I thought it was Matt at my door, but it wasn't. I remember trying to push the door closed but I fell backwards. I think I ran, I remember fighting, screaming," Voight knew all this, she had told him all of this before.

Occasionally she would come to him and tell him that she remembered something but most of the time it wasn't anything specific, still just fragments, flashes or memories that sparked in her mind like a scratched DVD, skipping from scene to scene. "He spoke..." This caught Voight's attention, she had never told him that before. "I remember his saying _'this is what you get'_ when he was—When he was on top of me…" she swallowed deeply not really wanting to say it out loud, she hoped Antonio got the idea.

This was the first time she had said it out loud though, that he had been on top of her…an extension of 'inside of me' but she wouldn't say those words. She _couldn't_ say those words.

Voight moved forward, "You remember that he spoke? Do you remember anything else?" He didn't mean to be forceful or scare her but he needed to know if she remembered anything, he had been struggling to investigate just because there hadn't been much information. Gabby thought for a moment before just shaking her head, she had been trying to remember but she either couldn't because she didn't want or because she couldn't physically remember anything yet.

"No, nothing else. I don't even know if I passed out though or if I just can't remember. He was stronger than me, I fought back, I know I did. I hit him, he fell...I ran... It's all still a blur." She had been getting bit and pieces; flashes of rooms or movement but nothing concrete, she had an idea of what he had _done_ to her, she didn't need to remember that, didn't want to remember that. Antonio swallowed deeply, he hadn't really moved from where he was, staring at Gabby, his hands shaking with anger, fear and the desire to reach out to her.

"Gabby..." He really didn't know what to say, his eyes were shining with anger. He just shook his head, watching as she slowly and for the first time, raised her eyes to him. The full force of what had happened to her moving between them, their sibling silence speaking more than what she could. How could someone have done this to his sister? How could he have _not_ known something had happened to her? He should have known, he should have known something had happened to her, that she wasn't right…he should have been the first one she came to for help.

"I don't look that bad do I?" She laughed a dry, drawn out laugh, nothing numerous about her statement. Antonio just smiled; it was tight, showing that he was trying to go along with her, but not really finding any amusement in her statement. "It doesn't hurt to much anymore really. I mean my ribs still hurt but mostly it's alright now." Although she would never tell him that she still hurt when she went to the toilet or when she moved her legs too quickly.

She would never tell him that.

Antonio nodded slowly, wondering what to say next, what do you say? Instead he moved slowly to take Voight's place on the coffee table across from her, hoping that he would be able to get as close to her as he possibly could without freaking her out too much. He watched as she shook a little, her eyes downcast but she didn't protest at having him close to her, she was fighting the urge to cry out but she held it back, tears brimming her eyes as she realised that he now knew what had happened to her.

Gabby couldn't bring herself to look at him; she didn't want to see that look in his eyes, the same look that Voight was trying to hide every time he looked at her. It was the same look she knew that Antonio wouldn't be able to hold back, the look of sadness and of pity.

They sat in silence, just trying to understand what was happening, what was going on and how this could have happened. Although it wasn't like that was going to happen but they just all felt that talking was not needed, what could you really say? After a while, Gabby slipped into a thankfully dreamless sleep, her tiredness taking over, her eyes slipping closed and her breath evening out in little puffs from her open mouth. She was still curled into the corner of the couch, her head resting on her hand, the blanket wrapped around her body.

Voight placed his hand on Antonio's shoulder, motioning with his head to follow him to the other room, wanting to speak to him and let Gabby rest while she had the chance. His whole body was shaking at the thought of what had happened to her, he just didn't know what to do, the anger and terror running through his body was unbearable.

Antonio stood in the kitchen, Gabby had long since fallen asleep on the couch, the mental exhaustion taking over after her conversation with him, he sat at the breakfast bar, his hands clasped in front of him, Voight leaning against the counter, just watching him. "So…she has been here ever since?" He was still trying to get his head around what Gabby had told him, _everything_ she had told him. Voight just nodded. "How? What? I don't…I don't even know what to think right now."

Antonio was lost, he felt like a child, not able to help those around him, feeling as though he failed his sister some how. "She called me during the night about a week ago, I found her sitting on her couch, the place was a mess; she didn't need to tell me what happened, I could tell." Voight sighed, "She begged me not to tell you Tonio, I have been trying to get her to tell you and Matt but she wont. It's going to take a while Antonio. She needs you to be strong for her though, even if she tries to push you away." It was now Antonio's turn to nod.

 _Matt?_ Oh Matt, he was going to be devastated if she told him, he loves her so much that it is killing him knowing that something is happening and he doesn't know what. Seeing him at the firehouse was enough to tell him that Matt was not coping very well at all without Gabby being there. But was something else entirely, "This is what has had you so distracted recently? What you've been investigating?"

"Yes. I have been trying to work out what happened but it's been hard. The DNA I got from Gabby doesn't match anyone in the system and she doesn't really remember much. I mean, she remembers certain things but not enough to get a full description just yet, I am hoping though that she will remember something soon, at least something little that might give me what I need." Voight had been working every single angle he could with the little information he had to try and work out who it was that had attacked Gabby in her apartment.

"Do you have any ideas?" Voight just shook his head; he hated not being able to give Antonio, or Gabby for that matter, any new information about how the investigation was going. He wanted to be able to give her some good news, that he had found the person who had attacked her and bringing him to justice, but he couldn't and he left like he was failing her.

"I followed up on some leads but nothing panned out really. A couple of people have harassed her while she was on shift, just getting too close or friendly but they all had solid alibies and no real reason to have done something like this." It was like Voight was chasing his tail but he wouldn't stop, she would remember something…as horrible as it would be…and it would give him what he needed to get a break.

Antonio thought for a moment, it couldn't have been random; it just felt to organised to be random. "What about Jeremy? Our sister's abusive ex. Gabby did help her leave him." It had to be him…who else would have a problem with Gabby, although he never thought anyone would go to those extremes but at the same time he never really understood what went through people's minds.

Voight sighed, "I asked her that, she said that he had approached her at the firehouse a few weeks before she was attacked, asking where Anna was but she also said the last time she heard of him, he was in New York. I am following that up as well though, he is at the top of the list but I haven't found anything yet, so far he is clean…other than the abuse of Anna. Don't worry Antonio, I will find this son of a bitch and I will make him wish he had never even given Gabby a second thought."

He moved over to Antonio's side, seeing that his best detective was fighting the urge to break something, the thought of someone hurting his sister was tearing him apart, his hands were shaking, his face red with anger, he was ready to kill someone.

Antonio hadn't moved from his spot at the bar, elbows resting on the bench, breathing even and very specific, his hands resting over his nose and mouth almost in a prayer motion, his eyes trained only on the floor in front of him. He waited, wanting to ask the question that was running around in his mind since seeing Gabby, something that he really didn't need to know the answer to but he felt as though he needed it to be said. "How bad is it?"

Voight rubbed his hand over his face, "Bad. She had has a couple of fractured ribs, a sprained wrist, the cut on her cheek, lip and her forehead which you can see. The black eye and bruising on her face. She also has lots of bruising on her body, her stomach, legs, back and arms. It was violent Tonio…he raped her. There was significant trauma from that as well. I had Kendra come and see her after she called me, she has been checked out."

Antonio just nodded; he felt the pain inside of him growing with each word that Voight said, each injury that he explained, he honestly didn't know how to handle this, didn't know how to handle the knowledge that his baby sister was going through something no one should ever have to go through…and he couldn't even help her because he didn't know how.

* * *

"Have you been sleeping more?" The councillor watched as Gabby paced back and forward in the office, finding a comfortable place by the window, her arms crossed over her chest, she shook her head. Today hadn't been a great session, she hadn't really said much about anything really, her lack of sleep and flashback were affecting her attitudes, "Ok, well we have been doing this for over a week now Gabby, you ask me after every session why I haven't asked you about what happened…what do you say we talk about what happened?"

It was true, each session she asked him about why he hadn't asked her about the attack and each time he just said she wasn't ready or that he wanted to give her more time but she was pulling back from him, finding the sessions pointless so he would have to approach things a little differently. "Look, everything I was taught tells me that I should let you open up to me slowly, that pushing you after an ordeal as you have been through…"

She turned to him, wondering where he was going with this, she knew that most people shied away from asking about what happened, they had been tiptoeing around her, not that she really spent time with many people but those she did see, she could tell that they were staring at the bruising and the cuts, feeling awkward around her.

"Look…people who have gone through unfair, horrific things, they have this will, when they have support and a chance, they not only survive, they thrive. Usually I wouldn't push but I know as a first responder you deal with more things than most people, I know how you all try to push back the emotions you feel because you have to move on and get back to work but this isn't work Gabby; you don't have to fight against your feelings, even if you don't remember…it can help to accept the feelings."

The councillor watched as Gabby thought for a moment, debating what to say or do next, she knew that talk about things like this helped, she wasn't stupid, she had been through all the classes and the sexual assault sessions through the CFD, she knew she should talk, that it would help. She had been thinking about it over the last few days, thinking about talking to him about what had happened.

Nodding she moved back to the couch, sitting down slowly, instinctively in the corner of the couch, her legs pulled underneath her. She swallowed deeply, "Ok…" She had always prided herself on being strong and holding herself high but she had been struggling for the last two weeks, she had shut herself off from the world, too scared to look in the mirror or sleep with the light off, she didn't like the person she was becoming but she didn't know how to stop it from happening.

She felt it easier to hide away then to face it all.

"Can you tell me what you do remember?" he sat back, being patient with her.

Closing her eyes, Gabby thought for a moment, "I remember going to bed, there was a knock at the door, I thought it was Matt…when I looked through the hole; it looked like Matt so I opened the door…" She scrunched up her face, trying to remember what happened next, she had tried in the past but this was the first time she felt comfortable enough to really, _really_ try. "He ah… I remember falling backwards, I hit the floor, he must have pushed his way through the door…" With her eyes still closed, Gabby shuddered, remembering the terror that filled her as she pushed herself up from the ground, struggling to move over the carpet under her feat as she tried to get to the bedroom.

"He grabbed me, pushed me against the wall. He had his chest against my back, I tried to push him off me but I was against the wall, he had his arm against my neck, he…" She blinked, she remembering how much she struggled to breathe, how she fought. "I must have hit him, I'm not too sure really, but I was off the wall and I was…I think I was in the bedroom, he had me by the ankle, I think I hit my head against the dresser as he grabbed me."

Slowly she brushed her hand over her forehead, gently touching the gash on her forehead, caused by the dresser that she crashed into. The councillor nodded, he could tell there was so much in between that she still didn't remember. "Has the bruising gone down?" Gabby's eyes shot up to look at him, blinking away the tears.

 _Gabby looked down at her legs as she rested on the hospital bed, the nurse sitting by her bedside, an act of kindness that Gabby was sure was more so she wouldn't break down in tears more than anything. She had started picking at the short material of her hospital gown, trying to pull it down over her thighs, her face scrunching at the sight of the large, angry, purple and black bruising on both of her thighs. "How…"_

 _Looking at them, she honestly couldn't think how those bruises were made, she wanted to have an understanding of what he did to her, most of her injuries she would work out herself but these bruises she couldn't. The nurse leaned forward, her voice soft, "Those are from where he knelt on your legs…to hold you down, to make sure you couldn't move." The nurse that was there, Gabby couldn't tell you her name to save her life, had been in this situation before, she had had experience being in the room with victims of sexual abuse, that was why she had been asked to stay._

 _She knew what sorts of things to say to the person, knew when to just sooth or to let them cry or when to answer the questions that they were asking or what they were really asking, even if they didn't know it. Gabby just nodded swallowing as that image came into her mind, not that she remembered at all but those words were enough to filter images through her mind._

" _I've seen those injuries before…" the nurse spoke again; causing Gabby to look up confused, not sure what she was talking about. The nurse nodded down at her hands, turning them palm up to see the cuts and bruises and then palms down to see the broken nails and bloody residue on them. "You fought back love. Put up a hell of a fight by the look of it." She was calming Gabby down, telling her that she had fought, but Gabby didn't remember it, she didn't feel like she had fought at all._

Gabby snapped out of her memory, blinking away the tears and the memory of being in that hospital. "Ah yea…the ones on my legs have faded, mostly yellow, the ones on my wrists are still there…my ribs as well as my face obviously are still there. Doc said some will take longer to disappear." She shrugged; Gabby was putting on the brave Dawson face she had learned to wear. "Doc said my ribs are healing well as well, that I should be ready to get back to work…physically at least…next week."

Ah work. That was something that they had _not_ discussed, not even with Voight had Gabby talked about work. This caught the attention of the councillor, "Oh yeah? Is work something you want to get back to?" She had never even mentioned the firehouse recently.

"I guess, I mean…I _need_ something to help me take my mind off it all. I need to do something, I feel like I'm going crazy in the house all day. My brother has come past almost everyday since he found out something had happened to me, I just feel like I need to start _doing_ something again, ya know?" She shrugged, she had been thinking about going back to work, wondering how long she could be off before she got too closed off from everyone.

It wasn't even that she felt ready to go back to work or that she felt ready to be around other people, it was just that all the time she spent sitting in the closed up bedroom or the living room, being in her own mind was becoming too much for her. She needed the distraction.

"Ok, well I guess that is something we can discuss next session if you like…right now I want to talk about your brother." Gabby nodded, "How was it telling him about what happened? Last time we spoke about your brother you refused to even speak to him, let alone tell him." Gabby had flat out refused to even entertain the idea of Antonio finding out when she was asked it the first time around, he was curious about what had changed.

Gabby laughed a little, "I didn't really have a choice, I mean he turned up at Voight's house, looking to start a fight with him, I had to tell him, had to tell him something at least."

The counsellor nodded again, "He looked at me like everyone else had though, with pity and sadness…I think that's what made it so much harder." Gabby had mentioned once before that she didn't want people to look at her with pity because that meant they saw her differently, that what happened to her had somehow changed her, so far, she was right.

"You have to understand, these people care about you Gabby, and it's going to be hard for them not to look at you like that. It's just what people know and what they do. You feel sadness and pity for someone who has been hurt, who has suffered as you have but the that would be better than them not caring at all, right?" Reasoning…a typical counselling move to try and get the person to understand that what they are feeling isn't as bad as it seems.

"I would rather them not care than look at me and only see the pain. It was the same after the accident, when I was in hospital and my sister had left. People looked at me and _only_ saw pain." She was getting frustrated now, she wanted to hate the counsellor, wanted to yell and scream, she knew how she was feeling, she didn't need him to tell her otherwise.

"Ok…ok. I do understand Gabby. What about your sister…have you spoken to her?" he could tell she was getting angry, wanting to move on from that line of questioning or else he would run the risk of getting pushed away completely, although it was something he would be coming back to when he felt she was ready.

"No, I haven't. I mean, she has called me, just like my brother had but she has other things to deal with right now, she wouldn't understand." Always thinking of someone else, ever thinking of herself, Gabby had always been that way.

"Alright, alright. Tell me about your brother? How was it having him find out what happened?"

Gabby shrugged again, she hadn't given much thought into what she was feeling now that Antonio knew, she was choosing to ignore it really, not wanting to focus on it too much because she honestly couldn't bare the any thought about what he was thinking or feeling. "I dunno really. He has been around almost every day but never really said anything about it." She was trying to get him to move past the questioning about Antonio, she was getting frustrated, wanting to change the subject but not too sure she wanted to be asked anything else.

The councillor thought for a moment, trying to gauge where to take this session, she was road blocking, this session wasn't going to get very far if he didn't change his approach. "Tell me…what have you been doing while at home?" She wasn't giving him much, so he was fishing now, trying to get her to open up in some way.

"Not much really, I've been spending most of it watching TV, although I don't really watch much, I like it when it's quiet. I miss the sun though. I don't go outside anymore." She let it slip, she knew he would attach himself onto that statement but she couldn't help but let it slip. She knew he was trying to help, that without him she wouldn't be going back to work but she was still hesitant about telling him anything.

"Why not?" He wanted to hear her reasoning behind not going outside anymore, he knew reasons as to why, he just wanted to get her thoughts on it.

"I can't bring myself to even go in the sun, in the daylight. I remember when I was a kid, the first thing I would do when I got home from school would be get changed and go outside, sit in the sun with a book and a nice cold drink. Even when I was at the firehouse, if there was sun outside, I would take my chair and my food and just sit there. I loved feeling the sun on my face…" She shook her head again, remembering not too long ago when she was sitting outside in the sun at the front of the firehouse, Matt at her side laughing happily.

She remembered watching the guys playing basketball and Matt sitting next to her, feeling his body next to hers, the warmth of having him so close, laughing, smiling—

"Gabby, when something like this happens, it's important to try and take back the things that you feel have been taken from you. I know that it's hard and it feels like that is one of the most impossible things in the world but from what I can tell you are no the sort of person who doesn't sit back and let things take over her life, you strike me like the sort of person who likes to be strong, who _is_ strong."

The councillor watched as she sighed, dropping her head, he really was getting nowhere with her today, she was having a bad day, and that was ok, she was allowed to have a bad day, she had been stronger than he thought throughout all this, she had put up such a strong front but she was bound to break, he expected it happen, it was just a question as to when.

"I don't even know where to start. I can't even look at my life and see what is worth taking back! I can't look at myself in the mirror, I sleep with the lights on, shower with the lights off, I can barely talk to anyone other than Voight and when I do, it's about what happened! I can't look at my brother in the eyes and even the thought of seeing Matt again makes me feel sick!"

Gabby was angry now, her whole body shaking as she exploded, this wasn't what he was waiting for, this wasn't even the worst of what was to come, but he would take what he could get because it meant that she was feeling _something_ other than emptiness.

"I know you are angry Gabby but-"

She snapped, "You are damn right I am angry!"

"I have nightmares even when I am awake, the memory of his hands, his smell, his voice, _him_ inside of me is the only thing that I can think of! How the hell am I supposed to take my life back when I don't even know what was worth getting back in the first place? Damn it!" She huffed, dropping her head into her hands, shaking. He was making it sound like it was so simple; that she felt like it _should_ be so simple.

"I'm not saying it's easy Gabby and I'm not saying it's going to be alright straight away, I just want you to realise that you can do it, you have been doing it. It doesn't feel like it but you have, you come here every couple of days, you have been spending time with Voight, who has told me that you have been letting him get close to you. It's all baby steps; it's never a huge leap. Everything you have been doing is a baby step, even if you don't see it. It will get worse before it gets better."

She didn't see it, she didn't believe it at all, how could she be taking baby steps forward when she all she did was lay in the silence, fear taking over her, what things she did remember constantly come back to her, little bits adding, filling in the gaps. She huffed; rolling her eyes, there was no way she was making progress.

"Ok, this will be it for today but I just want you to say tell me something…I know you've never said it and I want you to. Tell me what he did to you that night…" He felt that if she said it out loud she could start to heal.

She knew what he wanted from her, she knew that she hadn't said it, she just felt as though that if she did it would make it more real, it would make the pain that she felt _real_.

Swallowing deeply, she looked up her mouth opening and closing gently a few times. It was now or never, she had to take that leap and deal with the fallout rather than hold onto the false hope that what happened wasn't real. "I was raped."

 **Please review!**


	12. Take that Step Forward Just to Fall Back

**Thanks to those who reviewed! I am so glad that you are happy that Antonio knows and I do promise that Matt isnt too far off but let me know what you think of this chapter please!**

 **Its been getting a little harder to write recently, struggling a little so any love would be appreciated!**

 **Two verses are 'Stand In The Rain' - Superchick**

 **Chapter 12 – Taking that step forward, just to fall back**

 _Gabby groaned as she tried to sit up, black spots coming to her eyes as she tried to blink them clean, the impact of her head hitting the hardwood flooring causing her to loose focus and vision for a moment. She could however hear the slow; specific thumps of his footsteps into the living room, the door slamming behind him as he made his way her to. She rolled onto her stomach, trying to push herself up but all she could do was groan again, the pain in her head making her unbalanced._

 _She could hear him close to her, each step bringing this person closer to her, she didn't even know who it was, all she remembered was thinking of Matt, thinking it was him standing on the other side of the door, but this wasn't Matt, there would be no way that this was him._

 _Trying to get to her feet, Gabby cried out in pain as the man tangled his hands in her hair, pulling her roughly to her feet, her hands shooting up to her head, trying to pull her hair from his hands. He held her there tightly, his right arm bringing her arm behind her back, resting his chest against her back, locking her against him so she could not move._

 _He didn't speak, the hand that was tangled tightly in her hair slipped down her face, his thumb and forefinger coming to her throat, his hand clasping around her neck tightly, barely letting out a puff of air, her breathing becoming ragged and wheezy instantly. No matter how much she fought against this person, he would hold her tighter, his grip on her increasing with each of her movements._

 _She didn't know how but she had found herself pressed chest first against the wall, his hand still at her throat, a silent scream falling from her lips as she tired to fight him off, the bones in her wrist grinding together as he pulled her arm further back. Quickly she was spun, her back hitting the wall, a cry from her lips and a glancing blow of a fist connecting with the side of her face and then her stomach, her head sagging forward against her will on to his shoulder, the breath leaving her body quicker than she could think, her empty gasps filling the otherwise silent apartment._

Gabby rubbed her hands over her face, sweat had formed on her head as her blankets pooled at her waist. She had been sleeping for almost three hours, but like always she had woken up from a nightmare, sweating and shaking, but this was different, ever since her session with the councillor who had made her say out loud what had happened during the attack, more memories were coming back to her.

She now knew what had happened when she opened the door, the force of it being pushed against her, sending her to the floor, the thumping footsteps of his boots as he walked into the room, Gabby trying to clear her head from the impact on the floor.

 _She never slows down._

 _She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone_

 _Fell like it's all coming down_

 _She won't turn around_

 _The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear_

 _The tears will not stop raining down._

She took a few calming breaths, trying to clear the lump that had formed in her throat, swallowing down her tears to stop them from falling. She couldn't cry, wouldn't let herself cry because if she did, he would win, he had taken something from her but she wouldn't let him take this as well, she had to be strong, she had to hold her self high, she couldn't break.

 _She won't make a sound_

 _Alone in this fight with herself_

 _And the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down_

 _She want's to be found_

 _The only way out is through everything she's running from_

 _Want's to give and lie down_

Pushing back the covers, Gabby looked to her left, the red flashing of the 8.34am staring back at her; she needed to do something, she needed to get out of her own mind, she knew what she needed, something that would take away the thoughts of what had happened.

* * *

Boden pushed open his office door, he had been thinking overly about Gabby, he hadn't heard from her since he had seen her last but he had spoken to Voight a few times over the last couple of weeks, checking in, seeing how she was feeling. He wouldn't get much, because she wasn't giving much away but he did know she was seeing someone, she was remembering more, she had been struggling still but would spend a little more time with Voight each day, getting used to be around him.

He remembers sighing deeply when Voight had called him days before, the only thing that fell from his lips was _'Antonio is here. He knows'_. It was the sinking feeling that it was just going to get worse before it got better, how hard it must be for her to have told him, how much more real it must be for her now.

Slowly he closed the door, his firehouse was slowly falling apart without Gabby there, it wasn't that they weren't capable of working without her, it was that she is a very important part of the house, each of them struggling to understand why they hadn't heard from her, they were worried, each of them knowing that something wasn't right, no matter what he kept telling them, they knew something wasn't right.

Matt was the worst, he knew something was wrong; there was no way that Gabby would have not contacted him at least some stage during the last few weeks. Matt could sense that something was wrong, that something had happened but every time he would ask Boden about it, Boden would just say that she was still away and that he didn't know anything else. He hated seeing the lost look on his lieutenant, and close friend's face, he hated seeing Matt struggle with not knowing, struggle with the unknown.

Knowing the truth, knowing what had actually happened to Gabby, seeing how desperate Matt was and how much he loved Gabby, was hard for Boden, he wished that he could tell him, wish that he could sit him down and tell him about everything that had happened to her but he couldn't, Gabby begged him not to say anything. He understood why, understood why she didn't want him to know, the fear of how he would react, of how he would look at her.

Shaking his head, he sighed, he couldn't think too much on it at that moment, he had been keep up too many nights, staring down at Terrance as he slept, thinking about how he was going to help her through what she was going through.

Turing to face his desk, Boden stopped in his tracks, Gabby sat against the wall at the side of the office, her arms crossed over her chest, the large, baggy hoodie covering her body, pulled all the way down her arms an over her hand. "Gabriella?" He was shocked to see her, also interested to know she got into the house without being seen, there would have definitely been waves had she been seen by the others in the firehouse.

"Hey Chief." She swallowed, smiling a little as he looked down at her, she felt a little uncomfortable in that room with him, other than Voight, she hadn't been in a room with anyone but Voight and her councillor but it wasn't just that that was making her nervous, the thought of being alone with Boden, but it was more the idea that at any stage anyone could walk into the office, _Matt_ could walk in to the office and see her.

Boden moved to sit in the chair, turning it to face the couch where Gabby sat, not daring to sit by her side just yet. He could see her hands fiddling with the hem of the hoodie, trying to keep herself distracted, "How are you?" She nodded, a small smile coming to her lips, not touching her eyes though, she was putting on the brave face, the face that she had started showing those she met, trying to prove that she was alright.

"I'm doing alright." She shrugged, she wasn't there to talk to him about how she was, she wanted something from him. "I ah…I actually wanted to know if I could come back to work soon." She started to rub her hand along her thigh, rubbing into the material of her jeans, trying to keep her hands busy. "I would really like to get back to work." She was almost begging him now, begging him to let her back to her old life.

Boden thought for a moment, it wasn't that he didn't want her back in the firehouse; he just felt that it might be too much stress for her, that it might become to much for her to handle at that moment in time, he wanted to help her, wanted to give her as much as he could, give her as much of the normality that she deserved. Leaning back in the chair he watched her, "Gabriella…are you sure that you are up for that? Right now? Do you think that maybe you need some more time-"

Gabby stood, shaking her head, "No. No more time. I don't want anymore time or help or babying, I want to come back to work. I _need_ to get back to work, please…I need this Chief…" She was shaking again, but this time from stress, she just wanted him to let her back into her life, to give her the chance to take something back for herself. She turned to face him, her hands at her sides; she looked like a child, desperate for the toy they wanted, "Please chief, you have to let me do this…"

Boden kept his face tight, he knew she wanted to get back something in her life that she had missed, that she had lost, the thought, maybe there was a way to bring her back, get her back into work without too much stress, "Alright…alright. But on one condition, you can come back but you will work on ambo for a few weeks, Chilli is taking him off because her father isn't well so she has requested leave. You will take over your old position for the time she is off and we will see how you go. If I feel that you need to stay on 61 after those three weeks, you stay. I don't want to put too much on you too quickly ok?"

Gabby opened her mouth to protest, she needed her life back not be babied anymore than she already had been but as she watched Boden stand up she knew it wasn't a fight she was going to win. "Alright…I can do that." She slowly moved closer to the couch she had moved from, "Thank you Chief, thank you." He just blinked; he was giving her a chance, giving her something that resembled a normal life.

Boden watched as Gabby stood, her arms crossing over her chest as she ducked her head and left the office, he then watched as she slipped out the side door of the firehouse, no doubt the same way she was able to get in without being seen. He didn't know if it was a good idea to have her back so quickly, didn't know if it was the best thing for her but at least while she was in the firehouse, while she was on shift, he could keep and eye on her and she would be surrounded by people that cared about her.

* * *

"You really think going back to work right now is the best thing for you Gabby?" Voight knew she had been thinking going back to work, thinking about getting back to her old life but he knew she was just using it as an excuse to ignore what happened, so she didn't have to deal with it, pretend that it never happened. He sat slowly next to her on the couch, still keeping his distance but close enough that she could feel his presence.

Over the last few days, he had been getting closer to her, getting into her personal space a little more, testing her, seeing how she coped with him being close. At first she freaked out a little, pushing him away and crying for him to leave her alone but she had started getting more comfortable with him around, they both knew that it wouldn't be that way with everyone, that she would probably still panic if someone else came too close to her but at least she was letting him close, trusting someone enough to be close to her.

* * *

Gabby sighed as she rested her head against the upright of the deck she was sitting on, her knees brought to her chest as she sat on the wooden steps, the warm air around her, her head resting on her knees and her eyes closed, tears falling unchallenged down her cheeks. It had not been the first time she had found herself sitting in this position in Voight's backyard, she had found the quiet calming and terrifying all at once, waking up in fear from what little sleep she had gotten, needed feel as though she could breath, moving herself from the bedroom, where she felt as though the walls were closing in on her.

It was true, she had been putting up a strong face for Voight, for her councillor, for Boden but in the quiet times of the night, when it was just here with her thoughts, when the rest of the world was sleeping, she would start to become consumed with thoughts and memories, fear and loneliness. When asked how she was, she would smile and nod, thankful that it didn't hurt to smile anymore, she would say that she was fine, that she was dealing with it, but in the darkness, she wasn't fine, she wasn't dealing with it.

Gabby was fighting against herself most days, fighting the urge to scream and cry or to close herself off from the world forever. She didn't _want_ to be feel that way, she knew enough to know that it wasn't healthy and that her pretending wasn't healthy either but now that she was in this situation, now that she had those feelings, it seemed like the most logical choice, to fake it and keep going.

Voight could see through it, there was no doubt about that, she believed her councillor could see through it as well but neither had challenged her on it, neither had questioned her on it and so she kept it going, kept her head up but her eyes down, never letting them really see what was going on inside her head.

She was going back to work in a few days, she had talked herself into being ready to face everyone, talked herself into being read to be around people again but she really didn't know if she could do it, it she could handle them looking at her face, seeing what was left of the scares and bruises. She didn't know if she could handle seeing Matt again, if he looked at her anything like Antonio still did, she didn't know how she would take it.

The bruising on her eye, nose and cheek had now faded to mostly yellow; it would be another week before it was gone completely but it was still visible, as was the cut on her lip, it had healed still, the redness had gone down but the cut was still there. The gash on her forehead was still there but she had moved her fringe to cover it, now it couldn't be seen. But that didn't matter; it was the visible physical scares that she worried about, the bruising on her arms; the pain she still felt when she moved too quickly. This what was worried her, giving away just how unstable she was.

She was unstable, the front she was putting up was slowly slipping, it was tiring holding up the façade she was showing them. Inside she was empty, she was too tired to feel anything else at that moment. Still she chose not to think about it; she chose to ignore the feelings inside of her, the anger, the fear, the disgust; everything she was feeling after that night.

She blinked; the sun was staring to rise; rise on another day of feeling the way she did, living with the memories of the pain he caused her, the pain of the abuse and pain of knowing that nothing will be the same anymore. She will never be able to let anyone near her, never let someone come close to her; never know what it was like to feel close to anymore again.

This thought sent tears to her eyes, slipping down her cheek, not even caring enough to stop them. Roughly she rubbed her palms against her chest slowly at first, the tears still falling; slowly though the pressure and speed of her movements increased as a sob escaped her lips, her arms wrapping around herself as the sun rose further in to the sky.

* * *

"Hi I'm looking for Antonio Dawson?" Anna stood in front of Platt's desk, looking back at the older woman who eyed here up and down, trying to work out who she was and why she was looking for Antonio. Sensing that Platt was trying to work out who she was, Anna spoke again, "I'm his youngest sister; he is expecting me." This shocked her, Platt knew that Gabby was Antonio's sister but he hadn't really mentioned much to anyone else about Anna, it was none of their business.

Platt blinked, unsure of what to say to the young girl in front of her; she knew that Gabby was his sister…so who was this woman standing in front of her. Nodding once, she picked up her phone, calling up to intelligence, moments later Antonio skipped down the stairs, two at a time, his face wild, "Gabby?" He had assumed when Platt had said his sister was there, she meant Gabby, which meant that Gabby was out of the house or something was wrong.

"Hey Tony, sorry the _other_ sister is here." She outstretched her arms, hoping he would give her a hug. She knew that Antonio was still very unsure around her; she didn't blame him much really, but she hoped that he could learn to trust her again. She could see he was hesitant around her, not wanting to give his all, holding back from her, she was trying though, trying to prove that she was there to stay, that she wanted to have her family back. She had made some mistakes in the past, big, massive, painful mistakes but she wanted to move on from that, wanted them all to move on from that; she just wasn't sure he could ever move on from that night.

"Hey yeah, sorry, I guess I was just expecting Gabby; that's all." He let out a huff, thankful that it wasn't Gabby, which meant that she was ok. He brought Anna into a hug, still careful about how he acted around her but he wasn't going to push her away completely, he also knew that she had been through a rough spot with her ex so he wanted to at least be sure that she was ok. "How are you? How are you feeling?"

Anna was now just a week away form 7 months pregnant and it was starting to show, moving was harder, she was more tired from doing smaller activities but so far she had been doing good, still working at the café with Laura, "I've been good actually, been a little more tired than usual but I guess that's what I get…" She rubbed her had over her stomach and smiled; after finally being able to move away from her ex, she was starting to get really excited about bringing her baby in to the world. "I ah…I was actually wondering if we could have a chat, if you're not too busy."

Antonio smiled, "Yeah sure, come up with me and I'll let me boss know I'll be out for lunch." They moved up the stairs to the intelligence office, greeting passed around, most of them shocked to find out that Antonio had another sister but they were happy none the less. Antonio left Anna with Lindsay intent on finding Voight, both to tell him he was going out but also to find out if he anything new from Gabby's case.

They hadn't been too busy with cases at the moment so all of Voight's time was being spent on trying to solve her attack. Pushing the door open, Antonio found Voight on the phone, his head down; he waited as Voight called him in, a wave of the hand and Antonio closing the door. "Alright thanks, no let me know if you bring anything up. Yeah, of course. No…straight to me all right. Thanks again." He hung up the phone and looked towards Antonio, letting him take the seat in front of the desk. "That was the lab, they are still working with the items I got for them, I know its slow but they are running everything they can think of. Nothing yet."

Voight was getting furious with the lack of leads with the case, how can this person; who had so violently attacked Gabby; not have past in the system? Not have any records what so ever? They gone down so many different roads, Voight was beginning to forget which ones he had gone down and which ones were still waiting for him. He watched as Antonio sighed, he knew that he wished there was something he could tell him, something to tell him that something good was going to happen, but there wasn't, there was no new information.

"Alright, you let me know as soon as something comes from this right?" It didn't even need to be asked but he did anyway, earning a stern nod from Voight. "Gabby is going back to work next shift; she tell you that?" Antonio wasn't too sure it was a good idea for Gabby to be going back to work already but she had made the decision that she needed to get out of the house, that she _wanted_ to get back to work and so all they could do was be supportive and be there for her if she needed them.

"Yeah I know, I talked to her about it the other night. She wants to go, I tried to tell her that it was ok if she didn't want to but she wasn't to go; at least Boden knows what is going on, in case something happened." It was a small mercy that Boden did know, he could and would keep and eye on her, make sure she was doing ok and if anything changed or happened, he knew to call straight away. "It might be good for her though, getting back into a routine, so she isn't just sitting around at home."

Antonio nodded, they usually had a short discussion each morning about Gabby, mostly how she was the night before, Voight telling him that he had seen her not sleeping but that she was putting up a front, forcing the smile; honestly they were both just waiting for the moment she broke. Antonio could see it, that her walls were slowly cracking, the tough exterior she was putting up was getting harder to maintain, it was the look in her eyes, or the ever decreasing smile she would force onto her lips. It was evident that she was struggling, evident that it wouldn't be long until she hit the fall and started to fall; he just hoped that he or Voight would be there when it happened.

"I'm going to go and grab some lunch, call me if needed?" He nodded to Voight, knowing that they would go around and around with their conversations about Gabby all day; that it would get them nowhere so he would take the information he could and keep going, still not knowing how to really deal with the knowledge that his sister had been beaten and raped and after almost 3 weeks, they still had no leads.

* * *

"Is everything alright with Gabby? I haven't heard from her in a few weeks and I stopped by her place the other day but there wasn't anyone there." Anna brought her drink to her mouth, they had been chatting for the last 20 minutes about her and how she was feeling and how the house was going, each time Anna trying to get in a word about Gabby, each time Antonio knocking her back. But there would be no knocking her questioning back this time.

Antonio thought for a moment, wondering what to say that would not get her suspicious but be enough to make her think nothing was wrong. "Yeah, no she had been good, she is…away at the moment, something came up with the sister of her old partner, the one that died, so she is in Boston at the moment. She will be back in a couple of days or so though." He felt terrible lying, he felt terrible using Shay, but he also knew that if Shay were here she would be helping protect Gabby from anyone that could hurt her.

"Oh, alright then, it must have been sudden, I haven't even heard from her." It was a passing comment but Antonio could see the sadness in Anna's eyes, not hearing or seeing Gabby was really upsetting her, they had been getting closer recently, although he knew that Gabby was still conflicted about helping her, still fighting with herself about if she would be helping her or not.

Silence passed over them as they ate, Antonio getting an idea that he hoped would work, "Hey um…so have you heard from or about Jeremy recently?" Being that Voight still had nothing in terms of leads in Gabby's attack, they were still unsure about Jeremy's alibi, he thought he would take the chance and see if maybe Anna had heard from him.

She shrugged, she hated talking about Jeremy, especially with Antonio but he seemed genuinely curious to know, "Not recently, the last I heard he was back in LA I think, but I'm not really sure. I think he was trying to find me for a little while after I left, I think the first month but I've stopped hearing that he was asking around for me." Anna had now been away from him for almost 3 months, thankful that she had turned to Gabby for help, she had been the happiest she had been in a long time and she had Gabby to thank for that.

"You would tell me if you had heard from him recently or if he came back right?" He was become the protective older brother, both for Anna – who assumed it was for her – but also for Gabby, he still believed that it was Jeremy who had attacked her.

"Yes big brother, I promise I would and will if he does. Don't worry so much ok?" She laughed off his concern, still not clear that it wasn't completely directed to her, mostly directed to Gabby but he just smiled weakly, going back to his food so they could get off this conversation.

After minutes of silence as they ate, Antonio sighed, something had been playing on his mind for the last 12 years, "Tell me about that night. Tell me what happened." It was a question, knowing she would try and play it off but as a statement or a demand, it would be harder.

Sighed Anna put her burger down, "Look Tony I…" But she was cut off by his phone ringing, thankful that she didn't have to go into discussion about that night with him, she didn't even know where to start mainly so she knew it would be easier talking about it to Gabby if she really had to. She listened as he spoke, nodding even though the other person couldn't see him. He had to go back to work, whatever it was it seemed serious.

"I'm sorry Anna, I have to go." He placed some money on the table, leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek before heading out the door to his car. She was fine to get home on her own; it wasn't far from where she currently was, and so she sat there, finishing her burger.

She sighed, she was still a little worried about Gabby, she wanted to speak to her, wanted to hear that she was ok from her own mouth, not just from Antonio. Pulling her phone from her pocket, Anna dialled Gabby's number, hoping to get an answer but she was sure she probably wouldn't. " _Hey you've called Gabby…"_ and then the tell tale beep of the end of the message. Anna sighed, "Hey Ella, it's been a while since we've seen each other. Just thought we could get some coffee. Call me back?" And with another sigh, Anna hung up.

* * *

" _Hey Ella, it's been a while since we've seen each other. Just thought we could get some coffee. Call me back?"_ Gabby listened to the message that Anna had left before deleting it. She had done this ever time she had a missed call and a voicemail; she would listen, sigh, drop her head and then delete it. Mostly it was Matt and Anna who would call; Anna once or twice but Matt had left many messages, just checking in, wanted to know she was ok, that he was worried and missed her. There wasn't anything specific in the messages but enough for her to know that he cared.

" _Hey Gabs, its just me again, I'm getting really worried now, I went by your place the other day and you weren't there. Look I know something is going on…could you just call me back, I just really need to hear from you…"_

But he shouldn't care, she knew he shouldn't care about her now and she knew that one day soon, he would work that out for himself.

 **Like I said, this has been harder to write so I would appreciate some love. Please let me know what you think, I would very much appreciate it as I've been a bit down lately.**


	13. Sticks & Stones but Words Terrify Me

**I say this every chapter, but the love I am getting from this story amazes me! Thank you so much for it all and I am so glad that you are all enjoying it!**

 **Some of your reviews are so very encouraging and I love to hear your thoughts so please keep it up because I have started updating twice a week instead of once and that has to do with the love you give me!**

 **Slightly shorter for this chapter but it's the set up**

 **Lyrics: Until it Breaks – Linkin Park**

 **Chapter 13 – Sticks and Stones but Words Terrify Me**

Everyone clapped loudly when they saw Gabby moving towards the common room with her bag slung over her shoulder. Matt was the only one who knew that she was going to be back today, but only because Boden had told him that she would be filling in on ambo until Chilli came back. She took a deep breath, feeling Antonio standing by her side, she had asked him to come with her, pretend he needed to see the chief, just to help her through the crush that would come. The hugs and the questions, she needed hips support and he was going to give it.

"You're gonna be fine kiddo ok. Remember Boden is there to help you out if you need it ok and you know that Voight and I are only a phone call away." He was a step away from her, still keeping his distance as she was still not letting him close to her, but he watched her nod, a small smile come to her face.

That morning he had found her sitting on the couch waiting for him, her long sleeve shirt covering her still bruised and healing arms, but he also knew that the cut on her lip and the bruising around her eye was still visible, although had faded significantly. She was nervous, more than she wanted to admit because this was home for her, this should be her place of peace and safety, her family and closest friends were there...

Except right now it wasn't peaceful and she didn't feel safe anywhere, not every staying with Voight, who was arguably the most safe and yet unsafe person to be round. But she didn't feel like anywhere was home anymore, she wasn't even sure she would ever feel like home was anywhere again.

She was partly glad to see Boden already waiting for her; he was standing next to Matt, whose eyes seemed to light up at just seeing her. But his demeanour showed a lot more than just happiness. Gabby's eyes met Matt's for the most brief of seconds before she looked away, it was the first time she was seeing him since the attack and she didn't know how she would cope. She missed the saddened look that crossed Matt's face when she looked away but he didn't miss the look of uneasiness and almost fear that crossed Gabby's as she stepped into the open garage bay.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes!" Herman cried as he clapped his hands as she moved closer, smiling widely as she smiled too, she was happy to be back at work, happy to be out of the house and happy to have the distraction; but that meant interacting with people again, which meant hugs and touching.

Gabby blinked, "It's good to be back guys, I know it's been a while." She laughed; finding it easier to put on the smile than she thought it would be, finding it easier by the second to pretend that everything was all right. "You have you coped without me?" They all broke into easy conversation, easy laughter and joker, Gabby thankful that no one had tried to hug her just yet, but it may have had something to do with Gabby almost standing on top of Antonio, her arm pressed against him tightly, using him to hold her up, to give her strength.

"Come on now, let's let Gabriella put her stuff away and get back to work." Boden spoke, sensing Gabby's uneasiness to have all the attention on her. He had been watched her closely since she had walked into the firehouse, paying very close attention to her actions and her movements to see if there was anything he could see, anything that he needed to be aware of. Gabby glanced over at Boden with a small thankful smile, the look in her eyes saying more than she did.

* * *

" _You wanted to see me Chief?" Matt walked into the Chief's office; the door was open telling him to go straight in._

 _Boden looked up from his paperwork, this was going to be an interesting conversation, "Yes, how is Walker doing?" Matt nodded, the new guy was doing fine, fitted in well with the crew, got along well with everyone, he wasn't gabby but matt would gladly have him on his rig anytime. "Good, good. Now Dawson will be back next shift," Biden watched as Matt's eyes lit up, a small smile pulling at the side of his lips, "but I've asked her to fill in for Chilli on ambo until she is back."_

 _The smile fell, "Oh ok, no problem Chief. So he will be hanging around until Chilli is back and Dawson comes back to truck?" He just wanted clarification, making sure that Gabby would be coming back truck and not staying on ambo._

 _Boden smiled, "Don't worry Lieutenant, your candidate will be back on your truck before you know it." He knew matt was asking more because of his feeling for Gabby than his candidate. With a nod, matt turned his back, over the moon to know that Gabby would be coming back, he had missed having her around, they all had. "Just one thing…look after her."_

 _There was something about the way he had said it caused him to stop, turn and scrunch his brows, "Chief?" He was going to call him on it, there had been something going on in the house for a few weeks now, Boden had been secretive and on the phone more than usual, he would also look at Matt when he thought he wasn't looking, sending him a look of almost sadness._

 _"Nothing really, just saying." Boden hadn't even looked up from his paper work that he had gone back to, he was choosing to ignore Matt now, something really was going on_.

Matt sat against the couch in the common room, the game playing on TV, each of them getting very excited about what was happening, but he couldn't stop thinking about that comment from Boden the week before and how strange Gabby had been acting since she had come back. She was quiet, more reserved, her smile would never reach her eyes and when she wasn't smiling (which was much of the time now) she looked sad, scared even.

He knew that Hermann had noticed it as well, he had questioned matt about it but matt couldn't tell him anything so he just shrugged, shaking his head as though he didn't know what was going on, he didn't. He would watch Gabby; she was a little more jumpy than she ever had been, looking around, as if paranoid. She as quiet, spending much of her time alone in the bunkroom or sitting at the table in the common room.

But he could tell she was nervous around people, she kept tugging at her sleeves, pulling him down as far as they went, covering her hands. This was not the girl he knew, not the strong, tough, girl that he fell in love with; she was vulnerable, scared, looking as though she was struggling to keep going through the day.

Matt turned to look behind him, his eyes falling on Gabby standing at the kitchen, her back pressed against the bench, her eyes downcast and focussed on the floor, lost in her own thoughts, a look in her eyes that he had never seen before. The guys cried out at a saved goal, sending cheers and claps into the room, causing Gabby to jump at the sound, she looked terrified, looking around quickly, as though she was trying to get her barring and surroundings once again.

* * *

It was late, the game had gone into overtime and so the guys were hanging around to watch it but Gabby was lost in her own world, while she worked, anything Matt had asked her to do, any calls that had had, she was fine, like nothing had ever happened, like nothing else had been on her mind but when it was quiet inside her own head, much like now, her mind worked in over drive.

She was fighting off the fear that everyone knew what had happened to her and that they were staring at her, judging her, laughing at her and even though she knew that it wasn't true, even though she knew that _no one_ else in the house except Boden knew what had happened to her, she still couldn't bring herself to believe it.

And to make it worse, she still didn't feel safe, the one place she had always felt safest, the one place that kept her stable no longer felt safe, nothing felt safe anymore. She knew that Matt was watching her, sensing that he was watching her movements, part of him knowing that something was wrong but he didn't want to ask, she had made it clear to him that she didn't want him to ask, even though he had tried already a few times. She was glad, she didn't know what else to tell him if he had asked her face to face.

He had come over to her earlier in the day, sitting by her side to talk to her and when he had, she froze, having him so close scared her, not that he would hurt her physically but that he would realise that she was no longer the same, that he would no longer want to be around her when he found out that she wasn't the same girl he had fallen in love with. He wouldn't love her anymore; no he _couldn't_ love her anymore.

How could he look at her and see the girl she was, instead of looking at her and seeing what he did to her? It was a disgusting thought, she felt disgusting, felt ashamed and she blamed herself. She felt guilty because she couldn't stop him, that she wasn't able to fight him off and protect herself. She felt ashamed of how she let it happen, she let this trouble and fear into her life by not being careful.

Even though she didn't know whom it was that had done this to her but she knew from the injuries that it must have someone she knew or someone she had a meeting with. No one who didn't know you would have caused the injuries that she had received. He had taken something from her, something she had didn't even know if she could get any of that back, she didn't know if she _deserved_ to get it back.

She didn't even know if _she_ could love anymore, she couldn't even let her own brother near her. She feared the mere thought of having someone touch her, someone hold her, it scared her to know that nothing would be the same anymore.

Sudden cheering pulled her from her thoughts, she gasped loudly when she heard the loud noise, her body shaking lightly from the memory of her front door being slammed open, of her body hitting the ground, of his laughter entering the room… "Hey Dawson, what happened to your lip?" Ah Cruz always the one to open his mouth when it was best he didn't say a word.

However, everyone looked up, waiting, watching to see what the explanation would be. Gabby's head shot up, sudden panic taking over her body; what do you day to that? What does she say to that sort of question when the real reason is something she was ashamed of? Looking around Gabby found all eyes on her; every single one of them was staring directly at her.

She swallowed, the words just not coming, her mind not working at all at this stage. " _Gabby_?" She was pretty sure she had heard her name, pretty sure someone was trying to get her attention and pretty sure that she was staring straight at them without actually looking at them. " _Gabby?"_

Matt…that was Matt's voice and now he was standing in front of her, confusion and fear in his eyes. It was clear that she hadn't answered the question, everyone was worried but suddenly having Matt so close to her, her mind snapping back to what was happening around her. Matt was so close, his eye moving over her face, trying to work out what was going on inside her head. Her eyes snapped up to meet his, her hands shaking at her sides.

"Hey you alright?" Matt was worried, the look that crossed her eyes was worrying him, he had never seen it before, the lost, terrified look that he had only seen on young victims after a car accident. "Gabby?" He reached out for her arm, hoping that maybe the physical contact would snap her out of whatever world she had disappeared into. He hadn't even touched her when something snapped inside of her and her mind came back to reality, she moved away from his touch, quicker than she ever had before.

"Ah yeah, yeah sorry…just ah…" She was trying to get her words right, "Sorry…yeah I was with the kids the other day and Diego got a little rough and I was on the receiving end of a couple of stray feet." She forced a laugh, faking the smile, hoping that everyone would ignore her sudden invisible freak out. But having Matt so close to her was sending her emotions and her mind into a whirlwind.

She pushed passed him, her breath starting to come in pants and her hands shaking more as she realised just how close she was to him. She couldn't breath standing there, the walls closing in around her. She hated not knowing why she felt that way, still not remembering exactly what had happened, but whatever had happened, her body and mind was reacting to having someone standing so close to her.

She pushed through the back door, into the open air, sucking in deep breaths to try and steady herself, her back pressing against the brick wall, the only thing running through her mind was the memory of the swing of an arm, the pain that resonated through her face and head when the punch was landed.

As her erratic breathing slowed, Gabby fumbled for her phone, sending a quick _'I need you'_ text before sliding down the whole way to the ground, her back against the wall and her arms crossed over her knees, protecting herself from the invisible terrors that now filled her mind. She had tried to push it away, the presence of another person so close to her, tried to remember that she was in the firehouse and that the person who was standing in front of her was Matt, but she couldn't. All she could see was the same brown eyes staring back at her, the same sickening smile that peaked through the corner of her mind when she was alone.

She was tired of not sleeping, getting no more than about 20 minutes per night, between the dreams and the memories and the ache that she still felt, sleep just wouldn't come.

* * *

Matt watched as Gabby slipped from the room, his brow furrowed in confusion, she had never reacted that way to him at all, never reacted that way to his touch, almost as though he repulsed her, repulsed by having him near her. His eyes stared directly towards the door that clicked closed behind her, wanting to follow, but Boden stopped him. He hadn't know Boden had been there, watching the scene in front of him, however he had noticed his presence around the house a little more that shift.

Boden had seen Gabby getting lost in her own world, reacting to the shouts but then also saw her reaction to Matt coming to her side, seeing her fear flash across her face, the sense that the walls were closing in around her, that the stares of those around her was becoming too much. He had watched her move from the room as quick as possible, slipping away from anyone who could question her anymore than she already had been, away from anyone (Matt) who could see through the fake smile that she let grace her lips; because she knew that he would be able to see through it instantly.

He watched as Matt made a move to follow her, suddenly thinking that she needed to be alone, that she didn't need Matt seeking her out, asking her question, probing more than had already happening. Boden hoped that she would tell him what had happened to her, that she would confide in Matt, both because of their past (and recently growing) relationship but also because he knew they had been very close friends for as long as she had been at the house.

"Casey!" Matt's name slipped from his lips before Boden even realised it, he hadn't intended on calling Matt away from following Gabby, he had thought about it but hadn't realised that his mouth had made the decision for him. Matt stopped short of the door, his hand outstretched to the handle before turning back to face Boden who motioned for him to come over, "Why don't you take the men for a drive, it's been a slow day." It wasn't a suggestion it was an order. Matt had known Boden long enough to know when he statements were orders.

Matt hesitated, what the hell was going on between Gabby and Boden? This was the second time that shift that Boden had stopped Matt from getting to Gabby, he had been secretive and Matt had even seen Boden talking to Gabby, watching her, something was going on and he was getting really pissed off that no one would tell him. Huffing he let his hand drop from the handle to his side, his eyes almost daring Boden to speak again, Boden knowing that Matt knew something was up, hating that he didn't know.

Turning on his heels, Matt grunted to him men to get dressed, that they were going to fill up the truck before dinner, huffing again as he slammed the truck door, his anger growing at the whole situation.

Boden sighed, he hated lying to his lieutenant, hated the tension that was growing within the firehouse already, he wondered if Gabby was ready to be back at work, she had shown that calls were no problem, she acted as though nothing had ever happened, nothing stopped her from performing her duties but when they arrived back in the house, she turned quiet, retreating back into her own mind, silently dropping away to be on her own, somewhere in the house.

* * *

Voight pulled up outside the firehouse, he had driven quicker than he should have but when he had received the text from Gabby, he had panicked a little, he had grown to care a lot about her in the last four weeks, he sensed that considering it had been the first time she had called for his help like this, something had clearly happened.

He thought for a moment, he didn't want to go in through the common room, that would bring too much suspicion to himself and to Gabby and so he slipped around the back of the house, knowing that there was a gate he could get through at the back. He figured that would be where she was, hiding from the world and that was where he found her, resting with her back against the brick wall, her head against her knees and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Slowly he approached her, making sure not to scare he too much, "Gabby?"

She jumped, not having heard him coming, she was frightened by his voice until she noticed that it was him standing to the side, trying to reduce the chance of scaring her even more. They watched each other for a minute, Voight giving Gabby the chance to compose herself as much as possible and Gabby just trying to work out what to actually say to him now that he was there.

Sighing, Gabby dropped her head to her knees, a deep breath being sucked into her lung, released shakily as Voight came to sit by her side, "What happened?" He had come to know that Gabby wouldn't give away too much information at the moment unless she was prompted. He sat by her side, still keeping his distance but just letting her know that he was there.

"Honestly, I don't know…" She sighed out, running her hands over her face and into her hair, pushing it away from her face. "One minute I was in the kitchen just kinda hanging around and the next I was back in my apartment, fighting, struggling, screaming. I must have looked so confused because I jumped when the guys yelled out and then Matt…oh Matt…he was standing in front of me, trying to get my attention. He looked so worried and scared; he tried to touch me. I freaked out."

She was starting to freak out again, her hands were shaking, the thoughts of having Matt so close to her, almost touching her were becoming too much. What if she never got over it, what if she was never able to have him or anyone touch her again? What if she - "Why don't you just tell him?" The look she sent Voight was one of pure confusion, as though he was supposed to know exactly why she couldn't tell him, "Well?"

They had had this conversation a couple of times before, he would always mention Matt but she would ignore him, pretend like she had somewhere else to be or something else to do and she would leave, never actually telling him _why_. "Why would it be so bad if you told him? He could help you…" He could see Gabby was getting frustrated.

She was struggling within herself, with her own emotions, struggling to understand what was going on inside herself when she felt like she didn't want to be near anyone, like the idea of being in a crowded room terrified her but also the thought of being alone was just as terrifying. Some days she felt numb, like she was going to take each day as it came and go through the motions as though nothing had happened to her, but other days she would hate herself, look in the mirror and feel like scrubbing herself from the inside out.

If that was how she was feeling about herself, the confusion about her own emotions, how the hell was she supposed to tell Matt about what had happened and then tell him about how she was feeling and then have him look at her like Voight, Boden and Antonio were looking at her, that look in their eyes, the sadness and pity, like she had lost part of herself, like they could see that she would never be the same again.

She huffed, "I'll tell you _why_! Because you and Antonio look at me with pity, like the victim that I am and I can't handle that from Matt ok. I can't bare the thought that he would see me for the broken person that I have become, that I will never be the same person he once loved and he won't want me. I mean, how could he? How could he want to be with me, have sex with me, kiss me, when all he would image in _him_ raping me?" There it was, the fear that was holding her back.

She felt dirty, ashamed, sick to even think of anyone _wanting_ her again and her love and considering how in love she was with Matt, it terrified her to think that he wouldn't want her anymore. "I mean, how could he want me? God I can't even sleep more than 20 minutes a night!" Her voice was rising, her cheeks reddening, "I don't know whether to hate myself or just feel nothing. I don't know if I should scream and cry or just lock myself away. I can't even work my own feelings out! How the hell is he supposed to want me?!"

She stood suddenly, moving as far away from Voight as possible, pacing back and forward like a trapped animal, "You have no idea how _terrified_ I was when he was standing in front of me, almost touching me, I could feel _him_ on me, how am I supposed to let Matt anywhere near me when all I can think of is the asshole who did this to me?" She was seething, everything she had been thinking and feeling was tumbling from her lips, not being able to stop them.

Gabby hadn't heard the sound of the side door opening up during her rant but Voight had, he looked up, thankful to find Boden standing on the other side, concerned look covering his face. Voight just shook his head, telling him it was alright and that he had it under control but Boden hesitated for a second, he cared deeply about Gabby and didn't want to just leave her but he also knew that she wouldn't want to be crowded and so he slipped back inside, leave Gabby to continue venting her frustrations and anger.

Once she started to calm down, Vought spoke, leaving her pace still, thinking that it might help get some of the energy she had built up release. "Gabby, he loves you. This, what happened to you, won't change that. You know that."

She huffed again, "Look at me! What part of you actually thinks that he would want me! It will make him sick, just knowing what happened will make him sick, let alone what happens when he looks at me. I can't be what he wants anymore, I'm not that same person!"

Voight sighed and stood, "Gabby, listen to me. What happened to you, it wasn't your fault, you didn't ask for it and you didn't cause it. Yes, it will take time for you to deal with it and move past it, I'm saying that it will happen quickly or that it shouldn't affect you but you gotta believe me when I say that your friends in that firehouse will be with you every second, and Matt…and will be by your side the moment you ask him to be. This won't change how he feels about you, I've seen the way he looks at you, even when he was still with his fiancé, it was always you Gabby."

Voight thought that maybe bringing up the past might help Gabby understand, even when he was with Hallie, there was always a look that he would share with Gabby that was more than just friendship, it was of longing and love. He hoped that trying to get her to understand that nothing has changed how he has felt about her until now and what happened will not change it either. He may not know Matt as well as everyone else, they hadn't even seen each other since he was arrested the year before, but he knew enough about Matt that he was fiercely protective and caring of the ones he loved.

 _The body bends until it breaks_

 _And sings again no more._

 _Cause time has torn the flesh away_

 _The early morning sings no more._

He didn't know how much more Gabby could put up the strong front that she was showing, the tough exterior that was hiding the pain she was still in. There was only so much that a person could hold onto until it broke them, she could only hold on for so long.

Gabby stood opposite Voight, her arms across her chest, a defiant look that she had held onto, even in the midst of everything that had happened, she hadn't ever lost the look. She let out a deep sigh, her mind running with a million reasons why she wasn't good enough for Matt anymore, why she wasn't worth…"I don't know if I can do this Hank."

 **We like Voight? How do you think Matt will react when he finds out? Leave a review because I love to hear your ideas and thoughts!**


	14. When the Silence is Deafening

**Thank you so much every one for the support and patience you have all had in this story. Your reviews and your love mean so much to me, you have no idea! I could not believe the love from 24 reviews for the last chapter and I promise, this one won't disappoint you! (well I hope not hehe)**

 **Song: Second half of 'Untitled' by Simple Plan**

 **Please leave a review! :D**

 **Chapter 14 – When the Silence is Deafening**

Gabby paced back and forward in her councillor's office, her hands rubbing at her arms, she had made the appointment to see him after her first shift back, feeling the need to talk to him, she was desperate to talk. "Gabby I need you to calm down alright, your getting worked up and it's not going to help you work through this." The councillor was getting a little worried; Gabby couldn't sit still, her mind running a mile a minute, her hands shaking.

"Gabby please…" he stood now, she was struggling to get out her words and most of the time he would let her get it all out but her inability to steady herself was causing more emotional distress. She couldn't work out her own thoughts and feelings about what had happened in that last shift, she had freaked out over the noises of the guys in the house but what had scared her the most was her reaction to Matt, how she had been terrified of having him near her. "Gabby…"

The councillor tried again, hoping this time she would stop her pacing, stop her movements and get her to sit for a second, she hadn't stopped moving since the minute she got into the appointment. Slowly Gabby moved towards the couch, sitting down slowly as she tried to slow her breathing as well, her heart rate spiking from stress. "Now tell me what happened."

She had stormed into the session, already riled up, coming off the end of shift, she had struggled to understand her reaction, she knew _why_ but at the same time she couldn't understand how it had been towards Matt. "I must have been lost in my own thoughts coz I was in the kitchen at the firehouse and the next thing I know, someone is asking me about the cut on my lip and then Matt is standing in front of me, he is freaking out coz I wasn't answering and I must have looked so scared, I just…I reacted to badly to him being there."

She sighed, finally getting her emotion under enough control to be able to form a coherent sentence, "I was _terrified_ to have him so close to me, I couldn't control myself. I _knew_ he wasn't going to hurt me, but I was so scared of just having him there." It was really upsetting her that Matt was having this affect, with Voight and Antonio she could have them near her, they could sit by her side and touch her hand gently, carefully, she would get a little nervous but the small touchers were the baby steps she needed to be taking.

But with Matt everything was different, the terror she would feel when he was around was unbearable and it scared her to know that's how she reacted around him. "I don't want to be scared of him, I don't want to have to get away from him." She sighed, she had had enough of being scared of Matt, she wanted to move on with her life, wanted to get her best friend back but she couldn't stop pushing him away, she couldn't help feeling the way she did.

"Alright Gabby, it's alright to feel that way. Have you thought that maybe you're not terrified of him but your terrified of what he means? You aren't in love with Voight and Antonio, you weren't sleeping with either of them so having them close to you means something different than having Matt there. Matt touches you differently, he elicits a different feeling inside of you, that's why you are scared, that why being so close to him terrifies you so much." Gabby thought for a minute, she knew new that were was a different reason as to why she reacted that way, she just never thought that it had to do with how he affected her.

"You love him Gabby and the thought of him touching you the same way this guy had touched you, that's what scares you because you don't have to hurt Matt. You know…deep down, that if you let Matt hold your hand or touch your arm or even try and kiss you that it will bring back the memory of what happened. You are scared that you won't be able to see Matt anymore, that all you will see is _him._ " Gabby blinked, she hated that he was right.

"Look Gabby, I think you need to tell Matt, not for him or for your relationship but for you Gabby. You won't be able to look at him and see Matt until you do because _he_ still has that power over you. Everything you do from this moment on will be to take back the power he has taken from you Gabby…this is the first step. He may have taken something from you, but you have the chance to take your life back. Antonio is part of your life and you have him back, work is part of your life, your working again, Anna and Matt are the next things you need to take back."

Matt and Anna, sounds so simple and yet the hardest part. Matt was one thing but her sister…she didn't know how she was going to approach that.

* * *

 _Gabby stumbled backwards as the door was pushed open against her, her head hitting the hardwood flooring with a sickening thump, a moan escaping her lips as little white lights danced around her eyes. She rolled to the side her hands coming to her head as she tried to clear the fuzziness away but only succeeded in blocking her view of the man that was now standing by her side._

 _She could hear him close to her, each step bringing this person closer to her, she didn't even know who it was, all she remembered was thinking of Matt, thinking it was him standing on the other side of the door, but this wasn't Matt, there would be no way that this was him._

 _Trying to get to her feet, Gabby cried out in pain as the man tangled his hands in her hair, pulling her roughly to her feet, her hands shooting up to her head, trying to pull her hair from his hands. He held her there tightly, his right arm bringing her arm behind her back, resting his chest against her back, locking her against him so she could not move._

 _He had not spoken, did not even utter a word as he reached for her, his hands slipping into her hair, tightening painfully as he pulled her from the ground, a cry escaping her lips and she struggled, still too blurry to really understand what was going on. Groaning, she rolled onto her side, hiding her face from the man in her apartment but giving him the perfect angle to reach for her, his fingers tangling in her hair pulling roughly so he was dragging her towards the couch, his hand clasping around her neck tightly, barely letting out a puff of air, her breathing becoming ragged and wheezy instantly. No matter how much she fought against this person, he would hold her tighter, his grip on her increasing with each of her movements._

 _Gabby cried out, her hands shooting to her head to try and release his hand, his grip tightening more as he fought, kicking her legs and clawing at his hands. "Let me go you son of a bitch!" She cried out, her nails scratching at his hands to try and get him to let go, fighting again his hold._

 _But still he said nothing, just used his strength to pull her up onto the couch, his hands fighting against hers to lock around her wrists, holding her down to the cushions, his knee between her legs, holding her in place. "Please no! Stop!" she tried again, hoping that maybe she was able to yell loud enough that someone in the other apartments could hear her._

 _The next few seconds were a blur, Gabby managed to fight her way from under him, her elbow somehow connecting with his nose as she struggled under him, sending him backwards onto the couch, she rolled off quickly, stumbling as he reached for her, his hand wrapping around her ankle, sending her forward against the coffee table, her head snapping back painfully at the contact._

 _Gabby groaned, the cool feeling a blood dripped down her temple, the edge of the table opening up her forehead with a painfully large gash. His hands reached for her again, pulling harshly on the material of her shirt, ripping the side of it when she tried to pull away again, this time causing him to anger suddenly, blow after blow of painful hits to her ribs, sending the wind from her lungs and the feeling of cracking bone through her chest, he was breaking her ribs, he had already cut open her cut, what else was he going to do to her?_

 _Fighting hard against him, Gabby's nails connected with his arm, holding on as tight as she could, a deep howl of pain coming from his lips as they bit further into his skin. With a quick slap of her arms, he connected another blow of his fist to her face, whipping her head to the side, lulling to the side again but she wasn't giving up without a fight, she wasn't going to let him win._

 _Again she kicked, as hard as she could, her knee connecting with his groin, this time causing him to fall away from her, enough for her to crawl away from him, her left hand to her chest, cradling it carefully as she noted the pain resonating from there, no doubt a broken bone or two from his grip on her._

 _Again it was a blur, she didn't know how but she had found herself pressed chest first against the wall, his hand still at her throat, a silent scream falling from her lips as she tired to fight him off, the bones in her wrist grinding together as he pulled her arm further back. Quickly she was spun, her back hitting the wall, a cry from her lips and a glancing blow of a fist connecting with the side of her face and then her stomach, her head sagging forward against her will on to his shoulder, the breath leaving her body quicker than she could think, her empty gasps filling the otherwise silent apartment._

 _She was able to make it too the bedroom, she remembers biting down on his neck, a deep howl coming from his lips as he pushed away from her, giving her a chance to run, or run as well as she was able to. Slamming the door closed quickly before moving to the other side of the bed, struggling to stand straight, Gabby sucked in a deep breaths as she tried to right herself, tears already streaming down her face from sheer panic and fear. She could already feel the pain throughout her body, the throbbing in her side and head, the sharp pain across her ribs and in her wrist and now she was stuck._

 _She swallowed, listening closely for any noise, any indication that he was still there, something that might tell her where he was but there was only silence, deafening and terrifying. She didn't want to leave the room, didn't dare venture anywhere near the door and so she stood, rooted to the spot on the far side of her bedroom, her hands shaking against her chest, jumping at every small noise that she heard._

 _The creak of the door was more deafening than anything she had ever heard, it terrified her, a complete fear that comes with knowing that you are in serious trouble, it had only happen once before, being stuck in a fire, waiting for Matt to bring a ladder for her and Shay to get out of the building. But this was worse; this was not a scene where there were two dozen people standing around working out how best to come and save her, this was a lonely and terrifying situation that she had no idea how or if she was going to get out of it._

 _Slowly she took one very precise step at a time, her whole body shaking in fear as Gabby moved towards the edge of the bed, each step slow and careful not too make too much noise but it didn't seem to matter, suddenly her bedroom door swung open and his thumping footsteps echoed through the room, flashes of green shirt coming to her vision as she tried to meet him head on, tried to push past him only be thrown back against the dresser, both their bodies crashing against the floor, echoes of item from the top of the dresser hitting the floor._

 _As they lay against the floor, he rolled himself on top of Gabby, his forearm coming to her throat as he held her down, fighting against her grip, as she didn't give up, Gabby continued to fight again him, her legs kicking, her hands reaching and scratching but air was becoming an issue for her, black spots started enter her vision, her hands dropping to his arm against her neck instinctively, the will to live taking over the will to fight. "Please…" she breathed out. Begging, her last ditch effort to get him to give her some air, she was struggling, but he pulled away ever so slightly at this point, giving her the much needed air she craved._

 _But it meant nothing, while she was sucking in as much air as possible, his free hand slipped to her pants and in one motion he had gotten them around her ankles, his knee rising to rest again her inner thigh, keeping her from moving, realisation hitting her harder than his punches, she knew what he was doing, knew what he was going to do and there was nothing she could do about it._

 _She struggled under him, clearly this was exciting him even more, his laughter entered her ears, his free hand moving his own pants, the sound of the zip releasing causing her to sob out loud, another beg for him to not do what he was about it, "please…don't…please…" it was breathy, barely there as she tried to push him off her but he was keeping her awake enough to know what was happening but not with enough air in her body to allow her to fight him off._

" _This is what you get…" was all he spoke as he pushed his knee further into her thigh, her bodily reaction to pull away from the pain, opening her legs further for him, letting him take the opportunity he got. Gabby let out a painfully loud scream, how no one had heard her she didn't know, but as he pushed himself inside of her, she felt as though her whole body was being torn apart._

 _Still she fought, with as much power as she could, she pushed against him, only succeeding in arousing him even more, he laughed again, pushing further and harder with each cry she let out, her pain setting him off. Tears flowed unchallenged down her cheeks as he moved, each motion more painful than the last until something broke inside of her, her hands that were pushing against his face slackened, falling at her sides, her head lulling away from him, her whole body melting away as the pain became too much._

 _With her head away from him, he leaned down, his lips touching her neck almost lovingly, "This is what you get…" repeated as he sunk his teeth into her shoulder, his movements quickening, the pain unbearable, the world slipping away as she lay there, his arm still at her throat, keeping her still._

 _She's fought for so long that giving up never seemed like an option for Gabby, but she couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breath…only let the darkness take over her as she slipped away, that face, that smile, that sicking laugh. Jeremy's face the only thing she could focus on as he broke her._

Gabby shot up in her bunk as she tried to get her breathing back, her whole body shook at the memory, she felt sick, she felt dirty, felt the same way she had when it had all happened, quickly she shot up out of bed, running straight to the bathroom's, emptying her stomach the second she made it there. It was Jeremy; that was the first time she had remembered the attack, not in flashes or broken pieces, one full memory of the night that ruined her. She cried out as she held on to the bowl, fresh tears streaking down her cheeks as she sobbed.

These fresh memories causing her world to start collapsing once again. She didn't know how she was going to be able to work through this now; she was alone in the firehouse, alone at home alone in her own world, no matter how much Voight or Antonio wanted to help her, no one could help her, she had been struggling to hold herself up recently, barely able to keep her head above water, faking the smile that she _knew_ that neither of them believed but it got her through the days at the firehouse.

 _Everybody's screaming_

 _I try to make a sound but no one hears me_

 _I'm slipping off the edge,_

 _I'm hanging by a thread,_

 _I wanna start this over again_

She rocked back onto her heels, bringing her knees to her chest as her sobs increased, her hands shaking, her mind a mess, she was fighting a losing battle within herself, she didn't know how much longer she could hold on. The pain from the memories was becoming too much for her recently, it was as though every step forward she took something shoved her back three steps.

Gabby didn't know how much more she could take, she needed an outlet, she needed something to push her forward or she wasn't going to be able move forward on her own. Gingerly she pushed herself up from the floor, running a shaking hand over her face, she washed her mouth out, the sound of the bathroom door opening catching her attention, her dark, tired eyes locking instantly with Matt's worried and hurt eyes.

She had been pushing him away, she had been hurting him but she couldn't have him near her anymore, couldn't bear the thought of being near him, it all just hurt too much. For the moment that their eyes stayed connected, Matt spoke, "Are you alright?" he knew she wasn't but it was what something to at least get her attention.

But there was silence for a moment, Gabby just staring at Matt, she looked terrible, she looked unwell, like she hadn't been sleeping or eating, "I'm fine." She mumbled as she pushed passed him, she needed to get away from him, needed to find her space…she needed Voight.

Matt gave out a deep huff as she left; he was even more torn between being worried about her and angry with her.

 _How could this happen to me?_

 _I made my mistakes_

 _Got nowhere to run_

 _Life goes on as I'm fading away_

 _I'm sick of this life, I just want to scream_

 _How could this happen to me?_

* * *

Gabby paced back and forward at the front of the firehouse, waiting impatiently for Voight to turn up. She had called him almost 20 minutes ago and he still hadn't shown up. He had said he would be there soon, but at that moment 'soon' wasn't soon enough. She had woken up from a nap (she had no idea how she had fallen asleep, she must be really tired) covered in sweet, shaking terribly, memories flooding back to her during her nap, things she was only just remembering, things she needed to tell him.

When she had shot up out of her bed, she had rushed to her phone, calling Voight instantly, then she rushed from the bunkroom, past the confused faces of those in the common room, not even glancing once at Matt, who had been icy towards her, not that she could blame him, she had been pushing him away, he was confused and hurt by her actions.

And so she waited with bated breath every time a dark car drove past or the image of a person walked passed, she needed Voight to hurry up, she needed him to be there.

After a few minutes more of waiting he finally made his way up the driveway towards her, "Gabby…what's wrong?" He was worried, it was the second time she had called him while on shift but this was something different, the desperation in her voice had worried him. This would be the second time he would make it to the firehouse, the same firehouse where he knew a certain lieutenant would knock him unconscious if he saw him.

He didn't actually know how Matt would react if he saw Voight standing there, it would be the first confrontation since Voight had been arrested, since Matt had helped Antonio arrest him. Voight wasn't proud of how he acted at that time but he had chosen to stay away from the firehouse and Matt as much as possible, but if he kept having to come to the house like he had been, it wouldn't long before Matt saw him and he worried that all hell would break lose, especially considering Voight and Gabby were interacting so much, he was pretty sure that that would be the straw that broke the camel's back for Matt and he worried even more that that would cause problems for Gabby.

He didn't want to be the reason why she and Matt were at odds; he also didn't think that Gabby could handle being at odds with Matt. Even thought she refused to talk to him about what had happened and she had been pushing him away, deep down Gabby knew she needed Matt more than anyone else, Voight was just worried his involvement would be too much for Matt.

She rubbed her hands over her arms, trying to calm her body down, "I ah…I feel asleep and I remembered some things, more things. I remember what he looks like, I remember him staring down at me, smiling. I know who it was…" This was what had freaked her out so much; it wasn't the memory of what he had done, she remembered most of that but the missing piece, the part of the whole night that she couldn't remember was what he looked like and now she did.

His piercing green eyes staring back at her, the sickening smile that flashed on his face as he held her down, it was all at the front of her mind now. He had done this too her, he had taken a piece of her she didn't know if she was able to get back, "It was Jeremy, my sister's ex boyfriend." He breathed it out, barely about to comprehend what she was saying, trying to understand that it had actually been him that had done this. How could she have not have thought about him before hand.

Voight sighed, "Are you sure? He wasn't in the city…or so his sister says. We haven't been able to confirm it either way." It was true, Voight had gotten the backup alibi from Jeremy's sister but he hadn't believed it, there was something about her.

Gabby huffed, he had believed every word she had said up until now and now he was questioning her, "Yes I'm sure. If you don't believe me I'll get my brother to check him out. You have the DNA from my tests, fine him, get his DNA." She was angry, how could Voight be questioning her now. She crossed her arms over her chest, Antonio had been trying to get more information out of her and Voight since finding out but she had asked him to leave, begged him to just be the person by her side if she needed it and _not_ be the cop.

She turned on her heels, hot tears forming in her eyes as she did, she hated that he didn't believe her, that he was questioning her judgement. As she turned, Voight reached out and grabbed her arm, "Wait, Gabby wait a minute…" He had been touching her more and more recently, she had asked him to help her, asked him to help her get used to being around people and have them touch her. He had hugged her a few times, when she needed to feel the present, needed to be grounded from whatever nightmare she was having.

"I never said that I didn't believe you, I just wanted to be sure that's all…Hey come here…" He noticed that the tears that were in her eyes had started to fall and so he pulled her into his arms, holding her close as she cried, the realisation that the person who had attacked her, who had raped her was the abusive ex boyfriend of her very heavily pregnant baby sister. Gabby let out a deep sob, her arms wrapping around Voight's waist, holding him close as she cried.

Oh how she was getting tired of crying all the time.

* * *

Matt sat quietly at the kitchen table, newspaper resting open as he finally had a chance to catch up on the sports, having been so busy catching up on all his paper work he hadn't really had a chance to sit and relax. He was taking full advantage of his chance when he heard the bunkroom door open, Gabby quickly walking passed, her head down, this was not overly unusually, she had been very closed off and secretive recently. Shaking his head he tried not to think about Gabby, it hurt too much to know she had fallen so far from him recently.

He had found her in the bathroom earlier that day, he knew something wasn't right, he knew something was actually terrible wrong but he couldn't seem to understand what, she wouldn't tell him and it seemed no one else knew what was going on either. He hated that he wasn't able to be there for her, that whatever was going on that she couldn't trust him but she had been making it perfectly clear that she didn't want him in her life and he was going to do whatever he can give that to her. He was still angry though and with each passing missed encounter, his anger only grew.

He looked back down at his paper, finally finding something interesting to reach when he noticed that his coffee was empty. Why was it every time he got comfortable something was missing? Sighing he stood, his eyes still on the paper, finishing the line he was reading before moving towards the coffee pot. He could sense where everyone was in the room, Severide, Cruz, Otis and Capp were playing cards by the side table, Hermann and Mouch were watching the TV while Mills was playing with Pouch who was hiding his spare pair of socks.

He had to laugh though; everyone was having a really good time that day, everyone seemed happy. He leaned with his back against the counter, his eyes connecting with the TV, checking out the scores to the Ducks/Bruins game that had just been on the TV. Movement through the window caught his attention and he glanced up, expecting it to just be someone walking by but he froze. Standing in the drive to the firehouse, _his_ firehouse was Hank Voight. The man who tried to have him framed for possession of drugs, who tried to buy him off, who had had him beaten and who had put a hit out on him.

Matt's blood boiled to know that this man, this son of a bitch had the nerve to show himself in the firehouse again. It had been the first time he had seen him since he was arrested and he planned on never seeing him again, short of maybe killing him himself, he didn't want anything to do with the prick. And yet there he was _and_ talking to Gabby no less. They seemed deep in conversation, her stance telling him that she wasn't happy at all.

This made Matt's blood boil even more, how dare he not only come to the firehouse but have to gall to even think he had the right to approach Gabby, to talk to her and worse, touch her!? Matt watched in anger as Voight reached out for her, his hand coming around her arm. Matt must have slammed down his coffee cup on the counter because everyone in the common room looked up at him, their eyes following his, gasping in shock.

"What is Voight doing here?" Matt wasn't even sure who had said it but it needed to be said, everyone in that firehouse had Matt's back, each ready to stand up for their lieutenant if needed. But Matt didn't care, he moved away from the counter, intent on approaching Voight and telling him to get the hell out of there and leave Gabby alone, vaguely aware that everyone was literally following him.

But then it happened, she turned to face him and instead of pulling away or pushing Voight away from her, she let him pull her close, let him hug her, her arms hugging his waist, holding him just as tight as he was holding her.

What the hell was going on? How could Gabby do this to him? Let that filth touch her like that, she knew everything that Voight had done to him, how much he had hurt him and here she was, clearly not a care in the world as she stood in the middle of the firehouse drive way _hugging_ him.

Matt felt sick, he couldn't believe it, couldn't understand it and he was pretty sure that he couldn't forgive her for this. This man almost killed him and she was becoming his best friend. He felt all eyes on him, everyone else in the common room worried about what Matt would say or do, but as the colour drained him his face, Matt stood shaking, unsure about how to deal with what he was seeing. She didn't even look like she was pulling away; Voight had even placed a kiss on her head.

That was the last straw; Matt turned on his heels and went to his office, the resonating sound of the slam of his door echoing through the whole firehouse. No one could believe what they were seeing.

* * *

Matt pushed open the back door to the firehouse, he needed to clear his head, get some air into his lungs and huff out as much of his frustration as possible. It wasn't that he was angry with Gabby he was just frustrated with the whole situation, she had been back at work for two weeks and she seemed to be pushing him away as much as possible, and it wasn't just him, it was everyone, no saw her out of the firehouse, she left as soon as shift was over, she shunned any suggestion one going to Molly's and she played off not answered her phone as _'she didn't hear it'_.

He shouldn't be frustrated, she was doing it to everyone but he felt more hurt than maybe he had a right to. She would push him way, shut him out and it as frustrating him because they had been getting so much closer and she was suddenly on the back foot, changing her intentions towards him. It confused him and frustrated him all at once.

And not only that, the whole thing with Voight earlier in the day had really thrown him, how could she have such interaction with the man who she _knew_ had tried to have him killed, who had no doubt been the reason why Hallie was dead and also the reason why they hadn't talked in a month when she had gone to him for help with Antonio. He just could not understand what the hell she was thinking? She couldn't come to him about her problems, but she was happily interacting with Voight? This thought angered him even more, he was fed up with shit recently, he had had enough of all of it.

As he pushed open the door, it swung back against the brick of the house, banging loudly, causing someone to jump and cry out, Matt couldn't help the eye roll that came when he saw Gabby, he had been avoiding her the last few hours, taking her so obvious desire to stay away from him as a hint that she didn't want to be with him anymore, that and he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't explode about the whole Voight thing. "Sorry. I'll go." He mumbled, turned his back not really wanting to talk to her, it hurt or much.

He heard her sniff, clearing her throat, "No it's alright, I was just getting up to leave." She dropped her head, steadying herself before she was going to move, lack of sleep had been affecting her more and more each day, the simple jobs were the hardest right now. She wanted to look up at him, wanted to reach out for him like he was her life jacket, he was the only thing keeping her head above water, and to her and he was.

She had made the decision that she was going to tell him the few days before hand, that she was going to try and work through her fear and be close to him but it as harder than she thought it s going to be. She didn't know how he was going to react, would he feel sorry for her? Hate her? Feel nothing? Not care at all? She just couldn't be sure and that's what scared her most.

Matt snapped, he loved her too much to continue to be treated the way she was treating him and it was hard for him to take it. When they had broken up she had at least been kind, trying to make it easier on him while on shift, he knew she was trying, but recently it was as if she was a different person, "You know what, I'm tired of this Gabby. I'm sorry but not to long again you said that you still loved me and we were supposed to be getting back to where used to be. But now...you're treating me like a stranger and it hurts too much to know that you have fallen so far from me. And then I see you with Voight? Are you kidding me?! You know what he did to me and I see you today all happy to be in _his_ arms? Do you know how sick that makes me feel?"

Matt let the door close behind him with a bang but didn't move, he watched her, sitting on the bench, her hands shaking much like he had seen happen ever shift since she had gotten back. "I mean, if you don't want to be with me, fine. Just don't screw with me. I've had enough of being jerked around and so I just want to know. Coz right now you treat me like I've hurt you, like I have been so cruel to you about something. You have been pushing me away, closing yourself off and if I've done something then I think I deserve to know."

He was angry now, his face reddening, he didn't want to be angry with her, he didn't want to feel the way he did but he loved her with more than he thought possible and she was hurting him. When he was met with silence, he huffed again, "I'm done Gabby, this...you and me, whatever we could have been, I can't do it anymore." Quickly he turned on his heels, his hand closing around the cold of the door handle but she stopped him.

Or more importantly, a sob stopped him. He wanted so much to turn around, to reach out for her but he had to stand by himself, had to hold himself tall or else he would crumble and his resolve would crumble and he would be by her side. And so he did, he knew he was hurting her but part of him didn't care, he needed to think about himself. It was not the sob that stopped him though it was her voice.

The soft, lost little girl that had become the persona that Gabby had shown the last few weeks, her voice barely above a whisper, pleading him to stay, "Wait, please Matt..." She didn't even think about him seeing Voight, this small fact made the whole situation so much harder.

"Why? What could possible make me want to wait right now? Because I'm really struggling to handle this." Again he was met with silence, now he groaned, "You know what? Whatever." His handle dropped the handle to open the door but she spoke again, this time desperate.

"No please! Wait" but he was moving through the door, not bothering to stop, and then he heard it, the words that could break him, that stopped him in his tracks like a brick wall. A strangled sob escaped her lips, mixing in with the words but he heard them, "I was raped."

At first there was silence, stretching long and harsh, almost showing the cogs turning in Matt's head as he processed what she had just said. Then came the hitch of his breathe as he did actually understand what she said the words finally making sense to him in a way he wished they never would.

Then his breath laboured as he tried to formulate something to say in return, but what do you say to something like that? How do you act when you just heard that the woman you were completely in love with had been attacked in a way that no one should ever have been. She heard the deep sigh and the 'shit' that left his lips as he moved from the door, no doubt images and his imagination running wild now, but he worst part, the worst part was the silence, the agony that came from waiting to hear what he would say, what he would do.

Gabby was yet to look up at him, yet to pull her eyes away from the spot on her lap that she had suddenly found more interesting than anything else in the back of the firehouse. She felt him move, expecting to hear the door open and close once more but instead she felt him by her side, sitting on the bench next to her but keeping his distance. Silence filling the air, deafening them both.

 **I know you probably hate me right now but at least Matt knows…please review with your thoughts! xx**


	15. Harder Than You Thought Possible

**I want to thank Shelby first off, I couldn't have written this first part without you! MWAH!**

 **I can't believe that you guys gave me 33 reviews for the last chapter! Are you kidding me? That is insane! I want to thank the regulars coz you are awesome but also the guests and new guys that reviewed as well, thank you all so much!**

 **I know the last chapter was a bit of a tease coz I ended it the way I did but I felt that Matt finding out needed it's own chapter (which means** _ **he**_ **gets his own chapter!)**

 **Please review! :D**

 **Chapter 15 – Harder Than You Thought Possible**

Matt didn't know what to say to Gabby as they sat there quietly, he wasn't sure what could be said, he opened his mouth a few times but no sound came out and no words formed in his head to be spoken. He had had the training, he had the knowledge but this was different, this was something else. This was someone he knew, someone he'd known for years, someone he loves more than life itself. This was Gabby, sweet, caring, hot headed Gabby; this wasn't some victim they were called away to on shift. This was one of their own. This was _his_ girl.

This was actually scary. He opened his mouth a few times but again nothing came out, nothing found its way out of his mouth, his mind literally couldn't form the words he needed to speak. "It's alright, Antonio and Boden didn't know what to say either." She gave a light chuckle, was she trying to make him laugh? He just looked at her, noting that she still hadn't looked up at him, still hadn't pulled her eyes away from her lap, whatever was keeping her attention there was much stronger than his wish for her to look up at him.

He tried again, this time forcing something to come out, "I…" but that was it; that was all he could get as he watched her, taking her all in, his eyes focussing on the cut on her lip, his mind going crazy with ideas of what had happened to her that could have caused it. He swallowed deeply, shaking his head as he looked at her, taking her all in for the first time.

She gave a dry laugh, "It's alright you don't have to say anything." Her voice was harsh, taking his silence as him not caring but when in fact he just didn't know how to get out any of the words he wanted to. Does he ask if she is ok? Does he ask what happened? Does he ask where she has been? He's just about to form one of those questions when she beats him to it. "I ah…it was the reason I had those three weeks off recently, I had some…injuries…that needed to heal before I could come back to work."

He cringed inwardly at those words. _Injuries._ He has to swallow the lump in his throat. A thought in the back of his head is telling him that this is real, this isn't some practical joke. Gabby went through this, she'd suffered this and now she was trying to live with it. Oh how he wished it was some sick joke, some sick, disgusting, joke, but it wasn't, her pain was real, her suffering _real._

Matt nodded, he still wasn't too sure what to say or what was appropriate, he didn't want to push her, but he also didn't want her to take his silence as uninterested, "Boden let you back to work on ambo to start you off slow?" He didn't need to say it, it didn't need to be confirmed, but he said it anyway, hoping that it would help get his voice back, get his mind back in order for him to actually form a proper thought. Getting a nod from Gabby, watching her look further away from him, putting all her attention away from him. "Gabby…I…I am so sorry." Each word spoke strongly, hoping she would understand how sorry he actually was.

What else could he say? What else could someone really say at that point? Matt waited to see her reaction, waited to see if there was something she was going to give him. With her face still away from him, she nodded; he could tell she was fighting back tears, fighting to keep her emotions down, fighting to keep herself in one piece. "Thanks…I ah…thanks, Matt. I'm sorry, I know I've been hard on you, I know I've been pushing you away and I didn't really want to."

"No Gabby, no…please don't apologise, I'm sorry that I've been a dick. I just…I thought you really were over me, us and so I guess I took it out on you. But I never…would never have…if I'd have known…Gabby…I…" he couldn't even finish his sentences, his mind in a million places, pieces of sentence and conversations that he wanted to say, all jumbling in his mind, mixing with each other.

Gabby sucked in a deep breath, "Don't. Please don't." She pleads softly, she wasn't sure if she could handle the words that would have left his mouth had she not cut him off. Working up the courage she says her next words softly, but determined. "I ah…I guess you want to know what happened…" He didn't need to speak, she only continued, her hands shaking in her lap, the feeling of fear deep in her stomach, unsure of what he was going to do when he found out. Swallowing again, she looked down at her hands, still not having looked at Matt, unsure if she could bear looking at him, seeing the sadness and pain in his eyes.

"I was home and someone knocked on the door, I thought it was you…I thought you were there, so I opened the door. The next thing I know he was pushing the door open, and I was falling backwards. He ah…he was too strong, no matter how much I fought he was just always stronger." Gabby sucked in a breath, feeling Matt stiffen by her side, his silence stretching further, neither of them really knowing what to do at this point, how to handle this situation, but Gabby continued on anyways, her strong front holding up and not wavering yet.

"Anyway…I woke up on the floor in my bedroom. I called Voight…" this got a reaction, next to her Matt sucked in a deep breath, he stiffened even more, she knew that bringing up Voight might have caused an issue but he needed to know. "I've been staying with Voight, he has been helping me." She explains softly, afraid of what his reaction would be to her reaching out to Voight.

When he doesn't say anything she continues on nervously. "He uh, he's been helping me get back on my feet while I heal... He's been really been good to me, Matt. With everything. I know you have your issues with the guy and I'm not ignoring what happened with you too, he just…I just…he was..." She trails off, not sure what to say to make Matt understand why Voight was the one of all people that she had sought out. "I'm sorry..." She whispers.

She was apologising to him. _She_ was apologising to _him._ He couldn't understand it, the minute he had heard Voight's name, he stiffened, his hatred for that man taking over faster than he realised and Gabby had felt it, but she had thought it was his way of being upset with her, "No Matt please…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" She was starting to panic, she turned to him, her eyes welling with more tears than he had ever seen, her bottom lip quivering as she tired to apologise for upsetting him.

"No! No! Gabby it's all right, I'm not upset with you, I promise…" he wanted to reach out to touch her, it had always been a way of calming her down, he would hold her hand, look into her eyes and she would calm down. But he couldn't, he wouldn't risk reaching out and freaking her out even more than she already was. "I'm sorry I reacted that way, I didn't mean it…please, it's alright. It's just hard, hearing his name, thinking about him…" Matt felt that she needed an explanation for his reaction, after all lack of communication was their issue at the end of their relationship, he didn't want that to be their issue again, regardless of their situation, she was still his best friend.

He spoke softly, surprised that he was able to even form a sentence as he had, so far he hadn't been able to even think, let alone form a sentence. It seemed to help, Gabby's whole body seemed to relax only a little, her rapid apologising slowly trailing off as she watched him. It was the first time she had actually looked at him since those three words slipped through her lips, the daunting, terrifying words that had hurt her so much.

He couldn't stop looking at her, the hint of a faded bruise on the side of her cheek, a light dusting of colour that didn't belong resting on her cheekbone. There was a look, deep inside her eyes; it was fear, fear of what he would think about her, fear of what he would say. She was scared, not of him but of his reactions. "Gabby, I…" No she wasn't scared, she was terrified.

Then she stood, shooting away from him like she had been burned, like he had burned her, "No, please no. Please don't look at me like that. I can't handle that, not from you, from anyone but you Matt." She was crying, standing as far away from him as possible, her arms held tightly to her body, protecting herself. _Look at me like that?_ How was he looking at her? What look could she not handle from him?

He stood quickly, his hands raised in defence, he was just trying to show her that whatever was scaring her, he didn't mean. "Gabby please…Gabby…" But it was no use; she was too frightened of whatever it was that he had done to listen to him.

"No, Matt. Please, all right. Just please don't look at me like that. I can't handle it. Please." She was pacing, shaking, her mind working over time with the stress of him finding out and the stress of trying to tell him what had happened. He couldn't even get her to look at him.

"Gabby, stop!"

He raised his voice, he didn't mean to, he didn't want to but he needed to try and calm her down, needed to get her attention, needed to do something that would bring her back to this reality, bring her back to the knowledge that regardless of what had happened to her, she was safe now and that he would do anything to help her.

"Gabriella? Are you alright?" Boden stood at the door, staring at them both with deep concern.

* * *

Boden pushed open the side door to the firehouse; he had been looking for Matt for the last 10 minutes, not being able to find him, no one being able to tell him where Matt was. As he pushed open the door, he found Gabby standing with her arms crossed over her stomach, tears streaking down her cheeks, Matt was standing by the bench across from her he looked shocked, unsure and concerned. "Gabriella? Are you alright?" He was worried suddenly, he had no idea what was going on and considering what had happened to Gabby, he was very protective over her.

But she looked up at him as he spoke, smiling gently, wiping away the tear that rested against her cheeks, swallowing thickly, "Yeah I'm alright Chief, we are just talking." There was something in her voice that made Boden look towards Matt who had also looked up at him, his eyes dark and lost, telling him exactly what was going on. "It's alright." She was trying to push him back inside the firehouse, wanting to be left alone.

He looked towards Matt, wanting to make sure that they really were ok before leaving, Matt nodded, telling his Chief that he had it all under control. Once the door closed Matt turned back to Gabby, waiting for her to calm down a little more, he was letting her take as much time as she needed, he wasn't going to push her, wasn't going to force her to do anything.

Having that break with Boden coming in seemed to have snapped her out of her panic, she sighed, dropping her head, again, not able to look him in the eyes again, "I went to the hospital, Kendra was there…she told me about what he did to me, said I fought back, said I didn't stop fighting but he ah…I had a sprained wrist, broke a few of my ribs, more cuts and bruises than you could see. He um…Kendra said that what he did to me was bad, that it was going to take time to heal…I'm still healing."

Matt understood what she was saying, she didn't needed to explain anymore than that, and it seemed that he was not going to get anymore out of her at this stage. He swallowed, again unsure about what to say to her and so he stayed quiet, hoping that she would approach him, she would want to have him by her side. Slowly she moved over to his side, her head still, her hands shaking, the adrenaline that was running through her system minutes ago now coming down, she was tried, tired of crying, of talking, of the emotions. Just having Matt by her side like this, even after everything that she had told him, it was a relief.

Slowly she turned her head to face him, still concerned that he hadn't said anything more, hadn't really shown any emotion towards what she had said, more to how she had been acting, sighing deeply, she raised a shaking hand to his, resting it against his hand that sat on his thigh. It was the most contact she had had from Matt in a very long time, she was hesitant, as was he, but the contact was enough to bring her down, level out her emotions for at least this night.

* * *

Matt sighed as he lay against his bunk, his mind going over everything that Gabby had told him not too long ago, she had sighed after a few minutes of silence, telling him that she was going to bed and she had left him there, in the back of the firehouse, darkness coming over him, leaving him to his thoughts. He honestly didn't know what to think, the idea of her being hurt the way she had been was making him sick…actually he had been sick.

Moments after she had left him there alone, heading back inside to her bunk, the full weight of what she had told him, _'I was raped'_ hitting him, he had barely made it to the trash can by the side wall, the contents of his stomach being emptied at the thought of her fighting, screaming, crying and someone not listening, willingly and joyfully inflicting that sort of pain on her, the thought of someone hurting her the way they had.

He shook his head, trying to forget those images and focus on how to help but he couldn't, this was Gabby Dawson he was thinking about, the girl who had stolen his heart long before he should have allowed it, this was the girl that was the only person he wanted in his life, this was _his_ girl and he couldn't help her, he couldn't do a thing to help her through the pain she was feeling. He was numb, unsure and empty at the feeling of not knowing what to do to help her at all. He made his choice though; he was going to see the one person who could help him out.

* * *

The next morning Matt went straight from the firehouse to district 21, thankful that their calls had been few and far between the night before but he could not sleep, there was no way that he would have been able to get any sleep after his conversation.

And so he waited patiently for Platt to look up from her paperwork, seeing that she had been writing something, he didn't want to interrupt. As she looked up at him, he smiled gently, "Hi I was wondering if Detective Dawson or Sargent Voight were in? I'm Matt Casey from firehouse 51." He felt sick asking for Voight, his voice faltering at his name but he needed to speak to either of them.

Platt nodded, she knew who Matt was, Antonio used to go on about Matthew Casey who was going to marry his sister, she also knew they had broken up, she raised her eyebrow at him, "He's gone out." She didn't know that Antonio and Matt were still close or that gabby and Matt were still close, as far as she was concerned, Matt had broken Antonia's sister heart.

But before he could reply Burgess came to his side, "It's alright Sarge, I've got him." She smiled to Matt, having worked with him a few time, they had come to know each other well. She lead him to the stairs, getting buzzed in, she let him upstairs. "They should be back soon, you can wait in a Voight's office." She pointed him towards the far back office.

Silence filled the upstairs room, they were all out, each having gone to lunch and so Matt had his thoughts to himself. As he entered the office, he sighed, he hated Voight with a passion, he promised himself that if he ever saw him again, he would lay him out but now, having him so involved with Gabby, helping her, guiding her, he just didn't know what to think.

She must have been so desperate to call Voight or maybe he really was different, he'd heard from Antonio a few times that Voight was the best person to have on your side if you needed something but after everything that Voight did to Matt, he just couldn't believe it, he wouldn't believe it.

He started by moving towards the window, sighing, he was still in two minds about going to Voight, but he trusted Antonio and if he wanted answers, he would have to deal with them both. He rubbed his head, how did this whole situation get so fucked up? How much more could Gabby take before she broke completely? How the fuck did he let her go?

He groaned, he should have been one the she turned to, should have been the one she reached out for but he had made it so she couldn't, he had pushed her so far away that he didn't know if there was any chance of her ever trusting him again. Turning around he glanced down at the file on Voight's desk, there was nothing special about it, plain with now name or marking what so ever but there was something.

Slowly he reached out with shaking hands, picking it up from the desk, he swallowed, something inside of him knew that it was Gabby's file; he just had no idea what he would find if he opened it, when he opened it. He needed to know for himself that was going on, he needed to know the truth and not some watered down version Antonio or Voight would tell him. He needed to know what he did to her. His stomach felt heavy, the bad emptiness feeling you get from being scared.

Slowly he flipped opened the file, taking a deep breath he looked down, the first thing he found was Gabby's face staring up at him, she was looking away from the camera, her face bruised and bloodied, the cut on her lip angry and red, the cut on her forehead stitched towards her hair line. His hands shook even more; he really had done a number on her.

Next he flipped the pictures, one after another of bruising over her arms, chest, stomach, a picture of her wrist in a splint and her ribs bandaged, her hands showing him that she had fought back, that she had scratched him, she had put up one hell of a fight. He couldn't control his breathing as he looked at the images of what that doc had done to gabby, his beautiful girl who didn't deserve anything that she had been through recently.

But what made him feel sick was the last picture, two actually, staring back him was the image of the inside of Gabby's thighs, the image of the deep black and purple bruising that _he_ had caused. He felt his stomach drop, this person had laid a hand on Gabby like she was a punching bag, bite marks, scratches, brushing, all images of what he had done to her, what she had to live with.

Matt couldn't bring his eyes away from the images, it was like a train wreck that you couldn't stop watching, his eyes dilated and focussed on the horrific images staring back at him, physical proof of what had happened, but he couldn't stop, he needed to know what the report said. With shaking hands, Matt flipped the image over, finding the doctors report; he had to swallow down the bile that had built in his throat, the feel of being sick to his stomach.

His eyes scanned over the document, _broken ribs, sprained wrist,_ all things that she has hold him about already, _abrasions over 80%_ of her body, consisting of _scratches, bite makes and bruising, cuts that required a total of_ _30 stitches,_ this she hadn't told her, she hadn't told him how many stitches she required. Matt felt as though he couldn't breath, he was having flashes of her screaming, crying, begging for him to stop; everything that she hasn't have ever had to do.

His eyes were so focussed on the papers in his hand he didn't hear Voight call his name, trying to get his attention from the doorway, Antonio standing behind him. As he looked up, he must have looked like a lost child, unsure of what to say or do, unsure of it he could even move. "Casey man, you don't need to read that..."

Antonio moved to take the file from Matt but Voight stopped his, a hand on his chest, "No, if he is going to help Gabriella, he needs to read it." Voight watched as Antonio blinked; shocked that Voight would think that Matt actually needed to read the report that he felt that Matt reading what was written would actually be helpful. Voight nodded towards the file, knowing that Matt was still very, very weary of him, he didn't blame him, he had more than proved that trusting him was something that may not be possible but right now, it wasn't about Voight or Matt or their past, it was about Gabby and helping her through the hell she was currently living.

Turning his eyes back to the file in his hands, Matt took a deep, steadying breath, careful not to let too much of his emotions go, he wanted to hold himself high, wanted to be strong for Antonio, but inside he was falling apart, he was losing the battle inside of him but he was not going to let it show.

His eyes began at the start of the document, however there wasn't much information, mainly just details of the day and time and so he scanned, finding a more detailed explanations of how certain injuries occurred. Then he found it, the one thing that he wanted to read most, the one thing that he wished he never had to read, _extreme trauma_. He knew that when a doctor wrote something like that, it was probably worse than what they meant.

Right then, he was pretty sure that if he wasn't white as a ghost already, the bloody had drained from his face completely, his colour matching that of the paper he was reading. It detailed the trauma that was inflicted on her during the most _brutal attack_ , how there were stitches not just on her face but also other parts of her body-

"Matt…" Antonio spoke softly as he watched Matt lower himself into Voight's chair, tears filling his eyes, his face pale from what he had been reading, he girl, his love, his world, had been through so much and he hadn't even been there. She had told him, she had explained what had happened but maybe it was more that he was reading the emotionless, detailed description that it suddenly hit him, like a steam train, blowing the breath right out of his lungs. He struggled to suck in the breaths, trying to get his laboured breathing back in check. Gabby had been attacked, she had been hurt and was still hurting, he felt sick that someone had done this to her. She had been _raped._

He hadn't stopped looking at the file that he had placed on the table as he sat, his shaking hands resting against his mouth, trying to hold down the sob, the scream and the sickness that he was feeling. "How…" He cleared his throat, swallowing a few times to try and work himself out. "Ah…"

But nothing was enough; nothing could stop the tear that slipped down his cheek. He had been holding in the tears since she had told him, since he had seen her panic and freak out, he didn't want to cry in front of her, he wanted to show her that he was strong, that he was there for her and he would be able to hold her up if she needed it.

"Casey, we are working through a few different things but we have a lead and I promise we are going to get him. We are working at getting him and I promise it won't be long." It was true, he and Antonio had been working with the NYPD to get Jeremy back to Chicago; they had found him in some dive but they needed to move carefully because he was smart, he would move the minute he got wind of the CPD, but they were close. He would be in the cage within the week. But they wouldn't tell him it was Jeremy, they both wanted Matt focussed purely on Gabby and they didn't want him worrying about the person who did this to her, that was their job.

"Tonio…" Matt finally looked up at Antonio, taking him in, the darkness around his eyes, the sadness. "I'm sorry man…this should never have happened, I should have been there for her, she shouldn't have been alone." And there is was, the little thing that was sitting on his heart; he blamed himself because they weren't together; if there were still together, Gabby wouldn't have been alone and someone couldn't have taken advantage of that.

But Voight jumped, "No, Matt. This is not your fault ok. She needs you to be strong, she needs you by her side." Voight was by his side now, kneeling by the side of the desk, he knew that this would be hard on Matt; he also knew that Matt needed to be strong. Voight glanced over at Antonio, who looked just as sad for him; even he knew that Matt would be blaming himself.

Shaking his head, Matt couldn't bring himself to look at Voight, for other reasons than the images inside his head, but he just couldn't bring himself to want to look at that man. But he touched his arm, Voight reached out and placed his hand on Matt's arm, bringing his eyes to him, "Hey, you love that girl more than life itself, you can't think about the past ok. This…right here…is the what she needs, she _needs_ you."

Matt blinked for a moment, this was not that man that he had met those years ago, the man who had threatened him and Hallie, the man who had had him beaten up, this man was different and it confused him. If he didn't know Voight from before, he would have wholeheartedly trusted him, but he did know him, he did know what he was like and it confused him because he didn't know what to think now. "You said…you said she has been staying with you…how is she?"

Matt knew that Gabby was putting up a front while at the firehouse; he wanted to know how she really was doing and he knew that Voight would him the truth. Voight nodded a little, "Yeah she has. She called me after it happened. I think she knew that I wouldn't become too emotional; that she could get what she needed from me. She has been doing all right now; she has been seeing someone since a few days after it happened, which I am really happy about, it has really helped her. She has her ups and downs though, sometimes she panics for no reason and sometimes she is alright. It's baby steps at the moment really."

Matt looked away from Voight for a second, ' _sometimes she panics for no reason_ ', that struck him, thinking back to the night before when he had been talking to Gabby and she had jumped, talking quickly about him not looking at her that way. "She ah…when she was telling me what happened, she was alright; I mean, she didn't look at me and she was crying but she was calm enough but then finally at one stage she looked at me and freaked out, she began hysterical crying harder, begging me not to look at her _like_ that. I didn't even know what I did; I don't know how I was looking at her. She said ' _I can't bare you looking at me like everyone else'_." He was hoping that Antonio or Voight would have some idea as to what had happened.

He looked between the two men, hoping for something. Antonio shook his head and looked away, he was struggling to say anything to Matt, wondering how either of them were going to cope with all of this is Gabby wasn't even coping. Voight nodded, "I suggested to her many times of the last few weeks that I thought it would be a good idea for her to tell you, that having you by her side would be good for her. But she wouldn't have any of it; she would panic; saying that she couldn't bare to have you look at her with sadness and pity."

Matt's eyes must have darkened at that because Voight shook his head, telling him to listen before speaking, "Matt, she loves you with everything she has, she said she is damaged, she feels dirty and broken and that if you found out that you would look at her differently, you wouldn't be able to look at her or touch her again without thinking of _him_ and she couldn't handle that. She is scared you wouldn't want her anymore."

Sadness then did fill Matt's eyes, the fact that she actually felt that way about it all, that he wouldn't want her anymore, it made him sick, she really did think that, she really thought that she was broken and damaged and not good enough for him anymore; but he would be damned it he let her think that way any loner. He would be there for her, he would show her that he wanted her and that he loved her, he just didn't know how he was going to do that if she really, truly believed it.

Dropping his shoulders, and his head, Matt let his head fall into his hands, covering his eyes, it was too much for him at that moment, there was too much going through his head and he was struggling process it all. He barely even felt that hand of Voight that rested against his shoulder, giving him as much comfort as he possibly could, Matt didn't even care that it was Voight.

* * *

"Hey man, you've been quiet…what's going on?" Severide had noticed that Matt had been quiet, unusually so, since he had run his errand after shift had finished that morning, it was worrying him. He knew that his friend was struggling without Gabby and that his advice to move on wasn't the best that he could have given but this was different, he had seen Matt and Gabby getting closer recently, they had been laughing more, talking, smiling and both their eyes filled with the love they were both trying to push away but something had changed; something for the worse.

But Matt didn't respond, he was too lost in his own thoughts of Gabby and the pain she had gone through to hear him. He couldn't stop the thought of her screaming, crying, the pain she must have been going thought and the pain she was still feeling. He couldn't believe that someone had hurt her that way, he couldn't _understand_ how someone could have hurt Gabby the way that she had been, but what he couldn't understand why he didn't notice what was wrong; well maybe not what exactly but he knew something was different about her, that something had happened.

"Casey man! Hey! What's gotten into you?" Matt looked up suddenly looked up to see Severide just looking at him, confusion written all over his face.

Matt wanted desperately to talk to Kelly about what happened to Gabby, not because he wanted him to know but because he needed someone to talk about it all, someone that wasn't Antonio, because he needed someone to talk to that didn't need him to be strong, if he broke down, he wouldn't feel bad because it wouldn't be in front of Antonio, it would be in front of someone who would just let him get it all off his chest.

But he couldn't, he couldn't betray Gabby like that, he needed to be strong for her, "Yeah, sorry, guess I didn't sleep well last night." Wasn't completely a lie, Matt hadn't sleep at all after his talk with Gabby, he actually didn't know if he was going to be able to sleep much at all anymore. He pushed passed Severide towards the apartment, he didn't want to have this conversation anymore, he couldn't trust himself to not break down in front of him.

With his head down he moved closer to the door, stopped short when he heard Severide speak again, "Hey Dawson, what are you doing here?" Matt looked up to find Gabby standing by the door, her arms around her stomach like they had been most of the time when she had been talking to him, protecting herself.

Gabby smiled, she was hoping that Severide wouldn't be there when she turned up, she actually had no idea why she was there, but she needed to see Matt, _wanted_ to see Matt. "Hey Kelly, I ah…I was hoping I could have a chat with Matt if you're not busy…" Now she turned to face Matt, hoping that he would actually want to see her and talk to her now, worried he would actually refuse her.

Matt jumped, slightly shocking Severide at how quick her replied, "Yeah of course. Let's go and get some coffee?" It was a suggestions, giving her a chance to back out if she wanted to or wasn't comfortable. The nodded towards Severide, heading towards their old coffee spot they had found when they had moved in. "I ah…I'm really glad you are here Gabby. Really." He felt like a teenager again, tripping over his words, unsure of what to say as they walked, side-by-side, inches separating them but enough to have her close enough to him as much as possible.

Gabby looked up suddenly, shy and unsure, a light, barely there smile coming to her lips, "Oh well. Me too. Thanks for coming with me." But the smile he gave her back was enough to tell her that she didn't need to thank him.

 **So Matt knows! Now what? Please review with your thoughts!** **. Next chapter might be a little later as I like to be 3 chapters ahead in the writing and so far I am writing chapter 18 but will see how my next few days go**


	16. Leave the Lights On

**So a little by for ya…I wrote this whole story because I wanted to write the scene with Matt seeing Voight hug Gabby. This is how I decided on what this story would be based on and what happens in it.**

 **Thank you so much for the reviews, I love seeing your thoughts and questions and ideas** **please keep them up!**

 **Chapter 16 – Leave the Lights On**

"So how are you?" She was nervous as she sat opposite him, warm coffee in her hands, resting there, keeping her busy while she played with the handle. They had ordered in silence, neither speaking to the other as they waited and sat. They were nervous, after their previous conversation, Gabby didn't know what Matt was thinking and Matt didn't know what to say to Gabby.

He laughed a little, a smile breaking out onto his lips, "I'm alright Gabs, shouldn't I be asking you that?" She always worried about others, never so much about her self, "How are you after yesterday?" He knew it was hard for her, hard reliving what had happened, explaining to him what had happened, working out her own feelings and emotions as she went.

She smiled back at him, it was light, barely there but he saw it, she was forcing it but not as much as she had been over the past few months. "I'm alright. Well you know…but I feel a little better…" She looked down again, breaking their eye contact, she still felt nervous around him, nervous about being around everyone if she had been honest with herself.

He smiled, trying to ease her uneasiness, he could tell that she was still nervous, all he had to do was look at how she was biting the corner of her lip to know, he had learned to tell that was her tell when she was nervous a long time ago. "That's good. I'm glad you are feeling a little better." She nodded again slowly, feeling a little awkward at that moment.

"Hey um…I'm sorry about Voight…I know you two are…well…anyway, I'm sorry that he-"

He stopped her, "No, Gabby. It's all right. I'm just glad that you have had someone with you through all of this…" When he had seen Voight he had been furious, how could that guy think he was even welcome back inside the firehouse after what had happened between them both but then when he had heard that it was Voight that was helping Gabby, he felt a little sick.

Sick that that man was helping the girl he loved instead of him but also sick because he wasn't the one she had turned to. He understood, understood why she couldn't call him, why she didn't go to him but it still upset him a little bit that it was Voight that she had called. Gabby must have seen the look that turned on his face, "I am sorry Matt. Its just…Antonio told me once that Voight is the one you want by your side if something happened and I just…I am sorry Matt."

But Matt shook his head, "It's all right, I promise that I'm not upset. Like I said, I am just happy that you've had someone by your side." He was happy, he was glad that Voight was there for her when she needed it most, that he was helping her through what the pain of had happened.

Matt was silence for a little while, something playing on his mind, Gabby could read it on his face but was too scared to ask, "I ah…I need to tell you something and I don't want you to be upset with me but I understand if you are…I ah…I went to see Antonio and Voight this morning…I read the report…saw the photos…" He watched as the colour drained from her face as he spoke, she should have known he would go and see Antonio but reading the file, seeing the pictures? She never thought that he would see exactly what had happened, the images that would forever stick in his mind.

She swallowed deeply, taking deliberate, calming breathes that her councillor had suggested she use if needed. She couldn't help but blink, trying to think about what to say, think about what to say to him and so she nodded, her eyes finally finding her coffee again, her lips pursed as she cried to hold back her emotions. "Gabby, I'm sorry…I didn't go there to read it, I went to talk to them but it was on Voight's desk and I guess…I _needed_ to know."

He felt ashamed that he had gone into her private life, albeit that she had shared it with him already, this was different, he had opened something that laid out the most painful thing that had ever happened to her. "No, it's alright, I should have expected you would have gone. I know I didn't really give you much about happened…I guess…well now you know it all." She still couldn't look at him, now she felt sick, he had seen the bruising, the cuts, the stitches and the detailed report of what he had done to her, _exactly_ what he had done to her.

"Are you alright?" It was a question that wasn't related to what had happened, it was a question that related how she was feeling at the exact moment. But she stayed silent; he could see her face going blank as she thought through the question. "Hey Gabs, talk to me please…" He prompted again, he didn't want to push her but he wanted her to know that she could talk to him if she ever needed anything.

Gabby thought for a moment, her brow furrowing as she thought, honestly, about his question. Finally she spoke, "I ah…part of is actually a little happy that you read it." It was soft, wavering, unsure about each word as she spoke. It was true, she didn't understand it, but part of her was actually a little happy that he had read the report, maybe because it took the work out of her telling him and also maybe because now he wasn't thinking a million different things, wasn't thinking about 'maybe, what happened'. He knew, exactly what happened with the questions.

Matt couldn't help the small tug on his lips that occurred when she spoke, not because he was happy about what she had said, but because she had told him the truth, she had opened up a little to him again. "Only part of you?" He wanted to see her smile, wanted to see if he could get even a little smile out of her.

And he did, a small smile tugged at the side of her lips at his comment, "Yeah well…" But it quickly turned away, her mind turning serious again as she thought about the reason why they were having this conversation.

But Matt must have seen the change in her face, "Hey, look…I told you not too long ago that I still love you and Gabby nothing, not even this…" he was talking about what had happened to her, she knew that, "…will ever change that. I still love you, I still want you and I still need you." The conversation had turned serious, but he felt this needed to be said; he _needed_ her to hear what he had to say.

This made her straightened her back, "Please don't Matt. You can't mean that-"

"But I do. I mean ever word of it Gabby. This will never change how I feel about you, how strongly I feel about you and how much I want you." He could see her getting upset, that this was upsetting her but part of him didn't care, he wanted her to understand that she wasn't alone.

"I'm not the same person I was before this Matt. I'm not the same person you fell in love with. I can't be what you want anymore, I can't give you what you want." She was fighting back tears, he was trying to make her feel better, trying to make her believe him but she couldn't, she couldn't let herself believe that he would want her after this.

Matt sighed, smiling just a little, "Yeah you are Gabby. This hasn't changed you, you aren't different, and this hasn't made you different you're just a little lost." This made her furrow her eyebrows again; she was confused, "Gabby, I need you to believe me when I say that I want nothing more than to have you with me, to be with you. I don't care how long it takes or how hard it will be, I love you and what happened won't change that."

She jumped, not being able to listen to him anymore, "And what if it does? What if you look at me and all you see is what he did? What if you touch me or kiss me and you feel sick because _he_ did the same thing? You can't promise me that it won't change how you feel Matt; you can't promise that you will still love me. Please don't do this…" She was fighting him, fighting to hold herself together and fighting him because it was easier that believing him because if she believed him and it really did change, she didn't know if she could handle that.

"It won't Gabby. Nothing has changed how I feel about you in the past and nothing will change it now." He wanted to reach out for her hand, his fingers itching to touch her, hoping that maybe touch would be something that could convince her, that he wasn't afraid to touch her still.

Gabby blinked, she wanted to believe more than anymore but she still was hesitant, but he had never lied to her, barring the incident where he had passed out on the woman's couch while Severide slept with her, but he had never lied about something serious, he had always been upfront and honest with her. Her eyes flicked from his to his hands, seeing them clasped on the table.

Slowly she took in a deep breath before letting it out, she stretched out her hand to reach for him, gently she placed it on top of his, watching as he watched her slowly, not wanting to move to quickly, letting her set the pace. They sat like that for a moment, both getting used to touching the other again before Matt moved, pulling his hand from Gabby's gently. On her face, the light smile fell; suddenly worried he was pulling away from her but as he pulled away, he turned her hand over, clasping it in his. He held it tightly; silence coming between them, Matt hoping that she was starting to believe him, even if it was just a little bit.

* * *

Gabby pushed open the front door to Voight's house quietly, she didn't know if he was home or not, he occasionally came early if he wasn't busy, not wanting her to be alone for too long. She dropped her head, having had the chat with Matt earlier the day before and then going to see him again, she felt drained, exhausted and tired.

Slowly she moved towards her room, flicking the lights on before she lay down, taking in her deep breath as she stared at the ceiling. She had no idea how messed up her life had gotten, her brother, her sister, her boyfriend, her own feelings of being safe had all been torn apart by what had happened. Antonio was struggling, she could see that, she could see it every time he looked at her, that he didn't know how to deal with completely with the knowledge of what had happened.

She hadn't even seen Anna since before it had happened and now that she had remembered that it was Jeremy who had attacked herm she didn't know if she could face Anna again because of it. How could she tell Anna that it was her ex-boyfriend, the father of her baby, what had attacked her, that had raped her? And the baby…Anna was due in a few weeks, she had asked Gabby to be by her side but she just didn't know if she could bring herself to do it anymore.

Matt was something different now, although they had talked and Matt had told her that he would always want her and that he stilled loved her, she couldn't help but think about all the things that could still go wrong for them. How she could barely be near him let alone think about how she would react if he tried to kiss her. Yes she held his hand and she let him hold hers but there was other things that were much more serious that she didn't know if she could cope with.

And then there was herself, she was starting to feel a little more like herself, the counselling sessions every few days were definitely helping, she was starting to feel a little more comfortable in her own skin but she still felt dirty, when she would sit in the darkness and the quiet, all she could feel was his hands on her, feel him holding her close and feel what he was doing to her.

More often than not she still found herself feeling broken, like nothing was every going to be the same again, like the words that had fallen out of Matt's mouth were just lies, made up to make her feel safe but it wouldn't take long before he would turn his back on her, like he would it too hard to deal with her and she would be left alone, broken and hurt, once again. She still believed that she wasn't meant to be loved. She had ruined almost every relationship in her life, Matt being the most painful, had she just been able to act like an adult and listened to her lieutenant, none of this would have ever happened.

Maybe this was her punishment for giving up the only man she ever, truly wanted. He had been there for through everything, no matter how hard it was or how bad it was, he had been the first one she would go to and him to her, but now she could feel him slipping away, regardless of how they had been recently and what he had said to her over coffee, she still felt about though now that everything else had happened, she didn't deserve his love, she didn't deserve him.

Gabby had no idea how long she had been staring at the ceiling, having completely lost track of time, she jumped about a foot in the air, suddenly terrified when she heard the knock at the bedroom door, before she heard Voight's voice on the other side, she mustn't have heard him come home and call out for her but as he opened the door, she tried to get her breathing under control, the loud noise of the knock still bringing back the memory of the crashing noise against her front door all those months ago.

"Hey… I called out for you but you mustn't have heard me. You alright?" He made his way a little further into the bedroom, noticing that she looked a little frightened but she smiled, telling him that it was all right for him to be there. He glanced around quickly, taking note of her shoes still on her feet. If she had come straight home after work that morning, she would already be in her pyjamas, as she felt more comfortable in them, "You just get home?" He gave her a confused look before gently sitting down on the side of her bed.

Gabby smiled a little, "Yeah I'm alright, you just frightened me that was all, I didn't hear you come home." And then she looked down, her smile widening a little, "I ah…I went to have coffee with Matt today." She was a little nervous to tell him, to see what he thought of her seeing Matt but also going out with in public. She had been very hesitant to go anywhere but the firehouse or counselling, flat out refusing to be in public, so that in itself was a big step for her.

Voight couldn't help the smile that came to his face when she said she had gotten coffee with Matt, she was making progress and yet there was no doubt she still needed to hit her wall and crash, he felt that these baby steps were the building block for a quicker recovery, with Matt by her side. "Oh really? And how did it go?"

He almost felt like a father talking to his daughter about her first date but the smile on her face, almost it was small, was enough for him to know that she was happy about it. "It was...it was good. We talked…he told me he came to see you and he ah, he read the file," this is when she looked down, still a little shattered that he had seen the injuries but he seemed to be coping well enough with them, "We had a bit of talk…it was alright." She didn't want to go into too much detail because she was still trying to process everything that Matt had told her.

Voight nodded, he had wondered how she would cope with the idea of Matt seeing the photos and reading the report, but he didn't have time to think on it, he had come home early to speak to Gabby, there was something he needed to say. Sighing he dropped his head, slowly placing his hand on hers, not missing the flinch she gave when he did. "Look I ah…there is something I need to tell you. We have been monitoring Anna's phone, just to make sure that Jeremy hadn't gotten in contact with her…"

At the sound of his name, her flinch turned into a shudder and then her body started shaking, "What is it?" Her hand slipped into her lap, folding them like she had done not long after he had found her after the attack the month ago, Voight now worried that this would send her backwards but he didn't have a chance to not tell her anymore.

"It seems that he has been in contact with her, more than once over the last few weeks. We haven't been able to find out exactly what has been said but we know that he has called her and she has called him." He watched as blood drained from Gabby's face, he had no idea what she was thinking about the situation now, but she was starting to panic.

"Antonio and I felt that it was best that we tell you. I know you are planning on seeing her again but we wanted you to be careful if you do. We don't know how involved she was in all of this and I'm not saying she was at all but I need you to be careful if you see her. " But Gabby stayed silent, trying to process all of it. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of what he had said.

Silence stretched between them for a few moments before Gabby rose from her seat on the bed, "I ah…I need to go…" Was all she could say before she was heading out the bedroom door, the echoing sound of the front door moments later. Voight closed his eyes, he and Antonio knew it would be a risk at telling her about Anna, although they didn't have any information as to what the conversations were about, it was just the thought that the man who had attacked her and raped her was still in contact with her sister.

Shaking his head, he stood and glanced around, he just hoped that he would be able to figure out what was going on inside Gabby's head before too much damaged was done. Quickly he sent a text to Antonio and Matt (who had unwillingly given his number to before leaving the district) to say that Gabby had left and that he wasn't too sure where she had gone but to keep an eye out. He had also said to give her some space; he had seen it before with Lindsay and crowding her was not the best thing to do.

* * *

Matt sat against the couch, watching a recorded Hawks game, not really paying attention as Kelly yelled next to him, swearing at something that had happened. It wasn't lost on Kelly that Matt wasn't really paying attention, that he had been just as spaced out since coming back from his coffee with Gabby as he had been before he had left, but now it was later in the evening, closer to 5pm and nothing had changed, he had been quiet and thoughtful and it was starting to worry Kelly. Quickly he pulled the control from the arm of the chair and pressed pause, turning to Matt, "Alright, enough. What is going on with you? You've been quiet before you went to coffee with Gabby and now you have been completely spaced out for the last 4 hours since."

Matt glanced over at Kelly, he hated that he could read him so well, although he figured at that moment even a blind person would be able to read his face. "What is going on man?" Kelly was pushing again and Matt didn't know how long he was going to be able to hold on for; the more he had thought about what he had read and listen to when talking to Gabby, the angrier he was becoming, the sicker he was becoming.

Matt was already starting to feel the stress of it all building up, he hadn't slept the night before at all after Gabby had initially told him, he hadn't been able to concentrate on anything that morning because all he could do was look at Gabby with sadness, taking her all in and noticing all the little things that finally started to make sense. He needed to talk to someone; he just hoped that Gabby wouldn't find out. "You're right, I've had a lot going on." He started out slow, not really sure how to tell Kelly unless he blurted it out…like Gabby had done, like he had unknowingly forced Gabby to do.

Kelly laughed, "What could have changed between yesterday afternoon when you were laughing along with us after pranking Otis to now, where not even a Hawks game gets rise out of you…" He shook his head, Kelly was trying to make a joke but the look on Matt's face, change his attitudes, "Hey what is it?" He was worried now; Matt hadn't even cracked a smile.

Swallowing deeply, Matt wished that he wouldn't say the next words that were coming out of his mouth, he wished that he was strong enough to deal with this on his own, to be strong for Gabby and to not need help but he couldn't help it, he felt himself failing be strong, he felt like he was failing her. The words slipped from his mouth and if it wasn't for the seriousness of his own facial features, Matt was sure Kelly would have thought that it was a sick joke, "Gabby was raped."

Kelly stared at Matt for a few seconds, those three words repeating over and over and over in his mind, each time one word finally making sense until the whole sentence made sense. Dropping his head into his hands he sighed, "Fuck. When?" He wasn't really sure he wanted to know but he asked anyway.

"About a month ago, that's why she had those three weeks off, she was staying with Voight, while she...healed…" he still had trouble with that last word, telling him that she had a reason to need healing, that she had been hurt enough to need time to heal, "She is still here, living with him. I found out yesterday while we were on shift. I went to see Antonio and Voight this morning, that's were I was for a few hours…before Gabby showed up here." He shook his head, Matt hoped that telling Kelly would some how take some of the burden off his own shoulders but he didn't feel better, he felt like he was failing Gabby by not being able to cope but he also felt like he was betraying her by telling Kelly.

"Oh man…" was all Kelly could say, Gabby had been a friend to him when he had needed it most and although he may not have been the best friend in return after her breakup with Matt, he still felt as though she was special to him, she had helped him though enough when he himself felt as though he had no where to go. "What happened?" Again he blinked; he was just trying to get a better understanding of what was going on. Had she been jumped in the street? Had she been kidnapped? He had no idea.

Matt leaned forward, his eyes focused on the paused game on TV, now completely forgotten, "She ah…she said she was at home, that someone knocked on her door, she thought it was me…opened the door…it wasn't. She said he pushed his way inside and beat her, raped her." He tried to blink back the tears that formed in his eyes but he couldn't stop them, each one following the same path down his cheek as the one before. "God Kelly, I read the report, I saw the photos of what he did to her…" He dropped his head into his hands, a deep sob coming from his chest.

Kelly only leaned forward, not really sure how to conform his friend but he had an idea that this was what he needed, he needed to get out as much emotion as he possible could, letting it build up would be worse for both him and her. Slowly Kelly leaned forward, his arm going around his shoulder, no words spoken, just the comfort of Matt having his best friend by his side when he needed it most.

After a few minutes of silence and tears, Matt sucked in a deep breath, running his hand under his nose, wiping at his eyes, "I just…I don't know what to feel. I feel sick because all this happened to her, I feel angry because someone did this to her, I feel sad because if we hadn't have broken up, this would never have happened. I feel like I should be able to cope with this and be strong for her but I've known for about 24 hours and have already broken down. How am I supposed to be there for her if I cant keep my emotions in line?"

He glanced over his shoulder to Kelly, who was just watching him. "How could someone do this?" It was quiet, barely above a whisper, Matt couldn't understand how someone could consciously hurt Gabby the way they had, to take something from her the way they had. "She said…Voight said she feels broken, like she isn't good enough for me anymore, like I wouldn't want her because she is _damaged_ and I told her today that I still love her, that nothing will ever change that, no matter what…I just don't think she believed me…" Again it ended in a whisper, trailing off as he sighed again.

Kelly swallowed deeply, he felt that Matt just needed to get out his thoughts, get out his emotions other than have someone talk back to him, so he sat with his hand on his shoulder, keeping the contact close to Matt would feel that he was on earth, that what he was feeling was not bad. As they sat in silence again, silent tears still running down Matt's cheeks, his phone suddenly beeped with a text, slowly Matt pulled it, swallowing deeply when he noticed that to was Voight who had sent him the messages.

He still felt uneasy about the whole Voight situation and he knew that once all of this was over and calmer, he and Voight would probably have words but right now, this was about Gabby, she was more important than anything between them both. Reading the message Matt sucked in a breath _Gabby has gone, I don't know where but she took off, really upset. Keep an eye out, give her space._ But space was the last thing that he was going to give her, Matt didn't want her to be on her own, he didn't want her to be going through what she was on her own.

But it was as though Voight had read his mind; moments later getting another text from Voight, _Come down to 21. We will go from there._ He looked back at Kelly who looked confused. "I'm going to go 21, something has happened but can you stay here in case Gabby comes here? Please?" Matt didn't really need to actually say please, his pleading look with enough for Kelly to nod his agreeance before he was out of his chair, out of the house and on his way to District 21.

* * *

Matt raced up the stairs a head of Platt who had swiped him in, this time not even bothering with the jokes, she knew something was happening, she knew something had happened to Gabby, and there was no way she was going to let anything else happen to her. "What happened?" Matt called out as he came to the landing near the desks, finding only Voight and Antonio there.

They both turned around, Antonio noticing instantly that Matt had been crying, the redness of his eyes but also the look, the look of helplessness he saw everyday he looked in his own mirror.

Voight stepped up, nodding towards the corridor to the side; he and Antonio follow silently, one unsure of what was going on, the other trying to calm his emotions. The entered a room with a mirror, Mat knowing it instantly as the viewing room from the interview room but when he saw Anna he was confused, turning he Voight and Antonio he didn't even need to ask what was going on.

"We have been tracking her phone, wanting to make sure that Jeremy hadn't contacted her or she to him after what happened to Gabby. If there was any contact, we would have a way to trace him." But it was at that moment that Voight realised that Matt didn't know it was Jeremy who had attacked Gabby, she had never told him who had done it, just that it had happened.

"Jeremy raped her?" Matt turned on his heals to look at the heavily pregnant Anna in the other room, she could give birth to that baby any moment and here she was, on the other side of the glass. Matt had to suck in a few calming breaths, trying to hold back the bile that rose in his throat as he thought of Jeremy laying a hand on her, knowing it was him, having a name and face to put to the attack made his so much more real that it was sickening. He wasn't even ashamed when he reached for the bin in the corner, emptying the nothingness of his stomach inside, he hadn't felt the need to eat, he didn't feel hungry. Straightening his back he turned back to Voight and Antonio who both gave him sad, understanding looks.

"I told Gabby this, I wanted her to know that she had been in contact with Jeremy because I know that Gabby wants and _needs_ to talk to Anna about what happened that night when they were kids, we talked about it once, she wants to talk to her but doesn't know how. So I wanted her to be careful if she was going to. She panicked when I told her and left…"

He looked to Matt and Antonio who seemed to have the same idea, they were going to go out and find her because they both knew that she could get in to a lot of trouble if she wasn't thinking straight and they also knew that this, _this_ little bit of information that may or may not be something serious, was the straw that broke the camel's back. None of them could trust that this wouldn't cause Gabby to hit that wall she had been fighting against for the last month, to break and let it all crumble away while she struggled to hold herself together any longer.

This was the break they had been waiting for, because they knew that it was coming, they just hoped they would be around to help her through the worst of it.

 **Please review, I would love to see what your thoughts and ideas are on what happens next** **. Also cant guarantee the next chapter will be up Monday/Tuesday like I have been doing recently, but I will try my best.**


	17. Just Tell Me Where to Go

**I've put a subtle and not so subtle nod to one single past episode in this chapter and it's probably not the one that you think of initially…review with which one you think it is .**

 **Thank you for the 16 reviews I got for the last chapter and I am SO sorry that this has taken so long, I have hit a funk in my writing and want to make sure I ahead a few chapters before posting or else the wait would be longer.**

 **Now please let me know what you think, I start to get into a little trouble writing wise at this chapter.**

 **Chapter 17 – Just Tell Me Where to Go**

Matt sighed deeply as he dropped his phone onto his lap, he had tried to call Gabby a few times since they had gotten into the car, heading out to try and find her. He rubbed his forehead, "I don't…she's not answering. God this shouldn't be happening." He was frustrated, frustrated with himself, the situation and even a little at Gabby. She had been putting up so much of a front that she was all right, that he should have seen the little cracks, the breaks that she was trying to hide.

He shouldn't have believed that she had come so far in just a couple of days, he shouldn't have believed that she was doing better than she had been days before, he wanted to believe so much that it was true that he didn't see that she was fighting to losing battle during their coffee, that when she reached out for him at that table, that the pain behind her eyes was not because of what they had been talking about but because she was struggling not to run at his touch.

"Don't blame yourself Matt ok, this isn't your fault." Antonio could see the frustration building up on his face; he needed to keep Matt clearheaded because he was the only one who would know where Gabby might have gone.

But Matt just shook his head, his frustration seeping away to sadness; he looked out the window, getting lost in thought for a moment. He spoke softly, ashamed and sad, "I told Kelly about what happened. I just needed to talk to someone…God…I broke down and I couldn't stop it." He rested his head against the cool window, watching as the wind picked up, the darkness had long taken over and the rain had been threatening all day. If she were out in that weather, she would be in trouble very quickly.

"Matt…hey come on now, don't talk like that alright. No one is expecting this to be easy at all for you but Gabby needs you to be strong, she needs you to keep yourself together-"

"That's what I am trying to do! Damn it Antonio! I thought I was strong, I thought I was being strong but after seeing the file and the images and everything, I couldn't be strong anymore, I couldn't be what she needs." He really did hate himself for breaking down in front of Kelly, he wanted to be tough but he didn't know if he could.

"Oh Matt, being strong doesn't mean you can't break. This…all of this…has been hell on us all and I don't blame you for it and neither will she. We need to deal with this any way we can. You told Severide and broken down…I called Laura…begged her to talk, told her everything and I just cried and she let me." Matt glanced over at Antonio, noticing that he hadn't stopped staring at the road but he had the same look on his face that Gabby got when she was telling him something truthful but uncomfortable.

He nodded, he still felt a little ashamed but it was starting to be better, he was starting to realise that it was ok to feel the way he was. "So, where do you think she would go?" They had already tried a few placed, asking Hermann to keep an eye out at Molly's if she turned up, getting a hesitant 'ok' mixed with concern in his voice, he knew something was going on but also knew that they would find out when the time was right. That didn't mean he didn't worry though.

They had also gone past Voight's, hoping that maybe she had gone back to his home but it was empty. "God, I don't know…we need to find her though, this weather is getting bad." He glanced out the window again, the rain had been coming closer, it wouldn't be long until it started to come down, soaked everything in its path.

He thought hard for a moment, "The Fire Academy…after Shay died she would spend some time there…up on the top platform, she liked it up there…" He thought about the many times he had found her sitting on the concrete, tears in her eyes, fingers fiddling with her engagement ring. Slowly though, as the days passed and she had wounds healed, she had gone there less, not needed the happy reminder, happiness was being found in the little places around her life by that stage.

Antonio nodded, suddenly curious, "What's at the academy?"

Mat smiled lightly, it was barely there but he did love that memory, "That's where I proposed to her…after the building explosion…she said yes and we ah…we spent an amazing night together." He blushed deeply, it was weird telling Antonio about the night he spent with his sister but it didn't matter, it was an amazing memory, one that he would always love to think of.

"After Shay died and work got tough, I would find her up where I proposed to her and we would sit there together…" He touched his left ring finger, the imaginary ring that should have been sitting there, weighing heavily on him, "Try there first…" But he wasn't convinced that she would be there, she didn't need happiness or a smile, she needed someone to lean on and cry.

Once they arrived at the Academy, he ran straight past the front desk, ignoring the woman who called out to him, he headed straight for the tower, taking two steps at a time, his heart beating painfully quick, hoping that she would be there. He could hear Antonio running behind him, their feet thumping on the concrete behind him.

He pushed the door open with a thud, "Gabby!" he called out as he looked around, hoping, praying, wishing that he would find her there, curled up in the corner like he had found her many times before. But as the wind whipped around them, the rooftop was empty. He groaned, "She's not here!" The anger was more to himself as he kicked the cardboard box that sat there, where she should have been.

"Where else would she go?" Antonio huffed deeply as he looked around, catching his breath, "Where else would she go Casey?" He was getting worried now, thinking that Matt would know exactly where to look for her but realistically, Gabby wasn't acting like herself, so she could have gone anywhere.

"I don't know! When she couldn't come to me for something, she would go to Shay and-" He turned on his heals and looked at Antonio, both reading the other's mind as they headed back down the stairs, rushing back through the fire academy and past the front desk, confusing the woman even more. She recognised Matt from all the time he would spend at the academy but she was confused as to why he would be running through as he did.

It was a short drive to their next stop, Antonio barely stopping the car before Matt jumped out, his feet crushing against the cold grass. He could see Shay's grave, meters from where he was, "Gabby, please baby…tell me you are here…" He looked around again, stopped dead at headstone, staring at Shay's name and sighed, she wasn't there either. Sadly he touched the top of it, sucking in a shuttering breath, maybe he didn't know her as well as he though or maybe she really had fallen so far from who she had been that she really had changed too much.

"Any luck?" Antonio was seconds behind Matt, watching as Matt reached out and touched Shay's headstone, dropping his head in defeat, he could see Matt sob, his shoulders shake under the thought that he really had no idea where Gabby was.

Slowly Matt raised his head, glancing to the side as he felt a rain drop touch his cheek, the weather had turned terribly, Gabby would be in trouble with this weather if he didn't find her, but he had no idea where she could be, where she would run to. As he did raise his head, Matt heard the soft sound of tinkling as though the water was hitting something metallic.

Slowly he moved to the side of the headstone, he reached for it, finding the necklace that Gabby had refused to remove since the day Shay was pronounced head at the hospital, her shaking hands had taken it from Shay's neck and now it lay against the headstone. He picked it up, letting out another sob as he thought of how much it must have taken her to take it off, how much pain she must have been in to take it off and place it down. Shay was the only constant in her life and now she was gone.

"She was here…" He turned to Antonio, holding out the necklace for him to see, hoping that he would understand the gravity of her not wearing it. Antonio just nodded, "She was here and now she is gone and I have no idea where she would go…nobody knew Shay like Gabby did and nobody knew Gabby like Shay did…" Then it hit him, Matt looked up and smiled, "I know where she is!"

He rushed off towards the car, Antonio in toe, "Casey, where are we going?" But he got into the car anyway, driving wherever Matt told him to go.

They got to the street he told him too, "Give me a second ok…?" He knew that Antonio would be more worried about Gabby than he ever thought possible but at this moment, he also knew that too many people going to her would probably over whelm her. "I just…let me talk to her first?" Antonio nodded as Matt jumped out of the car, pulling his hood over his head as the rain continued to fall over him. m

There wasn't many people on the street, the harsh weather locking most people inside but there were a few who braved the cold and wet, rushing across the street, across the bridge to find shelter. But then there was the one lonely girl what stood in the middle of the bridge, her arms crossed over the concrete barrier, her head buried on her hands, the rain soaking through her top and her jeans, her hoodie sticking to her body like a second skin.

Matt had found Gabby at the bridge where she had found Shay all those years ago, after Darryl's death, when she had gone to find Shay, with Matt's help, they had found her back at this very spot, this same bridge that was Shay's favourite. On the way during that trip, Gabby had told Matt about how Shay loved to always cross that bridge, how she would drive out of their way to go over it because she loved how the city looked and the river looked from it.

Slowly he made his way over to her side, resting against the barrier as she did, silence coming to them both, Matt glancing from the river to Gabby, noticing tears streaming down her face, her shoulders shaking with each sob. He didn't speak, didn't make a sound, only placed the necklace on the barrier by her hands, knowing she would see it and she did, the deep intake of breath telling him that she had seen it. With shaking hands, she reached for it, letting it tangle over cold fingers.

"How did you know?" Was all she could get out, all her voice would let her say.

He shrugged, "I like to think I know you Gabby, no matter how much you think you have changed, no matter how much you think you have lost, you are still my girl and I _know_ you." He turned to face her now, his hood falling from his head, soaking his face and his hair, letting it stick to his face. He had heard her scoff a little, choosing to ignore however.

"How can you be so sure? What makes you think I haven't changed at all? Look at me! I am falling apart; I lost so much after the accident, after the explosion that killed Shay…that should have killed me! I lost you! I lost part of myself after I was attacked…I've lost so much that I don't even know _who I am_ anymore!" She was pulling away from him physically and emotionally.

"You said today that you still loved me but how could you? I don't believe you! I can't believe you Matt because believing you would mean that I can get hurt and you can get hurt. Matt I'm not the girl you fell in love with, I can't be! Please, I'm not enough for you anymore, I need you to forget about me, I need you to keep going forward…please…please Matt…"

But he reached for her, letting her fight against him for a moment, pushing against his chest, trying to get out of his grip but he held on tight, held her close to him, his arms locking around her she tried to pull away, crying out, begging, though it slowly died down, her cried soften to sobs and her fighting, pushing and shoving, lessened until she was holding onto him, his hands gripping him so tightly that he could feel her nails through his shirt.

He heard the deep sobs from her chest, "Shh Gabby, it's alright, it's ok to break, it's ok to need this…" He rocked her slowly, letting the world fall away, the rain still falling but she was holding him, pulling him tighter to him as she needed him.

Matt looked up from where his head had been buried in Gabby's neck, finding Antonio standing off to the side, he nodded to him, pulling him over to them both where Antonio placed his hand on Gabby's back, tears running down both their faces. Gabby had hit bottom, she had fought so hard and for so long but now it was too much, she had hit bottom and needed to hold onto the people around her. "I know because I love you. I know you haven't changed because when I look at you, I still see the girl that fights for everything she believed in, the girl what gives me shit every day and doesn't care, the girl that can make me smile just by seeing you."

He pulled her away from his chest, letting his hands rest on her cheeks gently, lifting her face to look at him, his thumbs brushing the tears from her cheeks, although pointless as the rain continued, "I am still here…Antonio is still here… _we_ are still here, that you can believe, _that_ is what should show you that you are still our Gabby… _my_ Gabby." He looked into her eyes, hoping that she would believe him this time.

They had been in this situation, this conversation less than 16 hours ago but it hadn't made a difference to her, she had still fought against her beliefs of what he had said, she still didn't trust him. But standing on that bridge, in the rain, Antonio by her side, he could see the light coming backing to her eyes, there was something coming back to her. She nodded; it was slow and deliberate, thinking very carefully over his words, letting the feeling of his touch sink into her mind.

He really was there, he had come for her, more than once and he had stayed, it may not be their old life but Gabby was now willing to take what he said as truth. It would be hard, she still fought against the feelings inside of herself but she had Matt and Antonio by her side and that was enough to get her through the day now.

* * *

Voight sat opposite Anna, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes watching her closely. She looked worried, she had been on the other side of this table before, not with Voight but it still held memories she wished she didn't have, but now was worse, she had no idea why she was there, she hadn't done anything wrong, she hadn't broken the law and yet this policeman was staring at her, judging her. "Look I don't know what I've done to be here, so would it be ok if you actually tell me?" She leaned back and watched Voight.

He sighed and leaned backwards against the chair, "Tell me about Jeremy." It was a simple statement, but held so much that she didn't know where to start.

Anna blinked, not really sure what he was getting at, "What-what do you mean? He is my ex, he is the father of my baby but he is abusive." She really was nervous, why would he be asking about him?

Voight leaned forward, "When was the last time you saw him?" Now he turned even more serious, not that he wasn't before but now he wasn't beating around the bush.

"Ah…not since he left. I haven't seen or heard from him at all."

Voight nodded, "If that's the case, why is it that we have records of him contacting you and you contacting him frequently within the last few weeks?" That hit a nerve, going red in the face. "Alright here's the deal. You are going to tell me everything you know about where he is, where he has been the last month and what he has been doing. Do not jerk me around." He wasn't going to take any crap from her, with Gabby missing and them closing in on Jeremy; he needed everything he could get.

She pursed her lips, thinking for a moment, "Why do you have access to my phone records? And what is it any of your business who I contact? What the hell is going on? I don't know where he is; I don't know what he has been doing. Now tell me what is going on." She was demanding, exactly like Antonio when he wanted something.

Taking a deep breath, Voight thought, he wasn't going to get much from her if she didn't know what the situation was, he knew that she has been in contact with Jeremy but he really did doubt that she had anything to do with Gabby's attack. "He raped Gabby." It was simple but it broke her.

Anna stood suddenly after a second or two, letting the words sink in after he had spoken them, "You're crazy. Gabby wasn't raped and Jeremy didn't do anything." She was getting upset, her face heating up with anger and pacing as much as her almost 8 and a half-month belly would let her.

"I'm not making this up. A month ago, he broke into her apartment, assaulted her and raped her. Why do you think you haven't seen her recently? That she hasn't called you back whenever you have left a message?" He could tell he was upsetting her but right now he only cared about Gabby. "Now, why has he been contacting you?" He wasn't going to let her think too much on the attack, he waned to know about Jeremy.

"I don't know ok! I don't know anything! He started calling me again recently; he wanted to know about the baby and how I was! I'm sorry, I didn't know, I promise, I don't know anything!" She was hyperventilating now, the stress of finding out her ex boyfriend had raped her sister, "Please I don't know anything," And as quickly as it had started up, it settled down, Anna sat back down on the chair in front of him, defeated, "Did he really rape her?"

Her hands were shaking as she looked over at him, terrified of the answer but she needed to know. "He did. He brutalised her, _he_ did that to her and if you know anything-"

She shook her head quickly, she really didn't know anything, "No really, he somehow got my new number and sent me a text asking how the baby was. I promise, that's it…How is she?" It was quiet, Anna blamed herself, she had brought Jeremy into their lives and now he had hurt her sister.

Voight nodded, he believed her, she was too panicked to lie to him, "She is taking it one day at a time. Antonio and Matt are actually out looking for her at the moment. She took off when I told her that you had been in contact with Jeremy, she isn't doing as well as she wants everyone to think but I think tonight will change that." He stood slowly, "He will pay for what he did to her." And then he left, letting her sit there and process the information he had just given her.

He knew it was harsh to have told her the way he did but right now he didn't care, he needed to be there to help Gabby and that was what he was doing. It wouldn't be long before he and Antonio went to New York, their case was beyond denial now and they would be bringing him back as soon as possible. But right now, finding Gabby was something that was his top priority.

* * *

Gabby stood staring through the two-way mirror, her hands clenched at her chest, shaking from tiredness, sadness, anger, frustration, and everything in between. She could feel Matt behind her, wanting to reach out but she hadn't let him near her since he had found her, she had felt so ashamed of how she acted that she wanted to crawl into a whole and die. She had been so focussed on Anna's face, seeing both the grown woman she had come to know and the child who she had loved and grown up with and also the face of the sister who had left her to die.

She focused on how she looked, taking in everything, she was pregnant, something Gabby had always wished for but never had, and she was there, sitting on the other side of the table, having been in contact with the man who had raped her, granted she didn't know he had. In her ear she could hear Voight talking to Antonio and Matt, but she couldn't make out the words, all she could see was her sister, staring at her hands.

Slowly she turned to Voight who had his back turned to her, "I want to talk to her." She was demanding, not asking.

Voight stopped talking, Antonio and Matt looking towards her, "Gabs, are you sure? I mean after the last few hours…" Matt had come to stand in front of her, reaching out and touching her elbow ever so gently that she could barely feel it. He was worried that talking to Anna would send her over the edge again when they had only just gotten her back but he also knew that this was something she needed to do.

Gabby nodded, "Yes…I need to talk to her Matt…" She was only looking at him, Antonio and Voight had been lost with the rest of the world, Matt was still able to make her feel like she was the only one in the room when he spoke and looked at her.

Nodded he moved away form her, giving her a little bit of room to move around him, not even asking Voight for his thoughts, he watched as she moved to the door, "Gabby…if you need me…" She just nodded, turning away from him before going inside the other room, Voight, Antonio and Matt all watching her, arms crossed over their chests, ready to pounce if she showed the slightest bit of panic.

As she moved into the room, the door opening caused Anna to look up, her red eyes meeting Gabby's, "Oh Ella! You're ok! I am so sorry-" But she didn't get a chance to finished, Gabby shaking her head in response, taking the seat that Voight had originally had across from her.

"What happened that night?" Well that wasn't what anyone had expected to come out of Gabby's mouth but to Antonio and Matt, it seemed that Gabby needed to do more healing than just due to recent events. They waited with bated breath for Anna to reply but when she didn't Gabby spoke again, "What happened that night Anna?"

This time Anna looked way, swallowing deeply, "Ella…please I don't want to talk about that night." She was refusing to talk, just like she had done every other time it was brought up but Gabby wasn't going give in.

"But I do and don't call me 'Ella' you know I hate that." She didn't care if she was hurting Anna's feelings, she _needed_ to know. "Tell me what happened that night." She said it again, staring hard towards Anna.

"What do you want to know?" It was quiet, barely above a whisper but Gabby heard it.

There were a million questions Gabby could ask Anna in that moment, but she settled on one after a moment's thought, something that had been weighing on her mind for almost 12 years, "Why did you leave me there?" She could feel her insides shaking as she asked, she felt sick, never thinking that she would be having this conversation with Anna.

Pursing her lips again and sighed, "I don't know alright, I was a kid! Come on Gabby, why are you bringing this up again?" She was reverting back to the child that she had always been, getting angry when she didn't get her way or when she didn't like how the conversation was going.

"No you don't get to do that! You don't get to sit there and brush this off. I want to know why you left me there? Why you almost killed me, turned around and _looked_ at me and then just walked away! I know you blamed me for the accident, I know you said it was my fault!" She was angry now, not taking anything crap from her. "Tell me the truth Anna! For once in your life, tell me the truth!" She was standing now, her arms outstretched on the table, leaning over.

Anna pushed the seat away from the table, standing and facing Gabby the same way she was, "Because it was! It that what you wanted to hear? Because you were so perfect all the fucking time! It was your fault because you could do no wrong, mum and dad and Antonio looked at you like you were their little princess! They thought you couldn't do any wrong, so I guess I thought that maybe they would think it was you driving!"

Gabby slowly leaned back, swallowing deeply as the words sunk in, "So that's it? Because I was always there to help you, because you were always the one getting onto trouble, you left me to die? I was in a coma! I had my spleen removed, internal bleeding! I had to learn to walk again…is that what you wanted? Is that what you felt like I deserved?"

They watched each other for a moment, staring down the other but the Dawson blood inside them was not letting them let it go. Anna sighed though; her baby belly was making it hard for her to stand for long periods of time, "Alright look, I was 14 Ella. It was a stupid decision that I wish I could take back but I can't all right. I just, I wish we could just move on from it, I want you in my life, I want you in my baby's life." She tried to reach out for Gabby's hand but Gabby pulled away, both from still being unsure about being touched by other's but also because she was still so angry with Anna.

It shouldn't have surprised her that Anna had done it because she was angry with Gabby for some reason or another, she had always made off handed comments to Gabby about being perfect when they were growing up, but Gabby loved her sister and she would always brush it off and just keep going, because that's what you do when you love your sister, you are there for them no matter what they do or say.

"I want to exactly what happened that night Anna." Gabby still needed more, she still needed to know exactly what had happened so she could have closure; that is what this was about, Gabby needed to not wonder and think about 'maybe' and 'what if' about what had happened that night, now when she had nothing left but the _need_ for that knowledge, she is taking the chance to get it from Anna, when she had nowhere to run, they were both stuck in that room.

Silence stretched between them, but Anna slowly nodded, "Ok. All right. Mum and dad said I wasn't allowed to go to that party that night, you were in your room doing homework or something so you didn't hear it but they refused to let me go because I was only 14. They said that I should be doing homework like you were; I should be working on my schoolwork, like you. So when they were asleep, I snuck out, my friends were waiting for me." Gabby nodded, she had been able to put all that together for herself but she was going to let Anna tell the story.

"I got drunk, I got angrier and then I called you. I don't really remember it but I do remember someone saying that the 'perfect on' had turned up to take me home and it made me even angrier so I got in your car and well the accident happened."

What she was saying was everything that Gabby already knew but now came the part that she was more interested in, "And after the accident?"

Anna swallowed again, thinking very carefully about her words before she spoke, "I just…I panicked, when I fell out of the car and looked at you, I just…I thought you were already dead and I just, I panicked. I know it was wrong and I'm sorry Ella I really am!" She was still avoiding answering Gabby's question.

"Tell me the truth Anna. You looked back at me before getting into that car, you looked straight at me and saw that I was still alive!" Gabby was seething but she needed this, she needed to know what happened that night.

"I got scared alright? I knew that mum and dad would kill me for going out and getting drunk and I thought that if they thought it was you that was driving they wouldn't get upset with me, if I wasn't there at all…they wouldn't know that I was out when I shouldn't have been. But they knew I was there…they always knew I was there." She looked away, almost sad that her parents had blamed her for something that was her fault, "I'm not saying it was smart Ella but please you gotta forgive me." She reached out again, still not getting close enough to Gabby to actually touch her though.

"So because you didn't want to get into trouble, you left me there? You got into that car and drove away. And what about after the accident? All the times I heard you and mum and dad arguing? When you said it was my fault and then you left? Anna you just left, you ran away for 12 years. How do you think that mum and dad coped with that while I was still learning to walk again? While I was still recovering?" Gabby was quiet as she spoke, something that Matt had only seen once before, she was beyond furious.

"I left because they blamed me for what happened to you. That I would never be like you so I left, they were happier without me so what is the difference?" Now she was turning into the child Gabby remembered, the one who would sook when she didn't get her way. "It's not like came to find me or anything Ella, why did you care so much?"

Gabby stood, "I cared, because you are my sister, I would always look out for you and when I heard you telling mum and dad that it was _my_ fault, that the accident was my fault and that you wished I hadn't have lived after the accident…I lost a little part of me that day, I lost my baby sister. You think I didn't care enough to come looking for you? I did care…but it hurt to much to think about you to have bothered."

Gabby stood slowly, "I don't know if I can forgive you Anna, I know you have been trying to be better while you've been here but there is still a part of me that I will never get back from when I was 16 and _that_ is your fault." Gabby sucked in a deep breath, she wasn't going to cry in front of Anna, she wasn't going to show her exactly how hurt she was and so she moved towards the door, needing to get back to the people she knew would be there for her.

As she reached out for the handle, Anna spoke again, "Can you forgive me Ella?"

With her back to Anna and her hand barely touching the handle, Gabby dropped her head, not even looking at Anna, "I need time." Before she pushed opened the door and made her way inside the other room. There she found Voight staring straight in front of him at Anna, trying to gauge her actions, Antonio was doing the same but he had tears in his eyes, he remembered that night so clearly that everything Anna had said just added to the pain of it.

And then there was Matt, his eyes had never left Gabby, he was more concerned about how Gabby was holding up than what he had seen. He felt terrible for Gabby, she had been through so much and it was just getting worse for her, but he hoped that she was now on the way up. He knew it would be a tough road up but she had hit rock bottom today and he believed the only way was up for her now.

"You alright?" He spoke as she came to him, her arms crossed over her stomach, the pose she had taken up, feeling that it protected herself from the world around her. She swallowed, nodding quickly. He gave her a small smile, slowly reaching out for her, she let him, his hands coming to rest on the side of her arm, rubbing gently as she suddenly moved into his arms, wrapping her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest.

She was taking the step forward, trying to show him that she wanted to move forward. Matt hesitated for a second, shocked at her step forward, he slowly and gently placed his arms around her as well, settling his hands on her back, letting her rest their for a moment, feeling her sigh against him. "It's alright Gabs, it's alright." He whispered, placing a kiss against her temple, he loved that she was coming to him again, something had changed since he had found her on that bridge and he was thankful for that, change was good, _this_ change was good.

She sighed, rubbing her face into his chest once more, "Yeah, yeah. I'm all right, I just…I guess I needed that. I mean, I've been holding onto that for so long, I needed to let it go and I guess I just did." She pulled away from his chest but stayed in his arms, tucking herself under his arm with his with hers was still around his waist; he wouldn't push her away while she was reaching out for him.

"So ah…what happens now…with…Jeremy?" She hated saying his name but she wasn't going to let the name scare her because if the name did, then she wasn't as strong as she wanted to be.

Antonio finally moved his eyes away from glass, sighing, "We are heading to New York tonight so ah…it shouldn't be long." He didn't want to tell her too much, he wanted to give her a chance to relax after the night she had already had but he couldn't lie to her about this, she was looking for closure and if knowing what was happening with the case was what she needed than he would tell her.

"Yes, tonight but you gotta promise me something Gabby…" Voight moved from his spot, heading towards Gabby, he reached out for her, not missing Matt's unintentional flinch as he came close to her, pulling her a little closer to himself but allowed Voight to do what he thought right, "Gabby, I need you to go about your day at work tomorrow as normal, please don't let the idea of us bringing him back here to get in your way." He reached out for her free hand, holding it tightly, his eyes focused only on her.

Gabby swallowed; she could feel herself shaking a just a little at the thought of Jeremy coming back to Chicago but she knew it had to be done because Voight and Antonio would be doing everything they can to send him to jail. "I will try." She glanced up at Matt, who smiled down at her, rubbing her arm.

"We will work as though nothing has changed because it hasn't." She knew what he meant; she understood that he was doing all he could to keep things normal for her. She nodded against him once more, dropping her head to the side to rest on his chest once more, tightly she squeezed Voight's hand, hoping to gain strength from the three men in her life that were the only thing holding her together.

 **I'd love your thoughts on this if you don't mind taking the time to review. It would be greatly appreciated. xx**


	18. From Shaking Hands to Steady Feet

**Some people commented that the last chapter was long but good…I hope you all like long chapters coz this one is a doozey! Over 7400 words _before_ the A/N… :o what did I do?**

 **This is in honour of being offered a management position at work today...so kinda excited about that! so figured i would celebrate! :D**

 **I know so many of you have told me of the emotion you have felt during this crazy ride and I'm sorry to say, this will probably make it a little worse…but THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I seem to have found my groove again :D**

 **Please let me know what you think of this…it was tough to write but I felt like it needed to be done.**

 **Chapter 18 – From Shaking Hands to Steady Feet**

Gabby rushed from the house, pulling her jacket on as she did so, she needed to get out the house, she needed fresh air as she felt like the walls were closing in around her. Her family, her life, everything was falling away from her and as much as she tried to move on, to put it behind her and fight, she couldn't, it felt like she was drowning, her legs were moving so fast under the water that fatigue was taking over and she was being swallowed up by the rising waves.

The cool air rushed through her lunch as she moved through the streets, not really knowing where she was going and knowing that her tired body probably wouldn't take her very far but she kept going, tears in her eyes, her mind filling with a million different voices of pain and fear and anger and disgust, just everything that was telling her to get out of her own head. With her feet pounding on the concrete below her, she suddenly found herself on the soft grass that surrounded the one place she should have expected her body to take her.

Slowing down, she came to rest in front of the sold concrete block that was the only thing left of her best friend, _Leslie Elizabeth Shay_ carved into the grey stone, staring back at her. Feeling her legs collapse under her, Gabby came to rest on the grass, her forehead touching the stone gently, "Oh Shay. I wish you were here…" The wind whipped around Gabby's body, she would loved to have thought that that was Shay, telling her that she was still there but the wind was harsh and angry, nothing like what she needed from Shay.

"I am so lost…I have lost so much, given up so much and I just wish you were back here. I need you so much that I don't know what I'm doing anymore. How do I keep going? How can I keep this up?" Her tears had stopped, her fingers coming to rest on the necklace that was around her neck, Shay's necklace. Gabby let her fingers slip the necklace from her body, letting it rest in her palm where she stared at it, "I'm not the friend that you deserve. I haven't been that friend since you died Shay…"

It all happened in slow motion, Gabby let her hands separate and the necklace fall onto the top of the stone, bouncing lightly before coming to rest over the 'S' in Shay. It was Shay's necklace and that's where it belonged with the person that Gabby thought deserved to have it. In her mind, Gabby didn't deserve anything anymore, Matt's love for her was tainted by what _he_ did to her, Antonio would never look at her the same way again, and she had lost Shay long before this had happened but the pain was still as strong as it was when it had happened.

It was at that moment Gabby decided that nothing was worth dealing with that much pain anymore, there was nothing in life that she wanted to hang on to because it all ended in sadness and pain and so she rose from her spot, her lips touching Shay's name once before she turned, sending a silent goodbye to her best friend before her feet started to move again, this time she had no idea where she was going, just knowing that it was away from there.

The river was flowing evenly as she stood on that bridge, she had found her way there, her legs tired and her body flat, her mind was blank, as it had become easier to ignore the feelings than let them over run her mind. She remembered when she had found Shay on this bridge, when she had been the friend that Shay had deserved, she remembered the sadness that had come over both of them as they hugged each other tightly, something that she knew she would never get to do again.

The moonlight light up the water beautifully, the stars shining through the dark clouds that had began to roll in less than half an hour ago, she had no idea how long she had been resting on that bridge, she was cold, tired and starting to get wet. It had started to rain not long after she had come to that spot, her hood doing nothing to stem the flow of cold water running down her neck, but she didn't move, moving required energy she just didn't have.

Her arms rested on the cold concrete of the barrier, her chin resting on her hands, staring right out at the long, emptiness of the river ahead of her, tears streaking down her face, silent sobs raking her body, her shoulders rising and falling with everything chocked on breath that she took.

Gabby had become lost in her thoughts but as movement next to brought her out of her thoughts, out of the corner of her eyes, Gabby noticed the small shining pendant that now suddenly rested on the barrier, her breath hitching in a small gasp as it stared back up at her, almost as though it was daring her to reach for it. With a heavy heart and stomach, Gabby slowly reached out for it, letting it tangle in her fingers as she let out a cold breath of air, "How did you know?"

It had to be Matt standing next to her, there would be no one else who would be there at that moment, she could feel him, sense him, but she wished she couldn't, she hated that he was seeing her fall apart. "I like to think I know you Gabby, no matter how much you think you have changed, no matter how much you think you have lost, you are still my girl and I _know_ you." She couldn't help the scoff that left her lips, she couldn't bring herself to look up at him, she felt as though she had failed him in some way.

Her raspy voice left her throat, "How can you be so sure? What makes you think I haven't changed at all? Look at me! I am falling apart; I lost so much after the accident, after the explosion that killed Shay…that should have killed me! I lost you! I lost part of myself after I was attacked…I've lost so much that I don't even know _who I am_ anymore!"

She shook her head, letting out everything that she had been letting build up for a while now, her emotions getting the best of her, "You said today that you still loved me but how could you? I don't believe you! I can't believe you Matt because believing you would mean that I can get hurt and you can get hurt. Matt I'm not the girl you fell in love with, I can't be! Please, I'm not enough for you anymore, I need you to forget about me, I need you to keep going forward…please…please Matt…"

She tried to pull away from him as he reached for her, her hands pushing against his chest, trying to break his hold on her arms but he wasn't letting her go, no matter how much she fought against him, Matt just held on tighter. She pushed harder against him, crying out for him to let her go, begging him to leave her alone but as hard as she fought her body began to betray her, her fighting had died down, the cried turning into heavy sobs and her pushing against him had turned into her holding onto Matt as hard as she could, her hands tangling in his wet shirt, holding on for dear life.

Matt held her tightly, ricking her gently as he whispered as she let out another deep sob, "Shh Gabby, it's alright, it's ok to break, you need this…" She just rested her head on his chest; he was her lifeline, holding her tightly, his head falling to her neck.

In Matt's arms, Gabby felt a hand on her back, a sense of warming coming from that hand, she knew it was Antonio, her brother, of how she loved him as he rubbed up and down, something he had done for her many times as a child. It felt like forever when Matt spoke, Gabby glancing up from Matt's chest to notice that both he and Antonio had tears streaming down their faces, her heart breaking for them.

She had hit rock bottom tonight, she had fought for so long on her own and it had become too much for her and yet they were still there, holding her up, looking after her, "I know because I love you. I know you haven't changed because when I look at you, I still see the girl that fights for everything she believed in, the girl what gives me shit every day and doesn't care, the girl that can make me smile just by seeing you."

Gabby thought over his words, still struggling to believe them but actions always did speak louder than words and so when Matt pulled away and placed his hands on her cheeks, she let him do as he wished, his fingers rubbing the tears away, "I am still here…Antonio is still here… _we_ are still here, that you can believe, _that_ is what should show you that you are still our Gabby… _my_ Gabby." Oh how she wanted to believe that she still was _his_ Gabby.

It wasn't the first time she had heard this from him but she was too tired to argue, too tired to fight anymore and so she nodded taking in the fact that he really was there, both of them soaked head to toe in rain but he was there, Antonio by her side, this was the step that she needed to take.

* * *

Gabby jumped out of the ambulance, glad to be back at work only days after her breakdown, and headed straight towards Boden, Matt, Kelly and the policeman who was standing there talking. As PIC she needed to be informed of what was happening in case they were needed to go into the situation. "What's going on?" She was pulling on her jacket, as the wind had changed again and had become cold, she looked up to where everyone else was looking, seeing a girl sitting on the ledge about 10 storeys up on the building's edge.

"From what we can tell, the witnesses heard her crying, said that she would refuse to let anyone near her, she freaked out when my men went to see if she was alright. Started screaming, moving away from them, she was moving towards the edge so we backed off. She kept saying that she wanted to die." The policeman looked up as well, sadness in his eyes, it was not the first suicide attempt they had been to in recent weeks but the effects were always the same on those around. They felt for the young girl, clearly something terrible had happened to her to cause to come to such grief.

The girl was only young; lucky to be 20 years old, even from 10 storeys down they could tell that this was more than just an overreaction, this was trauma, this was pain, this was _not_ attention seeking, it was serious and truthful and very volatile. "We got her name, Andy Miller but that's all we have been able to get from her. Like I said, the minute she saw my men near her she started to scream."

By this stage Matt was already pulling on his gloves ready to take over with his years of training, "I'll head up and see if I can talk to her, she might have an issue with cops so maybe a fire fighter would be less of a scare for her." He turned to his men and was giving orders but as she stood there Gabby became lost in her thoughts on the girl, her actions, her movements, her reactions to those around her and those who tried to talk to her. She could not take her eyes off the girl, a weight building inside of her as she watched her from below.

It wasn't the policemen she was concerned about; it was that they were men. Gabby swallowed heavily, she knew what she had to do but she didn't know if she could do it, she didn't know if she could bring herself to help but this girl needed her, even this far down she could still see the pain on the girls face. "It's not the police she is worried about…" Gabby spoke, causing all four men to turn to her, Matt scrunching his face confused, "Let me talk to her Chief." She blinked up at Boden, not daring a glance to Matt because she didn't know if she could handle to worry in his eyes that she _knew_ was already there.

Boden was silent, Gabby's explanation written all over her face. "Keep your radio on live." Gabby nodded, pulling on her gloves and flicking her radio to live as she followed the policeman up the stairs into the building, she was taking calming breaths with each step they took towards the girl, her nerves and her worried taking over but she had a job to do; she could save this girls life.

Boden glanced over to Matt and Kelly, both watching her with concern, "She'll be alright Casey." It didn't need to be said but Matt needed to hear it.

"Is this a good idea Chief? Dawson hasn't been trained in this situation…" Hermann came up behind them, confused as to why Gabby was going up there at all, all of truck and squad now standing with their heads turned to the sky, watching the scene in front of them. They had no idea what was to come for this call, they had no idea of what they were going to hear.

Matt sighed, his own worries taking over, how would Gabby cope with this? How would she handle it all afterwards? How would she handle knowing that the whole firehouse would know what happened to her? Hearing Boden speak, "She is the best for the situation." He just hoped that Gabby was able to protect the girl, because if she couldn't, he didn't know if there was any coming back from that.

Slowly Gabby made her way up the stairs, she knew her radio was on live which meant that every single person on the ground would be able to hear what she said and what was being said, but she didn't have time to think about that now, this girl needed her help, she had to be there for her. Taking a deep breath, Gabby stepped out of the window onto the ledge, one foot at a time, not wanting to scare the girl, "Hey…"

The girl jumped, shocked at hearing the voice and seeing Gabby there, "No! Go away! Get away from me!" She was moving herself away from Gabby, to the furthest side of the ledge but there wasn't much further she could go. Gabby recognised that movement, she had done the same every time someone tried to touch her, she was reading the girl like an open book.

"It's alright, I'm not the police…I'm a paramedic and I just want to come and see if you were alright…" Gabby raised her hands slowly, steading herself on the ledge, "Can I sit here?" She motioned to the concrete, close enough to catch the girl if she had to but not too close to freak her out. She was giving her the option, giving her back some sense of control, "I promise I'm just here to talk…my name is Gabby. What's yours?"

The girl eyed Gabby, very unsure about what she was doing there but she felt a little more comfortable knowing that Gabby was a girl and not a guy. She nodded slowly, tears still streaking down her face but she looked away, sniffing deeply, "Andy."

Gabby nodded, "Hey Andy-"

But Gabby was cut off before she had a chance to say anymore, Andy taking over, "Are you here to tell me that I have so much to live for? That jumping isn't worth it. That nothing in my life could be so bad that I would need to take my own life." She a spoke as though she had heard it all before, and chances are, she had.

Gabby thought for a moment, something inside of her kicking in, truth was better than any lie because in the state that Andy was in, she could tell a lie the minute she heard it, "I might at some stage but right now I just want to make sure you're ok…" Andy huffed at Gabby's comment. "Alright well I am here to see what you need."

That stopped Andy in her tracks for a second, how did she answer that question? Did she really need anything? "I…I don't know…" there was her tell, Gabby knew that if she were serious about this she would still be pushing her away, fighting against Gabby from the minute she spoke. Not to say that Gabby was taking this lightly because things change very quickly but she was giving Gabby an in.

"It's alright, no rush." Gabby smiled lightly as Sandy looked over at her; the same lost look in her eyes that Gabby had had for many weeks. "So Andy…you wanna talk about it?" Gabby felt that going straight to the point would be the best way to attack the situation.

Andy shrugged and shook her head, she didn't want to talk about it, she didn't want to have someone know how she was feeling. "It's alright you know. You can talk to me, trust me, I know more than you think." Gabby knew that those words would get not only Andy's attention but also those from the firehouse that were on the ground, listening closely to what was being said, she forced down those thoughts, she had to focus on the girl.

She should feel that she should be careful with what she said but as she sat there, looking at the young girl who was wanting to take her life because of something that happened to her, Gabby felt that having people know, having friends hold her up when she was down was better than suffering in silence. Andy scoffed again, "What would you know?" she mumbled.

Moving slightly closer Gabby spoke, "I know what it's like to feel empty, broken, like nothing is worth fighting for anymore…all because of what one person did to you. What some dick did to you…" This caught Andy's attention, her eyes narrowing at Gabby as she thought about what she said.

"I know what it's like to sleep with the light on because you are terrified of the darkness but shower with the lights off because the thought of seeing your own body in the mirror, seeing your own reflection is too sickening. You wake up from the nightmares only to realise that you are still living one, too scared to let anyone near you, too hurt to want to feel anything." Gabby swallowed down the lump that was forming in her throat.

This was the first time she had come out and said this in public, yes she had spoken to her councillor about how she felt but this was different, she was connecting with someone else would had been in the same situation but she was also laying her heart on her sleeve for all her closest friends to hear. She could almost feel their hearts breaking from up there, almost hear Matt dying a little inside at her words.

Andy blinked, turning to face Gabby, "How do you know?" she could barely get the words out her voice was so heavy. She wanted to believe Gabby, everything she said was true but she didn't know if she could trust her.

"Because even from all the way down there, I could see the same lost look in your eyes as I saw in my own reflection for the last 8 weeks…" Gabby looked down, her eyes connecting with Matt's, although they were far away, she could still see the encouragement in his eyes, he was her helping hand when she needed it. "Andy, I know how it feels to sit here, wanting the pain to stop, thinking that nothing you do anymore is going to ever be enough forget the pain or the memories of what he did to you. But you can start to move on from it, trust me…I know…"

Andy brought her eyes to Gabby, tears trailing down her cheeks, "How do I move on from this?" the words were strangled, harsh from her cries and screams, "How did you move on from it?"

Gabby thought for a moment, "Truthfully? I haven't moved on from it yet, I still don't like being around too many people, having someone touch me still terrifies me, I wake up screaming, shaking. I think the difference is though that I am having less of those days. It's not something that you just move on from, I won't tell you that it will happen over night. It's not something that stops hurting; I don't think it ever really stops hurting. It is something that becomes part of your past though, something that gives you power and strength. It's how you keep moving each day that tells you how far you've gotten."

Andy nodded, understand exactly what Gabby was saying, the feelings and the confusion mirroring her own. Silence filled the space between them both until she spoke, "I ah…I was coming home from class one night and I was jumped, I didn't see his face, he had me against the wall. All I could do was scream but he laughed while he did it. I never thought I could feel so much pain but I did." More tears fell down her cheeks, still not believing that it had happened to her, wanting to pretend that it was a horrible dream.

"I know what it feels like to lose so much because of one night, to lose yourself, your friends, you family, your home, your safety…the people and the person you love more than anything in the world because you don't feel like you deserve them anymore, because you don't know how you _could_ deserve them anymore." Unintentionally Gabby looked back down at Matt, he looked so lost listening to her speak, she could see the looks of the rest of the firehouse, staring up at her. She didn't need to see their faces to know what they were thinking.

"What happened to you?" Andy had moved a little close to Gabby now, away from the edge, she had connected with the feelings of being lost and alone, something Gabby was thankful for because it meant that she had something to hold onto.

Gabby shook her head for a second, she was in too deep to back out now, she would just have to deal with the consequences of her friends finding out, "I was at home, someone knocked on my door…I thought it was the guy I was seeing so I opened it…" She swallowed, no matter how much she accepted what had happened and tried to move on, retelling the story was always hard, "He pushed himself into my home, pushed me too the floor. I remember fighting, doctor said I put up a hell of a fight, but he was still too strong. He broke my ribs, sprained my wrist, split my lip, and gave me 20 stitches in my forehead as well as the array of bruises and bite marks that were on my body."

Gabby raised her head, swallowing down the tears that threatened to fall, "He tortured me, raped me, took something from me that I am still fighting to see if am worthy of getting it back." She shook her head, "I remember thinking there must have been something I did to deserve this, I must have done something to someone, somewhere, that would have caused this terrible thing to happen and I guess I still do. Part of me still wonders if it was my fault."

Andy sighed, moving closer again to Gabby, "I haven't see my boyfriend since, he ah, he has tried to call me but I can't answer, I can't have him…I wouldn't even know what to say to him."

"How long have you two been together?" The boyfriend was a good sticking point; she clearly loved him so it would help Gabby get her down from the ledge, gave Andy something to hold on to.

"3 years. We got together just before the end of high school, but if he found out about this…I don't even know what he would say, what would I say to him? How would he look at me? I don't think he would want me anymore…" She was going off on her own tangent now, getting worked up again as more tears formed in her eyes, her hands shaking as she rubbed them over her face.

"Hey Andy…he clearly loves you, if you have been together for this long, he loves you. It's hard to think about the one person who you love more than anything finding out about something so terrible that you don't even know how they would react. Would they break down and cry? Would they scream? Would they look at you and walk away, knowing that you are no longer the person why fell in love with or no longer worthy of their love?" Again Gabby looked down at Matt, he had been so amazing to her over the last three weeks since finding out what happened and then her breakdown but there was still something missing between them.

"Does he know? The guy you said you were seeing…does he know what happened to you?" Andy was trying to take information from Gabby's own experiences more than her advice.

"At first no he didn't. I was off work for about three weeks while I healed. I am living with a cop, he was the person I called after it happened but it took me about another two weeks before my brother found out, only because he came searching for me, but I'm glad he knows. But Matt…every time I looked at him or even thought about him finding out, I thought about what it would be like if we were together, if he tried to kiss me or if he wanted to do more but would he only see what _he_ did to me, so why would he want me?"

Gabby sighed, shaking her head and looking away, "I know how it feels Andy and I can tell you that it sucks, its terrible and painful and sickening but it does get better. It just takes _time_."

Andy now looked at Gabby, noticing that Gabby's eyes were focused on someone in the crowd below. "And now that he knows?" Andy wanted answered to questions Gabby couldn't give but she hoped that what she could answer was enough right now.

"And now…I guess we will see," Gabby turned and looked at Andy, "If your boyfriend can't handle what happened, then that is on him. I know that it sounds horrible but if he can't handle it then that is his problem, it has _nothing_ to do with you." Andy looked away, "But you gotta talk to him, I fought against everyone who told me to tell Matt and as hard as it was, as much as it was painful to look him in the eye after but it has helped."

She shrugged; it was still hard having Matt know, she would catch him some times looking at her, his eyes following her, taking her in to make sure that really was doing alright, or if there was something that he missed or that he could do. She hated that he looked at her that way when he thought she wasn't looking, like he was imagining all the scars and bruises that he saw in the pictures all over her body. She was still wearing long sleeves, covering her whole body but no one really noticed, it had gotten colder throughout the days so they were all wearing more clothing.

She was thankful though that Matt would look _at_ her when they were together, whenever he would sat by her side or go and see how she was, he would send her the smile that he only reserved for her, he would look at her and very rarely show sadness and pity in his eyes. They still hadn't talked about what had happened or how she was feeling about Jeremy or Anna since they were at the District a few days ago; he wanted to give her time to settle before getting into that conversation.

"How do I do it? How do I look him in the eyes and tell him what happened?" Andy was trying to fight against Gabby, she was failing but she was still trying, wanting to know everything she could.

Gabby smiled then, "I honestly don't know. I told Matt because I really did think I was losing him, he was walking away from me, I thought he was leaving me and it just came out but you just gotta do it."

At that moment, a voice called out from down below, scared, worried, shocked, "Andy!?" Andy's boyfriend had turned up, tears in his eyes at the thought of her sitting on that ledge.

"Looks like he cares enough to be here…why don't we go down and get you looked at properly…I promise that I will be with you the whole way…" Gabby leaned out her hand for Andy, hoping that she would take it and with baited breath she waited, moments passed before Sandy's own shaking hand reached out and touched Gabby's locking around hers. They stood together, making their way inside the building.

"Your friends down there…at the fire house…do they know about what happened?" Andy had come to stand next to Gabby, their hands still locked as they took each step one at a time.

Gabby swallowed, she had forgotten about her radio being on live and so everyone had heard every word she had said. "Ah…they do now…" She spoke as she pushed open the glass double doors at the ground level, sucking in a deep breath, steadying herself for the onslaught of looks she was going to get from the rest of the firehouse.

It all happened in a rush, two paramedics rushed over to Andy's side, Gabby nodded in encouragement for her to go with them, stating that she would meet her at the hospital later in the day, she had some things that she needed to deal with first. Andy nodded, tears falling down her cheeks but she smiled, noticing her boyfriend at the standing by Matt and Boden, holding him back.

It was clear to them both that they had needed to tell him what was going on and why she was acting the way she was and he looked exactly like Matt had when he had found out, lost, unsure, scared. "Hey…it'll be alright, just tell him what you need and don't need, and if your not comfortable having him touch her, then that is alright. You just gotta tell him…" Gabby placed her hand on Andy's shoulder, smiling before stepping back, watching as Matt and Boden let her boyfriend come towards them, the paramedics bringing her into the back of the waiting ambulance.

Taking a deep breath, Gabby turned to face her firehouse, every single one of them standing there, staring at her. Hermann looked like he had been crying, Cruz as well. Matt and Boden were a little more stoic as they had already known what had happened but Matt still looked pale, it was the first time he had heard some of the feelings that she had voiced on that ledge.

Mouch, Otis, Severide and Capp stood still, their expressions showing that didn't know what to do or say but every single pair of eyes were on Gabby. It made her feel uncomfortable, suddenly knowing that all her pain and terror was now in the open, it was now there for them all to know and ask questions.

Matt was the first to move, he went straight to her side, slowing as he reached her, he would always let her touch him first, letting her set the tone and the pace of their interactions, but right now she needed him, she needed to feel him close to her and wanted to be in his arms. As he reached her, Gabby took a step forward into his arm, resting her head on his chest, she sighed.

Matt placed a kiss on the top of her head, sighing deeply against her, "God you are amazing. You did so well up there Gabby." He whispered in her ear, knowing that she was freaking out a little now that everyone had heard what she had told Andy, he let her hold him as long as she needed, feeling her sigh against him.

"Thanks Matt…" it was mumbled into his chest, pulling away after a few minutes, blinking away the tears that started to form in her eyes. She took a deep breath and glanced over this side, looking at the rest of 51 still standing in the same place as they had been before she had made her way up to the ledge. She swallowed, hesitating before she moved, a little scared about what they would do or say to her now.

Matt could feel her hands shaking in his, she had come so far since her break down days ago and as much as Matt was wary of her actions, he was taking it a day at a time, helping her through her emotions that she presents with at the time, she had been a little down at one stage and he was helping her smile, she was thankful that he was trying to make life a little easier for her, he was trying to give her that sense of normalcy that she wanted.

He knew she still had a long way to go, that there would be days where she needed more help than others, days where she would cry and scream but there would be a day where she would smile, almost the real bright Gabby Dawson smile that had been lost the last few months, it would be back, so would her laugh, she would be back, he could see it, sitting just behind her eyes, it was there, just waiting to come out.

"Hey, don't worry about them ok. You have no idea how upset they all were. Trust me, they are just worried about you." He knew what she was thinking, knew that she was frightened about going back to the firehouse, knew that she was worried about seeing the looks on their faces, seeing them watching her, understanding finally the gravity of everything that had been going on in her life. "I'm gonna get them back to the firehouse…take your time." He placed another kiss on her head before moving away from her, letting their hands stretch as far as they could before he dropped them.

Gabby sighed, Matt had been so amazing to her, he was caring and kind and just there for her, she just wished that she could get something more from him, she wanted to try and move on with her life, wanted to start something new but she was hesitant, still scared of her reactions and his.

She watched as Truck and Squad left the scene, most of them hesitant to leave, glancing back at her before jumping into their trucks and heading back to the firehouse. Standing by the side of the building Gabby looked around, most of the CPD that were still there were moving around, finishing up what they needed to but they would send her a sideway look, as if trying to _not_ look at her but that they couldn't help it. Sighing she dropped her head, she knew this would be hard, but she would just have to take it one day at a time right now and deal with whatever comes her way.

Slowly Gabby moved towards the ambo, Brett with her back to her, making herself look busy but Gabby could tell that she was just letting Gabby have some time. Licking her lips, Gabby stepped up behind Brett, "Hey you ah…you ready to go?" Brett turned on her heals to find Gabby standing behind her, an unsure look of her face, but she nodded silently, moving towards the drivers side of the ambo while Gabby moved to the passenger side, letting out a deep sigh.

The drive back to the firehouse was silent, Brett taking longer (deciding to fill up the tank of fuel on the way back as well) than usual; Gabby could tell that Brett was trying to give her space but she could see the millions of questions running through Brett's head, "You can say it ya know…" Gabby didn't even bother looking at Brett when she spoke, knowing the look that would be in her eyes when Brett turned to face her.

Faking confusion, Brett glanced towards Gabby, "I don't know what you're talking about…" But she knew, she knew that Gabby was expecting the questions and the looks and the concern but that didn't mean that she was going to spill out those questions. Seeing the look that Gabby through her, Brett sighed, "I just…Gabby…I don't really know what to say…I am so sorry for what happened to you. I really am…" She kept her hands on the steering wheel, wanting to reach out and touch Gabby's hand, she didn't.

Gabby just nodded, she had heard so many 'I'm sorry's over the last few weeks that she was beginning to get tired of them, but she couldn't fault her friends for saying it, they were trying to help and didn't know what else to say. "It's alright. I've heard it all before." And she looked away, not meaning to sound rude or ungrateful but after that call Gabby was exhausted, coming down from the adrenaline of being on that ledge and letting out the secret she had been holding onto for over a month now.

Brett pulled up in the garage, Gabby noticing that there was no one on the apparatus floor, which was unusual because the Squad boys would usually be at their table, playing cards and making lots of noise but it was the opposite, the silence was deafening as she moved towards the common room. Slowly she pushed open the double doors and stepped inside, Cruz, Hermann and Otis were sitting at the table, each lost in their own thoughts, just staring at what was in front of them, not really focused. Mouch and Capp were on the couch, the game on low, barely a sound was heard, again not focussing on what wash happened.

And Matt…Matt wasn't there. She figured he would have been in his office, hiding himself away from the rest of the house, she figured he was struggling to cope with it all. Dropping her head, Gabby moved towards the bathrooms, needing to splash water on her face and take a break from people. As she did so, she heard the bathroom door close softly behind her; she looked up to find Kelly staring at her from the other side of the mirror, a sadness in his eyes that she could read.

Looking away for him, she whispered, "You knew didn't you?" Gabby didn't know how she knew, but she did, something in his eyes telling her that Matt had told him what happened to her. He gave her a short nod, catching it in the corner of her eye, Gabby sighed again, shaking her head and swallowing down the lump in her throat.

"Casey…he ah…he broke down the night you ran from Voight's home, he needed someone to talk to that didn't already know, he needed to get it off his chest, how he was feeling, what he was thinking…" He moved over to Gabby, leaning his back against the sink, looking down at her, "Don't be angry with him Gabs, he has been trying to be strong for you since he found out…"

Angry? Was she angry that he had told Kelly? Honestly…no she really wasn't. She was sad because it meant that it had affected Matt more than she had thought, it wasn't often that Matt would break down in front of people, it only happened when he had been affected by something so terrible, like Hallie dying, that he couldn't hold it back anymore. Swallowing again, she sighed, "I'm not angry…I just wish that it was easier on him…ya know?" Now she did look up at him, his eyes softening when he noticed the sadness in hers.

"Gabs," He slowly reached out and touched her arm, feeling her flinch only a little but she didn't pull away, "He loves you, of course this is going to affect him. And I told him that being strong didn't mean that he couldn't let his emotions go. He just had been holding them in for so long because he didn't want to upset you." She nodded again, she had wished so much that all of this wasn't going to be hard on Matt, she hated knowing that she had caused him so much pain.

Slowly she watched as Kelly moved from the bathroom, leaving her with a light squeeze of her shoulder, letting her think over his words. Pushing away from the sink, Gabby moved towards the bunkroom, where she found Matt's door closed but his head in his paper work. His pen hadn't moved while she watched him for a few minutes, he looked so lost and so sad, that all of this was more than just confusing for him. She thought back over the last few weeks, how much pain she had been in, how much pain she was still in and how much pain she would continue to be in.

Yes, she had accepted the attack at face value, her breakdown with Matt on that bridge the starting block for her to build herself back up but she still felt the weight of it all resting on her shoulders and the fear that she wasn't going to be able to cope with it at all. Slowly a tear slipped down her cheek, she still hadn't moved on, still hadn't completely accepted it but she was trying…and it was hard.

Slowly, she raised her shaking hand to rest on the handle before she pushed it open, Matt looking up at her as she let it close behind her, effectively closing them off from the outside world. It was as though her feet moved on their own at this point, she made her way to the side of his bed, sitting down slowly, she raised her feet, laying her tired body down on the bed. Moment's passed like hours before the bed dipped again and Matt came to rest on the side, looking down at her, their eyes locking, instantly tears filled both their eyes, slipping down their cheeks as their hands met.

Words were not needed between the two, Gabby was reaching out for Matt and Matt was meeting her half way, the memories of her words from either that shift hitting him like a tone of bricks, his mind not knowing how to cope with the knowledge of everything she had said but right here, right now, in his office, with the world falling away and their eyes and hands locked together, they would take this one step at a time and they would do it together.

 **Please let me know your thoughts/feelings/ideas from this chapter, it would be much appreciated!**


	19. What Dreams Are Made Of

**Sorry this has taken SO long to get up, as most of you may have known, FFnet was down for a bit so I couldn't post and then when it was back up, I wasn't home. Also I went to post this yesterday but as I edited it I found that it wasn't finished! I am shocked and annoyed at myself because I thought it was finished and left it unfinished. Bad me!**

 **But anyway! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you are all amazing!**

 **Please review! :D**

 **Also just an FYI there won't be too many chapter's left in this, maybe 23 or so but not sure yet**

 **Chapter 19 – What Nightmares are Made Of**

Gabby blinked against the light, a little confused at her surroundings. She looked around, Matt's office, Matt's bed, she was in Matt's office and in Matt's bed and she was starting to realise that she had slept. She had actually slept peacefully for the first time in longer than she could remember. Sighing deeply, she rolled over, smiling to herself a little when she noticed Matt's back at his desk. He had his head over the paper that was there, his pen move back and forward, finishing up his report that she must have disrupted when she had knocked on his door earlier that day.

Rolling out of the bed, Gabby went over to Matt's side, "Hey…" He jumped a little, not having heard her getting up moments ago.

Turning in his chair, Matt dropped the pen, smiling at her, "Hey sleepy head. Good nap?" He smiled again, so thankful that she had gotten sleep, he had had to wake her up a few times during the last week, each time a nightmare plaguing her sleep whenever he had moved near her. But when she had let her eyes slip closed and a content sigh had left her lips, he let her get as much sleep as humanly possible. He rested his arm on the back of the chair, reaching for her hand, holding it gently.

She nodded, rubbing her eyes like a child, something that he had fallen in love with long ago, "Yeah, yeah I really did…" Gabby knew there was no way she could hide out in Matt's office much longer, she had to face the rest of the firehouse soon, she had to face her friends. "I ah…I'm gonna go and grab something to eat…" she was silently asking for him to come with her, her eyes begging him to have her back as she faces that room full of people.

He nodded, understanding her instantly, he rose from his chair, bringing her into a tight hug, something she had started letting him do for a few days now, each touch starting with a squeeze of her hand, testing her reaction and on the good days that she was having, she would step into his embrace or allow him to pull her to his chest, but either way, their touches were getting longer, more intimate.

With an arm around her shoulder and her tucked under his, they walked slowly towards the common room, "Hey…it'll be alright. I promise you…" They stopped just short of the doorway, Matt had felt Gabby stiffen a little as they approached, this would be the first time that she would be actually facing the rest of the firehouse after what had happened at their last call. Gabby nodded quickly, not sure how to actually answer him but she wanted to believe him.

Moving towards the doorway, Matt kept Gabby close, not wanting to let her go but as they stepped further in, he let her walk ahead of him, letting her wade the water that was ahead. As he watched her move towards the kitchen, he smiled, he could tell she was worried, her was unsure of herself around other people but he had faith in her. He knew that she would be able to cope more than she did.

Hermann was the first to notice her there, the first to really look at her as she moved around, Hermann was the father figure within the firehouse, he worried about everyone and he especially thought of Gabby as a daughter, he cared for her more than anything. As soon as he had found out about Gabby, as soon as he had heard the story of Gabby's attack, Matt had heard the sharp intake of breath form Hermann and had seen the tears in her eyes that formed instantly.

He watched then as Hermann stood from his seat at the couch and went straight to her, Gabby watched him closely, wondering what he was doing, but as Hermann placed his hand gently on Gabby's shoulder, a look of sorry and sadness coming over his face, Matt knew that this was not what she wanted from those around her but as Hermann looked over her face, he could see hers turn, sadness crossing her own face but then there was that smile.

That tight, small smile that she was starting to show more of over the last few days, she was trying, taking each day as I came and she was trying her best to move on from what she had been feeling the last few weeks. It started with a simple touch of the shoulder, then Gabby's hand covered his, holding it tightly before she took a step towards him.

Matt watched with a smile as Hermann wrapped his arms around Gabby, pulling her into a hug. It was the first time she was letting someone other than himself or Antonio or Voight touch and Matt was proud of her, proud of where of how far she had come. He watched as Hermann placed a kiss to her forehead, whispering against her hair, "You're alright kid. I promise you're alright." Matt couldn't help the smile that widened at the sight in front of him.

He rested against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, he waited, watching as one by one the rest of the firehouse came to her side, each embracing her in a hug until they stood in a large group hug, not tight but enough to give her strength that she needed, to know that her family at the firehouse loved her no matter what.

"We are here for you mama." Cruz spoke as he pulled away, noticing that Gabby had tears in her eyes, but she smiled, nodding to those around her, thanking them for the kind words of support. She glanced to her side, her eyes connecting with Matt's instantly, he smiled at her, happy to see her seemingly relaxed with them around her.

"Thank you guys…really…" she wiped at her eyes, "This has been really…well hard…so thank you so much for being here for me…" She was struggling to say what she wanted, to get out her feelings but she needed to tell them, she needed them to know that she was thankful. "So…I guess you guys wanna know what happened…well more than what you guys already know?" She looked around at the faces of those around her, seeing that they wanted to say yes, that sadly their curiosity had been peaking each hour since they had returned to the firehouse, since Gabby had locked herself away in Matt's office.

She moved towards the long table, her eyes locking with Matt's once more, telling him that she wanted him by her side. Moving from the door, he came to sit by her side, his hand resting against hers, tightly locking their fingers together as he rested them against the table. "So ah…I guess you all know the basics but ah…Jeremy, Anna's boyfriend, he broke into my apartment, said that I deserved it because I helped her get away…or at least that's what I figured he was trying to tell me as he…"

She swallowed, knowing that she didn't need to go into specifics, everyone was listening carefully, each focussed on what she was saying, desperate to have some understanding of how something so terrible could actually happen.

"So ah…what happens now?" Hermann was getting angry, Matt could see his face going red, first it had paled with what she was saying then it reddened with anger as he though about it all.

Matt cleared his throat, "Voight he…he and Antonio have gone to New York to bring him back here. We haven't heard from them so we're not sure how it going." Matt could feel Gabby tremble with the mention of Antonio and Voight leaving, tomorrow after shift would be the first night she would be on her own at Voight's. It would be the first time she would be on her own since the attack, he worried how she was going to go, worried how she would cope but he chose not to bring it up, feeling that it would be better discussed after shift in the morning.

Silence flowed through the common room as it all sunk in, their thoughts, their feelings, it was going to be difficult for the house to move on from all of this, but they would do it together, they would deal with each other and move on as a family.

* * *

Gabby pushed open Severide's office door, she had seen him walk away with his head down after she had told them about what had happened, she had seen his face change, a little less shock flashed over his eyes, she knew why. Kelly looked up as the door opened and closed, Gabby leaning against the door with her back. "Hey…" he turned in his chair, dropping his pen on the desk, he watched her.

Gabby nodded a little, she looked around, taking in the photos of Shay and him and them, he missed her so much still and so did she, Gabby wondered if Shay were there now what the situation would be like, how she would have dealt with it all but she was glad to have Voight, Antonio and Matt by her side through it all. Swallowing deeply she sighed, "You knew, didn't you?"

He looked away, unsure of what to say to her, he knew that Gabby didn't want people to know, until she was ready to tell them herself but he could also see that something was bothering Matt and he wasn't going to let it fester, Matt needed his friend. He nodded, watching as Gabby moved to sit on his bed, "Yeah I made Matt tell me what was bothering him. I could tell something was bothering him so I asked, he told me…"

Gabby nodded again; she understood that Kelly wouldn't have let Matt just go about his day if he could tell that something was bothering him. "I'm sorry Gabs, I know that it's not something that you just tell but I could see that something was really bothering him. I had to force it out of him at first-"

"Thank you." Her words stopped him, he was trying to apologise for getting Matt to tell him, but she was suddenly thanking him, for what he did not know. His confused look hade her smile, "You have been there for him through everything over the last few months, even before we broke up and I just wanted to thank you for being there for him."

"Gabs-"

"No, thank you Kelly. It means so much to me that he has had you by his side through it all." After a moment Severide moved towards her, sitting by her side on the bed, his hand reaching out to hers slowly, holding it in hand he sighed.

"He loves you Gabby and I know that I probably haven't been the best of friends to you after you guys broke up," He knew that she knew he was refereeing to his suggestion of Matt moving on, she had already had this conversation with him, "but I am so sorry for everything that has happened, before and after what happened to you…" She smiled up at him, nodding, "I am here for you guys."

Gabby squeezed his hand, she worried about Matt, she would always worry about him, "How is he?" She realised now that she had the chance to find out exactly how he was dealing with it all, he hadn't said anything to her, putting up a front, trying to show how strong he was.

Severide sighed, "He is coping, some days are harder for him than others, I've heard him some nights when he thinks I am asleep, I've heard him cry a couple of times and I've had to wake him up a few times from the some nightmares. He is doing the best he can with the knowledge that someone hurt you Gabby. You are the love of his life and he is dealing with the knowledge of someone hurting you." She looked away, hating that it was affecting him so much, but thankful to hear the words from Kelly.

"I just wish there was something I could do to help him ya know?" But Kelly laughed, "What?" She laughed back a little, confused why he was laughing at her.

He shook his head, "Nothing, just he is so worried about you and you are so worried about him…it's like you two are back together again…" Gabby looked up at him shocked, "Don't worry, I'm just saying…" Kelly knew that making comments about them together was too early in the situation but he had seen them together since talking to Matt, he could tell that they both wanted it.

She nodded again, not wanting to have that conversation with Kelly just yet. She squeezed his hand, "Thanks again Kel." She leaned her head against his shoulder, it was something she had done after Shay had died, it had made her feel a little better at the time and she thought that it would make her feel a little better now, it did, she felt her body relax a little.

It was later in the evening, most of the firehouse had either gone to sleep or were relaxing on their bunk, which let Gabby have some time to herself, it gave her time to think about everything that had happened that day, she wasn't as tired as she thought she would be, not as exhausted as she thought she would be after the call and then talking to the house about what had happened to her, she felt alright, calm even.

She moved into the common room, her head down, fingers moving over her phone as she texted Antonio back, promising him that she was alright, after he had found out about the call they had been too, he was worried. As she walked into the kitchen she could hear the TV going, it was low, old highlights of recent games playing in the background.

But then she heard the groan, the shift of the couch and a gasp. Furrowing her brow she moved closer, seeing the back of Matt's head over the side of the couch, his body on an angle, his legs resting on the couch. Smiling, she moved around the front of the couch, "Hey I-" But he was asleep, his brow scrunched, his arms crossed over his chest, his body fidgeting and moving in his sleep, moans leaving his lips, _"No…Gabby…no…"_. He was having a nightmare, a nightmare about her. She hated to see him so upset, even in his sleep, when he used to look the calmest, where he would always look like a young child, now he looked angry and upset.

She couldn't stand it anymore, moving to his side; Gabby let her touch his shoulder, "Matt…Matt…" She tried to wake him up, his groaning getting worse, " _No baby…Gabby…"_ he was fighting against her now, as if trying to fight off someone who was hurting her. "Matt!" Gabby touched his face, trying to get him back to the land of the living.

At her touch, Matt's eyes shot open, sitting up straight, Gabby jumped back a little, shocked at his reaction but it quickly settled down, kneeling in front of him again as he rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his thoughts, "Hey, sorry I didn't mean to scare you…" He cleared his throat, trying to sit up, a little embarrassed that Gabby had to wake him up from the nightmare.

"No it's alright, you just had me a little worried, that's all…" She stood a little, making a split second decision, she pushed Matt back onto the couch, laying by his side, she sighed, her arm around his neck and her head facing the TV. It was a position they used to find themselves in almost every night in the couch, Gabby laying on Matt's chest, her head against his shoulder and their arms around each other.

She sighed, "Close your eyes…" She whispered against his chest, a small kiss placed there as well, it wasn't long until they both feel asleep together, not waking up until the next morning, their arms tightly wrapped around each other.

* * *

"So tell me again why we have your finger prints in Gabriella's apartment, why we have witness statements all saying the same thing as Gabriella? That you were in her apartment…" Vought stood outside the cage, watching as Jeremy sat against the wall, legs crossed, seemingly uninterested in anything that Voight had to say. "We have your description from Gabriella and we have your DNA-"

Jeremy looked up at Voight, a wide smile gracing his lips, "If you had anything I would already be in jail so until your find something that actually ties me to whatever it was that I was supposed to have done; I am just going to sit here and enjoy my time." He smirked again, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

Voight narrowed his eyes at Jeremy, it was true, other than Gabby's statement, which he completely believed, they had no other proof telling them that Jeremy had been the one who had attacked Gabby. There was no DNA tying him to the attack, he had been very careful when entering the apartment, and he was struggling to find something that would be the smoking gun.

Moving away from the cage, Voight moved back towards the exit, needing to clear his head. He glanced over at Antonio, the look on his face telling him that there was no way he was getting away with it and that they were both happy to leave him in the cage on his own for as long as humanly possible.

Antonio followed Voight towards the exit, he needed to make sure that Jeremy got the worst of what was to come. "Voight, come on man, there must be something we can do. He can't just sit here, he knows he is getting away this, we can't let him get away with this."

Voight turned on his heels, "He won't be getting away with his Antonio. I promise you right here and right now, that no matter how smug he thinks he is, he is not getting away with this." Voight sighed, rubbing his head, they needed to see Gabby again, hoping that maybe there was something that she was holding back, something small that maybe she hadn't thought of before. Turning quickly, he headed for the door, knowing that Gabby was the next visit they had to make.

* * *

Gabby and Matt stood outside the firehouse, Voight and Antonio in front of them, Gabby's face red with anger, "You said that you had him! You said it was done, that you would be bringing him back to Chicago and he would be charged! You Hank…" she pointed right at him, fuming, "You promised me that! You looked me in the eye and promised me that!"

When Voight and Antonio had turned up at the firehouse, Matt and Gabby had expected good news; they had expected to find out that Jeremy was back in Chicago and was being charged for his crimes. But as they stood there, in the middle of the driveway, the wind whipping around them, that was _not_ what she was being told.

"Gabby, hey Gabby…you gotta listen to me, he is here, he is back and I can promise you that he will be charged, you just…you gotta give me some time." Vought knew she would be upset, knew that she would be furious that there was still things that needed to be happen for him to be charged. He had honestly expected to go to New York, find him, bring him back to Chicago and have him locked up but it was clearly not as simple as that.

"No! I've had enough of waiting, I thought that this would be over!" She shrugged off the hand that Matt had placed on her arm, sniffing down the tears that had formed in her eyes; she was over the pain of not knowing how long it would take until he paid for his crimes. She turned on her heals and huffed, heading back inside the firehouse, letting the door slam as she did so.

Antonio sighed, shaking his head before heading after her, wanting to talk to her as the brother he should have been after the attack. He had blamed himself; thinking he should have seen the signs, see the things that he didn't see when he wasn't looking at her. As he left, Matt gave him a small nod, thanking him for going after her, he would have gone himself but he knew that Gabby needed her brother because she always needed her big brother, but also because Antonio would be able to give her more information than he could.

Matt watched as Antonio walked away, his hands at his sides, angry that the man that hurt Gabby was still free. Turning back to Voight, Matt couldn't help but see the man he had met years ago. "Look, I think you need to go, Antonio and I will calm Gabby down. You just go and do your job." He bit out, angry because Gabby was still dealing with this, angry because this guy was still hurting her.

He turned, wanted to find Gabby, not liking that she was upset and he wasn't there to at least be by her side, but as he turned, Voight reached out, his hand touching Matt's arm but Matt stopped him, "Look, I know you have been helping Gabby and I appreciate it but don't come here and act like nothing happened in this firehouse between us alright. You and me…we will never be alright, we will never be on the same side, even now, with Gabby and what she has been through, we cannot ever be on the same side. We may want the same thing in helping Gabby but you will never be someone other than the man who tried to kill me, who threatened my fiancé, who tried to have be jailed and the man who beat me up."

Matt turned back to face Voight, standing toe to toe with him, he let Voight have what was on his mind, "You promised Gabby you would get Jeremy, that you would put him in jail…I suggest that you leave this place and start getting onto that because standing here is only making me want to hurt you." He growled out.

It was true, Matt was only putting up with Voight because he was helping Gabby and he would continue to put up with him for as long as he was useful, but Matt wouldn't forget about their past, he couldn't put it behind him and move on because frankly, Voight didn't deserve that, but Gabby was most important right now and as long as this continued to play out, Matt would tolerate him only. "Do your job." He spat before walking away, wanting to go and find Gabby, making sure she was all right.

Voight watched Matt go, his head dropped, he knew that Matt would have a harder time at accepting him in Gabby's life, he assumed that he would be against it and he was a little shocked to know that Matt had been civil enough as he had been but standing in front of that man right now, he also knew that putting their past behind them, would be something that would never happen.

Turning back towards his car, Voight decided then and there that he would be taking Matt's advice and start working towards having Jeremy jailed.

* * *

Matt rested against the side of truck early the next morning, he had woken up with Gabby in his arms and it was no later than 6.45am, the rest of the house would still be asleep, which he was thankful for, he maneuverer himself from under Gabby, bringing her into his arms, he carried her gently to the bunkroom, placing her on her bed gently, he needed to clear his head and he couldn't do that with Gabby wrapped around his body.

He rubbed his forehead, he sighed, he was terrified about what would happen later that day when he went back to his apartment and Gabby to Voight's what would happen. She would be alone, he didn't want to leave her alone but he didn't want to force himself into her live, he wanted to give her all the chance for her to come to him, giving her the opportunity to set the pace.

Still he hated feeling so helpless; usually when something was wrong with Gabby he would jump in, tell her that it was going to be alright, he would be there for her, she would let him and they would work it out together, but this was different, he could not jump into this situation and tell her it was going to be alright because in the end he couldn't.

This was not just a situation at work or with her family, this was life changing and he was hoping that he was strong enough to help her through it all.

"Matt?" He looked up suddenly, Anna standing opposite him, her hands raised in surrender, "Please…I just want to talk…" She knew that he wouldn't want to talk to her, wouldn't want to entertain the idea of having her around. "I know I'm the last person you want to see right now but please…"

Matt thought for a moment, he looked over the extremely heavily pregnant Anna, he scoffed, "Of all the people I could see, you are not the last…that would be your abusive, rapist of an ex-boyfriend." He couldn't help the anger that he spat out when he spoke, his hatred for Jeremy over powering. He turned from her, wanting to leave this conversation behind, he didn't trust himself if he stayed around any longer.

As he walked away Anna called out, "Please don't go. Matt…please…" She sounded desperate, sounded weak and lost. Against his better judgement he turned, finding Anna now resting against the truck, she looked tired, he sighed, moved over to her side, leaning against it. "This kid is killing, really, I cant wait until next week…" it was her due date next week, she hoped that the baby would be born but the stress of Jeremy and Gabby getting hurt was making it harder on her.

"How…ah…how are you feeling?" He wasn't sure what she wanted but he was at least going to make sure she was all right.

"Yeah I'm alright, just tired…" She paused, she wasn't there to talk about her, she wanted to talk about Gabby. "Is it true? Is what happened true? What he did to her?" She sounded like a lost child, afraid her parents were telling her something terrible. She knew that Jeremy was abusive, obviously but she never ever thought he would do what he did to Gabby.

Matt sighed and nodded, "Yeah it is…I'm sorry but it is." He waited for a moment, watching as Anna dropped her head, sadness taking over. He hated to see her so upset, no matter what had happened in her past with Gabby or who she had been seeing, Matt hated seeing her upset, he knew it wasn't her fault, knew that she would never wish what happened to Gabby to have actually happened.

"I didn't know…Matt I promise you I had no idea what he did…" She moved away from the truck, her eyes watering instantly, she was panicking. She wiped at her eyes furiously, she didn't want to have Matt see her cry, she was trying to be the big girl, trying to be strong.

Matt stood, making his way to her side, he touched her shoulders gently, trying to calm her down a little, "I know, I know. And Gabby knows that as well but this has been understandably hard on her, she is just trying to make sense of it all." He touched he shoulders again, feeling her shoulder drop as she calmed her breathing down, taking a deep breath she sighed, nodding at him, thankful that he believed Gabby understood that she didn't blame her for anything that had happened.

She nodded, wiping at her eyes again. She was quiet for a few moments, letting her breathing even out completely, "How is she?" She wanted to go and find Gabby, wanted to go to her side, be there for her, help her through anything she was feeling. She wanted to be with her sister but she knew that Gabby wouldn't want her, she did however hope they could work it out before she gave birth, she didn't think she could do it without Gabby. As selfish as that sounded considering what Gabby was going through but she couldn't help it.

Matt glanced to the side, looking to make sure Gabby wasn't around, he didn't want Gabby to think he was talk about her behind her back but he wanted to be there for Anna as well, he nodded slowly, "She is…she is doing better than before she came to see you at the District. She's had her ups and downs over the last few weeks but I think she is getting there now. She is taking it day by day really but she is doing better."

He didn't want to lie to her; she had to know how bad it was for Gabby over the last couple of months. Anna had been so wrapped up in her own life, understandably so, but this was about Gabby, she needed her whole family around her if she was going to come out of this stronger than before. Anna was her sister and he felt she needed to know the truth.

Silence came over them until Matt spoke, an idea coming to him suddenly, "Tomorrow, come by my apartment, Gabby is coming over for lunch, we can talk there…I will get her to talk to you, I promise…" Although he could not promise that's would talk to her but he would everything he could to try to make sure she did.

Anna nodded, moving a little from the truck, "Thank you Matt. I appreciate it all." She moved to place a kiss on his cheek, thanking him for his help before moving away, leaving him alone with his thoughts once again.

* * *

Matt sighed as he closed his eyes, rested against the bed that he loved so much, it was more comfortable than the couch at 51 however falling asleep with Gabby in his arms was worth more than any bed could. He moved around trying to find a comfortable spot but it seemed that with empty arms it wasn't going to happen as easily as he thought it would. Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would come.

But it seemed that that wasn't going to happen, the sound of knocking against the wooden door pulled him from his thoughts, groaning he padded across the carpeted flooring, through his bedroom door and then to the front door, not impressed that Kelly had forgotten his key. "Man, you told me that you were going to be out all night…" Matt pulled open the door, thinking that it was Severide on the other side but instead was a little shocked when he found Gabby standing there, her bag hanging by her side.

"Hey." Was all she said, her cheek reddening at the sight of him in just his boxers, how he would usually sleep, bare chested but as they weren't together, she felt as though she should have been a little embarrassed. "I ah…I'm sorry, I know it's late but I...I…" She looked down, unsure of what to say, she was basically inviting herself over.

He smiled and moved away from the door, glad that she had come to him, thankful that she had sought him out, "Come on in Gabs, you know you are always welcome here…" He waited for her to step through the door, watching her fiddle with the bag in her hands.

"Thanks Matt, I just didn't feel ready to stay on my own at Voight's just yet, he is out tonight on a case." Gabby explained when he gave her a confused looked. She looked ashamed that she couldn't stay on her own but Matt didn't care, he wanted her as close as possible.

Slowly he reached for her bad, placing it down on the ground he turned to her, "It's alright, I get it. I'm glad you came here." He noticed that she was a little unsure of herself, so he moved to the couch, pulling on the shirt that sat against the side before sitting down, watching her follow but sit in the arm chair instead of next to him.

"I ah…I was actually hoping I could talk to you…" She waited for him to nod before she continued; "I went to see my councillor today…he said something to me that got me thinking. He asked me if I had been back to my place, back to where it had happened and I told him that I hadn't been, he thought it would be a good idea if I did go…" She looked up at him, biting on her bottom lip, "Did you want to go with me? Not tomorrow or anything just when I decide to go…I don't think I can do it on my own."

Matt let a smile grace his lips, "I will do anything you need from me Gabby, I promise." He loved that she was coming to him for help, that she was seeking him out after everything that had happened.

She thought for a moment, her eyes going from the clock to her bag on the floor, "I don't really wanna go back to Voight's…" She didn't need to speak, he was already standing, his hand outstretched to hers.

"Come on…there is plenty of room to share." He lead her to the bedroom silently, unsure of each other at first but as they fell onto the bed, it seemed they were both content with falling asleep and waking up with their hands clasped tightly together. It was not the same as how they had fallen asleep the night before, their bodies not actually touching but as Matt knew, Gabby was going to have good days and bad days and better days, tonight was just not a great day, just needed closeness, nothing else.

* * *

Matt and Gabby sat in the kitchen of his apartment; their apartment but he would never say that out loud, not yet at least. She laughed gently as he almost dropped a glass, juggling it in his hands before he was able to produce it above his head like a prize, "Winner!" He laughed; smiling as he shook his head, "That was almost a disaster!" he placed glass on the table in front of her, taking a seat as he filled it.

"Things really are never boring around here. I miss this…" she leaned over and took the glass, thankful that it had just been the two of them that morning. They had woken up together, much like they had done nights before, facing each other, their hands linked together. Matt had whispered to her that he wanted to make her lunch that Kelly wasn't going to be there all day so it was going to be a nice calming day.

He laughed, getting up to place the food on the table, "It's been a lot less exciting around here recently," He was talking about from when she had moved out, "But it's getting better though…" he placed down her eggs on the table, smiling at her when she looked up at him.

Just as he went to sit down again there was a knock at the door, Gabby snapping her head up quickly, a built in reaction that she hoped that she would grow out of soon enough. "It's alright, I got it…" Matt knew that she was a little paranoid still; he touched her shoulder to keep her calm, "I'll be a second…" After a moment she heard the front door open, Matt talking and then the door close again.

Gabby furrowed her brow, she was looking forward to quiet day with Matt, clearly that wasn't going to happen with Kelly back in the apartment. She turned back to her food, thankful that matt had made her favourite but she wanted him there to eat with her. "Hey sorry…" Matt spoke as he made his way back into kitchen.

Gabby looked up, shocked when she heard a chair being pulled over, turning she found Anna standing behind her, smiling lightly, hoping that Gabby wouldn't push her away already. But Gabby just sighed and turned to Matt who wore a smug smile, a look Gabby knew all to well, the one he would show her when they both knew he was right or when he got his way, this was clearly one of those times. "Well go on…" She motioned towards the spare chair that Matt had pulled over.

Slowly Anna moved over to the table, her too pregnant body telling her that moving was just getting too hard but she was happy to have been able to come and talk to Gabby, that she hadn't turned away and refused to even acknowledge her. "How are you feeling?" Gabby looked over at Anna as Matt placed food down in front of her, knowing that the baby wasn't far off, Gabby still worried about how she was going.

Anna laughed a little, "Yeah I'm alright, I just can't wait to meet this kid," She rubbed her stomach sighing, "I don't even know what to think at the moment, I still don't know I am going to call it!" She laughed, she had been thinking about names for a while now and had come up with a few but she hadn't been able to find something she really liked.

Gabby smiled, "I'm sure when this kid comes you will find something appropriate." The conversation was shallow, anyone could see the awkwardness that was in the room, neither of them wanted it to be that way but it was still hard for Gabby.

Silence came over them all as they ate before Anna sighed, "How are you Ella?" Gabby looked over at Anna, watching as her face changed, seriousness coming over them both.

Gabby took in a deep breath, her shoulders dropping heavily, "I'm alright Anna. It's been hard but I've been working through it. Antonio and Matt have been there for me and so has the cop I have been living with. I'm doing alright." She nodded, she was tired of people asking her how she was but she had been avoiding Anna since seeing her at the District so she knew that Anna was just worried. Gabby reached over and touched her hand, letting them all fall into conversation easily, laughter echoing through the kitchen.

Their conversation turned suddenly to them growing up, Matt talking about what it was like when he and Christie were young, leaving out any information about his father but their conversations were light and happy, Gabby and Anna sharing stories of their childhood together, until Anna slipped.

"Oh come on Gabby, you could do no wrong when we were kids, always had to get your own way, no matter what it was and they gave you everything. Mum and Dad gave you everything you wanted and I got left behind. You just want to go back to being _that_ girl who gets everything she wants. With the perfect little life that you have." Silence came over the table, shock settling in instantly.

Anna couldn't believe what she had just said, she hadn't meant it, it had just slipped out and she could see how much each word had hurt her, each word cutting deeper, knowing that they both thought they had moved on from their past.

Gabby looked shocked over at Anna, her mouth open slightly, her face reddening as she thought about what could be said next but there wasn't anything, there was nothing that she could say to Anna that would make any of what had just been said better. Gabby thought that they had honestly moved past it, that Anna had moved past the petty feelings of their childhood but it was clear that that wasn't true. She looked down, not being able to look Anna in the eye anymore not trusting herself not to say anything else.

Matt didn't know how their conversation had changed so quickly, Gabby was refusing to look anywhere but at her plate, Matt could tell she was fuming, biting her tongue as not to make anything worse with Anna. Anna stood slowly, swallowing back the tears that came to her eyes as she moved straight to the door, letting it slam on her way out. Unsure of what to do, Matt moved to Gabby's side, reaching out he pulled her into a hug, feeling her sigh angrily against him. He wondered just how fractured Anna and Gabby's relationship would get before it broke completely.

 **OK so I don't know how I feel about this chapter so any thoughts would be very much appreciated so please review!**


	20. I Never Lied To You

**Ok so I know nothing about the justice system so forgive me with this chapter but it worked for the story so I'm not too fussed lol. I know a lot of you said you liked long chapters…this one is bigger than the last! :I**

 **Also there is only maybe 2 more chapters after this one! I planned on there being 23 chapters but I have just finished writing chapter 22 and I feel that it's a good way to end this, but will see how I go.**

 **But please let me know if there is anything you guys wanna see happen before the end, coz sometimes someone will say something and it will spark something and I will write more lol**

 **Jordana60 – I hear you loud and clear about Gabby living with Voight and I promise I what you're after covered**

 **Also someone on Twitter asked if i would still be writing during the new season, i will totally be writing SOMETHING, so if your all interested there will be new stories on the way. I planned on having a break after this one, to relax a little but i have thought of a new storyline so i will work on that once this is done :). Hope some of you are kinda excited hehe i am!**

 **Chapter 20 – I Never Lied to You**

Voight had told Antonio to stay away from Jeremy, to stay away from the cage but like the typical Dawson, Antonio hadn't listened, only being able to stay away for a small amount of time, knowing that his sister's rapist was locked up down stairs, an easy place to corner him, to pay back what he had done to Gabby.

And that's how he found himself standing in front of Jeremy's cage, his arms by his side, thankful that he had left his gun, knowing that there was nothing in this world that could have stopped him from using it. Jeremy hadn't noticed Antonio at first, he lay against the hard steel cot that was against the wall, his foot tapping in mid air to come tune that only he could hear.

This angered Antonio, he looked so calm, unfazed by anything that was going on around him, a complete lack of remorse for anything that he had done to Gabby and even to Anna. "Well don't just stand there Antonio; it's rude to stare…" He had seen him, Jeremy had sensed Antonio standing by the side of the cage, he smiled, spinning on his backside to sit instead of lay, "Long time no see, I figured you would have been the first one down here to see me…"

Jeremy was taunting Antonio, trying to goad him into attacking, sadly though it was working. Antonio sprinted to the cage door, his fingers curling around the bars, "You are lucky that I haven't been to visit before this you dirty piece of shit. I will make sure that you never see the light of day again, do you understand me?"

Antonio rattled the cage door, but Jeremy just laughed, clearly he found the situation funny, "You think you can scare me? I'm not afraid of you Antonio, I've never been afraid of you." Jeremy had always known that Antonio was a cop, Anna had mentioned it more than once but he always knew that Antonio wasn't in her life so there was nothing he could do about anything that happened to her.

Antonio thought for a moment, he could go into that cage a rip Jeremy's head off or he could let him rot in jail for a very long time, where some big guy would do exactly what he did to Gabby. But his choice was made for him when Voight cleared his through behind him, "Tonio…" he inclined his head towards the stairs when Antonio turned to face him, narrowing his eyes before moving away and following Voight up the stairs.

Voight didn't need to say anything; he knew how much trouble Antonio was having with this case, how much he was struggling with the thought that he had failed his sister; that he should have been there to protect her; that he wasn't.

On the top level of the intelligence unit; Antonio found Gabby and Matt already waiting for them, confused as to what they were doing there. "Hey…what are you here?" He was worried, rushing over to Gabby instantly, he hadn't seen her much recently as she had gone back to work but they had talked on the phone often, also getting updates from Matt and Voight, Antonio always knew what was going on with his sister.

"I'm fine, it's alright…Voight just wanted me to come in and get an update…" Gabby tried to calm Antonio's nerves but in fact she was nervous, her hand clasped tightly in Matt's as he held her to his side, making sure she was all right, something that Antonio didn't miss.

"Oh…well," He nodded, looking towards Voight for an update, as far as he knew, Voight hadn't found the smoking gun he was looking for.

"So I was wondering if you would do a line up…I know you already named Jeremy as your attacker but we want to do a blink line up to see if you can pick his voice…" Voight was clutching at straws; he was running out of options to put this guy away and without a confession, they had nothing.

Jeremy had been very careful that night, he had worn gloves, a condom, and made sure that anytime he passed CCTV camera, he had his head down. He was also refusing to talk, refusing a DNA sample and refusing a lawyer. Without the DNA sample, they couldn't match it to the DNA found under Gabby's fingernails, and they couldn't inspect his body for cuts or scratches, even though after two months, they would have healed over by now.

Gabby bit her lip, looking from Matt to Antonio before nodding, she could this, she was strong, she could face him; well sort of. "I will do it…" She wanted to show that she was strong, show that she was able to do this.

Voight nodded, moving them to a room where they waited, "Now Matt, I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside-" He didn't want Matt there, he could see that he was struggling to keep his anger down, knowing that Jeremy was so closes to him, that he could make him pay for what he did to Gabby.

Matt froze, he didn't want to leave Gabby alone, he didn't want her to have to face this alone but he trusted Antonio and did what he was told. "Hey, I'll be right out here waiting for you ok…" he placed his hands on her cheeks gently, a kiss shared between them, completely missing the raised eyebrows from Antonio and Voight, they had no idea that they had gotten to that point but they were both glad that she had.

Gabby nodded, swallowing deeply, she worried about this next step but she knew it had to be done, she just hoped that this was it, that after today, she no longer had to worry about him on the street or coming after her. Against her lips, Matt whispered an _I love you_ to which she replied with another gently kiss, she didn't trust herself to talk at that moment, before she turned away, follow Antonio into the back room where she waited.

Gabby sighed as Antonio wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "It'll be alright, he won't be able to see you..." He whispered in her ear, knowing that she was worried about it still. Voight had told her that she would be behind the window but the lights would also be off, all she had to do was listen for the voice, making it more accurate as at the time all she remembered as the voice.

She nodded against him, listening as the first man called spoke when asked, _"this is what you get"._ She shook her head, that was not it, that was not Jeremy, then the second statin the same thing, she shook her head again, curling her hand into his chest as she waited. Then came the third, but that was not his voice either, Gabby started to wonder if she would recognise it at all.

But then it was as though ice had been injected into her veins, her whole body shivering when the fourth person spoke, her hands tightening around Antonio's shirt, her nails biting into his skin a little. He and Voight did not miss her reaction but she needed to say it, "Gabriella, do you recognise anyone?" That voice. She would recognise that voice for the rest of her life, it terrified her to no end.

She nodded quickly, tears forming in her eyes as she tried to swallow, finding it difficult, "Yes, number 4…it was him…" She turned herself into Antonio's chest, hiding herself away from them as he held her tightly, the men sharing a look between each other; they were finally one step closer to getting him, now they just needed to find a way to get him to confess.

As they moved from the room, Antonio kept a hold of Gabby, she had broken down a little, hearing his voice, hearing those words again caused so much pain, she didn't know if she would be able to calm herself down but as Matt placed his hand on her back, rubbing it lightly, she felt herself calming. Matt and Antonio shared a look, a slight nod from Antonio telling him all he needed to know, she had picked him out but that still didn't mean anything.

There was silence between them all for a few moments, Voight walking in after taking Jeremy back down to the cage, dropping his keys and phone on the desk. Gabby excused herself, telling them she needed a minute before heading towards the bathroom, Matt commenting on grabbing something from his car as he made his way past the desk.

* * *

Matt hated that he told Gabby a white lie just now, but he had watched Voight throw his keys down on the table as he had spoken, knowing that one of them opened the cage door downstairs, the cage door that housed Jeremy. He slipped away without anyone noticing, having been down there once before he had remembered how to get there.

Slowly he made his way down the stairs, almost as though someone else was driving his feet there but he didn't care, he was going to face Jeremy, he was going to make him hurt for what he did to her.

Jeremy sat with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes closes and small smile on his face; he thought he had gotten away with it. "Well if it isn't the boyfriend, you've taken your time…" It was as though Jeremy could sense who was there, it was kinda creepy actually.

"You come to hit me? You come to make me regret touching your girl?" Jeremy was now standing, his smile widening as he realised that Matt was alone, that there were no cops there, just him and Matt; and he was going to taunt Matt for as long as possible. Jeremy sighed and turned away, taking a seat on the bench, smiling to himself again when he heard the clicking of the lock on the gate, listening to it swing and bang against the side.

"What?" He turned around again, facing Matt, he grinned at the look of murder that crossed Matt's face, "not going to say anything? Not going to tell me how you are going to kill me? Or that going after her was the stupidest thing I could have ever done?" Jeremy rolled his eyes; he didn't think Matt was actually going to do something to him.

Matt stayed silent, he wanted to wrap his hands around Jeremy's throat and squeeze until there was nothing left in him but there was a nagging voice in the back of his head, one that sounded very much like Gabby, telling him that this wasn't the way; that Jeremy would get his comeuppance.

Something faltered in Jeremy; he had been expecting Matt to explode but he stayed stoic, silent throughout the encounter. "You know…she screamed for you, over and over again she called out for you…" he tried a different approach, "…She's a tough one…I see what you see in her Matt. She's got spirit."

But still Matt stood there, silent, waiting. "I see, you have just come to listen to me, for me to tell you how I held her against the wall, my hands running all over her, inside of her as she struggled in my grasp, how she screamed for you when I took away something she will never get back. But hmmm she was smooth."

White, hot, fury flashed across Matt's eyes but he didn't have a chance to act on it, Jeremy taking a step closer, "I'm not going to deny that I didn't enjoy every second of it all, from seeing how scared she was when I pushed open the door, to hearing her groan as I laying into her stomach, the crack of her ribs under my knuckles, her moans as I sunk into her, the fight as she tried to push me back. Oh yeah…I can see why you are with her…I fucked her Matt; I took everything from her, even when she refused to give it…" he was licking his lips now, remembering everything he had done to her, watching as Matt's whole face reddened.

Matt took a step closer to him, fronting up, toe to toe, he was sizing Jeremy up, planning out his next move, "You are a sick son of a bitch but I'm not going to touch you, because I know that Voight and Antonio will do everything that needs to be done form here on out…" Matt turned from Jeremy, watching as his eyes darkened, Jeremy angry that Matt hadn't gone after him; he fed off other's anger, enjoyed when they fought against him.

Angry that Matt had turned his back, Jeremy lunged at him, their bodies crashing into the side of the cage, grunting as he sung, connecting with the side of his face. Matt turned on his heels, swinging his fist, connecting with Jeremy's stomach and then his face, sending him crashing to the ground.

But that didn't last long, Jeremy jumped to his feet, lunging at Matt again but this time he was faster, Matt blocked the punch, landing another one, and another.

There was shouting behind them, Antonio and Voight running down the stairs, finding Matt and Jeremy swinging punches at each other, Matt laying more than Jeremy ever could. "Hey! Stop! Matt!" Antonio pulled open the cage door, his arms going around him, pulling him back, "Casey! Stop man, it's over!" Antonio was able to pull Matt from the cage, Voight holding Jeremy back, stopping him from going after Matt.

"You are crazy!" Jeremy lunged at Matt again but Voight pushed him back, "I want him charged with assault!" Jeremy pushed Voight off of him, straightening his clothes, watching Antonio slowly dropped his hands from Matt's chest, Matt calming down enough to not want to rip Jeremy's head off.

"Casey man, what the hell did you think you were doing?" Antonio couldn't understand why Matt would have gone to see Jeremy, he understood the need and the want to kill Jeremy but he thought that Matt would have been smarter than that.

Matt huffed, slipping his hand into his pocket slowly; "I'm doing what you two should have done…" he pulled his phone out, showing Antonio that it was unlocked, that the voice recorder was going, "I got the confession you couldn't..." he raised his hand then, showing the broken skin and bloody knuckles, "…and I got the DNA you couldn't. He lunged at me, hit me first; I was just defending myself." Matt shook his head, his hand hurt, as did cheek but that didn't matter, he had gotten what he had come for, he had gotten the smoking gun that they needed.

Voight smiled at Matt, he hoped that the recorded audio supported his claim of Jeremy going after him first but right now it didn't matter, he moved over Matt, slamming the door closed tightly so Jeremy was locked in there, taking Matt's hand in his, "Lets get this in the system them…" No one looked back at Jeremy, missing the terrified look in his eyes, the trail of blood that Matt had let go.

Jeremy knew he was in more trouble now than he ever thought possible.

"Next time you want to go all hero, make sure you don't do it when you can really screw up a case!" Voight wasn't impressed, but he patted Matt on the back as they came to the landing in the intelligence unit, they began talking amongst themselves.

"What is going on?" Gabby he taken a few minutes to steady herself after the line up, when she had come back into the office room, she had been alone, no idea where anyone had gone. That's when she had seen Matt, his face bruised and bleeding, Voight holding his bruised hand. She hated seeing Matt injured and she knew that he had done something to Jeremy.

She rushed over to him, angry with him, "Jesus Matt, what the hell were you thinking!" She stepped back, "What did you do?"

"It's alright Gabby…he gave us what we needed," Voight held up Matt's phone, "He has given us DNA and a confession…" Gabby turned to look at Matt, finding him smiling at her, a little ashamed that he let himself get into a physical fight with Jeremy but he did what needed to be done. Slowly she stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around his hips as she pulled him closer, thanking him for everything that he had done, that that had all done for her.

* * *

Gabby was nervous to say the least, she had agreed to Matt when he asked if she wanted to go out that night, that there was a movie playing at an outdoor cinema and that he wanted to make it a picnic date; something they had always talked about doing but never had the chance to do.

She was sitting on the rug, with her hands in her lap, thinking of how nice it was to be so close to Matt again, that it was nice to be able to have a quiet night without the worries she had been having. This was the step in the right direction she had been looking for, the courage to take the chance on him and them that she had been waiting for.

They had talked and laughed like old times, Matt noticing that Gabby's smile still didn't reach her eyes but he would take what he could get, just happy that she was there with him, "I'm so glad you agreed to this Gabs, I know how hard that must have been for you…" He wanted to hold her close, to bring her to his chest and kiss her, but like always he let her lead the way in touches, telling him far he could go depending on the day she was having, but they were both nervous about tonight, agreeing that it was an official date, something that Gabby had worried about doing.

"Me too…I am glad that I agreed to come Matt, I needed this…" she wanted to reach out to him, wanted to touch his face and his lips but she wouldn't, she didn't have that much courage in her; but she had decided that tonight she wouldn't push him away, that this, him, them, was something that she needed to take back, that she wouldn't let herself be afraid of him being close to her anymore.

He smiled, reaching out for her hand, he held it tightly, turning back to the screen that had started playing the opening credits. She sighed against the rug, she wanted to curl into his arms and so she did, she rolled onto her side, resting her head against his shoulder, where she stayed for the rest of the movie.

* * *

Standing outside the Voight's door, Matt felt very much like a teenager dropping his date off and having her father waiting inside for her, not that he needed to feel that way but it was weird, leaving gabby at another house after a date, they never did that but that was not the only thing running though his mind at that moment. Their night had been amazing, they had laughed, she had smiled and it felt almost as though a weight had been lifted off them, at least for one night.

But standing here, he wanted nothing more than to show her how he felt, he wanted to kiss her, wanted to hold her close and tell her that everything was going to ok but in the back of his mind, the fear of hurting her was too much, the fear of bringing up memories that she should never have to remember scared him. "Thank you for tonight Matt...I had a really great time..."

She was smiling at him, he was lost in his thoughts, but he smiled back, suddenly realising that she was trying to get his attention. He sighed happily, "I'm really happy you agreed to come. I'm hoping that it has helped you, even a little bit..." He thought for a moment, wanting to say so much more, "I have missed this Gabby, you...us..." He swallowed deeply; he was so worried of hurting her, of scaring her. It terrified him that something he may do could bring back the memories of her attack and he didn't want that.

She smiled at him, nodding her agreeance, it had been a while since they had had a chance to just be together and this was the first time in a long time that she felt comfortable enough to let herself feel happiness, Matt standing by her side no matter what; she started to believe that she deserved happiness.

Silence filled the space between them, Matt unsure of himself, Gabby wanting more than just a goodbye, but she would never tell him that, fear of being rejected hanging over her all night. "Well, good night Gabs, I'll see you on shift tomorrow?" He reached for her hand, hoping that it would be enough to hold his want at touching her, but as he turned away from her, with nothing more than a sentence spoken between them, she cracked.

Her smiled faded as he turned, that feeling of happiness slipping away instantly, "So that's it?" She was angry now, she was trying to move on, she had promised herself that she wouldn't let what happened be a burden anymore for her and Matt had promised he would always be there for her, that he still loved her but it clearly wasn't true, somewhere during the night he clearly had changed his mind about how he felt, that he couldn't see past the what he had done to her, although he had just said otherwise, he had spoken about missing her. He was confusing her and she hated it.

Matt turned on his heels, a little shocked at her outburst, unsure of what had upset her so much. He held up his hands, showing that he was not fighting against her at all, "Gabby I-"

"No! You told me that you still loved me, you promised me that nothing had changed and that you would always be there for me to help me move on and that you would always be by my side. I'm trying to move on Matt! Move on from all of this and I want to do it with you! But if you don't feel the same way about me anymore stop lying to me!"

Matt stepped forward, a little angry at what she had said to him, had he not shown her exactly how he felt? Had he not been there for her since the moment he had found out what had happened? "I never lied to you Gabby! I _have_ never lied to you!" He was upset mostly about being called a liar; he didn't understand where that was coming from.

"And yet, you have nearly touched me all night, and when you do, it's to walk away. Jesus Matt, I want to move on from this! I want to move on with you but I don't know if you want to!" She sighed and ripped her head, tears forming in her eyes. "If you want to go, just go!" She turned from him, not able to look at him anymore because it was breaking her heart.

"Wait! Gabby, please!" He reached out for her, noticing that she didn't flinch from him when his hand curled around her arm, "I'm sorry! It's not you!" The hand on her arm stopped her, the stress in his voice making her falter. Slowly he dropped his hand, shaking his head as she turned around, watching as he had tears in his own eyes.

He couldn't hold it back anymore, he took a step back, rubbing his forehead with his hands, trying to find the right words, "Gabby; I know you are trying to move on and I want to be the one with you while you do but you have no idea how terrified I am of scaring you if I touch you wrong or if I bring up a memory and then all you can think of and see when you look at me is how you felt that night!?"

He was frustrated, it was something he had been feeling like this for a while now but having to tell her was harder than he thought. "Gabby, up until recently you had days where you wouldn't let me touch you and days where you didn't mind me hugging you or holding your hand. And that is ok; I am not blaming you for that; it's just that that's what happened when it was just a hug or a touch; I couldn't bare to think about what would happen if I tried to kiss you or-"

He trailed off, sighing deeply. He had yet to look up at Gabby, too afraid to show her the sadness in his eyes, the tears that formed there as he spoke, as he felt like he was letting her down but not being strong enough; that had been a common feeling for him recently, every time he felt something other than strength; he felt like he was letting her down.

Under the darkness and the rain that had started to lightly fall above them, Gabby stepped forward, slowly she reached out to touch his cheek, bringing his eyes up to her, his tearful eyes matching his. "You won't hurt me Matt; you won't scare me. I want-" she swallowed, the small amount of fear about being rejected still lingering.

"What do you want Gabby…" it was barely above a whisper; Matt swallowing deeply, the feeling of her hand on his cheek sending sparks through his body.

With a watery smile, Gabby took another step closer, forgetting all about the rain that had started to soak through them both as they stood there; the world falling away around them. "I want you to try…"

It was the in he was looking for, the permission he felt as though he needed, slowly he reached his hands up to touch her face, lightly resting on her cheeks, fingering the wet hair that had fallen over her face. Swallowing deeply, Matt ducked his head a little; his eyes locked with Gabby's as he hesitated just before his lips touched hers.

Taking the last step, Matt let his lips rest against hers ever so gently, touching just enough to feel the pressure, just enough to bring back all the memories of what it was like to kiss each other, what it was like to have the want for each other that they did. Matt's eyes had long since closed, Gabby's as well, relishing in the feel of each other.

Under his touch; Matt felt Gabby tense slightly but she never pushed away, never pulled away, she was fighting through the feeling. She felt a little afraid, the memory of Jeremy so close to her, kissing her cheek and biting her neck but she pushed them down; choosing to morph Jeremy's taunting face into Matt's loving one, pushing down the feeling of fear; wanting to remember what it felt like the last time that she had Matt so close.

Slowly Matt pulled back, not from fear or reject but from desire to keep her calm, he felt her tense, felt her slightly hesitate although she didn't push him away, he didn't want to overwhelm her. A smile tugged at his lips when she noticed that her eyes were still closed, her lips lightly parted, she looked beautiful.

Gabby let out a breath of air, calming her body down from the reaction of having Matt so close to her again, she relaxed a little; it hadn't been as hard as she had thought; she had had Matt close to her before so this was just the next step of taking her life back. She let her eyes open slowly, finding Matt smiling at her, she brought her lip in between her teeth, smirking at him.

There was something in her eyes, he could read her so easily still; they didn't need words between them, didn't need to speak, just to look at each other, the words all over their faces and their eyes. This time he stepped closer, his left hand still resting on her cheek, his right slipping into her hair, their lips touching again but this time it was Gabby who took it one step further, running her tongue along his bottom lip, Matt couldn't help but groan; instinct taking over as he opened his mouth for her, their tongue touching instantly, lighting up their worlds.

It was as though their world fell away from them, it was just the two of them, Gabby taking her life back and Matt being the one to help her, the one she wanted and the one that wanted her. When air became too important, Matt pulled away again, resting his nose against hers, nuzzling gently as he whispered; "God I have missed you Gabby…" he felt her laugh against him, her arms wrapping around him, holding tightly.

They stood there for a few moments, holding onto each other as much as possible, "I've missed you too…" She sighed against him. Lightning flashed above them, bringing them back to reality, causing them to pull away, Matt pulling them under the cover of the door stoop.

They laughed, shaking a little as the water ran down their necks, "I had no idea that it had even started raining," Matt laughed, wiping himself down a little, "I should let you get some sleep Gabs…I'll see you in the morning?" He could see that she was tired, see that she was fighting back the yawn so he was giving her the chance to head inside. Seeing her nod a little, he kissed her again, gentle this time, sweet and kind, "Good night…" he whispered against her lips before he turned away, leaving her to stand at her door, watching him go with a smile on her lips.

Slowly Gabby pushed open the front door, her head down and a wide smile on her face, she had barely heard Voight speak, but it was his movements that caught her attention. She looked up to find him standing in the hallway, coffee mug in his hand, his free one resting in his pocket. "So how was it?" He asked, a light smile on his face when he noticed hers, he didn't need to be told how it went, it was written all over her face.

"It was nice…really good…" was all she said before she made her way upstairs, set for a night full of dreams but for the first time in a long time, they were happy, filled with Matt and the feels he gave her.

* * *

"You sure you want to do this?" Matt stood behind Gabby as she stared at her front door, that hard wood taunting her, laughing at her as she froze in front of it. "You don't have to do this Gabby, no one is forcing you to go in there…" he was hanging back, giving her the space she needed to make the decision on her own, go in and face her fears or take the time she still needed to come to terms with them.

She had come to him the night before while on shift, her mind racing and her words spilling out just as fast.

" _I need to go back home. I have to face it Matt and I want you to come with me. Please I know that you might not want to but I need you do this with me."_ _She had gotten her sentence out even before he had a chance to look up at her from his paper, sitting a the long table in the common room, he had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't seen her come up to him._

" _Gabs I-" he stopped, unsure of what to say because he hadn't actually heard her. She got that way, when something was bothering her or when she had to do something that moment, her words would tumble from her lips so quick, he would miss them half the time. "What did you say?"_

 _This time he watched as she slowly sat in the chair beside him, her hands on her lap, fidgeting, "I want to go back home, tomorrow morning after shift. Will you come with me?" She looked scared he would say no and leave her do it on her own but he smiled and nodded._

" _Of course babe, you know that. We will go in the morning. Now…relax…" He placed his hands over her fidgeting ones, ceasing her movements. She was so thankful to have him back in her life, to having him back as the one she could count on all the time._

 _Since the night before when they had kissed, there wasn't much more between them, except the little touches and the small smiles, it was the baby steps that Gabby was taking that was what he had loved to see. She still hadn't smiled, not really. Not the true full, Gabriella Dawson smile that everyone in the firehouse loved but she was giving more and more each day. He had also started to call her 'babe' again, which she loved, it rolled off his tongue so easily and the both loved it._

And so here they had been standing, for almost half an hour as Gabby tried to find the courage to open the front door, to put her key in the lock and turn it. She had been so determined before they had arrived, wanting to leave the firehouse straight away, not wanting to wait to get food or coffee, she wanted to do this, she wanted to take back the things in her life that Jeremy had stolen but now standing in front of that door, something had changed in her.

Her hands were shaking as her mind imagined the key in the lock, imagined hearing the click of that lock but she couldn't do it, the fear taking over her more than she thought it ever would. Memories and dreams of what had happened were bad enough but to be in the living room where he had slammed her head against the coffee table or walk down the hallway where he had her pinned against the wall or to stand in her bedroom where he had forced himself on her, in her, muffling her screams with his forearm as he bit down on her breast.

That was what she didn't know if she could cope with.

By her side, Matt stood, he had never pushed her, never pushed her through the door or away from it, just standing her patiently. But as he spoke, as he offered her a way out, a way to put this off until she really felt ready she didn't think she could walk away now that she was here, as hard as it was.

He touched her shoulder lightly, causing her to jump as she had been lost in thought, smiling when she found that it was Matt standing there, "Hey…the last couple of days have been pretty big for you; between going to the District, to our date and kiss…Gabby there is no need to push this anymore…"

But she shook her head, turning her head back to the door, "No, I want to do this, I have to do this…" Taking a deep breath, Gabby raised her hand and placed the key in the lock, hearing the click as she turned it, the door swung open, revealing to her the room she had always remembered, the simple and cosy room that she had fallen in love with the moment she had walked through the door for the inspection before signing the lease agreement.

With a shaking foot, Gabby stepped over the threshold, vaguely aware of Matt standing just by the doorway, his own heartbeat skyrocketing as he thought of the police report he had read, the detailed description of what had happened in each of the rooms in her apartment. It was difficult for him to be there as well, that sick feeling in his stomach coming back but he pushed it aside, he was there for Gabby.

Gabby's hands linked together as she walked into the living room, her stomach dropped the minute the door had opened, her eyes flashing over the clean room, it was as if nothing had happened there at all, it was as it had always been but as she stepped further in flashes came to her, images of her on the couch with Jeremy, fighting, screaming, kicking.

Tears welled in her eyes, instantly, but she fought them back, they were not going to fall.

Her eyes looked over the coffee table that sat in the middle of the room, the corner fractured, where it had connected with her forehead, her hand unconsciously touching what was now a healed over scar, the imaginary pain blossoming across her temple. She remembered the ache that grew there, the strangled cry she had let out when her head had hit it, her mind dazed and her eyes hazy.

She could hear Matt behind her, hear his feet shuffle on the carpet, unsure of what to do or say, but as she walked down the hallway, the thought of him fell away and all she could see was herself, running as fast as she could, but still being caught, the echoing memories of her screams shattering the hallway. She sobbed, why was she doing this? Why had she thought this was a good idea?

Jeremy had taken so much from her, taken her happiness and her family but he had also taken her sense of control. She hadn't felt safe in her own body, safe in her own home and safe on her own. Being forced out her home, she had lost the feeling of having control over her own life, like nothing she had been doing was because she wanted to, she was reactive, reactive to her feelings and fears and nightmares; instead of doing whatever she wanted because she wanted, she was stuck doing things because it stopped the nightmares or the memories.

Blinking, Gabby found herself suddenly standing in her own bedroom doorway; her eyes flashing from point to point in the room, something different coming to her each time she looked at a different point, the image of herself being pinned to the floor becoming too much for her; she sobbed, her hands rising to her lips as she remembered the terror that ran through her.

She didn't even feel Matt come up behind her but he turned her in his hands, pulling her to his chest as she sobbed, whispering into her ear; turning her to face away from the image in front of her, "It's alright Gabby. It's ok…shhh." He whispered, kissing her hair and he rocked her lightly, Gabby clinging to his shirt, her hands tangled in the back of his shirt, the front dampening with her tears.

Yes she had been able to accept what had happened and she was working to move on from it, but standing in that bedroom she felt the full weight of her memories hitting her. "Oh God Matt…please…" She sobbed against him, she was starting to panic, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to breath through her tears; tried to calm herself down at the same time that her body was trying to tell her to run, that it was trying to protect itself from the memories.

Matt placed another kiss on head, he was letting her take the time to work herself out however slowly he pulled her from the room, wanting to take her away from the pain that she was feeling, the overwhelming pain that she was feeling while standing in that room. He moved her to the kitchen, hoping that in there she would be able to get away from it all.

Slowly she calmed down, she was sitting across from Matt on the bar stools, their hands tightly holding onto the other. With a deep breath, Gabby sighed, "I'm alright…thank you…" she was wiped away her tears, but she still felt a little sick, like she needed to walk away from it all.

"Hey, you don't need to thank me Gabby; you know I am here for you not matter what you need." He brought her hands up to his lips, placing a kiss on her palm. After a moment of silence he spoke again, "We can go if you want," He wanted to take her from that place as quick as possible, but also he wanted to get out of there himself, he didn't like being there, imagining the attack everywhere he looked.

She sighed again, "No. No I need to be here, I need to take this back Matt…" He nodded, she could tell he was uncomfortable there, that he wanted to get out of there but she had to do this. "Are you ok?" She wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling.

He laughed a little, she was always so concerned about him, "I'm alright Gabs, you don't have to worry about me." But the raised eyebrow she gave him told him that she didn't buy it, that she really wanted to know but also as she looked at him, he could see that in her eyes was that she wanted him to talk so he could take her mind off the millions of thoughts running through her head.

"Alright…I'm not gonna lie, being here is…well you know…it's hard for me but I want to be here for you any way you let me, so I'm alright…" He was only giving her half truths, knowing that he was feeling more but he didn't feel as though it was right to tell her, she was the one dealing with the pain, it had happened to her, he didn't feel right telling her how hard it was for him to be there, imagining what had happened when it had actually happened to her.

Gabby could see right through him but she let it slide, to tired from crying to fight. She swallowed, looking away, "I thought…I thought that coming here today would have given me something back, like I was taking something back but being here now…what if I never get this back Matt? What if this never feels like home again? What if I can't stay in this place?"

She worried that nothing would ever feel like home again, worried that Jeremy had taken that whole feeling away from her, forever.

"Hey…" he leaned closer, his hands leaving hers to come to rest on her cheeks, bringing her face up to look into her eyes, "…You have taken so much back in the last few weeks that I know that the feeling of home will come back to you, I promise you that and as for coming back here…if you don't want to come back here, that is alright; that doesn't mean that he has taken you feeling of home away from you; it's giving you a fresh start, a chance to hold yourself up high and never have to worry about the memories every time you walk into the living room or the bedroom."

He could see her trying to believe him, but like everything else, it happened slowly, she believed little bits of what he said and eventually she would believe him completely, "Come on…do you want me to get you anything to take back to Voight's?" She had thought about collecting her clothes or her belongings, Voight having brought over her necessities, laptop, phone, chargers, toothbrush, but Matt wondering if she would feel most comfortable with more of her clothes.

Gabby nodded, "Yeah, maybe just clothes and stuff…" Matt knew what she liked, knew what made her feel better when she was having a bad day so she trusted him to get what she wanted and needed.

Once he was back with a bag full of clothes, Gabby sighed, "I don't think I can come back here Matt, I don't think I can ever stay in this place again." She felt a little ashamed that she couldn't bring herself to stay there, that she wasn't strong enough to do it.

"Then you don't have to. We will find you somewhere else to stay, I will help you find somewhere that feels like home again Gabs, I promise you that…" He wanted to tell her that home was with him, that she could move back in to _their_ apartment but he didn't want to push her, he just hoped that one day soon, she would feel like that place was her home again.

 **Only a couple more to go! EEEE! Lol, please let me know what you think of this, if there is anything that you want to see/know about and I'll do my best to make sure it happens**


	21. Because Some Things Are More Important

**Second (maybe third) last chapter here! OMG! Thank you to all those who have reviewed the last chapter, you are all very very amazing, I knew that you would all like seeing happy Dawsey…coz I DO too ! :D**

 **Please review, I love hearing that you have to say, especially coming up to the last few chapters, I want to know if there is anything I have missed or need to address!**

* * *

 **Chapter 21 – Because Some Things Are More Important**

"Hey…" Gabby looked up at the sound of Anna's voice behind her as she turned around from the driver's side of the car. Shift was over and after another quiet night, Gabby was looking forward to getting some time to herself before meeting Matt for a movie, something they had talked about doing since their picnic together and they had finally had the chance to do it.

He had kissed her on the lips before smiling and saying goodbye, ignoring the whistles from their friends, Gabby just shook her head, she was still learning her way around having Matt back in her life but this is what she wanted and she was going in the direction she wanted to be doing in.

But as Anna stood in front of her, Gabby sighed, she didn't know if she had the strength to ignore Anna at that moment, she had clearly gone out of her way to come and see her and it looked as though she was about ready to have that baby then and there. "Please don't leave, I just really wanna talk…" she spoke softly, "I didn't come here to fight Gabby, I just want to talk." She watched as Gabby fought that battle in her head, the one that was telling her to turn around but she didn't.

Gabby sighed and closed her eyes for a moment before speaking, "Wanna get some breakfast?" she figured a public place would reduce the chance of either of them blowing up too much. Anna smiled, nodding her thanks before moving over to the passenger side of Gabby's car, missing the look shared between Matt and Gabby before they drove away.

They sat quietly at the dinner for what felt like forever, both having ordered and eaten their food already, they say with cooling down cups of coffee in front of them both, neither really knew where to start. After opening and closing her mouth a few times Anna started, "Ella…I am so sorry for what happened, I promise you, I didn't know anything about it and if I did I would have told someone."

Anna was a lot of things, or at least she had been when she was a kid, but once thing she wasn't was a sadist. She had never really gotten pleasure out of seeing others hurt, especially when it was something so serious as it was with Gabby, and regardless of how she had acted about the accident and after the accident when they were kids, Gabby believed her when she said she didn't know.

"I know you didn't and I'm sorry that it came out the way it had; I just…I had been trying to deal with what had happened and when I found out you were in that room and had no where to go, I guess I needed something else to focus on for a little while and I guess I also needed to know the truth about that night." Anna nodded again, she didn't blame Gabby for what had happened in that interview room, she understood. "This is hard for me and I know that I may be a little closed off right now, but I am trying to process it all."

For Gabby now, it wasn't the attack, it wasn't the assault or the rape or the pain or the fear, she was passed that now, she was moving on with her life, she had her friends and family back, she had the love of her life back, now it was more around the realisation that all of this happened because she had helped her sister out. Once again, helping Anna had caused her pain, even though this time was not her fault, Gabby still felt a little anger towards her, although she would never blame her.

"I am taking this all one day at a time Anna and right now, I need to focus on myself and the people closest to me and I'm sorry but I feel as though I need time away from you…" Anna opened her mouth to speak but Gabby cut her off, "…No, you boyfriend abused me, he _raped_ me and I know it's not your fault I can't help but always feel that in the back of my mind, he did it because I helped you."

Gabby stood quickly, "I just need time Anna, I have only just started to accept all of this and the reasons behind it so I'm sorry but I-" Gabby stopped short in her sentence as she looked down at Anna, her head was dropped and her shoulders hunched over, her hands were gripping the table tightly. "What's wrong?" Instinct took over, her paramedic side kicking in, she became worried for Anna and her baby. And that didn't subside, it only grew when Anna sucked in a deep breath, she raised her head, tears forming in her eyes.

Gabby knew that face, she had seen it before on many calls, Anna was in labour, her body contracting as the baby moved into position. She crouched down by Anna's side, "How long have you been having this pain?" She waited until Anna took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as the contraction passed.

Swallowing, Anna looked back at Gabby, "I woke up around 5am with them, but it was only one or two, I thought it was just my body…" She cried out as another contraction hit, reaching for Gabby's hand instantly, Gabby giving it willingly, "Oh!" She cried, getting the attention of a few people around them, a waitress coming to their side, offering to call for an ambulance.

Gabby didn't want to risk driving Anna to the hospital herself, the contractions were close and she didn't want anything to happen.

* * *

Gabby hadn't left Anna's side for the few hours she was at the hospital, they had slowed down her contractions, as the baby wasn't in position to be born as yet and the doctor felt that it would be too much strain on Anna's body. Anna turned her head towards Gabby; tired from the pains he had been in, "Thank you for staying Gabby, I know this is hard for you."

She thought for a moment, after everything that had happened with them both over the many years, no one could blame Gabby for wanting to walk away, for wanting to not have any part of Anna's life as she seemed to be involved with the pain that was caused but as she looked down at her younger sister in that hospital bed, holding onto her like she was that 10 year old again, the one that was scared of the thunderstorms, Gabby couldn't think of anywhere else she would rather be.

Smiling she leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead, "Right now, this is more important than what I am feeling." As always, Gabby was putting everyone else ahead of her own feelings but she wanted to be there for her sister. "I'm gonna go and get something to drink, I wont be far." She rose from her seat, looking down at her phone when she noticed that her mother had sent her back a text saying they were there.

Gabby wasn't too sure how Anna would feel knowing that her parents were at the hospital but Gabby wanted them to be there, she wanted Anna to have her whole family around her in support, and so they had came. She smiled when she noticed them standing next to Matt, who looked a little uncomfortable. "Hey," she spoke as she came to their side, her arm going around Matt's waist, something that her parents didn't miss.

"Gabriella how is she?" Her mother was very unsure about being there, after what had happened when Anna was younger and what she had said when she had come to visit when first arriving back in Chicago, their mother had decided that Anna was going to have to live with her own choices without their help…that was until she received a phone call from Gabby, asking them to come and be with their daughter.

Gabby smiled, "She is alright, tired but she is hanging in there. Do you guys want some coffee, I was going out to get some?" She looked back at her parents who shook their heads; they had already had their meal so more coffee was not needed. Then she looked at Matt, "You want some babe? You didn't have to come you know…I know you were trying to get some sleep."

But Matt laughed, "It's alright, I didn't think I was going to get much sleep, Severide had the TV up loud," he wanted to add that he didn't want to sleep without her by his side but he felt that that may not be appropriate to say in front of her parents, also considering they were just finding out they were back together. "I will take a cup if you don't mind though…" He placed a kiss on her head as she nodded, moving away from the small group in search of that coffee.

An awkward silence took over the three of them, Matt seeing that her parents wanted to say something, her parents not too sure what they were going to say. They had always liked Matt, even after Gabby and Matt had separated; they held nothing against him, Gabby explaining that it wasn't just his fault, that she was the one to walk away and that she didn't want them to blame him. Thankfully they hadn't, they had been civil in the few times they had seen each other since; still enjoying their conversations.

But this was different; Matt could tell by the look in her dad's eyes that this was different. "Look I-"

But her father cut him off, "I just want to make sure that Gabriella is happy and I know that you two were happy at a time and that didn't work," Matt knew that was coming, honestly he expected no less from her father, he just hoped that he could prove to him that he was the one to make her happy, "I just want you to know how I feel. I like you Matt, I always will but she is my daughter."

He left it there, giving Matt a chance to speak, "Thank you, and I know that what happened with us the last time wasn't the best but I can promise you, being apart from Gabby was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I don't want that again. She has been through so much over the last couple of months and I am thankful she has let me be there for her." That was when her mother looked up, he had said too much and she had caught onto it.

"What do you mean 'been through so much'? What has been going on?" Matt should have known that Gabby talked to her mother about almost everything, maybe not as much as she told Antonio but clearly if Gabby had been having trouble with something, she would have usually gone to her mother.

Just as Matt was about to speak, Gabby walked up, handing him his coffee, "Here you do…" she looked at her mother as se took a sip, confused as to why she looked so worried all of a sudden, "What?" Her brow creased, unsure of what was going on.

Gabby's mother stepped forward, her hands touching her daughter's face, her eyes searching hers, then moving over her face. That's when she saw it, the light scar of the scratch on her forehead, "Gabriella what happened here?" She wasn't joking around or being light, her mother knew something had happened, that was not a scar that someone got in passing, she just had no idea what had actually happened.

Gabby pushed her mother's hands away, "Mum I'm fine-"

But she shook her head, "No, Matthew said you have been through a lot these last few months, now what happened to your face?" Gabby flash a glance to Matt who looked down, he knew that he had had let something slip that her mother wouldn't let go. He looked upset with himself, like he should have known better.

After a moment Gabby sighed, "Give me a second…" she moved towards Anna's room, finding her asleep, she mentioned to the nurse that she was going to get something from the cafeteria in case Anna woke up again, the nurse nodding before turning back to her notes. Gabby moved back to the group, her mother and father looking more concerned as they had the moment before. "Let's go and get something in the cafeteria."

She inclined her head towards the hallway as her parents started walking, Gabby stayed back for a moment, her hand reaching out for Matt's as she slipped it into his, tangling their fingers together. She felt him sigh against her as they started walking, "I am so sorry Gabby, it just kinda came out and your mum jumped on it…" he tried to explain, feeling terrible for letting the comment slip, knowing that her mum would have picked up on it right away.

But Gabby smiled, "It's alright, she would have noticed eventually anyway and well, now, after everything, I'm ok with them knowing. And I have you by my side again and I know that I can face anything." She leaned her head against his shoulder as they continued towards the cafeteria.

With a kiss placed on her head, Matt smiled, "And I always be by your side…that will never change." He spoke the words she had spoken to him many years ago, showing them both just how right for each other they were, even back then.

Gabby sat opposite her parents, Matt's hand tangled in hers as they rested against the table, they were quiet, Gabby thinking about the best way to speak, not really knowing how to begin this conversation with her parents. She leaned forward, squeezing Matt's hand a little tighter all of a sudden,. Sighing deeply, she cleared her throat, "So um…I'm going to tell you something that is going to be upset you both but I promise you that I am alright." She looked towards her mother who suddenly looked worried.

She glanced to her side, Matt giving her a light smile, making sure she knew that it was ok to keep talking. "Ah…a couple of months ago I was at home and someone broke in while I was there…" She looked down; hearing her mother gasp, understanding what she was saying, she leaned over the table and reached for Gabby's hand, holding it tightly, her father's face staying stoic and hard but behind his eyes Matt could see the fury, the anger, the fear and the sadness.

"He…well…he sprained my wrist, broke a few of my ribs, I had more stitches than I can count…" she slipped her hand from Matt's running her finger over the scar on her forehead, then over her lip. She felt that it was easier to list off her injuries in a way that made it sound like a list, trying to take the emotion out of the statement.

Gabby sighed, her mother letting the tears slip as she spoke in Spanish, something that Matt could only believe as words of sympathy and care. He watched as Gabby nodded, smiling lightly before she looked away again, "I remember everything…everything he did to me…" It didn't need more; there was nothing more that needed to be said after that.

Gabby's dad leaned forward in his seat, his face reddening, he was not a stupid person, he was a policeman for a very long time and he understood what she was saying, and Gabby's mother had been a psych nurse for many years, also didn't need to have that sentence explained anymore. "Oh Gabriella…" was all she could say as she moved from her seat, her arms going around her daughter's neck.

They hugged for a few moments, Gabby's father than reaching out and holding her hand tightly, "Are you sure you are alright?" Finding out your daughter had been attacked and raped in her own home is not something you want to be find out, and dealing with that knowledge was not something that he really knew how to do, so he did what he did best, worried about her current wellbeing.

Gabby nodded, "Yeah I'm alright. I've been staying with Sargent Voight," Gabby knew her father knew about Voight, knew about his past with Matt but also that he was Antonio's boss and that Antonio had nothing but praise for the man now. "I called him after it happened, I've also been seeing a counsellor, or at least I was." She had reduced the amount of sessions with her counsellor since Matt had found out, she had found the days easier and the counsellor had agreed that less sessions were appropriate.

Silence came over them again, her mother still sitting by Gabby's side, her hand holding her daughters tightly, tears still sitting in her eyes but had not fallen. "That's why Jeremy isn't here…" Gabby's father locked his jaw, he had put the pieces together easily, the comment about why Jeremy wasn't there to see his child being born, Gabby's reaction to his name, it all made sense.

"Yes. Sargent Voight has him in custody." Matt spoke, he had been silence for the whole time they had been sitting there but he felt that now was a good time to kick in. Her father nodded again, happy to know that he had been caught.

Before any of them could speak again a nurse came to their side, "I'm sorry, Gabby your sister is asking for you." Gabby nodded and stood, giving Matt a quick kiss before heading off towards Anna's room, Matt telling her that they would be along shortly.

Gabby's mother moved back to sit by her husband, who wrapped his arm around her, Matt still looking in the direction that Gabby had gone in. "How is she? Really?" Her father spoke, his voice shaking as he did.

Matt sighed and dropped his head for a moment, "She has her bad days still, nothing like she had been having but she has been really good. She has been taking lots of baby steps forward which is really good."

Her parents nodded, her mother reaching out for his hand, "I am so happy that she has you Matt, I know that it hasn't been easy for you both but I am happy that you are in her life still." Matt smiled back, he wasn't too sure how happy her parents would be with the knowledge that they were back together but they seemed happy. "Did you know from the start?" her mother wanted to know as much as possible, anything that Matt would give them would be more information than they currently had. She had tears in her eyes, just thinking about someone hurting her baby girl.

"No, I think it took just over a month for me to find out. She called Voight when it happened, she had been staying there, she still is. She had some time off work, she was off for a bout 3 weeks while she," he swallowed, the next word was always hard for him to say, "healed, Antonio found out the week before she came back to work and I found out a couple of weeks after she got back. I have to admit, before I found out what had happened, I didn't handle our relationship very well. Before all of this, we had been getting back to normal, we had been talking, laughing, spending time together outside of work. It was getting to the stage that I was going to ask her out again."

He looked over her parents, they were listening intently, waiting for him to tell them the rest of his story, "Then all of a sudden, she didn't come to work, Boden said she was dealing with some family issues. When she came back to work, she was distant, quiet, pushed me away, I didn't handle it well because I thought she had changed her mind about me, about how she felt about me. I got frustrated by it, angry, brushed her off. And then she came out with it, she told me what happened and I felt terrible for being so hard on her."

He shook his head, still to this day he hated knowing that he hadn't realised that something had been wrong with her, that it was more than just what he assumed but there was nothing that he could do about it now. Gabby's mother squeezed his hand, "I'm sure she is very thankful to have you around still after finding out though." She could tell that Matt was being hard on himself still.

He nodded, "She broke down a few weeks back, hit bottom and me and Antonio were there to help her back up, she is doing much better now. We went on date last week, and as you can see, she is taking the steps forward that she wants to be." He blushed a little, it was weird talking to her parents about their daughter's relationship but it proved that she had come a long way from where she was.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Gabby's mother turning to her husband, both of them sharing an embrace as they let the thought of their daughter being attacked wash over them. They were glad that she had been getting the help she needed and that she had people around her that were helping through it all but it was hard knowing that something so terrible had happened to their little girl.

* * *

Matt and Gabby's parents sat in the waiting room, Antonio had arrived after his shift had finished and together that waited. Slowing down Anna's contractions had slowed down the movement of her baby and so by 8pm Anna was ready to have her baby.

Time seemed to move differently for Gabby though, she looked down at her sister, holding her hand tightly, crying into her embrace as another contractions ripped through her body. She cried out, the pain almost becoming too much for her, "Gabby, I don't know if I can do this!" She held Gabby tightly, reminding her of the 10 year old that used to hide under the covers when she was scared. Her grip tightening on Gabby's arm once again.

Gabby whispered gently, "You can do this, I know you can do this…" Gabby brushed her hand over Anna's forehead, wiping away the sweet that had built up. There had been many times in the last few months that Gabby probably should have walked away from Anna and left her to deal with her own messes and a weaker person may have done so but Matt had always told her that she would always have Anna's back because she was her sister and that was the sort of person Gabby was, she would always have Anna's back.

Moments passed, the nurses and doctors talking to Anna but she didn't seem to be focussed on them, her head lulled to the side, her eyes connecting with Gabby's, "You have no idea how much I love that you are here Gabby. I don't think I would have been able to do this without you. I know I don't deserve you being here but thank you…" Gabby could have put it down to the pain but the look in Anna's eyes told her that it was more than that.

"I know Annie, I'm right here ok, we are going to do this together…" She leaned over and kissed Anna's forehead, because in the end some things are more important.

In a flurry of groans and screams and calls from the doctors and nurses, there was finally the distinct sound of a baby's cries echoing throughout the room, a sigh and laugh of relief from Anna, a sob from Gabby, who couldn't hold it back. She was happy to see her sister holding her newborn daughter.

As she looked down at the small baby, all wrapped up in the blanket, Gabby couldn't help but wonder now that Anna had given birth to Jeremy's child, the child of the man who raped her, a man who took so much from her, a man who caused her so much pain but right now that didn't matter, all that mattered was the small child that was staring past her mother and right into Gabby's eyes.

"She already knows who loves her so much. Hey don't you baby Ella, Aunt Gabby loves you so much…" Anna whispered as she slowly rocked the baby, her eyes going back to her mother, her mouth opening and closing a few times, she was hungry, food was the only thing she wanted and that's what she was going to get. Gabby smiled widely as the nurses went to looking after Anna and baby Ella, Anna had named her daughter after Gabby, the pet name only Anna used but Gabby smiled, it suited the baby more than it ever did her.

* * *

"What about this place?" Antonio passed the article over to Gabby, who looked down at it. She, Antonio and Matt were having dinner in Matt's apartment when the idea of new apartments came up, prompting their Internet search for something that Gabby may like. It had been almost three weeks since baby Ella was born and Anna had been struggling a little but Gabby couldn't believe how much she had grown since coming home with Ella, she had taken over the role of mother so easily, Gabby had been so proud of her.

Gabby had been all for the idea of find a new apartment, she couldn't live with Voight forever, Antonio helping her instantly in searching for new places but it wasn't lost on him that Matt had suddenly become quiet, deciding to clear away the plates and glasses while they looked. As Gabby looked down at the article in her hand, Antonio moved to the kitchen were Matt stood staring at the sink, the water running into the plates, but he wasn't moving. "You alright?"

Matt jumped a little, not having heard Antonio coming. He quickly shut off the water, "Yeah I'm alright." But as he turned to look at Antonio, he found him staring at him with the same look that Gabby would get when she knew that he wasn't telling her the truth. He sighed, leaned against the counter top, Antonio doing the same against the opposite bench top. "I guess I'm just worried that's all. About her getting her own place. I know she has to do it and I know she will be fine, but I'm just worried." He shrugged and rubbed his eyes, the idea of her moving into her own place, alone had been weighing on him for a while.

Antonio nodded, "I know, I feel the same way, I don't want her to be on her own coz I worry about her but I know my sister, she is strong and she will be alright." But Antonio could tell that there was more to Matt's concern than just that.

Matt laughed, again with that look on Antonio's face, it was the same one Gabby would get when she wasn't being fooled, "I guess I always thought that maybe the next place she moved, would be back in here with me. I always wished she would move back in, that we would be back together and now that we are, even though it is very slow and we are taking our time, I just want her with me. I want her here…in her home, I want this to be where she calls home again."

He sighed, he would never ask Gabby to move back in with him straight away, they were still very early on in their rekindled relationship and he didn't want to rush things but he wanted her to feel like this place was home again.

Antonio nodded, he understood, "Give it some time, I'm sure she will be back here in no time. And besides, I showed her a list of places that was only about a 10 minute drive from here…" He moved from the bench and headed back towards Gabby, smiling to himself when he hear Matt laugh, Antonio always had his back, and he knew that Matt made Gabby happy so he would always be there to try and make sure they stayed happy.

"Hey Matt come and tell me what you think!" Gabby called out from the living room, she wanted Matt's opinion of the place, but she really liked it, and it wasn't too far from his apartment, which made it even better.

Slowly Matt made his way to her side, looking over her shoulder he read through the article and smiled. "We can go and check it out in a couple of days if you want?" She nodded in agreeance before looking back down at the article and sending a quick message to the person who had list it. Matt placed a kiss to her forehead before moving to sit against the arm of the couch watching as she sent the email. There was so much of him that wanted to ask her to move back in with him but he knew that that would be a step that would have to wait for.

"It's not far from the firehouse or Molly's or even here…" Gabby looked over at him to get his reaction, she could tell something was off about him suddenly but decided that it would be best to have that conversation when it was just the two of them. But the idea of going back to Molly's was something that she hadn't really hadn't put a whole lot of thought into.

It wasn't that she didn't want to go, she wanted to be able to spend time with her friends and family outside of the firehouse and she missed working the shifts there, it was just the environment that she wasn't too sure about. There were many times when she worked that some drunk guy would get too close or get too handsy and yes she could take care of herself but so far, the only people she was letting touch her again were those closest to her. She didn't know how she would react if it was someone who didn't know when to stop.

But she wanted to go, she wanted to take back Molly's as part of her life, she wanted to walk in there with her head held high and have a drink and a laugh with her family. Taking a deep breath, she looked over at Matt, "Hey what do you say we go to Moly's tonight. I know the other's are going to be there…"

A shocked look came over Matt's face at her question, he had wanted her to go back to Molly's for the last few weeks but didn't want to push her into anything and so it was never mentioned, even when the other's would say they were going and asked if he would be there, he would always say that he was busy, because he wanted to be to spend as much time with Gabby as possible. He smiled, "Yeah, I think that'll be a good idea." He glanced at the time, finding that it was only just before 8pm and that would give them plenty of time to head to Molly's.

The moment the three of them arrived at Molly's, the whole place erupted into cheers and claps, each and every person in there overly excited to see Gabby back where she belonged, with her family. "First round is on the house!" Hermann called form the bar, shocking everyone as he never gave free drinks but this was a special occasion.

Gabby blushed, Matt wrapping his arm around her shoulder and placing a kiss on her cheek, "They love you and so do I." As he pulled away, Gabby turned her head, pulling him into a kiss that showed him exactly how much she appreciated him by her side, which caused the rest of Molly's to erupt again in cat calls and whistles.

They knew they Matt and Gabby were back together, or at least had a very strong idea of it but this was the first time they were seeing it in full, each of them understanding the significance of her moving forward with him after what had happened to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed, thanking him for coming out with her, for thinking that it would be a good idea for them to go. "To Gabby!" Hermann raised his glass in the air, Gabby and Matt moving to the bar to have their drinks as well. "It's great having you back Dawson and seeing you smile again makes us so happy!" He smiled; wanting Gabby to know how serious he was that he was happy she was getting her life back.

Gabby nodded her thanks before raising her glass and drinking whatever had been put in front of her, she laughed, feeling it down her throat as she sighed, "Thank you all much! I know this has been hard for everyone and I thank you all for being there for me," she reached out to touch Matt's cheek again, feeling him smile into her hand, "And I wanted to say that as of next week, Chilli will be back on ambo and I am headed back to truck!"

Everyone clapped again, Matt jumping from his seat and hugging her tightly, Boden hadn't told him when she would be coming back to truck and he was genuinely happy to know that she was. He wanted her back on truck, she had worked so hard to get to where she had and he was going to make sure that she kept going to become the amazing fire fighter he knew and loved, "That's amazing baby, I am so happy for you!" He whispered, kissing her again.

Their night dragged on, more drinks and conversations were had, Matt had found himself sitting by the bar, Severide at his side and Hermann across from them. Kelly was going on about some girl he had met but Matt couldn't concentrate, he turned in his chair when he heard it, it was loud and amazing and the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

He looked over to where Gabby was sitting, Silvie by her far side, he could barely see her and Otis and Cruz sitting across from them at the booth. Matt smiled widely, her head was thrown back in laughter, genuine laughter, something that he hadn't heard from her in a long time. He could hear it, everyone could hear it, but most of them did not understand the significance of her laughter or the wide, bright smile that was on her face.

Matt was so happy to see it again, it had been missing for too long, he should have known a night out with the guys would bring it out of her again. Smiling, he turned back to his beer, noticing that Kelly had turned to the girl by his side, too entranced by that conversation to notice Hermann turning to Matt, "How is she? Really?"

Hermann was like the father of the group, he cared deeply about Gabby, he was very protective of her and wanted to make sure she was all right. "You know what Hermann, I think she is doing good. This is the first time I have seen her smile like that or laugh like that since I found out what happened so I honestly think she is going to be alright." He smiled, bringing his beer to his lips again.

Hermann nodded, "I'm glad, she is a good kid…" He then inclined his head towards Matt, "And you two?"

It was no secret that Hermann was unsure of he and Gabby being together, not because he didn't want them to be, he thought they belonged together and wanted nothing by happiness for them and would do everything he could to make sure they were back together, but they had caused a few issues during shift when they were together and he wanted to make sure they didn't happen again.

Matt sighed, he knew what Hermann was getting at, "We are taking is slow, one step at a time really. I know last time was hard but I can promise you that I don't want to ever get back there with her. We've been able to work well together even after everything and I think she settled more into the role over having someone giving her orders…" He looked up at Hermann, hoping that what he was saying was true and that he wasn't just blinded by his feeling again.

"I must admit, you too have been working really well together. You guys will be fine. Being apart sucked for you both and I can tell that you don't want to go there again." Matt just nodded, turning his head back to Gabby, smiling again when he found her laughing like she always did, her bright smile back where it belonged.

Hermann made his way over to where Gabby was sitting later in the night, everyone else had moved to the dance floor, being too drunk to care, they all danced like crazy people, Gabby just watching her friends, laughing at their craziness. "You alright kid?" He sat across from her, getting her attention away from the dancing group.

She nodded, "Yeah you know what, I am alright. I needed this, I needed the night out." She really did need the night out, she was happy that she had come.

Hermann reached out for her hand, "I'm glad kid, I really am." He squeezed her hand tightly for a moment, his father side taking over, "I am so sorry for what happened Gabby, I really am." She could tell that knowing she had been attacked was upsetting him; she could tell that he was angry and sad at the same time.

She smiled, "Thank you Christopher, and I am so happy to have you in my life. You have been an amazing friend for so many years…" She squeezed is hand back, hoping that she would be able to give him some of the comfort that she felt when having him around.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, only broken when Matt made his way over, wrapping his arm around Gabby's shoulder, "Everything alright?" He was a little worried when he had seeing Hermann talking to Gabby but he could tell that they both needed that little conversation, that they cared enough about each other to need to confront how they were both feeling.

"Yeah we are good, just having a chat." Hermann stood from his seat before moving back to the bar, sharing one last knowing smile with Gabby, a conversation between the two of them that was only for them.

Matt smiled, taking the seat next to Gabby at the booth, he pulled her legs up over his, bringing her as close as possible, her body turned towards him. Gently he placed his forehead against hers, sighing happily. "I am so proud of how far you have come Gabby, not only with what happened but also the whole Anna situation. I know none of that must be easy for you."

It was true, Gabby had had trouble with Anna being back in her life, even up to the point of her giving birth but something had changed at that point, all the shit that happened when they were kids just didn't seem to matter anymore, the future of this child, the future that Gabby wanted and that Anna wanted was more important than anything that couldn't be changed because it was in the past.

She and Anna had been spending more time with each other recently. Both choosing to leave the past in the past and move on together, something that she and Matt had decided to do as well, "Yeah it was but you know what, some things are just more important than the past…"

Silence washed over them both for a few moments, Gabby's head falling to Matt's shoulder, Matt letting his hand run up and down her arm gently. "You know, hearing your laughter tonight was the most amazing thing I have ever heard I have missed it so much." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her lips, the world and the sound and the music falling away from them, too engrossed in each other and their conversation to notice anything around them.

Gabby smiled against him, "It feels good to laugh again, I've missed feeling this happy and I have you to thank for it." She leaned her head against his shoulder, feeling his hand making small circles on her upper arm, "I don't know what I would have done without you Matt…" She sighed against him, "Tell me what is bothering you…"

She didn't need to look up at him to know that there was something sitting on his mind, the same something she had noticed but not mentioned when they were back at his apartment. Matt sighed, "Nothing baby…I guess I'm just worried about you moving into a place on your own. I know you can do it and I'm not worried about that…I guess I just get worried about you being on your own now." He shrugged against her.

"I get worried to Matt, but the place I like, is very close to you. And that's what I want. I need to do this, I need to be able to be on my own again." She moved her head from his shoulder, looking him in the eyes.

Matt moved the strand of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes, smiling, "I know and I have every faith in you that you will be able to do it. I'm allowed to worry about my girlfriend though aren't I?" This made her laugh, before she leaned forward again and placed a kiss to his lips, both whispering and _I love you_ to each other that only they heard.

From the bar, Hermann smiled, he could see Matt and Gabby wrapped in each other's arms tightly, moving from their heads against each other or sharing small kisses, to sharing bright smiles. They were happy, and he was so happy to see two of his closest friends back together again.

* * *

Gabby took a deep breath as she stepped inside the room, she didn't want to be there…actually no she did want to be there, she wanted to see him, she wanted to look Jeremy in the eye. She waited until Voight pushed open the last door, his hand touching her arm as she walked past him, "Are you sure about this Gabby? You don't have to go in there?" He wasn't too sure about Gabby going to see Jeremy but he trusted her and her choices.

Gabby smiled, "Yeah, yeah I need to do this." She reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly to reassure him that she was going to be all right. Taking a deep breath, Gabby stepped closer to the bars, her hands shaking against her stomach as she looked at him, the man that had taken so much from her, he now sat only meters from her, a set of metal bars separating them both.

"What the hell do you want?" Jeremy was laying on the bed, his arms behind his head, but he seemed different, not the man she had met the first time, the man that had held her sister captive in an abusive relationship, he was not the man who had stepped up to her when he thought she had helped Anna leave him and he was not the man who broke into her apartment and attacked her.

He looked different, smaller, like there was something missing from him now; she just couldn't pick what it was. "I wanted to come and see you…" She was trying to right herself though, this was still the man who beat and raped her. She wasn't going to let up though, she was here for a reason; she was there for closure.

He laughed, Jeremy laughed as sat in the bed, looking right at her, "You wanted to come and see me? And then what huh?" he stood, taking a step towards her, Gabby taking a step backwards, instinct to protect herself taking over. "What did you expect to get from this Gabby?" Jeremy curled his hands around the bars, a smile coming to his face,

But Gabby took a deep breath, she was there for herself and for no one else, she was facing this like she faced everything in life, head on and strong. "I honestly don't know what I expected when I came here but all I do know is that I am glad that I did." Gabby crossed her arms over chest, straightening her back, "You took something form me; you may have thought you took my friends, my family, my boyfriend and my life but you didn't. What you did take from me was a month and a half of my strength but because of you I am stronger than I ever have been."

She then took a step forward, she wasn't scared of him, she wouldn't let him control anymore of her life, "You hold nothing over me anymore." She looked him up and down once more before she turned on her heals and left him there; hearing him bang against the bar, swearing at her. But she wasn't going to turn around; she wasn't going to give him anymore of her life, not anymore.

* * *

 **Thoughts? What do you wanna see in the end? Am I missing anything? Should I look more at something before the ending? Please let me know!**


	22. Let Go-M

**Oof, this chapter seemed to be an effort! But at 8000 words, I hope it makes up for taking FOREVER to be updated!**

 **I'm excited I have booked my holiday back to the States next year and I will be spending a total of 6 days back in Chicago, so gonna find some filming I think! hehe**

 **Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and so right now…here I present to you, what is now NOT the last chapter but second last chapter.**

 **Please enjoy and let me know what you all think!**

* * *

 **Chapter 22 – Let Go**

"Are you sure you are gonna be alright?" Matt placed his hands on Gabby's shoulders, dipping his head to look her in the eyes, "I am happy to sleep on the couch if you want or-"

Gabby laughed, running her hands his lips to stop him from talking, "Matt, I told you a hundred times, I'm gonna be alright tonight, I promise. Now, can we just lay down and watch this damn movie because I don't know how long I will be able to stay awake for." She leaned up on her toes, placing a gentle kiss on his lips before moving to the couch, hearing him sigh as she went.

It was the first night she was living in her new apartment. She, Matt, Kelly and Antonio had spent the last few days moving the things she wanted to keep from her old apartment and then buying new things to make it her own. She had then spent the day arranging and organising her home into what she wanted it to be; hers.

Matt had been unsure about her staying on her own that night but she had insisted, wanting him to stay for dinner and a movie but then she wanted him to go and sleep in his own bed that night, she wanted to do this on her own, she wanted to show Matt, her brother and herself that she didn't need to have someone babysitting her anymore. She had decided that she wanted to get her life back and this was the last step, making her own home, living there and not be scared of what could happen.

Matt sighed, he was worried, not about someone hurting her because that wasn't going to happen, Jeremy was in jail and he wasn't getting out, he was just worried about Gabby. He would always worry about Gabby, he wanted to know that she was ok and he also wanted to be with her, he wanted to close to her, wanted to have her close by because he loved her.

But he would never stop her from doing this; he would never stop her from living how she wanted to. He understood why she wanted to do this, why she needed to do this, but he worried. "Are you coming or not?" She called out from the living room, causing him to shake his head and follow her voice, pushing away the worry to enjoy his time with Gabby.

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming, stop being impatient!" He laughed, hoping she missed the concern that was flowing over him. He didn't want to upset her, if she new he was worried it would upset her and he didn't want that. Dropping himself onto her couch roughly, Matt pulled Gabby into his arms, "You happy now?" He looked down at her, watching her curl into his chest, nodding happily.

With a kiss on the forehead, he began the movie, feeling her sigh against him as she settled.

"Gabs," he nudged her gently, "Baby…wake up…" Matt whispered after about an hour, she had fallen asleep on him, much like she always did but he wanted to give her as much time as possible to sleep, hoping that it would tire her out and she would sleep through the night but now he was falling asleep and he really didn't want to sleep there, he wanted to give her the space she was asking for.

As he stood from the couch she moved, moaning as her eyes fluttered open, "You're leaving?" She sounded sad as she yawned, not realising that she had been the one to ask him to go home that night. She looked up at him, blinking until she realised why he was leaving. Rising slowly from the couch, Gabby rubbed her eyes, thankful that he had stayed with her.

"Yeah, it's getting late…plus…" He reached out his hand for her, pulling her to her feet as he did, "We have shift tomorrow…candidate." She smiled widely at him, thankful that she was now back to being a fire fighter, that Boden had agreed that she had had enough time to get herself sorted and get back on the job. She loved hearing him call her candidate again, it was something that she had waited for, for a very long time and then when she had stepped away, it had been hard but she was back and Matt was happy to have her back.

"You have no idea how good it is to hear that," sighed, leaning into him. After a moment a silence Gabby pulled away, looking him in the eye, "We can do this right? Me going back to candidate…we aren't going to go down the same path as last time right?" In the back of her mind, what was going to happen with their relationship again once their professional relationship started again, and it was clear that that was going to come to a head very, very soon.

Matt sighed, his hands rubbing her shoulders again, "I promise you, nothing will break us up again…being apart from you, it is not something I want to do again, ok?" he ducked his head once more, looking her in the eyes, "I love you and I am going to fight like hell to make sure you know that."

He knew that he shouldn't have let her walk out that door all those months ago, he should have fought for her and tried to stop her but he didn't, and he has kicked himself everyday for that; at the same time she kicked herself everyday for leaving that day. But they were together now and they were going to work through any issues; together.

"Me too," she was going to fight for them both, "Now…" she leaned up and kissed him, getting lost in each other instantly, a mess of hands and lips, Matt watching to so much to press her against the wall only steps from where they were, Gabby holding onto him, feeling the love he was showing her.

Matt ran his tongue along her bottom lip, Gabby moaning against him as she granted him access, battling against each other. Instinct took over and Matt stepped forward, pressing Gabby against the wall within only a few steps, glad that she didn't stop him but as his lips moved from her and trailed to her neck, he felt her tighten against him, gasping at his movements.

"Matt…" her hand slipped to his chest, pressing lightly to try and get his attention, something that she struggled to do at first but after a moment he pulled away from her neck, both breathing heavily as they stared at each other. "You should go…" she tried to smile at him, her emotions taking over her, fighting between pulling him to her bedroom and pushing him away from her.

Matt nodded, feeling that something had changed between them and it was just the overtaking of sexual need, it was something different, something darker. "You're right…I'll see you on shift tomorrow?" he leaned down and placed another kiss to her lips when she nodded, "I love you," and with an echoed _'I love you'_ from Gabby, he slipped out the door, letting it close behind him.

Once he was gone, Gabby rested her head back against the wall, sighing deeply, there was so much that she was feeling right then that she didn't even know what to think. Quickly she moved from the wall, her hands reaching out and locking the three locks on her door, something that she had asked Matt to install for her, she may want to be getting her life back but she was still careful.

Resting against the door, Gabby sighed, Matt had been turning her on, she wanted him, she wanted to feel him with her once again, for the first time since their night after the Chicago Med incident and it would be the first time she would get that close to someone since her attack. To say she wanted Matt was an understatement but it frightened her, she had no idea how she was going to react considering the last time she had been in this situation it was with Jeremy and she was had been fighting for her life.

She didn't even know if she would be able to cope at having Matt so close to her like that. Rubbing her face, Gabby sighed, she needed to put that at the back of her mind for the moment, she needed to take this night as it was, the first night she was living her life the way she wanted.

Pushing herself away from the door, Gabby started to close the lights, her hand hesitating for a moment at the light switch that would darken the living room; with a deep breath she flicked the light off, closing the last light in the apartment so she was bathed in darkness. Slowly she moved towards the hallway, the bedroom that Matt had help her set waiting for her, the darkness calling to her.

It wasn't that she didn't sleep in the dark when she was at Voight's, she had long since been turning the lights off to sleep but this was different, she was be crazy not to admit that it was different. She was home, alone, in a new place that she didn't really know. But she was determined to be fine, she had to be.

Slowly she lay down, resting her head against he pillow, she sighed, her body relaxing into the mattress that Matt had helped her pick out, the pillows he had suggested, the doona cover he had bought as a surprise for her. She smiled, he had helped her so much with moving in, part of her knowing that something was wrong though, more than just that he was worried about her, when she spoke about getting new furniture a look would come over him, like he wanted to say something but wouldn't or couldn't.

As she lay in the darkness, Gabby wondered what it would be like if she moved back in with Matt, if she had not even bothered getting her own place and suggest that they live together again, but there was two things about that thought. One: she didn't want to sound like she was just inviting herself back into his home, what _used_ to be their home. Two: she needed to know she could live on her own, she needed to know she would be able to get on with her life, boyfriend or not, she was a strong adult who could live on her own.

And so that's why she hadn't mentioned it, needed to prove to herself that she could do this. Closing her eyes, Gabby willed herself to sleep, her mind filled with images of Matt smiling back at her. But she was still tense, her whole body on alter for the slightest noise and considering in the last 30 minutes of laying in her bed, alone, she had opened her eyes more times than she had fingers and sat up suddenly at the any noise, she knew it was going to be a long night.

She just hoped that she was going to get some sleep that night.

* * *

Matt nervously sat at the firehouse table, his eyes focussed only on the front double doors, wanting impatiently for Gabby to walk through them. He had arrived early, been awake most of the night, worry running through him that he wanted to make sure that Gabby was all right. Each moment the doors moved, Matt sat up straight, always a little disappointed when it would be someone other than Gabby walk through the door.

She was the last one to walk through the doors that morning, the last one to show up to work, her head down, headphones in, she was running late, she knew that, they all knew that but no one was going to say anything just yet, they all knew that she had spent her first night alone at her new apartment. Matt watched as she hurried passed him, rushing towards the locker room to change, before she remerged once again, tucking in the back of her shirt to her pants.

Taking a deep breath she looked up to find Matt watching her, worry covering his face when he saw her, he really saw her. She looked tired, like hadn't slept well that night but that didn't surprise him, but she looked all right, she looked as though she was rested enough. When their eyes locked, Gabby smiled at him, knowing that he had been worried about her, thankful when she received one in return.

Slowly she moved over to the counter where she found Hermann making breakfast for them all, there she fell into a quiet conversation with him. They all knew what she had done last night but none of them wanted to mention it, they wanted to let her have her time and space and being that she was there and happy and smiling, they felt that mentioning it or asking how she was may not have been the best thing.

Matt sighed, she was all right, she was happy and calm, although tired she was still there. He stood from his seat and made his way to her, not able to stay away from her for too much longer, he went to her side, his arm wrapping around her shoulder, bringing her as close to him as possible, "I missed you…" he whispered against her temple as he kissed her, feeling her sigh against him, her arms going around his waist, holding him tightly.

They hadn't spoken about their relationship while at work now that they were back together and she was back on truck, but neither of them cared at that stage because they just needed each other. She turned in his arms, leaning up and kissed him back, "I missed you too but I'm all right, I promise…" she whispered against his lips, smiling.

"Yeah I know you are, I never doubted it, but still…" He wanted to be supportive of her but he still worried. "I did miss you…" he whispered again, needing to her know that he did miss her. It didn't take long before she pulled away, smiling again. They stood there, listening as Hermann started telling stories of the kids, completely ignorant to Matt's hand that rubbed against Gabby's back and Gabby's hand pulling the shirt up so her hand touched his bare hip, missing his shudder as her fingers touched him.

Gabby had no idea what had come over her to touch him like that, it was something that she had always done before and it seemed that breaking that habit was something that couldn't be done but he didn't seem to mind, and so she didn't stop.

After they spoke to Hermann, Matt lead Gabby outside on to the apparatus floor, wanting to have a private conversation with her, away from the chance of someone hearing them. "So how are you?" He never let go of her hand, needing the physical contact.

Gabby smiled, "I'm alright. Last night was tough, I think I only got about 5 hours sleep, I kept waking up to things that weren't there, I think I turned my lights on a dozen times because I thought I heard something, but you know what, I woke up this morning and I felt good. I'm not afraid anymore Matt." She smiled up at him, proud of herself; she looked like a child, proud that she had accomplished something exciting.

He was proud of her too, she had come so far since the attack, she had made leaps and bounds and was finally moving on with her life. Slowly he leaned down, his lips touching hers, "I am proud of you too baby, I always have been." He pulled her into a hug, his eyes closing until he heard footsteps by his side, a voice echoing.

"Get a room you too!" Both Matt and Gabby looked up to find Antonio and Voight walking towards them, smiles on both their faces as they met in the middle of the garage. "Hey sis." Antonio pulled Gabby into a hug, holding her tightly for a moment before letting her go over to Voight, giving him a quick hug as well, something she had started doing as a thanks for what he had done for her.

"What's up Antonio?" He couldn't be there because of the case, Jeremy was going away for a long time, his lawyers couldn't argue the facts or the confession so Gabby's testimony was not needed, the DA telling Gabby that he had also been liked to 5 other rapes and assaults in the past, his DNA finally matching. Because of her, he would be going to prison for a very long time.

Antonio shook his head, "What we can't come and say hi?" he was shocked that his sister thought he wanted something from her, but when he turned up at the firehouse, he usually did want something from her. "Alright fine, we actually just wanted to come and see how you were after last night?" They had known she had stayed the night, Antonio having helped her move in as well, Voight having done a little bit of police work in the building to make sure she would be safe.

Gabby laughed, she should have expected them to come and see her. "I'm doing alright, just telling Matt that it was a little rough but I'm good. I'm glad that I did it and I know that tomorrow night will be better than tonight, so it's all good. She shrugged as she moved away from Voight and back to Matt's arms.

"I'm glad Gabs, really." Antonio outstretched his hand to rest on her shoulder, the brotherly thing he would do when he knew she still needed him around. By his side Voight was quiet, not unlike him but she was glad he was there. He had done so much for her over the past 6 months that she didn't know what she would have done without him.

The four of them stood in silence for a moment, Voight finally stepping forward, "You've come so far Gabriella, I am so glad that you have over come this and I know that it's been hard and some days you felt like you were going backwards but you did it, you've come around and you have taken that step forward." To which he stepped forward and rested his hands on her shoulders, "I am so glad that you have come through this. You are incredibly strong."

Gabby smiled softly at him, he was usually a man of few words but hearing him speak now what she needed to hear. He was one of the people who had seen her at her worst and have him standing in front of her, telling her how far she had come, that's what meant the most to her. "Thanks Hank."

Matt stayed silent as he watched the encounter, listening to what Voight was saying and doing, he hated that he was there but in the back of his mind, he knew that without Voight, Gabby wouldn't have come through this at all. She wouldn't have told him or Antonio about the attack and the fact that Voight was there for her, no questions asked, meant more than he was willing to admit and so without a word, because Matt still didn't think he could say the words ' _thank you_ ' to him, he outstretched his hand for Voight, waiting a moment before Voight encased it in his own.

Gabby and Antonio watched on in silence and slight shock as Voight and Matt shook hands, it wasn't an apology for past problems, but it was an acknowledgement of the significance of what had happened between the four of them in the last 6 months.

* * *

Gabby looked over at Matt as he stood next to Severide, beer at his lips a smile wide on his face; she loved to see him smile. She loved him, she loved everything about him and she wanted everything with him. Smiling over at Brett and Chilli, Gabby excused herself and went to his side, her arm going around his waist, her hand slipping into his back pocket, resting against his backside. "Hey babe," he smiled down at her, feeling her touches through his jeans.

"Hey love," She smiled, watching as Severide smiled at them both, knowing the look in their eyes, he had grown to recognise that look a long time ago. Gabby leaned up and kissed Matt gently, something she had started to do more of recently, giving him as much affection and love as she was capable of at that moment.

But she wanted more, she knew he did as well, it didn't need to be said between them, it was in his actions and on his face, he would never force her or even bring it up because he knew that she would when she was ready. "You wanna get out of here?" She whispered in his ear, letting her hand run through his hair, resting it on her back of his neck.

Matt blinked down at her, smiling gently, "Yeah alright, we can." He finished the rest of her beer, nodding their goodbyes to the rest of the friends, their hands locked together as they walked. "You have a good night?" All she could do was nod against him, tucking herself tightly into his side. "I'm glad baby."

When they arrived back to Matt's apartment, silence passed between them both, Matt looking forward to lying down, with Gabby in his arms, tightly wrapped up as they lay together. He hadn't want to bring up sex just let, not lying if ask though, he wanted her, he wanted to make love to her, wanted to show her the world, but he wouldn't push her, happy to just have her back in his arms.

He moved around the house, locking the doors and closing the lights, his mind lost on the million things he wanted to do with Gabby but he had resined himself to just holding her at night, but he was happy with that. After almost losing her so many times recently he would take what he would get from her, he wasn't fussy or pushy, he had her and that's all he wanted.

Moving through the house, he finally found himself back in his bedroom, head down, fingers tugging at his watch, freeing it from his wrist. The only time he had ever taken it off was to shower and to sleep, it had been a gift from Gabby for his 29th birthday, finally tired of him asking her for the time all day. He smiled to himself when he remembered the day she had given it to him.

" _Come on Lieutenant, you gotta come out with us tonight!" Cruz had called out as they were leaving from their most recent shift, it had been quiet, a cake had been brought in against Matt's pleads to have a quiet day. Hallie had stopped by for a few minutes, spouting off the same line about being late for work that she had been using recently. Their relationship had turned, it had changed, she was distant, he was busy; they had been growing apart._

 _But he wanted to spend the day with her, he wanted to take her on a nice picnic in the park, he just wanted to stay with her in the sun for as long as possible but she had picked up another shift when they asked her, leaving him to spend the day on his own. It wasn't his birthday but he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend but that wasn't going to happen now._

" _We will see guys, I'll let you know!" He called out as he moved towards his truck, not really wanting to say no, knowing that he wouldn't say no. As his keys tucked in the lock of the door he paused, he could sense someone behind him, someone smiling; he didn't need to turn around to know who it was. "You know, if you ever try to kill me, I'm gonna know you are there…" He turned to find Gabby standing with her hands on her hips, just as he had imagined, smiling widely at him._

 _Matt wasn't blind, she was beautiful, he noticed her everyday, spent so much time with her that he would have to be blind not to have noticed her beauty. Actually he probably noticed it more than he should have considering he was in a serious relationship, but he cared deeply about her, he hated seeing her upset or angry or hurt. He even found himself getting jealous when he knew she was seeing someone._

 _But he wasn't allowed to be jealous, he was with Hallie and Gabby was his best and closest friend. He couldn't have feelings for her._

" _Oh trust me, if I wanted to kill you; you wouldn't hear me coming at all," She smiled wider, laughing as a small amount of fear flashed through his eyes, he knew she was temper and he knew not to cross her but he also knew that no matter what he did, she couldn't never stay angry with him for too long, just like he wouldn't be with her._

" _Yeah you know what, that's kinda what scares me." He rubbed his neck, shaking his head before he moved to face her, "So what's up?" He looked down at her, the need to touch her filling him up, but he would fight it, he wouldn't touch her, not the way he wanted to._

" _Well yesterday was your birthday and I know that Hallie is working today," He had vented to her the day before that he had wanted to spend time with Hallie but couldn't. "And I must admit a birthday in the firehouse, it's not that exciting, so…breakfast?" It wasn't uncommon for them both to go out for breakfast after shift, it had become a common occurrence for them, at least twice a week._

 _Matt nodded, he would never say no to Gabby and he would never say no to breakfast with her, so with a motion towards his truck, Gabby jumped in the passenger side and he slid in the driver._

 _They laughed and joked for almost an hour, eating their breakfast, telling stories of past birthdays, Gabby glad that Matt opened up to her about his birthdays, considering he hadn't had many good ones when he was growing up. As they finished, ordering another round of orange juice, their universal sign of not wanting to leave the diner. "So um…I know that you are probably going to kill me for this but…" She leaned over to her bag on the floor, Matt sighing, knowing that she had gotten him a present when he had said every year that he didn't want anything._

" _Gabby-"_

" _No, this is as much for me as it is for you…" She placed the small wrapped box on the table, watching as he smirked at her, shaking his head as he reached for it._

 _Slowly, Matt unwrapped the box, his smile falling when he noticed what was inside the box, a round-faced, black-banded watch. It was simple and everything he loved. "Oh Gabs…you really didn't have to get me anything but this is…" he didn't really know what to call it. He loved that she had gotten him something special to not just him but to them both._

" _Don't, I'm just glad you like it. And now you can_ stop _asking me for what time it is!" She couldn't believe that a grown man like him didn't have a watch and then was too lazy to look at his phone to find out himself._

 _Matt just laughed, slipping it around his wrist, the weight was perfect and the size just as perfect. She did a good job, "I love it Gabby. Thank you…" He reached out, his hand tightening around hers. "Really, thank you so much." She just smiled back at him, too caught up in his hand in hers to actually speak._

Matt loved that memory, he loved the smile she gave him that day. Looking up from his bedside table, Matt found Gabby standing by the dresser, her eyes down on what was playing in her hands. Slowly he placed the watch down before heading to her side, wrapping his arms around her waist, resting on her stomach, his chin resting on her shoulder gently.

They stood in silence for a few moments, both their eyes focussed on what was in Gabby's hands, staring back up at them. "You know," Matt broke the silence, "This belong to you…" Matt moved his hands from her stomach, taking the ring from her fingers, "This will always belong to you."

He felt her sigh against him, dropping her head back against his shoulder, "I know baby…one day soon…" She didn't want to accept the ring now, she still had a way to go before she could accept it again, she wanted to be with him first, she wanted to move forward completely with her life and her relationship before she even wanted him to think about the ring.

She took it from his hands, placing it back on the dresser before turning in his arms, "You know how much I love you but right now, I don't think it's what is best." He knew she was right, he knew that they were _not_ in the position to be giving or accepting rings but it was a silent pass between them, they would get back there again, they would be married and happy forever.

Slowly Gabby pushed herself up onto her toes, her arms slipping around his neck as she lightly touched her lips to his, she was teasing him and he hated it, "Gabby…" he groaned, his eyes rolling back into his head when she moved her lips to the side of his, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth, hearing him groan again, "You gotta stop baby…" His eyes opened again, finding her smile faded, her eyes searching his.

When Gabby and Matt were at Molly's, Gabby had made the decision that she wasn't going to wait any longer with him; she wanted to move on with their relationship but standing there with him in that room, she was nervous, unsure of what was actually going to happen that night. Licking her lips, she swallowed, "We don't have to stop…" She looked back up at him, a small amount of shock coming over his face at her words, he wished, he hoped that she would say those words to him but hearing them was like music to his ears.

Smiling down at her, Matt dropped his head slowly, letting his lips fall to hers, a pause between them before he felt her run her tongue across his bottom lip, instinctively he opened his mouth, letting their tongue battle, the kiss and their movements heating up instantly. Matt moved his hands from around her waist, one coming to rest on the back of her head, tangling in her hair and the other touching her cheek.

Gabby smiled into the kiss, they had done this before, they had made out before but this was different, she felt different and her body felt different. She wasn't afraid to have him touch her the way he was, she was afraid to let him touch her in different ways; at least she hoped that she wasn't. Her hands slipped from around his neck to his waist, her fingers playing with the hem of his shirt, her mind debating whether she should pull his t-shirt over his head or wait, but she was too lost in the kiss to actually think about it, their lips only breaking as she pulled it from his body.

Matt barely left her lips for a second, crashing right back against her after she had pulled his shirt from his chest, dropping it somewhere on the floor, somewhere that he didn't even think twice about.

Pulling away once more, Gabby looked up at Matt with hooded eyes, her breathing heavy as she glanced up at him, realisation of their situation coming over them. They wanted each other, craved each other but they wanted to be sure and Matt wanted to be careful, he didn't want to push her no matter how ok she said she was. Gabby suddenly become forceful, her body taking over, her desire and her want for him more than she wanted to hold back and so her hand found the back of his neck, pulling his lips down to hers.

Matt groaned against her, shocked at her actions but loving it nonetheless. It reminded him of how she used to be, when she wanted him, she would take him and when he wanted her, she would be there, willing to him, but this was different, Gabby was taking back this part of her life and as much as Matt loved it, he was going to get to the stage of where he would have to slow her down, something she also loved from him. Not being able to stop himself, Matt let his hands slip to just blow her butt, resting there for a minute before he pulled her into his arms, her legs tangling around his waist, a giggle escaping her lips as she held onto him, her lips moving to his neck as he carried her the short distance to the bed.

Placing her down slowly, Matt looked down at her, laying there on his bed, her hand outstretched, wanting him to come to her, but he paused. This wasn't what he wanted as their first time after her attack, he didn't want heated and lust filled, she deserved so much more than that and he was damn sure he was going to make sure she got what she deserved. The sudden distance between the two of them caused the tension in the air to change suddenly, shyness taking over Gabby as she looked up at him, Matt's eyes softening as he looked down at her.

Slowly his hands went to her face, brushing back the hair that had fallen over her face, "You are beautiful Gabby…" He whispered as he move to rest over her, his left arm holding him up as his right skimmed down her arm, his eyes never leaving hers, "You have always been beautiful Gabby…" He leaned over slowly, his lips touching hers again, this time gently and caring.

Gabby sighed against his lips, kissing him back gently before she pulled away, her eyes focussing on his face before her hands moved to his chest, her hands running over his shoulders and his muscles, his skin under her hands, this touch different than what she had done recently. She watched her own hands, wanting to see what she was doing but also a little too nervous to look him in the eye, she wanted this, just getting it was a little more nerve racking than she thought it would be.

Feeling her pull away from him, Matt looked down a little confused, relaxing a little when she smiled back at him. He felt her hands move towards his chest, shivering a little at her touch. It took all Matt had to focus on her touch, hands moving over each part of his exposed body that she could find, her eyes focused on what her hands were doing. The feeling of having her hands on his was driving him crazy, Matt inwardly groaned, dropping his head to her shoulder, before raising it slowly again, his eyes rolling back into his head as she moved further down his chest and stomach.

When he felt her hands slip to his belt Matt's eyes snap open to look at her noticing the tiny smirk what played on her lips as she watched him, clearly acknowledging that she had felt him shudder under her touch.

Taking a deep breath, Gabby popped the first two buttons on his jeans, smiling a little more when Matt let another groan slip from his lips. She was driving him crazy, enough for Matt to pull her hands away from his jeans, wanting to savour her movements. He knew what she was doing and he was all for it but tonight was about her, it would be slow and loving and he would show her that she deserved the best.

With another kiss on her lips, Matt pulled away from her, bringing her with him to sit on the side of the bed, kneeling at her feet, his hands touching her a side as he did so. Gabby watched him closely as he fingered the hem of her shirt, a silent question of if he was able to take it off. He waited for his answer, the slight nod she gave him enough to encourage him to slowly slide the shirt from her body and over her head, leaving her sitting in a pair of jeans and her black bra.

Matt's eyes darkened as she sat there in front of him, he wanted to take her but it was going to be slow, loving. Noticing his hesitation, Gabby stood, her hands moving to her own jeans, letting them fall to the ground, she sat back on the bed, moving back so her was laying down, Matt still on his knees, watching her intently. "It's ok Matt." She laughed a little, the ridiculousness of their nervousness getting the better of them, "I'm fine…I want this…I want you…" She stretched out her hand for him, waiting for him.

Matt smiled, she was calling for him. Slowly he rose, popping the last button on his jeans before letting them fall to meet Gabby's leaving them both in their underwear. Crawling back over her, Matt rested himself against the bed, "I know you are fine…I just want to make sure that I don't hurt you." He ran his fingers down her neck, over her chest and between her breasts before resting against her stomach, lightly touching the scars on her side, the forever memories of the attack, the physical memories of that one night.

Gabby understood that he was worried, but she didn't want him to be so she sat up a little, tugging on his boxer shorts before moving them as far as she could before Matt did the rest, throwing the blanket over them at the same time. As he let the blanket flutter over their bodies, his hands slipped slowly down her leg, feeling her shudder under his touch, knowing that it was the first time she had been touched like this in a many months.

Rolling over so he was lying above her, Matt swapped his hands for his lips, hiding himself under the blanket his lips touched her skin all over, taking in as much as he could but also testing the waters, unsure of what she was comfortable with or not. As he moved further to centre, he wondered why she was letting him go so far, amazed at her self control because he had no idea how she was ok with him doing this.

"Matt…" She whispered gently, her hand tangling in his hair, giggling a little when his breath tickled the inside of her thigh, a spot she always found ticklish. Matt laughed a little, he always did when he found that stop, whether it was his breath, kiss or touch, she would giggle and he loved it. Under the blanket, Matt let his fingers rest on her hips, touching the sides of her underwear gently, an indication that he wanted to take them off.

As he touched her hips, Matt's lips instinctively found her centre, touching her over her underwear, her hips rising against him, giving him as much as access as possible to remove her underwear. Slowly he pulled them from her body, sliding them down her legs and over her feet. As he removed them, Matt peaked out from under the blanket, finding her staring down at him, a slight hesitation in her eyes. "You ok?" He asked quietly, moving his lips back up her legs and over her stomach, he rested his chin there for a moment, watching her closely.

Gabby smiled down at Matt, "Yeah, I'm alright…" she ran her hand over his face, brushing her thumb over his lip, "What's going on with you Matt?" She could tell something was in running through his mind, something that she could tell that was bothering him.

Matt pressed his lips into her hand and sighed, dropping his head to her stomach once more, his lips going over every single scar that was there, covering them with kisses, moving from side to side on her body. He hated that she knew him so well, "I just don't want to hurt you baby…" he mumbled against her stomach, but Gabby smiled, shaking her head, pushing herself up into a sitting position, Matt doing the same so he was looking her in the eyes.

Running her eyes over his face; Gabby let her hands slip from his face to behind her back, unclipping her bra and letting it fall away from her chest. "You won't hurt me Matt, I promise you that…" She leaned over and kissed him deeply, trying to get him to understand that she really was ok.

Inside, Gabby was panicking a little, she trusted Matt with her life but being that this was her first time having sex since the attack, she just worried as to how her body would react but she was determined not to let it take over her, she knew she was stronger than the feeling.

Matt kissed her back, taking all she was giving him and at that moment, it was everything. Slowly he pushed her backwards, laying against her as he kissed her, moving from her lips to her neck, to her shoulder, his hand slipping down her side, resting against the inside of her thigh, teasing her, "Matt…please…" She begged him, stilling his hand, bringing it back up to her chest, resting it against her. "You gotta stop teasing me…" She wanted him, was ready for him and she could tell he wanted her.

Matt groaned at her words, his lips curling in a smile against her skin, she knew exactly what to say to make him see stars. They were both naked against each other, warm body heat passing between them, all barriers and wall missing as they waited, waited to see who would take the first step, Matt wanting to but unsure, Gabby wanting it to be Matt. They had settled themselves against each other, Matt between her legs, his desire for her waiting, straining, Gabby's want for him calling him, they could both feel it, they could both feel what they other one was giving off.

As she reached for him again, she nodded, running her hand over his forehead, cheek and then to the back of his neck, where she pulled him in for a deeper kiss, giving him all the permission he needed. Matt leaned forward slightly, gently groaning as he entered her and inch at a time, letting her adjust to him as he did so, giving her a chance to pull away from him if she needed to.

Gabby's nails bit into his back as he moved into her, a small cry escaping her lips as he came to the hilt inside of her, in part from the slight pain she felt and also for the flash that came to her mind. Suddenly flashes of a hand at her throat, teeth biting down into her chest painfully. It wasn't Matt with her, her mind going straight to Jeremy, the moment the hand at her throat turned to his forearm, giving him better access to the rest of her body, his laugh in her ear, his groan. Her eyes opened suddenly, staring up at the ceiling she knew to be Matt's, feeling the bed underneath her that she knew to be Matt's, the feeling of Matt against her. Her head was spinning, she shouldn't have been worried or scared but she was.

Matt could feel her stiffen against him as he entered her; pulling his head back quickly he looked down at her, "Are you alright?" He was worried, he felt her distress, felt her fingers bite down into his shoulders suddenly, he could feel the change in her. Matt pulled back enough to look down at her, fear taking over him. He didn't want to be the reason she was frightened or in pain. He tried to pull away completely but she stopped him with a hand on his forearm.

Gabby squeezed her eyes shut tight, calming her breathing down for a moment, she could feel Matt, she could sense him, she could taste him and she could hear him. It was Matt, she knew this. Slowly her eyes opened, her eyes focussing on his face. After a moment, Gabby nodded, leaning up she kissed him gently, "I'm fine … I promise …" But it wasn't enough to convince Matt straight away, she touched her forehead gently against his, "I promise Matt. I'm ok…please don't stop…" She wasn't going to let this take over her.

With that Matt dropped his head to hers, a gentle kiss starting out before it turned deeper, Gabby taking the reigns, setting the pace as her tongue ran along his bottom lip, inciting a groan from Matt, Gabby moaning as their tongue battled against each other. He began to move, his hips starting at a slow rhythm, Matt making sure that Gabby was comfortable, her tightening spurring him on, Matt covering Gabby's mouth long enough to swallow the moan that was resonating from her chest.

As sweat built up on their bodies, Gabby raised her leg to rest against his hip, pulling him deeper inside of her, her name falling from his lips with a steady stream of moans following, her nails digging deeper as his speed grew quicker. She was losing herself in him, thoughts and feeling of only him filling her up, she wasn't scared anymore, she had what she wanted and she was going to keep it.

Dropping his head to her shoulder, Matt placed a kiss on her collarbone, not able to control himself anymore, Gabby smiled as he groaned again, "Let go baby…" He opened his eyes and smiled down at her, Gabby returning the smile with a bright-eyed smile that she always gave him, encouraging and loving. She was telling him that it was ok, that she wasn't hurting or scared, that she was ok with what was happening.

Together they moved, each needing to be closer to the other, Matt giving all of himself as Gabby gave him her all as well, her attack sitting in the past now, a distant memory. When Gabby's legs wrapped around his waist, Matt knew she was close, he wasn't far either but he wanted to give her everything she wanted so he picked up his speed, moving in conjunction with her breathing, the moans and little curse words slipping from her mouth made his growl, needing to hear and feel more.

But it wasn't until and a " _Please Matt, I need you…_ " slipped from her lips did he completely lose control, he pushed harder and faster, his head falling to her shoulder as she shattered around him, shaking underneath him as he came seconds later, her name falling from him as he shook, his movements slowing as they came down from their high together.

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 **The next chapter will be the last and it is kinda sad but this has been so incredible but i feel that the next chapter will be an appropriate ending. Let me know what you all think, i'm a bit unsure about this chapter lol**


	23. In The End

**Rape/Abuse/Assault/Sexual Assault is NOT OK! Never stand for it and NEVER EVER accept it for what it is. It is in NO way** _ **your**_ **fault, no matter what anyone says. Please ask for help from someone if you are in or have been in this situation or you are in a situation you are struggling with. There is always someone to help you through it. Never think you are alone, never let it consume you because you are worth the world, no matter what you think, you deserve the very best. xx**

 **I am SO SO SO sorry this has taken SO long, I have been flat out at work and also just haven't been able to get into the writing mood but I watched the premier after Canada did and OMG! I loved the WHOLE thing, everything from Matt's story line, to Kelly's and of course DAWSEY! Oh dear God Dawsey was AMAZING! I cannot wait to see what comes next for them!**

 **Thank you SO much to every single person who has taken the time to review/favourite/alert this story, I know it has been tough one to read but you have made it all worth it. Thank you Shelby for helping me through this, I couldn't have done it without you! You guys are all amazing!**

 **So I know that updating this last chapter so long after the one before I may have lost some readers but I hope that those who are still around for this last chapter enjoy this, I felt it was fitting way to end it.**

 **This is a much shorter chapter than all of them, only about 2500 words but I didn't want to push too much of it and have it sounding forced. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I did.**

 **Please review!**

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 **Chapter 23 – In The End**

Gabby groaned as consciousness found her suddenly. It had been heating up over the last few weeks and so sleeping was becoming a lot more difficult. She could also put it down to the fact that there was someone lying against her, their warm body resting against hers, heating her up even more. Rolling her head to the side, Gabby tried to stay still, listening to Matt's soft words, something he had started doing a lot more recently, whispering to he when he thought she was asleep. She loved listening to him speak.

"I love you so much…you have no idea how much baby…" She smiled, never being able to get over those words. "You make my life so crazy and I love it so much. I can't imagine what my life would be without you right now and I never want to find out what that would be like." She felt him sigh against her, his lips touching her skin lightly.

He was so sweet to her, she would always joke around and say that she couldn't imagine what would happen if the rest of the firehouse ever heard him talking to her the way he did, what would happen if they heard the tough lieutenant falling apart like a marshmallow.

But he didn't care, he had even taken to telling her, while at the firehouse, in the common room, surrounded by all their friends, exactly how much he loved her. He had been ribbed by those around him to begin with but once everyone started jumping on the idea that they had both been through so much over the last 5 years, from Hallie's death to Shay's to the engagement and then breaking up, to the attack and dealing with that, that now that they were back together, it shouldn't matter what he does or says, they were happy and in love.

Gabby thought back to the morning after they made love for the first time after the attack.

 _Matt had been so worried when he had woken up because she wasn't in bed, she wasn't curled into his arms, asleep like she always used to be. Quickly he pushed himself out of bed, pulling on his boxes instantly, his mind running when he heard a noise coming from the bathroom, he knocked quickly, opening the door, not sure what he would find but he was sure he heard crying. "Gabs are you alright?"_

 _He stood in the middle of the bathroom, fear written on his face as he looked at her in the mirror, a look of confusion on her face as she looked back at him through the reflection. "Yeah…" She was unsure what he was getting at, she had woken up, desperate for the toilet and now he was standing there, looking like she had grown another head._

 _She watched as his shoulders dropped and he let out a deep breath, he had head the water running gently, that's what he though was crying. "I'm sorry, I just…" He rubbed the back of his head, watching as she laughed at him, drying her hands before turning to face him, her back against the sink. "I just got a bit worried, I thought I heard you crying, that's all…" he was a little embarrassed, he shouldn't have expected the worst but he couldn't help it._

 _It was only about 8 months ago that she had been attacked and he was worried he had hurt her during the night, something he had done to her and she hadn't said anything to him about it. She smiled "I'm fine baby, I promise…" She had woken up with a bit of start though she would never tell him that, but it took her a minute to place the dull ache she was feeling throughout her body._

 _The last time she had felt anything like that, granted it was about 100 times worse and it was pain not an ache, she had just been raped. So when she had woken up in Matt's arms, that dull ache telling her that her body was still tired from the night before activities, she had panicked a little, until she had looked up at him, sleeping peacefully, his arms locked around her like he never wanted to let her go._

 _Silence passed between them for a minute as Matt's worry slowly slipped away, before he started moving towards her, taking her all in, she had pulled his shirt over her head when she had woken up and he was now very interested in finding out if that was the_ only _thing she was wearing. "You sure baby…" He whispered deeply, his hand resting against her hips, feeling her skin through his shirt. He watched as she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth as she looked up at him, blinking through her eyelashes as she nodded, she really was all right and having him so close to her was turning her on once again._

 _Matt must have felt her shudder under him because it only took a moment before he ducked his head, his lips covering hers, pulling her to him. Gabby moaned under his lips, gasping lightly when Matt lifted her into his arms, her legs wrapping around his hips, the only piece of clothing separating them was his boxer shorts. As they kissed, he walked them back to their room, placing her on the bed gently, letting their emotions run wild._

Gabby felt his hand move from her side to rest against her stomach, feeling the 5 month baby bump that had become much more prominent in recent days. He couldn't believe how quickly she had been growing, how quickly they child had been growing since finding out she was pregnant almost three months ago.

He remembered how terrified Gabby had been, a baby was something that had always talked about, something they had both wanted in their lives, but after her attack, Gabby worried if there would be any last effects from the damage that had been caused. Matt had reminded her every day that everything was going to be ok but she still worried. "You gonna be good for mama today baby? We are having a party and I know that mama is worried you are going to make her sick today…" he whispered placing another kiss on her skin.

Gabby had been suffering from terrible morning sickness, the doctor had told her that it wasn't uncommon for it to last later in the pregnancy, they just had to keep an eye on it for her sake, making sure that she didn't become too dehydrated when she was sick. The light laugh that Gabby gave out as Matt spoke pulled his attention from the baby to her, "Hey baby, I didn't know you were awake…" He smiled, moving up her body to kiss her lips, feeling her sigh against him.

"I've been a wake for a little while now…I love you, you know that?" She placed her hand on his cheek, smiling lightly as his eyes lit up, the same way they always did when she told him that she loved him. They lay together in silence, Gabby drifting back into and out of sleep once again but baby didn't really like that, it was boring and so with a swift kick, Matt and Gabby both laughed.

They had both felt the kick, Matt moving his hand back to her stomach, "Hey come on now, that's not very nice. You don't wanna hurt mama do you?" The baby settled at Matt's voice, the same thing that always happened when he spoke or when he was around, the baby loved Matt's voice. "Hmm, lets see if you listen to me this much when you are older…"

Gabby laughed, "If this baby is anything like me, you are in trouble." Matt laughed against her, closing his eyes again. "Can you believe we got here?" It wasn't uncommon for one of them to make a statement like that since finding out about their baby, they would talk about the past year and how they had gotten to that point.

But this was a different question; they had never talked about it they had thought it would have happened to them. "Honestly…there was a time when I didn't think we would get back together, I mean I wanted to, I wanted nothing more than to be with you but I wanted to give you the space you asked for and respect your wishes, but that didn't mean I didn't think about you everyday."

Matt moved from his position to sit a little closer to Gabby, his arms locking around her waist, holding her to him, "When we were apart, I wanted nothing more than to hate you, I mean it would have been easier to hate you for leaving, and then the whole Beth thing," They had talked about _her_ before, it wasn't a secret between them, they were open and honest about their feeling about what had happened at the point in time, but like Gabby had said after finding out originally, they were both adults and she was ok with it.

Had she been lying? Not really. She wasn't angry about what had happened, they were adults and she could tell that he was hurting and people dealt with pain differently. Did it hurt her that he had slept with someone else? Of course it did but she couldn't bring herself to hold it against him, she wanted to move forward in whatever relationship they had or might have had at the time and so she had chosen to be the bigger person and move on from it.

Gabby nodded, understanding exactly what he was talking about, "I never thought that you and I would be as close as we used to be, and then that night…" He smiled, remembering their night together after the hospital incident. They had found each other, needing comfort, needing each other; "You know I never wanted to agree with you when you said that it was just the stress of the day. I just didn't want to disagree because I wanted you so badly and not just physically, I wanted you back in my arms."

He placed a kiss on her lips, feeling her smile against him, "You know that night, I didn't believe my own words when I said that. I just didn't know what you wanted from us so I thought it was safer with just being the one night. I was scared you wouldn't have wanted more with me." She looked away; she had always wanted to be with him, "I wanted so badly for you to tell me otherwise, I didn't trust that I could say it because I was the one who left…"

Matt nodded, he understood her, understood her worries, "I must admit though, after that night, something changed between us, I don't think I would have been able to hold back how I felt about you much longer." He trailed off, knowing that if he had continued he would no doubt have mentioned the attack.

"And I have no doubt that if I wasn't attacked, wasn't raped, you and I would have gotten back together a long time ago." Gabby took any occasion to openly talk about what had happened to her, especially with Matt, her councillor told her it would help and it had. "We did this the hard way Matt, but in the end, I am glad that everything that had happened between us did, I know what I want, I know I need and I got it." She brushed her hand over his face, smiling as he closed his eyes.

"We really did to this the hard way but you know what; we have never done things the easy way so why would I be surprised that this is so different." He laughed lightly, "Just remember, you belong at 51 or truck and when you get back from leave, you will be back on 81 and we will have a beautiful baby waiting for us at home." Matt leaned over, placing his lips against hers tightly, revelling in the feeling of her touch, moaning deeply when she turned him on his back, straddling his hips as they kissed.

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They had gotten out of bed later than they had wanted, which caused Matt to go a little crazy around the house, making sure their backyard was ready to go for their guests. They had decided it was time to have a nice BBQ and invite both families, Gabby's brother and sister and parents would be attending, as would Christie, Violet and Nancy but Gabby had wanted their 51 family there as well.

51 was as much their family as their real families and after everything they had both been through, it was right for them to come as well and so they had set up for lots of people to be spending the afternoon in their back yard.

Slowly their friend filtered into the house, voices echoing through the rooms, children screaming, adults laughing, it was a good day. "How are you feeling Gabby?" Anna looked up from her seat next to her parents, baby Ella had been running around, now almost 12 months old, chasing around the older kids as much as possible.

The relationship between Anna and her parents had very much improved over the last 12 months, they had their moments but all in all they were back to a normal family, one which had it's issues but still moved forward together. Anna and Antonio were as close as ever now, thanks in part to Gabby's prodding, but they had been able to move past their problems, knowing that each of them had grown from where they had been many years ago and deserved a fresh start in their relationship.

"I'm doing really good, I feel alright, my back is killing me though already which really sucks," She sighed as she rose from her seat, sitting for too long put pressure on her back and she didn't like it. She moved a little towards Matt, standing by his side as they chatted away, she, Antonio and Anna laughing as their parents told stories of their antics as children.

Gabby smiled as she stood by Matt's side as he sat on the chair opposite Antonio, her arm around his shoulder, playing with the back of his hair, his around her waist with the other resting gently on her still growing stomach. They laughed as stories were told of when they were kids, enjoying the afternoon, taking it all as it came because in the end, no one can tell what is to come.

 **Please review! I hope you don't mind that this was WAY shorter than every other chapter, i just felt it fitting not to force more out of this chapter.**


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